Hi everyone im new

[beaniepudblue]

Hi everyone. Im a new member who is looking for support and new friends. Im 29, from yorkshire, im mum to a gorgeuos little boy who is 8. I have suffered bad anxiety and depression since my teens. It was made worse when i was in a violent relationship with my sons father, which i managed to escape from 4 years ago. im now with a lovely man and we are trying for our own baby,(see below). He understands my problems, but can never take them away. my anxiety and depression haunts me every day and i sometimes cant control it. Ive been on and off medication, including citalorpram and propronanol. Some of my symptoms are anxiety, paranoia, sweating, thinking people are looking at me, breathlessness/chest aches (which really scare me):( :( . Also i have an intense phobia worrying about something happening to my son, me or mike. Sometimes i check on my son in the night over 3 times. I go to bed sometimes frightened that i wont wake up in the morning. I hate feeling like this. I never used to be like this when i was at school. What changed in me to make me have these problems??? Sometimes i can go a few days feeling ok, then other days like today i can be really low and really bad:( It got worse in 2005 when a very good friend of mine who i went to school with committed suicide. It brought on the anxieties worse, chest pains, stuttering and alsorts. :( This has also made the intense fear of something happening to me or my family worse. Im currently not on any medication with us wanting a baby. But even that has gone downhill for us, as after 18 months of trying, we found out my partner is infertile:( :( after months of talking and crying we are now going ahead with a donor(donor sperm)....
Im currently in a job which i hate and someone i work with is making my anxiety worse, so much that i stutter when i talk to her (nervousness), because she watches everything i do and i keep making silly errors and it looks like im to blame all the time. Ive got so many things going on right now, i feel like its all too much. I have so much support off family and friends, i even have a website for mums and get so much support but it still dosent take it away.
Im just looking for friends and need to rant about how i feel
((((hugs))))) to everyone

Jen xxx

[mazz]

Hi Jen welcome to nmp ive been through similar to you with an distructive hubby , now with a great guy that supports me but still dont fully understand.
I hope you find this site supportive like i do hunny
Feel free to pm me
Love Mazz x

[manmoor]

Hi Jen,

A big warm welcome to you. xxx

[yorkylover]

Hi and Welcome.xxxxxx

[wobily_lin]

Elo,
Welcome to the site.great support n advice here..glad to have ya on board x

[belle]

Hi and welcome.
Sounds like you've had a rough time.
Hope you get the support and advice you need here - i'm sure you will :)

Sarah x

(BTW - I've an 8 year old boy too - how fabulous are they at that age?? My son is a nutcase!!!)

[IzzyB]

Hi Jen
Reading through your post, I am not surprised that you are feeling the way you do. It seems like although you have found happiness with your fab partner and little boy away from your aggressive ex, things are still tough for you.
I have never been the situation of trying for a baby, but I can only imagine how heartbreaking the recent news about your partner's infertility must be. Being stuck in a job you don't like must be unbearably frustrating too.
I cannot really offer any advice, but I can assure you that it would be truly astonishing if you could get through everything you have done without suffering from some kind of anxiety disorder.
I think you're fab to be able to write in such a positive and matter of fact way, and that you still appreciate the good things in life even after so much hardship.
I hope that other more knowledgeable members will be able to give some advice that helps.
**hugs** izzy xx

[beaniepudblue]

hi everyone thankyou for your lovely replies

im feeling really low today, and the stress at work has made it 100 times worse. Im considering signing myself off sick as i feel like i cant face another day at the moment due to my depression being bad let alone go there and get as stressed out as i did today:( :( :( :( i dont know what to do :(

[nomorepanic]

Hi Jen

A warm welcome aboard and lovely to see you here.

You will meet some lovely caring people and get loads of advice and support.

[trac67]

Hi,

Welcome to the forum, you will get a lot of good advice here and make some new friends,

Take care

Trac xx

[Pink Princess]

hey welcome to the site, hope you are well, you will settle down and feel at home in not ime. hope you get as much support as you deserve

take kare
xxxxxx

[Bran Bran]

I need a friend too who understands me. People don't understand how much torture this thing can produce. I worry about dying too, since my mom passed away. I've had this since highschool (minus the death crap). You should hit me up sometime. They tried that same med on me too, the antidepressants. THEY DO NOT WORK. They made me depressed. I boycotted all my meds, and other than panic attacks from time to time, I feel better in the head. Happier. You should jog, I just started, it helps sooooo much. Then you slow down into a fast walk and do those breaths they tell you about. It works for me, and nothing has worked for me accept valume.