View Full Version : Help I'm stuck!
Hi everyone,
I've been browsing on this site for sometime now. I'd like to share my story and ask for any advice.
I'm in my forties and had my first panic attack aged 21. It was horrendous and I remember it like it was yesterday. Fast forward 20 years and I feel like I'm still stuck at first base. I've been through ups and very severe downs in that's time. I was diagnosed with panic disorder and GAD.
I could not work because of it 20 years ago as at one point I could not even leave the house but 10 years ago I managed to go back to work and that's where I am now.
I've even been to work when my panic attacks and anxiety were hell but I went all the same and have never had time off because of them, even though sometimes it's nearly killed me to go. BUT IM STILL STUCK IN MY SAFE ZONE.
I will only go to certain places and I can go as far as 15 miles but then I will not push myself to go any further. I haven't been on holiday since my first panic attack 20 years ago and avoid the motorways even though I drive and dare'nt even let anyone else drive me on motorways either.
It's ruined my life, I have no social life as I have practically isolated myself from my friends as they seem to go gallivanting up and down the country on nights out and weekends away which I obviously say no to time and time again. I have never told my friends about my anxiety as they are the type to just get on with stuff and they are stuck in the 1800's as far as mental health is concerned. I just make up excuses.
I want to push out of my comfort zone but how? I'm terrified and anxiety always holds me back. It's sounds ridiculous but I yearn for the sea and warmth because it's that long since I've felt it.
Why if I can go to work and drive, can I NOT leave my town? I'm so fed up its making me depressed as I have nothing to look forward to :(
Any advice would be welcome please and so sorry for the long post.
glassgirlw
30-01-16, 18:58
I have found that bottling up my problem makes things worse. Even if I just talk to my mom, or a close friend, or my husband, I feel a sense of relief...that some of the burden has been lifted. I have an appt this week with a therapist for the first time in 20 years. I am hopeful that CBT will help me move past this latest bout with anxiety. Drugs aren't for me but I know they work for some people. I am going the talk therapy route and hoping for the best!
Talking helps. Never bottling it up. If you find someone who says "just get over it" don't persevere, we're not all programmed to understand this way our minds are programmed.
Also, why are you setting yourself a task like leaving town. That's an eventual goal and if you can't do that then that equals failure.
Instead try smaller "wins" that make you increasingly comfortable. That way if you feel comfortable with more than you feel uncomfortable with you can look at this phase as a success.
Just do what makes you comfortable!
Hi and thankyou for your replies.
Some of my friends know small parts but not all of it because as for my closest friends I don't think they'd understand if I'm honest, hence never telling them.
Dc1980, I'm giving myself the task of leaving town as I've been stuck here for 20 years, I do think this is the time to venture out of my comfort zone. I'm ok going to work, shopping and other activities as long as it's in my town or within say 15 miles but to not leave your home town to go on holiday or to go sight seeing is soul destroying to say the least, but especially this time of year when everyone is booking their holidays, concerts, days out and such. It gets me down.
It's definitely time to break the chains I just don't know how!
XX
Hey,
I am no expert on this, but could you not push yourself to say go 20miles away, then 25, 30 and so on? X
faithfulone
02-02-16, 01:11
I agree, go a little further each time maybe keeping in mind that you're traveling to a "safe place" where you really want to be. Just explore a few further miles each time knowing that you can easily return if uncomfortable. I think being able to work is wonderful because that's whats giving me trouble right now.
Thankyou pepperpot and faithfulone,
I am absolutely going to try and go a little bit further when I get my head around it lol, just the thought of it fills me with utter dread :weep::weep:
Faithfulone, I have managed to go to work for the last 10 years or so, JUST. There have been times where I have felt absolutely terrible but I've gone all the same. I figure that if I give up going to work on my bad days I'm done for as I won't go back and I had to give up work through anxiety/panic when I was first diagnosed. I didn't return to work for 10 years.
The nature of my job helps as I'm a courier in my small town which means If I felt so bad I could always go home if need be. It's full time but I really like it and I honestly think that's what kept me going to be honest.
XX
faithfulone
04-02-16, 02:46
I think it's great you have that type of job. I've taken off a little time as I'm having some health issues and along with the loss of my mom recently both issues having sent my anxiety way up. I've always been able to get a grip on my panic attacks, but this time has been more difficult so I'm having high anxiety just thinking about going back to work. I just started driving a little this week after not doing so in a few weeks. This is all strange for me as I have always been independent. When I had panic attacks years ago, I would still drive, but I guess that's the nature of this beast.....we never know what form or symptoms it will bring about.
Hi everyone,
I've been browsing on this site for sometime now. I'd like to share my story and ask for any advice.
I'm in my forties and had my first panic attack aged 21. It was horrendous and I remember it like it was yesterday. Fast forward 20 years and I feel like I'm still stuck at first base. I've been through ups and very severe downs in that's time. I was diagnosed with panic disorder and GAD.
I could not work because of it 20 years ago as at one point I could not even leave the house but 10 years ago I managed to go back to work and that's where I am now.
I've even been to work when my panic attacks and anxiety were hell but I went all the same and have never had time off because of them, even though sometimes it's nearly killed me to go. BUT IM STILL STUCK IN MY SAFE ZONE.
