Neverending Thoughts of Death

[roguetwentytwo]

Hello everyone, hope you're all having a splendid day!

I'm nineteen and suffer from GAD. It's pretty horrible and has caused me a lot of problems over the years, socially particularly. I have low-confidence, am always up and then down, and during this period of time in particular I have been have multiple panic attacks over thoughts of dying.

Now, I understand everything - you won't be conscious after death so you won't know, it happens to everyone, it's just a thought and you shouldn't be scared. But for the last few months my body has been in a constant headspace where it doesn't snap out and every time I don't think about dying - I GO CRAZY! I think that if I'm not thinking about it I am distracting myself on purpose and ignoring reality. I always think of eternity and how I can never come back. I think about how meaningless life is, because well if it is over in an instant, how is anything that happens in it important at all. I'm only 19, as I said, yet I feel as if my entire life is falling into a large black void.

My mind never stops, ever. I can't sleep anymore and the entire world is starting to seem like one big dream. I am seeing my doctor and therapists etc. However, I just can't seem to stop worrying, I need help I think... or a girlfriend?! LOL!

Anyway, thank you for listening! Hope someone out there can relate.

[Blinkyrocket]

I can relate for seemingly an opposite reason, I can't understand consciousness. The concept of life and consciousness of said life overwhelms me. I'm deathly afraid of being alive and the possibilities that being alive brings. -_-

I too am starting to feel like I'm not real or am in a dream, I almost panicked earlier today while at a concert thinking "all these people are real and I'm not". I can't explain this weird feeling, I just hope that when I snap out of it, I won't remember it.

[roguetwentytwo]

Seems scary to be on two opposite ends of the spectrum, but I can see where you are coming from. Consciousness makes no sense to me, how I just magically became conscious - like HOW THE HELL DID I BECOME THE BABY?! It's like I was something else... being just magically awake and conscious inside a body seems weird to me, I can't comprehend it! It sends me nuts to. It's very hard to explain, like I know how I was created - but like HOW THE HELL AM I CONSCIOUS?! :scared15::scared15::scared15:

[Blinkyrocket]

I feel like I know that a lot of people have pondered both these questions but that they somehow don't get near as overwhelmed by them. I guess anxiety is sort of like an over reaction to your thoughts rather than just anxious thoughts.

[roguetwentytwo]

I guess the thing with anxiety is we don't recognise thoughts and go "that's scary" and then move on, we stick to the scary thoughts and if we move off them we stress that we aren't thinking about them, because we think we are meant to stress all the time if something freaky is out there. Most people just have a thought and find it scary, but then move on in their brain - us anxious people never stop though, for a certain amount of time anyway.