My lymph nodes are pushing me to a breaking point.

[Christina87]

I've had a 1.75cm lymph node on the right side of my neck for at least 6 years. I only just started freaking out about it roughly 2 years ago when my aunt was diagnosed with squamous cell carcinoma. Since then I can't even tell you how many times I've been to the dr. I've had multiple CBCs done, and one ultrasound that came back normal.

My last CBC was 2 months ago, again normal. However, I can feel lymph nodes everywhere, in my neck, collarbone, groin. This makes me so anxious that I was put on Lexapro 4 months ago.

Three weeks after starting Lexapro I began to itch, and still do. The Dr. said it's common with this medicine yet I can hardly find any other people who can relate so it's starting to make me think it's something more sinister. I also have an achy right elbow, which could easily be tennis elbow as I've had the same job sitting at a computer for years.

Despite everything looking as if it's in my favor I am so convinced I have follicular lymphoma that it's effecting my job, my marriage, and my parenting.

I just called my GP to ask how to wean off of Lexapro because I can't take the paranoia the itch is causing.

I've gone as far as forcing myself to eat like crap for 4 months to make sure I can gain weight, which I put on 23lbs.

I'm losing my mind.

[Shazamataz]

The itching could well be the medication, one of those weird side effects maybe?

When I went on sertraline recently and then switched to citalopram (but had to come off it) I was getting these really irritating tickles on my face when trying to sleep and don't have them now I'm not on the meds.

[Fishmanpa]

Ok...

You've just joined the forum. It's helpful in many ways.

I'm not an anxiety sufferer per se'. I'm one who came here because of HA sufferers posting on the Head and Neck cancer forums I was part of. I was diagnosed with Squamous Cell Carcinoma. Stage IV. I followed a few posters to this site and have stayed to offer a realistic perspective. I also have a daughter that suffers from anxiety and depression and have dealt with the same due to my real physical illnesses. My ex wife suffered from severe depression disorder so I have some real life insight to what you are experiencing, albeit from the other side.

Unless your node(s) were clinically examined, how do you know they're 1.75cm? My oncologists examined me and while they were close, the true size of my cancerous nodes wasn't confirmed until they were removed by surgery and even then, they were off.

Most people, including myself would be jumping for joy had our scientific medical testing proved to be normal.

My impression is that you've been obsessively self checking... Poking and prodding to the extent that you've instigated swelling, thus increasing your anxiety.

IMO... keep taking the SSRIs and look into therapy. My hope is that you take to heart what I'm saying and fight the dragon back into his cave.

Positive thoughts

[Christina87]

Thank you so much, I'm fighting as hard as I can. All day is a battle inside trying to think positively, trying to remember everything reassuring I've been told.

The measurement I received of 1.75cm was from the ultrasound I received. The Dr. said the size didn't concern him at all, he has actually has a similar node in his neck that he's had for 20 years. It's just that I can feel so many, of course after I went digging around looking for them.

I'm my own worst enemy.