Help going out [Archive]

Jen84

25-02-07, 15:13

elle-jay

25-02-07, 22:53

wow. that is exactly how i feel, im so scared of going out and getting sick, more so around my family for some reason i feel safer around my friends which is weird cause they dunno i have this problem and my family do, but they aint very supportive. I still never go out with my friends tho cause they organise things like weeks before and im always like i need to know 5mins before hand to see weather i feel ok or not i can never plan ahead it sucks.

i dunno what you can do about it.. soo im up for any advice too!.

debstar

26-02-07, 04:03

I get the same as well. So I am very keen for advice too.

Deb

honeybee

26-02-07, 11:23

Hi
I need some advice, i have suffered from anxiety for about 6 years now and although i've had some tough times things are better now. I have a full time job which i sometimes have to travel for but i still have a problem with going out socially which for a 22 year old (i guess any age really) is really hard and has affected friendships and stuff. I do want to go out but when it comes to it i freak out. i work myself up so much i feel ill! it seems to be one part of my anxiety i just cant seem to break through!
Im not sure what to do about it, i have this fear im going to be sick or collapse!!
J x

hello, im 21 and a recovering agoraphiobic, i'm just wondering what you actually do after you freak out?? does it scare you into staying in? or do you go out anyway?
got together with my fella last june and since then started going clubbing and stuff again. looking back at past times i find i've been the same as you i feel so anxious, sick, spaced out, wobbly etc etc.. even in the queue to go into a club i feel like i'm gonna faint and REALLY REALLY REALLY want to run away (i really was i jibbering wreck, sometimes i even wonder if the bouncers will let me in) but my boyfriend won't let me so i'm left with the options of a) running away and being on my own or b) staying, being anxious but at least being with someone, so i stay. i must admit i do absolutly HATE my boyfriend at that moment in time but as he knows it will do, the panic attack does pass and within 10 mins i feel fine again and have a great night. each time i go out i pretty much go through the same thing but each time the anxiety is slightly reduced. the thought of going to a new place scares the hell out of me but i suppose it wont go over night.. just gotta stick with it through the panic attack, out the other side, go out anyway and dance the night away

net

26-02-07, 14:29

at one point i couldnt even open the front door without feeling sick.
agorophobic since i was 17 am now nearly 42.
what i do (learned with cbt) is to put dots in places i look at a lot, like m tv my pc my dashboard in car my door. this is so when i start to feel anxious about going somewhere i look at the dot (i got mine from stationary box) and it reminds to do my breathing and relaxation exercises this calms me down and then i can leave the house.
it took a while to master this technique but now i have i feel free for the first in years.
i learnt to keep my anxiety levels low so that when i do panic its not a full blown attack.
hope this helps a little.
dont give up it took me over 20 years

Lozzie

27-02-07, 15:43

I can completely sypmathise with you Jen84.
I am 21 years old and have found that my panic attacks seem worse when I have to go out to certain places i.e a shopping centre,cinema,pub etc
Now obviously most of my friends don't understand as I don't know many people my age that suffer with this. I have lost quite a few friends due to me either having to let them down about going out with them or because I had a panic attack when out with them and they didn't know what it was and thought I was mad.

So now I have a handful of friends who understand and some friends who don't understand but try to. I find that I find it easier to go out with my friends that do understand because I know they are not judging me and they will help me and not abandon me.
The only advice I can give really (because i still have the same problem now) is to not give up. I know sometimes it can be really difficult especially if you feel sick/dizzy but just bite the bullet and go for it :) That's what I do and I have found 9 times out of 10 that once im out and over the initial panic I can feel "normal" again and start to enjoy myself.
I still have my off days where I end up turning down going out but so does everyone. But on certain days just push yourself a little bit and you will be suprised and proud of how far you can get :)
Stick with it hun and dont give up!! :)
Laura xxxxx

Piglet

27-02-07, 15:56

Oooh cool tip about the sticky dots in strategic places - like it!! :D

Jen - as regards going out socialising, what about starting with the baby steps approach like we do with agoraphobia in general.

You could say the next time mates ask you, that you can pop to whatever place they are all at but you will only be able to stay for one drink, as you are due at such a such place. Then you could try staying for that one drink and build on that!!

Or do you have any one of your friends that you feel you could be open with and ask them to help you practice sort of thing??

I honestly think starting with little and often steps build the most secure platform!!

