I'm kind of torn.

[AdamE]

So I've been coming to this site and a couple others for all of my issues. It helped seeing that I wasn't the only one with these oddball anxieties. Mine seemed to be a bit more unique since I was getting full on facial numbness and all but not too different.

I've been extremely proactive though. I've been getting a ton of help. On Sertraline, CBT talk therapy, etc. Had quite the revelation though after yelling at myself just after my CBT. Deep down got angry at my main symptom I've had since I was 19 (now 32). Nausea. It's crippled me all this time to where I couldn't eat in a social setting. Sometimes I even had trouble eating on my own in my own house. After I got legit angry with it the nausea disappeared. I think deep down I was missing how the past was so much that it made me physically nauseous. I yelled at my stomach and said "WHY?! LEAVE ME ALONE!! IF IT'S SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE PAST I CAN'T CHANGE IT! I DON'T WANT TO! I DON'T NEED TO! I NEED TO CREATE NEW MEMORIES! LET ME CREATE NEW MEMORIES!!!!" Bam. Nausea gone. Even went to a potluck at work and had no nausea with 80 people surrounding me. Felt weird at first. Not use to eating around people.

With my other symptoms I've had mainly issues with my head. I've started getting massages now and when I leave from there my head sensations are gone. I was there last night and even this morning I feel great. If any of you have brain fog, facial/head numbness, weakness in legs and arms, etc go get a massage on my neck and shoulders. The stress that you are building up is most likely tensing your shoulders and neck muscles and cutting off blood flow and nerves. Take care of yourself. Massages aren't too expensive and you'll find that it may be quite worth it in the long run. I'm setting mine up so I go every 2 weeks all year (poor receptionist who has to schedule that for me.... SORRYYY). But I've found extremely positive results from it so I'll spend the money I don't have on it.

I figured I'd give a little back story to that first before talking about why my title said "Torn a little". I want to stay here and help people since I've received help here from others. I tried to help others while dealing with my own issues too. But what I noticed is sometimes while reading other people's posts about what they are experiencing I tend to feed off of that and.. well.. now I have their same symptoms. Your brain is truly amazing in what it can do. If there was something you never thought about that could happen to you IT WILL HAPPEN TO YOU IF YOU LET IT OR OVER THINK IT. So I might have to leave the forum here and other places so I don't fill my head with potential new symptoms. I don't want to leave because you are all so dang amazing, caring, sympathetic, just all around great community. I wouldn't be where I'm at without you all. But I don't think I can pop on here every day and read all of the posts in fear I could create new symptoms from what others have posted. No, this isn't goodbye. Just a break. If I start feeling GREAT I need to come back and help people get through their problems. If any of you need to talk or want some pointers don't be afraid to message me. I still get emails when I get replies or new messages so I can't miss it! Love you all! Thank you for everything. You all saved my life. <3

---------- Post added at 07:33 ---------- Previous post was at 07:32 ----------

Maybe this was suppose to be in the success thread. Sorry.

[Fishmanpa]

You all saved my life.

Amazing post! From an outside perspective I see the same things in that the forum, while comforting in knowing you're not alone and has a cathartic benefit in being able to express your feelings, has a negative effect as well in that it becomes food for the dragon. Posting about a fear while in an anxiety spiral and waiting around for responses just keeps you in the spiral. I see the domino effect as well in certain symptoms. One posts about nodes or some other common fear and the next thing you know there are several threads on the subject.

Granted, how one ultimately uses the forum will determine it's benefits or lack thereof. To me, it sounds like you saved yourself :D Keep up the good work.

Positive thoughts

[AdamE]

Yep. That's why I figured since I'm getting much better I'm not going to completely ditch the community that helped me through my worst time. Sometimes people just need to see that success story to show them that there is light! Even if you just started having anxiety or you've had it for YEARS (like me) there is light.

Last week was my first full week of no nausea. Guess what I did that I haven't done in YEARS. Went out to a restaurant and ate with a full crowd there. Granted I went by myself but I WENT! I had just a taddddd nausea but I think it's because I've always associated nausea with food especially in a busy setting. But I was able to eat without a problem. HUGE accomplishment. I left the place feeling great that I was able to do that.

Don't give up everyone. I know it's a longgggggggggg damn road but keep working on it. Be proactive in what you feel might help you. Instead of researching your asymptoms research things that can help you. This community has a billion ideas in what to do. Don't be afraid to ask. Don't ask what you should do for a particular symptom, ask what you can do for your ANXIETY. Yes, having tests give you ease of mind but trust your doctor. If you ended up going to 3 different doctors and they all tell you the same thing trust them. You'd be surprised in how many people have anxiety in our world now. These doctors know the difference between anxiety and real tumourish, cancerous symptoms. I admit, I didn't believe them. I still decided to get the tests done, MRIs, ultrasounds, etc. They were right from the beginning. Plus if you have had your symptoms for months and months things would have changed to where your doctor would have seen to warrant a test done. Blood tests aren't a bad thing to have sick or not. Gives you an idea where you're at. Test your vitamins too (D, B12, Iron, Ferritin, etc) Very important to do those since most doctors don't test without you asking.

Keep working on your anxiety until you find what it is that's causing it. Sometimes you don't have to find out what it is. I still don't know what was causing it but clearly subconsciously there was a problem in my past. I yelled at myself saying I literally can't change whatever happened back then. It is what it is. I don't care what happened. I want to create new memories. I can't create new GOOD memories with nausea and my other physical symptoms getting in the way.

GO FOR A WALK! Go at night at first. Not a lot of people are out there then, it's nice and cool outside which is GREAT for stimulating your Vagus nerve. Some people submerge their whole head in cold water for a while. You might feel a bit better doing that. This is why I felt mostly normal when going for walks in that cold weather but then come home to a warm house I felt anxious.