self diagnosed death sentence.

[John_Daryl]

This is how i feel right now, i feel like i need to say goodbye to everyone, because i genuinely believe my symptoms are what i believe they are rather than waiting for the doctors opinion.

I feel like i dont want to get out of bed in the morning and the first thing i want to do when i get home is get back into bed. I worry about everything at the moment. I worry about over sleeping, under sleeping, feeling tired, every involuntary bodily movement, every ache, every pain. I feel like im coming to an end.

Iv never felt this bad in my life. But i feel completely out of control of my mind. I cant stop this terrible thought process. All i want to do is sleep, because that is the only time i forget about my problems, the only true time that i can relax.

I know the probability of it all is that my mental health is diminishing my physical health and causing all these symptoms, i know there is probably an explanation for everything going on that isnt life threatening. But mentally i cant cope anymore. I sit on here refreshing the pages waiting for replies for a bit of reassurance and to see if anyone else is in the same boat, but the reassurance lasts minutes, if not seconds. It just isn't a long term remedy. I could go to the doctors tomorrow and find that she doesnt even believe tests to be necessary, but i know that i wont be 100 percent without the evidence over opinion.

This is a vicious cycle. A horrible one too, my anxiety may come up for months at a time and go for months at a time. But when its here, its almost too hard to take.

[LilGsMama]

Have you asked to be referred for counselling yet? This is the nature of HA.. reassurance doesn't last long. There will always be something else that you think of.

This time around for me, after having bloods, checks, CT, MRI which all came back clear and fine, I have my long-awaited ENT apt tomorrow. Lo and behold, last night I was sat thinking "Well if they say I'm OK, I'm going to have to get a second opinion".. I haven't even been for the appt yet! I KNOW that this is the HA speaking, however it doesn't make it any easier when you have very real symptoms and horrible thoughts. I had 5 months of CBT for HA 4 years ago and found it very, very useful so am being referred for it again.

You do need that talk therapy. Please, make that your priority, to get some therapy in place. x

[white1989]

Hi John,

I totally and utterly sympathise with what you're going through as I am going through the exact same thing, if you read my most recent post you will see that we are suffering in a very similar way. I too just spend the whole day waiting to go to bed because it is the only time I am away from my problems, until I wake up the morning for it all to start again.

I'm utterly convinced I have a terminal illness, I'm just waiting every day for it to kill me. I think about my family and partner losing me and it breaks my heart. I feel totally lost and isolated and don't know where to turn anymore. doctors keep sending me away and blaming all my health symptoms on anxiety despite me being convinced that that's not the case.

We went out for dinner last night, and I sat at the table in front of my partner and genuinely felt like I was going to stop breathing any moment, like my body was just shutting down on me there and then. I have no idea why I felt like that, but I just can't escape this horrific feeling of impending doom at the moment.

I'm awaiting therapy but am on a 6 month waiting list. its a very difficult life feeling like this and I sympathise with you greatly. I really hope you find some peace soon. best wishes x

[Fishmanpa]

I sit on here refreshing the pages waiting for replies for a bit of reassurance and to see if anyone else is in the same boat, but the reassurance lasts minutes, if not seconds. It just isn't a long term remedy.

I'm sorry you're hurting so badly. When I see a post like yours, where no amount of reassurance is helping and it lasts a shorter and shorter amount of time, that's when professional help is needed if not intervened for. When posting is doing more harm than good and just feeding the beast, then it's time to log off, pick up the phone and look for help IMO. I don't know if you're on meds or in therapy but going to your GP to discuss a referral and/or meds sounds like the right thing to do right now.

I hope you feel better. Good luck and as always...

Positive thoughts

[shirlp]

A few years ago wen my first lot of meds started working I was amazed every morning wen I woke up without any pain somewhere in my body. It was fantastic. Anyway anxiety started to come back and so did the pains, everyday for the past month or so I've had pains in my head reassurance of ppl help a little but then a new pain starts up. I'd say go to the drs get checked out properly see if that helps.. X

[Blonde123]

Totally sympathise - my head pains have come back and Im now thinking is this anxiety causing these pain or am I anxious about the pains? Its a vicious circle and I wish I could rewind back a few years where I was carefree. Like you I seem to go through the motions of trying to carry out a normal day and then go to bed at the earliest opportunity just to get some peace. Luckily Im good at sleeping so nothing ever disturbs me but when I wake up, I constantly wonder when my head pains will start again, its almost like Im wishing them on myself.

[nirvanainchains]

We’re on the same boat, my only temporary remedy is sleep. When I’m sleeping everything is okay and everything is painless. But, as soon as I wake up the tormenting bodily symptoms starts again: chest pain, back pain, gassy abdomen, lower back pain(constant), dizziness, feeling heavy(head and eyes), shoulder pain, muscles twitching, and a whole lot more. I had this for 9 or 10 months and I can’t believe this symptoms still persist even if I’m done with all my worries, it still persist even if I’m not anxious. This started when I was anxious about throat cancer and swollen lump under my armpit in February of 2015, I was thinking I had a cancer of some sort. Then it started with bouts of loose stools with mucos, and March 2015 Panic atacks, April-May Constipation(which lead me to worry that I have a colon cancer) , June to December all body aches, And now January to Feb 2016 CHEST PAINS. Since June 2015 until now I did an effort to erase all my worries because I attended review class because I will take the Licensure examination and lucky for me I've passed the exam and I’m an engineer now but even with all of those months of not worrying about my health STILL these aches come and go, I would be having a 2 to 3 days of no symptoms but it’ll come back again even if my day is postive and I’m happy. So that’s why I really think something is really wrong, this could be not anxiety ’cause if its really anxiety I would be okay now. I am really confused and down.

[Angelic]

I have the same issues, though maybe not quite to the same degree. There's always some aspect of my health I'm worried about. I rarely go to the doctor unless it's for an actual legitimate reason, or for a physical. It's so strange because I will be convinced, on one hand, that something horrible is going on with my health, but on the other hand, I don't bother with the doctor because the logical side of me tells me it's not worth the expense. But I STILL worry!! It's so exhausting! It doesn't help that my mother has cancer again, or that my dad died last year, or that my aunt and grandfather died at 66 and 67 years of age.

I'm seeing a psychiatrist in a few weeks because I'm under a lot of stress right now. Seriously considering trying CBT. I've never tried it before.

[Allochka]

You are describing me at the moment. My only good time nowadays is sleep. The rest is spent worrying that my daughter had tuberous sclerosis and waiting for seizures to start. Honestly, I would prefer to worry about some kind of terminal cancer in me than about that.
I'll search for a therapist next week.
Are you on any meds? Maybe GP can prescribe you smth?
This is not the way to live...

[Savvy_Darling]

Oh John you're for sure not alone is feeling like this. When my anxiety is at its height and it was a couple weeks ago that's how I felt and to a lesser extent I feel like this daily. Like I can't go a day without at least thinking or wondering if there is something is wrong. It's honestly tiring and if it's tiring mentally it's gonna be tiring physically on the body because mind and body are strongly connected. I'm sorry you feel like this and maybe you should just go to get a checkup maybe it would make you feel better. I know I gotta do the same. I'm very afraid of going to the doctors but I know I have to make an appointment for myself and express my concerns. I feel like I like to suffer silently.. I almost wish I was the type that got worried and went to the doctors 100s of times... Thinking about going to the doctors makes things worse for me that's why I wanna wait till I'm less anxious because my mind set is less negative and I'll be more willing to go get a check up.

Stay strong John! And know you aren't the only one whose felt like that before.