HungryAnnie
01-02-16, 16:06
Hello. I am new here. Im glad to find this site, as my anxiety about my health is getting out of control. Here is my story:
I was always pretty care-free about my health. If i felt a pain or sensation, i ignored it, because it usually went away. In 2011, i was extremely tired, and i couldnt lose any weight. So i saw my doctor, and she noticed my neck was puffy. Upon further tests and ultrasounds, i was diagnosed with Hashimotos thyroiditis. I had goiters on my thyroid, so initially i feared i had thyroid cancer. But that was ruled out once i got on meds, and the goiters shrunk.
In late 2011, one of my best friends passed away at 44 of cancer. He had been deemed cancer free in the summer of 2011, and just a couple months later, he phoned me to tell me it had gone to his brain, and it wasnt good. He passed away 3 months after that. I was devastated. He was a brother to me, and it was very difficult coping with it. I still to this day, think about him and how unfair it is that we lost him so young.
Over the past few years, i started obsessing with cancer more and more. If i found out someone had cancer, i assumed they were going to die. It seemed like every one was dying of cancer, even though we dont usually hear about the many people that beat it.
My problems really started last fall, when i started having really bad, sudden, constant diarrhea. And after a couple day of this, i noticed blood in my stools. I immediately panicked. It continued for a few days, so i went to the emergency. The dr there told me i had a viral infection. Not sure how that caused bleeding, but i went with it. I happened to already have an appointment with my doctor the following week, so she told me the diarrhea was a viral infection, due to the lack of symptoms, and the way it started etc, and all the bathroom visits may have caused a tear somewhere. A few days later, the bleeding and diarrhea stopped and i was back to normal. The tests from the emergency were also fine. About 3 weeks later, i had a bout of diarrhea, and there was some blood in it. Not lots, but any isnt a good thing. So i went into panic mode again, and called my dr the next morning. I couldnt get in for 3 weeks. Those 3 weeks were hell. I stopped playing tennis, and all i did was lay on the couch. I wasnt sleeping well. I wasnt eating. I was convinced i had colon cancer. So every little sensation i felt, seemed huge. Every time i went to the bathroom, i inspected it (sorry for the grossness) to look for any signs of blood or other abnormalities. I had no signs of blood again, but i was still convinced. So when i finally got to my dr, i told her what was going on, and she did a scope of some sort and told me she found a small tear and thats what was bleeding. I immediately felt better. It only lasted about 10 days though. One day i started having what felt like indigestion, and i was instantly convinced i had esophageal cancer. So for another month and half or so, i was obsessing with my esophagus region. I started having heartburn, acid reflux and burping lots. I know stress is horrible for the digestive system. Then finally the symptoms started going away. Then i started feeling a lump in my throat once in a while when i swallowed. So i was convinced i have throat cancer. Then i woke up one morning with a bit of back pain. I had a deep sleep the night before as i was exhausted from New Years celebrations so i figured i slept funny. It wasnt painful, it was just there, you know. It didnt interfere with movement or exercise or anything. But because my mind doesnt think straight, i started googling back pain causes, and of course numerous different cancers can cause back pain. As does millions of other things, but i ignore those ones. I focus on the word cancer. Now 4 weeks later, the back ache isnt gone, and my anxiety is getting worse again. I had promised myself i would stay off the internet regarding health issues, but im at it again. Now every sensation in my back is making me think i have either lung, esophagus, kidney or pancreatic cancer. Or perhaps cancer of the spine. I cannot convince myself that i dont have cancer. And the stupid thing is, even if i did have cancer, i need to know. But im scared to know. I have a 10 year old daughter that needs me, and i know catching things early is key, so why am i so afraid to find out if i have anything? I have a dr appointment this week. Im going to get a massage referral, and hopefully that helps. Im considering going back on meds for my anxiety. I miss the old, carefree fun person i was.
Sorry for the long story. I need to talk to people who suffer with these problems and try and find a solution. Do i start meds, counselling, reading books? Any advice is welcome.