Love Piglet x

elle-jay

28-02-07, 07:37

Oh i did that the other week it was my friends 18th, and i really wanted to go, i use to go out all the time this is be4 i new i had anxiety and stuff and i would always feel so sick but it would always pass maybe because drank myself silly but thats not the point lol. i remembered those times n im like im gonna go out again so i went, i felt SOOOOOOO sick, sooo nervous i walked in the house went out n found my friends sat with them i was just sitting there not able to talk cause i was soo anxious i felt so sick i escaped to the bathroom soo many times, i hadnt eaten be4 i left cause i was too nervous to eat so that didnt help lol and i told everyone i could only be there for a few hrs cause i had a family thing the next day, so i got there at about 8.30.. and i actually ended up staying until about 1.30 i was so proud altho i did feel nervous the whole time but it was my first time going out since i found out about this problem so it has to start somewhere i suppose. altho i havent been out since but hopefully soon, i just wish i had a trusted friend that would understand and help me through it all really and take little step in goin out but unfortunately i dont.

Anyways i guess that is the best thing just to go out and try and stay out for as long as possible! and those dot things sounds like an extremely good idea too! i like that.

Jen84

28-02-07, 20:05

Thank you for all your replies, its nice to not feel so alone!
Sometimes I am fine, feel nervous but just push through it then other times i lost it and have to cancel my plans! i have lost two friends because of my anxiety but i have some great friends who are so supportive!!
Im very strong with my anxiety in everything but this, Ive lived in the same place since i was little and knows loads of people, guess im worried if i do something silly they will all know and talk about, im not very confident at all! Im fine going into somewhere I dont know with people i dont know!!
x:rolleyes:

lucy0927

15-04-07, 16:58

I've just read this thread and felt I had to reply as I went through exactly the same thing a few years ago. After leaving school at 16 I went into a job where I worked with no one my own age and I also lost contact with all my school friends, leaving me with no one to go out with and as such on the few odd occasions a year I went out I had really bad anxiety attacks.

When I turned 18 I started a new job working with people around the same age and they went out quite often, at first I declined all invitations to go for a night out or even only to the pub after work because I was so scared and the anxiety at just been asked made me want to go home and hide. Eventually I went to the pub one night after work and while I only stayed for a few drinks I realised that I'd done it and it hadn't been as bad as I thought. After a few trips after work to the pub I realised I could do it and people did enjoy my company and the anxiety didn't seem as bad.

The main problem for me was big nights out, I use to get myself so worked up and freaked out beforehand that I use to feel so ill and I couldn't calm myself down until I was out and could turn my attention to something else. I finally realised that the main cause of my anxiety was that I thought people expected me to stay out until the early hours of the morning and to always saying interesting and witty things. I decided that the only way I could tackle it was to take control of the situation, I decided when I went home and I never let myself feel pressured into staying out longer than I wanted to.

Taking that pressure off myself and putting myself in control of the situation really helped. If I wanted to leave at 9pm because I'd had enough I could and I didn't feel stupid for leaving early - more times than not I stayed out until about 11pm. As the years went on (I'm now 24) I got less and less scared about going out, I found a group of friends who's company I enjoyed and who I didn't feel pressured into anything. I normally stay out now until the last bus home about 11.15pm and I find that by that time I've had a good night and I'm ready to get home. By taking control of the situation and by allowing myself to make decisions on when I came I went I realised that the anxiety became less and less. I still get the feelings every now and again before I go out and especially if it's with new people, but I know that I can control them a little better now.

belle

15-04-07, 18:19

Hi..
I have no social life....or life come to think of it. I panic ALL the time when i am out and cannot go anywhere alone.
Been agoraphobic now for nearly 9 years, and right now, its getting worse.
Just had a "session" with a therapist and they told me that it'll be 18 mos before i get a follow-up appointment.
I'm scared of becoming housebound again.

Sarah

Gamb1t247

16-04-07, 18:53

hey hone that is sad. i know how you feel. im ok going out its just meeting peoploe that i get panic attacks with. if i go to a pub on my own and order im fine and i can get drunk and dont get panicky at all. but if i arrange to meet someone like on a date or even just friends i get so stressed and end up going home feeling awful. so i guess i am in the same boat in that i have no likfe. whenever something is arranged at work i always make an excus not to go incase i get a panic attack. Thing is you need to take things one step at a time.do one thing that scares you a day. if your scared of going to the shops try going to your front gate every day. if your scared about going to your front gate try just stepping out the front door. Some good books you might want to read Feal the fear and do it any way by susan jeffers and paul mckennas change your life in 7 days. and if its true you cant leave the house at least you have loads of time to read them lol. Good luck and if you need to talk just send me a message.