It's early morning and i'm new. and feeling wonky

[Freaky Chick]

Hi i'm new to all this. Been looking for a few days. My friend was a member here and she recommended it to me.

Sorry not up to naming myself at the moment. :( Freaky chick will do

I'm 32 and i live in Buckinghamshire - on the edge of millionaires valley, unfortunately that's paupers hill ;) the millions stay firmly locked away in the valley!

I have stress induced depression, with anxiety and agorophobia (that's the medical terminolgy)

Basically i'm frightened of people - all people, which is really unhelpful as my job is supposed to be a nurse. I can't even get to my church without having a panic attack. I'm only able to speak to people i know well, and otherwise have to write stuff down - it makes my occasional attempts to communicate in small shops hard and large shops impossible.

I have been off work now for nearly 6 months and although i'm making some progress, it feels like i'm not.

I was prompted to actually sign up when i woke at 04.30 having had dreams where i am psychoanalysing myself, trying to work out how i got here, if i'm mad and should I have been here years ago and what is going to happen when i see the Psychiatrist on wednesday - am i really as crazy as i feel?:confused:

I've taken some hot milk - from the tips and now i've written about it here and emailed my counsellor, maybe i'll try going back to sleep. Hope it works.

Any help and advice is welcome - I'm very fragile and find it hard meeting people i'm supposed to already know - let alone new ones, and it appears that fear is also available on line as well.

Bye

[Nibbles]

I'm feeling a bit wonky this morning too so you're not alone. Everyone on this site is lovely and I hope you find it useful. I've got to go to work in a few minutes which is why I'm feeling wobbly so haven't time to write loads. Feel free to PM me though if you ever need advice, a shoulder to cry on or just a friendly chat.

Welcome to NMP and take care,

[Rain]

Hello and welcome to NMP,
I hope it helps to know you are not alone in all the things you are experiencing. Hope you managed to get some sleep. Good luck at the psychiatrist on Wednesday. Drop into the chat room sometime where you'll find lots of folk who understand how you are feeling. Looking forward to chatting to you,
Rain

[manmoor]

Hi Chick,

A big warm welcome to you. xx

[sandie]

Hi there Freaky Chick

Sorry to hear you're feeling wobbly; I suspect most NMP members have been wobbly or worse so will know exactly how you are feeling!!

The fear and panic at the the thought alone of leaving the house, meeting new people, doing everyday things can be crippling - if we allow it to be. With the right support, help, positive attitude and, where necessary, meds, we can overcome these issues - although it takes time.

The early morning is ALWAYS the worst time for thinking evertyhing is black and awful. At 3.30 this morning the tension in my chest and the adrenaline surges and panic was dreadful!! Although I kept telling myself there was no reason for any of it - life is getting better, I didn't get back to sleep again. Now - 7 hours later, whilst I'm pretty tired, things look more positive.

Try to stay positive, enjoy and new NMPsite, and take care.

Sandie

[wobily_lin]

Elo Chick,
Welcome to the site..great support n advice here..glad to have ya on board x

[Nibbles]

Hi again,

I'm pleased you are making some progress and btw, you are definitely not crazy! I started to see a psychologist recently and with her help have just started going back to work. I usually work Saturdays and when they need cover in a local library but at the moment I'm just working the odd hour. Have you tried breaking down things you find difficult into small steps? Does anyone at work know about your problem because my colleague were really sympathetic which helped.

Hope you got some sleep and take care,

[belle]

Hi and welcome...
I am always feeling wonky so you're not alone!

Sarah x

[wendy28]

:) Hi there im new to so i know how you feel.Ive suffered anxiety and panic attacks for 10 years i am alot better now than i was still have wonky mornings though lol.Ive been reading a book that has helped me loads "help for your nerves" by claire weekes.Give it a try if you can everything starts to make sense whenyou read it.take care

[Freaky Chick]

Thank you guys. My day just got worse - but i'm determined to go out and do the one thing that i've managed to keep up with all the time i've been ill.

Got my trusty teddy, i don't think i even had a comfort teddy when i was little - but he kinda works now.

i'll be seeing you guys soon i'm sure.
Freaky chick

[IzzyB]

Hi Chick
Sorry to hear you're having a rough day.
**hugs** Izzy xx

[Alexandra]

Hi Freaky Chick

Welcome hun.

I hope things have improved a little today for you.

Take Care

[clickaway]

Welcome Aboard Freaky Chick,

I'm glad you found us here:)

I hope you find this site safe; we are all going through the same problems and are here to support each other. Continue with the counselling, and in time you will find safety there too.

Take Care and don't be scared

[Piglet]

It was brave of you to come and join us and now that you have hopefully the more you post and read the less nervous you'll become, which will help with talking to people in the 'real world'!!

I found that joining here a couple of years ago kept me being sociable when I didn't much feel like talking to other people cos I felt too stressed to. It keeps the pathway open so to speak!

A big welcome to you! :D

Piglet :)

[Freaky Chick]

Thank you piglet.

I am trying so hard not to isolate myself. It's very hard. Bullying at work got me into this, and i've had problems keeping in touch with work collegues. My one friend got ill a couple of years ago, and is under psychiatric care - and she can't cope with me, so i can't see her at all. And just after i got ill in sept. my flat mate announced that she didn't like spending time with me when i was depressed.

