Pure O thoughts?!

[char123]

Hi,

Ive felt awful these past few days and haven't been able to stop thinking. I'm pretty sure I have pure O but I haven't been to the doctors about it so the doubt that my obsessive thoughts aren't caused by this and could be actually true is what is bothering me at the moment. So I've worried that I could be gay before, that I could be a paedophile and the recurring , most debilitating one is that I'm attracted to my brother. The thought just doesn't seem to leave my mind and I feel like I'm having a 'groinal response' whenever he is near me! I've googled so many times to try and reassure me that it's not true but I just can't find peace and let the thought pass. I feel like I'm always trying to convince my self that I'm not and I just have so much doubt that I don't feel like I'll ever be able to let this pass.

I 've read that if the thought creates anxiety then it's not true but other than the constant thinking about it, I don't think I react with anxiety naturally so it makes me question the thought more. I feel like I can't be sure about anything because my head is a mess and feels so full. I wish I could just say 'no I know that I am not attracted to my brother' and hopefully then the thoughts would stop. I really really really hope that I'm not attracted to my own brother!! This is by far the worst obsessive thought I've had as my brother is the trigger.

I understand that no one is a medical professional here but I'd like to hear what you think. Am I attracted to my brother?? How can I accept these thoughts to make them go? I'm started to do some meditation before bed so if anyone has any good music/videos to clear minds please could you send me a link. Thanks for reading!!

[MyNameIsTerry]

Hi char123,

Just to put your mind at rest about "groinal response", this is explained. The area of the brain that deals with this doesn't rely on the checks made to what is & isn't appropriate, it essentially a more primitive area. So, you can feel things like this at inappropriate times and about inappropriate people. In the anxiety sufferer, you can imagine how confusing this becomes and all the overthinking takes over. In OCD this is known well in some of the Pure O ones, like sexual obsessions, POCD, etc. But please try to remember that there is a scientific reason for this. See here:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_obsessions

The OCD sufferer may have a constant focus on not becoming aroused or checking that they do not become aroused, and this may lead to "groinal response". Many OCD sufferers take this groinal response as actual arousal, when in reality it is not. OCD sexual obsessions often result in guilt, shame, depression and may interfere with social functioning or work. Approximately 40% of sufferers (number could be higher due to the embarrassment associated) also report some accompanying physiological arousal. Reactions can include increased heart rate, a feeling of being turned on, and even erections, increased lubrication (in women), and orgasm. This response typically generates more confusion and uncertainty. However, this is a conditioned physiological response in the primitive thalamus of a brain which does not identify the thought as sex with a particular person, just sex. This is generally not indicative of one's own personal desires.

Another thing to remember is that you are still quite young and so you are discovering your sexuality too. Even though you may know what you prefer, it can still be a confusing time with the hormones and exposure to new things. A load of us mentioned this in a previous thread, this will explain better on this front.

The reason you appear to believing your could be attracted to your brother is because you don't believe you are experiencing the expected typical anxiety response as seen in OCD. However, you have picked up on the fact you have obsessions that then lead to questioning. You also mention your head being full, which is typical of overthinking, mind chatter, racing thoughts, etc.

If you were attracted to your brother you would consciously know it. You are hoping you are not, hence you can't be. You are trying everything to stop the possibility. That tells me that this is anxiety, not your true feelings. People with OCD worry about what these thoughts mean and whether it is the "real you" seeping out. It's not. You are already you, this is just intrusive thoughts & the typical overthinking & reacting we do.

Pure O leans more towards obsession although compulsions will be there, but they will be possible covert ones known as "mental compulsions".

If you want some good articles about Pure O, Google Steve Seay. He is a practicing psychologist in the US and he has a good site. Whilst they may diagnose differently on anxiety disorders in the US, his articles are very informative. They helped me understand the Pure O side.

If you want some meditation downloads, have a look at the thread in my signature which contains Mindfulness ones. There are quite a few but the themes between different sources overlap so it's not as many when you look at the purpose of them. Perhaps try a few and see what you think. There is the odd paid app in there but I've marked them out.