Thank you in advance for your help :)
I was always pretty care-free about my health. If i felt a pain or sensation, i ignored it, because it usually went away. In 2011, i was extremely tired, and i couldnt lose any weight. So i saw my doctor, and she noticed my neck was puffy. Upon further tests and ultrasounds, i was diagnosed with Hashimotos thyroiditis. I had goiters on my thyroid, so initially i feared i had thyroid cancer. But that was ruled out once i got on meds, and the goiters shrunk.
In late 2011, one of my best friends passed away at 44 of cancer. He had been deemed cancer free in the summer of 2011, and just a couple months later, he phoned me to tell me it had gone to his brain, and it wasnt good. He passed away 3 months after that. I was devastated. He was a brother to me, and it was very difficult coping with it. I still to this day, think about him and how unfair it is that we lost him so young.
Over the past few years, i started obsessing with cancer more and more. If i found out someone had cancer, i assumed they were going to die. It seemed like every one was dying of cancer, even though we dont usually hear about the many people that beat it.
My problems really started last fall, when i started having really bad, sudden, constant diarrhea. And after a couple day of this, i noticed blood in my stools. I immediately panicked. It continued for a few days, so i went to the emergency. The dr there told me i had a viral infection. Not sure how that caused bleeding, but i went with it. I happened to already have an appointment with my doctor the following week, so she told me the diarrhea was a viral infection, due to the lack of symptoms, and the way it started etc, and all the bathroom visits may have caused a tear somewhere. A few days later, the bleeding and diarrhea stopped and i was back to normal. The tests from the emergency were also fine. About 3 weeks later, i had a bout of diarrhea, and there was some blood in it. Not lots, but any isnt a good thing. So i went into panic mode again, and called my dr the next morning. I couldnt get in for 3 weeks. Those 3 weeks were hell. I stopped playing tennis, and all i did was lay on the couch. I wasnt sleeping well. I wasnt eating. I was convinced i had colon cancer. So every little sensation i felt, seemed huge. Every time i went to the bathroom, i inspected it (sorry for the grossness) to look for any signs of blood or other abnormalities. I had no signs of blood again, but i was still convinced. So when i finally got to my dr, i told her what was going on, and she did a scope of some sort and told me she found a small tear and thats what was bleeding. I immediately felt better. It only lasted about 10 days though. One day i started having what felt like indigestion, and i was instantly convinced i had esophageal cancer. So for another month and half or so, i was obsessing with my esophagus region. I started having heartburn, acid reflux and burping lots. I know stress is horrible for the digestive system. Then finally the symptoms started going away. Then i started feeling a lump in my throat once in a while when i swallowed. So i was convinced i have throat cancer. Then i woke up one morning with a bit of back pain. I had a deep sleep the night before as i was exhausted from New Years celebrations so i figured i slept funny. It wasnt painful, it was just there, you know. It didnt interfere with movement or exercise or anything. But because my mind doesnt think straight, i started googling back pain causes, and of course numerous different cancers can cause back pain. As does millions of other things, but i ignore those ones. I focus on the word cancer. Now 4 weeks later, the back ache isnt gone, and my anxiety is getting worse again. I had promised myself i would stay off the internet regarding health issues, but im at it again. Now every sensation in my back is making me think i have either lung, esophagus, kidney or pancreatic cancer. Or perhaps cancer of the spine. I cannot convince myself that i dont have cancer. And the stupid thing is, even if i did have cancer, i need to know. But im scared to know. I have a 10 year old daughter that needs me, and i know catching things early is key, so why am i so afraid to find out if i have anything? I have a dr appointment this week. Im going to get a massage referral, and hopefully that helps. Im considering going back on meds for my anxiety. I miss the old, carefree fun person i was.
Sorry for the long story. I need to talk to people who suffer with these problems and try and find a solution. Do i start meds, counselling, reading books? Any advice is welcome.
Thank you in advance for your help :)