Severe Health Anxiety for 18 years

[anbeq14]

My name is Abbie and I am 28 years old. To make a long story short, 18 years ago my Great Grandma passed away and whatever in your brain that's supposed to make you accept and embrace dying...God forgot to give me one...or that shit is broken...I don't know. At 10 years old I was terrified of everything. I went into some sort of remission we will call it and its been pretty consistent since. Now...18 years later Im exhausted by it. I seriously cant do it anymore. Im not suicidal or anything like that but I CONSTANTLY have something wrong with me...its like I cant get a break from the health anxiety. Ive had every disease known to man but really Im healthy and I am so terrified that Ive "cried wolf" so many times that when I actually do have something I wont know. Does anyone else feel this way? I seriously cant enjoy things anymore because Im having palpitations and headaches and im worried about something. I have two beautiful babies and Im constantly scared im going to die and leave them. I wish I could have back all of the time Ive googled stupid symptoms and tried to reassure myself I want dying. Its ridiculous. I never wanted to take meds but Im so desperate now. Has anyone else taken a drug that doesn't make you feel like a zombie but keeps you from being so scared? I just want to relate to someone. My husband thinks im crazy and my mom thinks this is all a joke but its the farthest thing from funny.

[venusbluejeans]

Hiya anbeq14 and welcome to NMP :welcome:

Why not take a look at our articles on our home page, they contain a wealth of information and are a great starting place for your time on the forum.

I hope you find the as site helpful and informative as I have and that you get the help and support you need here and hope that you meet a few friends along the way :yesyes:

[lyndau63]

Bless you; I know just how you feel. Citalopram helps me a lot but I still have bad tomes. just know that you are not alone. My husband gets very annoyed with me too but I don't understand how your Mum can find it a joke. I hope you get the help you need and improve soon.

[anbeq14]

Thank you so much lyndau16. It truly is debilitating at times. Is the medicine addictive? Like if you ran out you couldn't function? I just don't like the thought of being 28 and dependent on something but I'm 28 and have had mris, colonoscopies, endoscopies, unlimited blood work, echocardiograms, ekgs, holter monitors....I want to get a grip so my kids don't see this fear. I never want them to feel this way.

[the_anxious_mind]

I am 25 and have struggled with this my whole life. I was raised to be this way though as my grandmother always thought she was sick and in turn, always thought I was sick too. I was on so much medication that I didn't need and in recent years became phobia of medicine altogether! I have at one time convinced myself of many different types of cancer, tumors, vision problems... the list goes on and on. You are just one among many of us who are just wired differently than others! We process things on a different level and many of us may just be experiencing a short circuit! Either way, you have loads of support here even if you don't get it in real life. When you have been a member long enough, get on the chat. It has helped to create friendships for me and connect with people who totally get where I am at.. I am proud to say that I have gotten ahold of my health anxiety AND faced my fear of medicine all in the month that I joined this site. I know not everyone can get the same results (and I'm not making any sort of medical claims here!) but getting this support gave me the confidence boost that I so needed! And every day it is part of my routine to get on before and after work and check and see how everyone else is doing too. Hugs!! There is recovery ahead if you are willing to work on it!

---------- Post added at 04:00 ---------- Previous post was at 03:56 ----------

Also wanted to add that I cannot have children at the moment due to anxiety and other female related health issues. I so do not want my (hopefully) future children to see what I grew up around which was a debilitating mental illness. If they do see it, I want them to see someone who fights it and is able to function so that their mother can be a good one. Also, I am on Lexapro ending Day 13 today, and on to Day 14 tomorrow. There are lots of different types of meds out there, SSRI's, benzos, the list goes on and on. It will be up to you and your doctor or psychiatrist to figure that out if you decide you want to go that route. I only went the medicine route as a last resort as all other types of healing just weren't getting me there. Okay, once again, hugs! And follow my diary on escitalopram (Lexapro) if you want to follow anything about that SSRI! :)

[lyndau63]

Hi gain,

I have been on the Citalopram for about 8 years. I think if you came off it you would have to do it slowly because there are withdrawal symptoms....just feeling a bit odd, nothing too awful. There are recommendations for this and anyway your GP would tell you what to do. Just in case you have read about other side effects, I have NOT had a problem with libido or failure to orgasm which I once did many years ago on another drug. I was in my 20s then and am now in mu 60s and still active so take heart!

[anbeq14]

Thank you the anxious mind!! I am so sorry you had to go through that as a child. I cant imagine someone else worrying like that and freaking me out too. I definitely don't want my children to ever feel this way that's why Im really trying to get better before they are old enough to understand. I try really hard to never say anything in front of them.

Thank you Lyndau63. I just don't want to be addicted and not be able to function without a medication. I also don't want to take something that makes me not feel emotion or care whats going on around me.

[kimy1981]

my ne is Kim and I am 34 , I've suffered from OCD as far back as I can remember with some HA . The last 10 months or so my HA has gone crazy . My list is , breast cancer , cervical cancer , MS , Parkinson's , skin cancer , HIV . I have been taking Setroline 100mg for the last month before that Citalopram but that did nothing for me . Feel a little bit better but at really un settled . These last 2 weeks I've checked my cervix and gave myself a bad belly , brused my chest checking for lumps and running up and down hall way , skipping hoping , watching my step in the fridge reflection to check my gate . I have tingly hands and feet how ever but this is a side effect of the pills and HA but still does not stop me googling and worrying driving myself crazy . I have 3 children and a lovely husband I hate this !!!!!!!!!*xx Kim

[anbeq14]

Kim, thank you for your reply. I completely can relate. Lately I've had tingles in my hands as well. Feels like an electric shock at times and scares me. Of course I googled it and Dr Google said I have MS but I don't believe that one and surprisingly ms isn't something im really scared of. I'm TERRIFIED of cancer and heart issues. I had about a 4-5 month period that I was convinced I had ovarian cancer. It's awful. I just want to be normal and not live in fear. I'll keep you in my prayers that your anxiety completely goes away!

[kimy1981]

Thank you that's so kind and I pray for you to I would not wish this on any body . But it's reassuring to have this site where people can relate as if you don't have HA you really don't get it xxxx