SarahCap
21-01-16, 19:56
Hello everyone,
I have been looking for an online blog to start writing about my health anxiety to council myself and help others who are suffering with the same condition.
I used to hold a very poor diary when I had "flare ups" this helped me a little bit as when I had entirely convinced myself I was poorly I could flip back to my diary look at my last impending doom and think well hey that ended up being nothing this will too.
I am not a brilliant writer and the issue with health anxiety is your constantly looking for reassurence and you want people to listen to you...not the other way around. Quite often we will troll online looking for symtoms and what they could be related to. We go on these online chats looking for someone to hear our story and tell us we are going to be ok.
Usually we dont find that reassurence and if we do its temporary.
There a different levels of the hypocondria we suffer from. Sometimes our own story can include red zone high levels- totally irassional asssumptions to the low nagging feeling something is wrong in normal day to day activities.
Some of you will read this site and these posts but you wont contribute. Perhaps the posts you read the writers are a red zone in comparison with your stuggle. Perhaps you flit for reassurence online then decide once you have calmed down to brush it all under the carpet and avoid it because looking up health anxiety well it makes you anxious.
I would like to start this by telling my story from the start.
I honestly do not know when it all started not really but I do remember the first time it really started peaking and I was expeirencing panic attacks without even realising what they were.
I think my anxiety started after I had my first daughter in July 2009. I think the love for her started my anxiety. I always remember thinking you never know how much your mother loves you until you have a child, even then I am sure my Mum never loved me as much as I do and did her. A huge hole I didnt know I had was filled and it was bliss.
I was happy so happy, excited by the thought of the future and so proud of my acheievment. I started getting shooting pains from my groin up into my stomach, they were an 7 out of a 10....10 being labour.
What could it be? I am too busy and tired to make the trip to the doctors I was healing poorly and breastfeeding so I popped my symtoms into google something I do weekly to this day and by god do I regret it.
CANCERCANCERCANCERCANCERCANCERCANCER News articles-media campaigns- real life horror stories. Wow.
So I had the physically symtoms of cervical cancer and I was too young for a smear but I hadnt lost any weight or had another symtoms. I went to the doctor who advised it was probaly a viral or bacterial infection. In the UK thats pretty much as far as most doctors go in your 7 minute appointment. You can go in with a cut on your arm and you go away with a canestan duo.
ANYWAY....
I was reassured they always say see your GP I had done just that TICK it is their responsibility to ensure I am healthy and one they take seriously.
But then I read one of my mothers horrendous middle aged womens magazines. Headline " I felt sick occasionally and now I have terminal cervical cancer!" ....you know I have sick like a few times maybe I should read this, subtitled slightly exagdurated " I went to the doctor 78 times and they missed it now Charlene is dead".
Brilliant... maybe my doctor wasnt clued up? I know Ill search all the symtoms online again all of the stories which people with little symtoms and losts of medical imput and all terminal. Then I started feeling dizzy as the days went on, hot flashes, pins and needles, sickness, palpatations, chest pains. I could go on but I forget most details.
I had no idea about anxiety and was sure I was going to die. The doctor visits were frequent the symtoms more apparent and I have never felt so alone and sorry for myself in my life.
I eventuly got diagnosed with health anxiety and genrelised anxiety and just as I did 5 years ago every so often I think I bet I don't and Im just a little bit Pyscic. Well Phsyco would be more fitting.
My common sense and intellect tells me thats all it is an imbalance in my brain that causes my reactions to be out of order but the more sense I start making the more my symtoms mimic the symtoms read out on the radio cancer campaigns.
In the past 6 years I have concentrated on having the below illnesses, I dont mean the idea has gone through my head, I mean I have been obsessed with these illnesses researching, self examining, constant doctor trips, examining and comparing with my friends, teary phone calls to my trusted family having a total breakdown and so on.
Cervical Cancer
Breast Cancer
Lung Cancer
Blood Clot
Serious heart problems
Meningitus
Throat and mouth cancer
Skin Cancer
Its funny how a 20-26 year old womans body can mimic the basic symtoms produced by these terminal conditions. I smoke and I have a strain of HPV not sure which but it showed up on my smear exam. So I will pretty much always has 2 out of the selection of causes/triggers.
One day I may get cancer... the likelyhood is I will. But if I do why can't I beat it? Why don't I deserve to live to a ripe old age. I always think I am going to die and so I should when I smoke. But other people smoke and they are ok so Why do I, why do we think we deserve to die.
I honestly think that is part of health anxiety we all the other people suffering something we wouldnt 50 years ago as we didnt have access to all of this information and statistics we would be in ignorant bliss.
But we have to be honest with all the people we know who have become ill and never recovered surely you know at 80x more people who have been absolutely fine. Why do we think out of the bunch it will be us that pluck the short straw?
Quite often people suffer trauma and thats what brings this on, for me I think it was love and the fear of loosing something so precious. Perhaps I am not alone in that.
I have lost my Mojo and the spirit of what I am writing but I want to build friendships with others on here who are going through a similar thing and perhaps together we can work this out and rely on each other.
I am quite chilled today after a DR trip more medications and counsilling booked in hence this essay. I want to stop avoiding this and tackle it head on.
Does anyone feel the same? - sorry for my spelling I rely on spellchecker which is down!
