lofwyr
19-01-16, 07:46
Well, out of nowhere, I was doing fine with my anxiety, now on the eve of our poor pup's last night, my wife said something in passing to me that has me thinking some pretty anxious thoughts, rather than being able to focus on being with our very sick dog.
So some background. I have always loved dogs, and have never had less than three at a time, but with the dogs come that difficult responsibility to not only give them a happy life, but when the time comes, lovingly help them to the other side. It sucks, but it is part of the deal we make with them. We love them, they love us. As a guy with GAD, they have always been a helping force for me, and as long as I am able to care for them, I will always have dogs.
That said, in the past 20 years, living where we are out in the country, we have had several dogs (4) get old and pass away on us. But old doesn't seem as old as it should to me. Usually around 12 to 13, they have gotten cancer. We lost a couple in that time to accidents, and one escaped our fenced in yard and vanished. But basically, those poor dogs we have had that died from natural causes all died from cancer. I never thought much of it, until tonight, my wife said, innocently enough, I wonder what it is about this place? Is there something around here causing this? Basically, it seems like the only thing causing our pets to die from natural causes is cancer. Add to that two cats, both around 14.
So now, of course, I wonder the same thing. I know these animals were not young, but when I was a kid, it was nothing to have our animals live a very long time. Our dogs that have passed from cancer have all been small dogs, our big one lived a long time, and it may have been cancer, but she was a huge dog who lived to be 17, so I would say she was quite lucky.
Now I have managed to transpose this anxiety about our dog cancer problem to our own lives. Have I unknowingly raised my family in a risky place? We have two younger neighbors who both had cancer, though one has a rare genetic disorder that predisposes her to all sorts of cancer. The other had ovarian cancer but was luckily caught early and she made a full recovery. One more was an older woman who got it when she was in her late sixties, so not unusual. Then finally, the young wife of the family we bought our house from had and beat cancer back just after we bought our home 20 years ago.
The thing is, that number of cancers doesn't sound like a big deal, really, until you factor in that I am in a pretty remote, rural place, and the population is very low. There may be other cancers I don't know about. Now, suddenly, I have taken the passing of my poor dogs and turned it into a health anxiety episode that could be, at worst, real but nothing I can do anything about (if it is the area, we are moving finally soon anyway) or at best, something that is not real, and need not be worried about.
I hate my dang brain sometimes. Thanks for hearing me out and listening to me ramble....it really helps me process and CBT my way back to more rational thought.
So some background. I have always loved dogs, and have never had less than three at a time, but with the dogs come that difficult responsibility to not only give them a happy life, but when the time comes, lovingly help them to the other side. It sucks, but it is part of the deal we make with them. We love them, they love us. As a guy with GAD, they have always been a helping force for me, and as long as I am able to care for them, I will always have dogs.
That said, in the past 20 years, living where we are out in the country, we have had several dogs (4) get old and pass away on us. But old doesn't seem as old as it should to me. Usually around 12 to 13, they have gotten cancer. We lost a couple in that time to accidents, and one escaped our fenced in yard and vanished. But basically, those poor dogs we have had that died from natural causes all died from cancer. I never thought much of it, until tonight, my wife said, innocently enough, I wonder what it is about this place? Is there something around here causing this? Basically, it seems like the only thing causing our pets to die from natural causes is cancer. Add to that two cats, both around 14.
So now, of course, I wonder the same thing. I know these animals were not young, but when I was a kid, it was nothing to have our animals live a very long time. Our dogs that have passed from cancer have all been small dogs, our big one lived a long time, and it may have been cancer, but she was a huge dog who lived to be 17, so I would say she was quite lucky.
Now I have managed to transpose this anxiety about our dog cancer problem to our own lives. Have I unknowingly raised my family in a risky place? We have two younger neighbors who both had cancer, though one has a rare genetic disorder that predisposes her to all sorts of cancer. The other had ovarian cancer but was luckily caught early and she made a full recovery. One more was an older woman who got it when she was in her late sixties, so not unusual. Then finally, the young wife of the family we bought our house from had and beat cancer back just after we bought our home 20 years ago.
The thing is, that number of cancers doesn't sound like a big deal, really, until you factor in that I am in a pretty remote, rural place, and the population is very low. There may be other cancers I don't know about. Now, suddenly, I have taken the passing of my poor dogs and turned it into a health anxiety episode that could be, at worst, real but nothing I can do anything about (if it is the area, we are moving finally soon anyway) or at best, something that is not real, and need not be worried about.
I hate my dang brain sometimes. Thanks for hearing me out and listening to me ramble....it really helps me process and CBT my way back to more rational thought.