Terrified

[Afc14]

Hi,

I am not sure what I am doing here but I need some help, to hear that other people are going through what I am. After working at a hospice for two years I started to suffer with health anxiety. During that time I was seen in A&E for something and was wrongly told by a junior doctor that I most likely had a brain tumour. This was incorrect but spending two days believing I had a brain tumour has ruined my life. My health anxiety is so bad it is crippling me. Since I had my son in 2014 things have got worse, I cry all the time that I am going to get cancer and leave him. Everytime he says mama instead of relishing the moment and being excited I panic and want him to
Stop it makes me feel awful knowing how much he loves me and knowing I'm probably going to die and how awful that would be for him. He has a
Loving family other than me but I can't cope with the feelings. I don't like doing anything as a family I always wonder if this is the last time, will these pictures soon be heartbreaking memories for my loved ones and so it goes on.
I'm a mess and I don't know what to do. I'm finding myself wanting to distance myself from my beautiful baby boy because I don't want him to get attached to him. I have been having a sore boob and under arm and now I'm convinced I have breast cancer I'm terrified I can't sleep I keep being sick with fear then I think maybe the symptoms are in my head. I have a dr app in 2 weeks.

I feel like I am surrounded by cancer and death and bad things and I'm so scared and I just need to know it's not just me who feels this way.

[swgrl09]

Well considering you worked in hospice, I'm not surprised you have HA! That type of work is unbelievably difficult so you must be a good person to have done it.

I felt very similarly after my mom died of cancer. I thought everything was cancer and couldn't even enjoy time with my husband because I'd even check him! His moles, bumps, etc. I'd get tearful with him because I'd always think it was the last time. I went through a lot of therapy and meds and my HA is a lot better now. I still sometimes get scared when we are having a good time that it won't last or think about one of us dying ... It's hard not to sometimes. But I'm better at moving on instead of obsessing.

Have you spoken to anybody about your anxiety and fears?

[uru]

Did you have 0 anxiety before the misdiagnosis ?

[hheavenlyangel]

I think the fact that it was a mis diagnosis is something wonderful. Enjoy your son and enjoy your life. Do you think you may have something like depression? Maybe pop in to your GP and tell them how you're feeling. Its not just you who feels this way either millions of people feel that way too. Go see your GP and get your anxiety sorted. Xx

[LilGsMama]

I'm right where you are now.. I'm obsessing with my ears and sinuses and it's taken over my life. I have a husband and an 11 yr old daughter at home and I'm so messed up I'm currently staying with my inlaws whilst I try and sort my life out. The HA has TOTALLY taken over my life. I think about my symptoms all the time. Have had GP checks, lots of bloodwork, CT and MRI scans and constant reassurance that my ear problem isn't serious, but nothing is going in.. I am now thinking of paying to see a private ENT consultant next week, rather than wait 11 days for my NHS appt. I can't afford it but will find the money somehow.

I can relate to the "is this the last time?" feeling too. Have had CBT for HA a few years ago but I can't seem to apply it this time. I just want my old life back!

[miss sparkle]

I have no advice but im going through a very similar patch at the minute. Im a 33 year old mum of two and i can completely relate to your posts. Its exhausting and debilitating xxx

[Blonde123]

Can totally relate. I'm a nurse and since I started looking after terminally ill patients, I've had health anxiety. I quit my job to look after "well" patient nets and for years felt I've had skin cancer, breast and brain cancer. It's awful x

[stressedanxious]

I feel just like you do, it sucks. I just want to be able to enjoy my day , but I can't because I am worried something might be wrong with me. This is terrible, and scary as heck.