I have been looking for an online blog to start writing about my health anxiety to council myself and help others who are suffering with the same condition.
I used to hold a very poor diary when I had "flare ups" this helped me a little bit as when I had entirely convinced myself I was poorly I could flip back to my diary look at my last impending doom and think well hey that ended up being nothing this will too.
I am not a brilliant writer and the issue with health anxiety is your constantly looking for reassurence and you want people to listen to you...not the other way around. Quite often we will troll online looking for symtoms and what they could be related to. We go on these online chats looking for someone to hear our story and tell us we are going to be ok.
Usually we dont find that reassurence and if we do its temporary.
There a different levels of the hypocondria we suffer from. Sometimes our own story can include red zone high levels- totally irassional asssumptions to the low nagging feeling something is wrong in normal day to day activities.
Some of you will read this site and these posts but you wont contribute. Perhaps the posts you read the writers are a red zone in comparison with your stuggle. Perhaps you flit for reassurence online then decide once you have calmed down to brush it all under the carpet and avoid it because looking up health anxiety well it makes you anxious.
I would like to start this by telling my story from the start.
I honestly do not know when it all started not really but I do remember the first time it really started peaking and I was expeirencing panic attacks without even realising what they were.
I think my anxiety started after I had my first daughter in July 2009. I think the love for her started my anxiety. I always remember thinking you never know how much your mother loves you until you have a child, even then I am sure my Mum never loved me as much as I do and did her. A huge hole I didnt know I had was filled and it was bliss.
I was happy so happy, excited by the thought of the future and so proud of my acheievment. I started getting shooting pains from my groin up into my stomach, they were an 7 out of a 10....10 being labour.
What could it be? I am too busy and tired to make the trip to the doctors I was healing poorly and breastfeeding so I popped my symtoms into google something I do weekly to this day and by god do I regret it.
CANCERCANCERCANCERCANCERCANCERCANCER News articles-media campaigns- real life horror stories. Wow.
So I had the physically symtoms of cervical cancer and I was too young for a smear but I hadnt lost any weight or had another symtoms. I went to the doctor who advised it was probaly a viral or bacterial infection. In the UK thats pretty much as far as most doctors go in your 7 minute appointment. You can go in with a cut on your arm and you go away with a canestan duo.
ANYWAY....
I was reassured they always say see your GP I had done just that TICK it is their responsibility to ensure I am healthy and one they take seriously.
But then I read one of my mothers horrendous middle aged womens magazines. Headline " I felt sick occasionally and now I have terminal cervical cancer!" ....you know I have sick like a few times maybe I should read this, subtitled slightly exagdurated " I went to the doctor 78 times and they missed it now Charlene is dead".
Brilliant... maybe my doctor wasnt clued up? I know Ill search all the symtoms online again all of the stories which people with little symtoms and losts of medical imput and all terminal. Then I started feeling dizzy as the days went on, hot flashes, pins and needles, sickness, palpatations, chest pains. I could go on but I forget most details.
I had no idea about anxiety and was sure I was going to die. The doctor visits were frequent the symtoms more apparent and I have never felt so alone and sorry for myself in my life.
I eventuly got diagnosed with health anxiety and genrelised anxiety and just as I did 5 years ago every so often I think I bet I don't and Im just a little bit Pyscic. Well Phsyco would be more fitting.
My common sense and intellect tells me thats all it is an imbalance in my brain that causes my reactions to be out of order but the more sense I start making the more my symtoms mimic the symtoms read out on the radio cancer campaigns.
In the past 6 years I have concentrated on having the below illnesses, I dont mean the idea has gone through my head, I mean I have been obsessed with these illnesses researching, self examining, constant doctor trips, examining and comparing with my friends, teary phone calls to my trusted family having a total breakdown and so on.
Cervical Cancer
Breast Cancer
Lung Cancer
Blood Clot
Serious heart problems
Meningitus
Throat and mouth cancer
Skin Cancer
Its funny how a 20-26 year old womans body can mimic the basic symtoms produced by these terminal conditions. I smoke and I have a strain of HPV not sure which but it showed up on my smear exam. So I will pretty much always has 2 out of the selection of causes/triggers.
One day I may get cancer... the likelyhood is I will. But if I do why can't I beat it? Why don't I deserve to live to a ripe old age. I always think I am going to die and so I should when I smoke. But other people smoke and they are ok so Why do I, why do we think we deserve to die.
I honestly think that is part of health anxiety we all the other people suffering something we wouldnt 50 years ago as we didnt have access to all of this information and statistics we would be in ignorant bliss.
But we have to be honest with all the people we know who have become ill and never recovered surely you know at 80x more people who have been absolutely fine. Why do we think out of the bunch it will be us that pluck the short straw?
Quite often people suffer trauma and thats what brings this on, for me I think it was love and the fear of loosing something so precious. Perhaps I am not alone in that.
I have lost my Mojo and the spirit of what I am writing but I want to build friendships with others on here who are going through a similar thing and perhaps together we can work this out and rely on each other.
I am quite chilled today after a DR trip more medications and counsilling booked in hence this essay. I want to stop avoiding this and tackle it head on.
Does anyone feel the same? - sorry for my spelling I rely on spellchecker which is down!