I will only go to certain places and I can go as far as 15 miles but then I will not push myself to go any further. I haven't been on holiday since my first panic attack 20 years ago and avoid the motorways even though I drive and dare'nt even let anyone else drive me on motorways either.
It's ruined my life, I have no social life as I have practically isolated myself from my friends as they seem to go gallivanting up and down the country on nights out and weekends away which I obviously say no to time and time again. I have never told my friends about my anxiety as they are the type to just get on with stuff and they are stuck in the 1800's as far as mental health is concerned. I just make up excuses.
I want to push out of my comfort zone but how? I'm terrified and anxiety always holds me back. It's sounds ridiculous but I yearn for the sea and warmth because it's that long since I've felt it.
Why if I can go to work and drive, can I NOT leave my town? I'm so fed up its making me depressed as I have nothing to look forward to :(
Any advice would be welcome please and so sorry for the long post.
I could have written much of this! I've come to the decision after 15yrs of on and off anxiety to try medication- i think that's what I need to break free of the shackles and get out of the comfort zone and live a bit more.
I think it's great you have that type of job. I've taken off a little time as I'm having some health issues and along with the loss of my mom recently both issues having sent my anxiety way up. I've always been able to get a grip on my panic attacks, but this time has been more difficult so I'm having high anxiety just thinking about going back to work. I just started driving a little this week after not doing so in a few weeks. This is all strange for me as I have always been independent. When I had panic attacks years ago, I would still drive, but I guess that's the nature of this beast.....we never know what form or symptoms it will bring about.
Faithfulone, I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your mom, you must be going through hell at the minute. The panic /anxiety will be as strong as ever no doubt. I agree that every time I have a relapse I get new symptoms never had before! It's rubbish :(
Sending hugs to you XX
---------- Post added at 22:17 ---------- Previous post was at 22:14 ----------
I could have written much of this! I've come to the decision after 15yrs of on and off anxiety to try medication- i think that's what I need to break free of the shackles and get out of the comfort zone and live a bit more.
Retsgard, I too have been to the docs for some meds after all this time. He gave me Prozac a week ago only it's still sat on my kitchen side cos I'm too scared to take it :D
Xtrastrongbint
04-02-16, 22:39
Ah Lisakaye - your story is so similar to mine but what I did was to start on meds - they helped me soooo much. In my early 20s I was agrophobic, couldn't work, was so ill but I tried a small dose initially and it has pretty much kept my symptoms at bay for 20 years. I've been on holiday, had countless jobs, opened my own business, driven up and down the country, dealt with stress and trauma...totally worked for me (I know this is different for everyone)...Is there anyone who can drive with you who is sympathetic to panic? I do this with my mum - she really struggles with new stuff so I go with her and tell her "let's just see how far we can get and if you feel ill we'll just come back" (she's also has anxiety) It works every time...just takes the pressure off to do something out of your comfort zone :hugs:
Xtrastrongbint, thankyou for your reply.
Wow! You've done great! My absolute goal is to get to the sea, not necessarily overseas but just to the coast would be good! I think I can do it in my mind but then I hit a brick wall.
I know I need to start on the meds but so scared to take them! I have fluoxetine 20mg waiting in my kitchen. I've read more than enough horror stories about the side effects and it's put the fear of God in me :)
I have my dad who will drive with me anywhere I decide to go which is great but I just haven't got around to it but I WILL!!
XX
Xtrastrongbint
06-02-16, 00:50
Lisakaye - Fingers crossed for you..definitely start small and work your way up (both travelling and meds! lol), :)
faithfulone
06-02-16, 15:47
I know what you mean about taking meds. I've taken small doses of paxil over the years and can say it really helped me through some tough times. The first time I took it I was really depressed because my favorite aunt passed away after a long illness. The meds really brought me back from a dark place. Even though I am somewhat depressed over the loss of my mom (I belief this time it's normal grieving).....I think the anxiety is stemming more from the previous months of her illness. I was in a state of panic daily. I tried a low dose paxil this time and not sure if it made me more anxious so I'm taking small dose antianxiety med instead which helps some.
Antidepressants have so many side effects you never know if the symptoms you're having are from anxiety or the meds because they are so similar. I do know that I have been helped by them so I can say it's definitely worth trying. I always take the smallest doses possible and then work from there. I have an aunt who has been on Prozac for many years and wouldn't be able to function without it. Also, many friends that do fine on other antidepressants. I guess I'm really sensitive to meds so I usually start having some time of effect which is why I try the tiniest of doses.
I think a trip to the coast for about 2 weeks might just cure my anxiety....:D
Xtrastrongbint -thankyou I'll keep you posted :)
Faithfulone- I think that meds definitely have a place to help with the recovery of mental illness. I've just posted in the fluoxetine/Prozac forum, have a quick look if you can. I was prescribed them some years ago and took them without no side effect anxiety so therefore that's maybe why I didn't have any side effects? If you see what I mean. This damn mind of mine!