I can't remember if that was before or after her boyfriend proposed, but on top of being ill, i've had to sort out buying out my flatmate or loosing the house and moving back to my parents, which would be worse - because i would stay in all the time and not go out.

I keep trying small steps, but i feel a cross between being on a wurlitzer - and i'd like to get off, and face down in the mud, with no energy to get up :-(

[Alexandra]

Hey Chick

You can get through this hun you have already made a huge step in joining NMP the only way is up from now on.

Take Care

[Pink Princess]

hey there, big big welcvome to the site and i hope you feel better and settle down soon.
hope you are well at the moment
take good kare and hopefullt speak soon
xxx saffie xxx

[nomorepanic]

Hi Freakychick

A warm welcome aboard and lovely to see you here.

You will meet some lovely caring people and get loads of advice and support.

[liss]

hello freaky chick
i hope you find lots on here to help you i am new too and i find the site helpful
my worst time is always mornings always so remember you are not alone
xxx

[PUGLETMUM]

hiya freaky chick,

ive read this AFTER ive replyed to your hello to me!?! where ive asked you about how you came to be frightened of people and stressed out. so now i see, and it does seem that sometimes we are dealt a bit of a shitty hand when you look at other peoples experiences it makes sense that they got stressed.

i suppose the question is how to find coping skills instead of getting depressed and blaming ourselves.

recently almost in desperation ive developed an addiction to self help books off a site called sheldon press, you may have seen the books in your local chemist? well they have them in one of mine, they are usually for physical conditions like 'how to live with parkinsons disease' or 'how to cope with under-active thyroid'. but on their site they also have tonnes of life skills books and i keep buying them. anyway blah blah i got one called ' sensitivity- how to make it work for you'(or something like that, its under my bed at the moment) and i think this is the key, some of us are just sensitive, do you think you are? did this stress come about after the bullying or have you always struggled? the thing is you are a nurse so you must have been okay at one time.

anyway, i hope you feel better through knowing you are not alone!

emma

[Paddington]

Hi Chick!We have your friend in common hun,lovely isnt she:) I am so glad you have joined here..i joined a year ago,at a total loss as to what to do about my ever decreasing circle of activities and fear of life really.I too lost my'friends' they did not understand ,well how could they really??But here we all understand each other it is so comforting to know you will not be judged or told to pull yourself together:mad: .You will receive unconditional love and care here,it has turned my life around Chick it truly has.I agree,that we are sensative and you being a nurse also proves my theory that we are kind caring people,who will help others no mattter what then ,sadly ,when we need others.. oops!there is no one there:huh: Well no more of that because night or day there will be some one here to listen to you.Keep posting hun!!Have a better day today.love Mary Rose.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[jude uk]

The only way is up from here freaky chick

[PUGLETMUM]

hi guys,

just wanted to comment on use of lorazepam to dying_swan - i am amazed that you have been prescribed them!!

my mum had them through the eighties, along with all the other women who were prescribed benzos then for 'nerves',.

when i had my first anxiety and panic episodes as a teenager, my mum thought it would be a good idea to prescribe them to me!! i was at that time having panics that would be almost continuous for hours until i got half a lorazepam or some reassurance eleswhere, say from a doctor or just time passing and me probably being so wiped out that eventually my mind and body just gave up and the panic went on its own.

the problem was that at that time i NEVER learnt to not be frightened of these episodes, and somehow i couldnt make the connection that if the tablet could take it all away instantly then there was actually nothing wrong with me!!!!! i definately did not feel i had the power in me to tolerate these symptoms or the belief that i could handle it, if the lorazepam hadnt been an option i would have had to have found alternative coping skills. but instinctively there did become a part of me that knew what was going on and eventually i knew that they were part of the safety seeking thing and i would say to myself 'well if it gets sooooo bad i will take half' barmy!!!! because they were still there in the background as an option.

it has taken me years to be able to go through a panic cycle and to be able to ride it out just with myself, and if i am on my own like say sometimes when my husband is on nights(as has happened this week) i am still frightened of it and i still seek reassurance.

anyway after my mum died i found a large amount of them in her stuff(by the way this is 15 years ago)and gradually used them all up over the following period,on one occasion me and two friends used them recreationally and had one of the barmiest nights of my life, one friend who was a guy was a bit of a druggie then and the following night he was like 'are we going to do it again then?' me and my girlfriend were like whooaaa we were comlpetely zonked by it, and we never did it again!!!

so lorazepam played a part in my early experiences with panic attacks and i am so glad that on any occassions ive asked for them(except in a couple of crisis i have had a small amount of valium prescribed) i have been point blank refused them, (and none of our doctors knew that my mum was giving them to me) because its bad enough feeling like this anyway without then having to cope with a drug habit.

i know some people do feel the need to have drugs and that is fine for them, but for me they just become another safety crutch and i am glad that most people dont get prescribed them now like they were back then.

but obviously people do need help and really i dont think there is ANY EFFECTIVE help on the nhs, and if your not lucky enough to have caring people around then i think for a large part of your life you may be up the creek without a paddle until you find ways of accepting yourself and your life.

sorry for ranting!!
love to all emma

[PUGLETMUM]

:yesyes: definately you are better off without them and they muddle everything up even more than it already is, so good luck to you for getting yourself 100% free of them
emma