Hope you're doing ok and again sorry for the loss of your mom. You are dealing with a lot at the minute and the horrible anxiety aswell on top!! Keep strong and take care X
Hi,
I could've written your story too. If we are not careful and get the correct treatment for anxiety and panic it can escalate to agoraphobia. (Different stages of agoraphobia)
At one point I could hardly leave my home. I have a phobia about taking meds aft er being violently ill after taking ONE ad.
I was able to tolerate Valium which only took the very edg off.
The greatest help\aid I received was guided exposure therapy with an account occupational therapist. Who literally picked me up at my house and drove me 2\5\10 mins away to local parks\cafes shops etc.
Until I could go further and stay out longer.
I also had to practice this on my own between sessions.
It did work for me, in that it widened my traveling limit so that. I can now travel about 20 mins drive or train from home (my safe place)
But
I still meticulously plan any journey and factor in 'whatiffs'
There are some days it is easier than others.
I am sooo lucky that I have never been stuck on a train? But I have been stuck in a traffic jam for over 30 mins having a major panic attack with NO means of escape!!
So I guess I'm suggesting either get help from your local metnal health team to aid\push your boundaries or perhaps a family member. IMO its better to be a MH worker.
Good luck
And I will love to hear how you are improving
Hi daily and thanks for your reply,
I've had numerous therapies in the past, CBT and counselling also. I also had a therapist who used to come to my home in the early days because I too was agoraphobic and couldn't leave the house back then. We talked a lot about exposure therapy but he wasn't the type of therapist who would come out with me, he just set the tasks for me to do on my own which of course I didn't do.
You sound like you've done great with the exposure therapy, I'm convinced it does work too! I need that push and I think about it a lot just don't do it! I'm also thinking about starting some AD's aswell because it's giving me depression as well as everything else so that's something else I have to pluck up courage to do!
I've got to the point where I'm thoroughly pissed off with it all now. As of Monday I'm looking into exposure therapy. Thankyou X:)
faithfulone
07-02-16, 01:46
Xtrastrongbint -
Faithfulone- I think that meds definitely have a place to help with the recovery of mental illness. I've just posted in the fluoxetine/Prozac forum, have a quick look if you can. I was prescribed them some years ago and took them without no side effect anxiety so therefore that's maybe why I didn't have any side effects? If you see what I mean. This damn mind of mine!
Can't wait to see what you find out about exposure therapy. I'm taking an online CBT training course right now, just live in a rural area and not to many options available close by. I just realized from this site that therapist do come to your house:welcome:........
Will check out the prozac forum.
I would be proactive with our gp in asking for exposure therapy. Esp if you've tried life of other therapy s.
Hey guys,
So I don't know if you read my last post in the Floux/ Prozac sub forum it was a disaster and I won't be carrying on with the meds.
I'm not ready to deal with the sheer anxiety I feel about the side effects and have been ill all day with panic attacks:weep: and it's only my first day!
Called the docs instead and managed to get an appointment for Thursday to ask for some CBT. I've also called a few therapists in my local area for some exposure therapy. Waiting for them to come back to me so fingers crossed for that one!
Keep on keepin on everybody :)
Xtrastrongbint
08-02-16, 20:29
Hi Lisakaye! I know what you mean about the anxiety on taking meds - I couldn't even have a paracetamol without having a panic attack so it's understandable. CBT is undeniably great for anxiety so hopefully that will make you feel better..let us know how you get on :hugs:
Thanks Xtrastrongbint,
Hopefully the CBT and other therapies will work.
Tomorrow's another day eh :)
I'll keep you posted. XX
faithfulone
08-02-16, 22:15
Hey guys,
So I don't know if you read my last post in the Floux/ Prozac sub forum it was a disaster and I won't be carrying on with the meds.
I'm not ready to deal with the sheer anxiety I feel about the side effects and have been ill all day with panic attacks:weep: and it's only my first day!
Called the docs instead and managed to get an appointment for Thursday to ask for some CBT. I've also called a few therapists in my local area for some exposure therapy. Waiting for them to come back to me so fingers crossed for that one!
Keep on keepin on everybody :)
Sorry, to hear you had a bad day, but I can understand about the meds. I'm trying to use the CBT online course, mindfulness, and just the anti-anxiety med at this time. At this point with meds I no longer know what's a side effect or what's anxiety.........Hopefully, we can get through this without the antidepressants. Please keep us posted on your progress, glad to hear you have an appt. for CBT.
Thankyou faithfulone,
I am no way having the meds as I'm just not strong enough at the minute. Today has been ok so to speak but I am going to do the CBT online also. I'm going to look into it.
I have never felt ok taking a med that messes with the brain it scares the crap out of me! But we WILL beat this one way or another.
Hope you're doing ok. I'll keep you posted.
X
faithfulone
10-02-16, 02:14
Glad you are feeling a little better.....at least better than yesterday. I'm still in the process of the online CBT course so maybe we can compare notes once you get started. I'm learning a little more each day and think it's helping some.
Glad you are feeling a little better.....at least better than yesterday. I'm still in the process of the online CBT course so maybe we can compare notes once you get started. I'm learning a little more each day and think it's helping some.
Yes faithfulone that's a good idea!
We CAN do this CBT or not :)
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