View Full Version : Can't stand the school run.
I've always hated the school run. I feel self conscious anywhere outdoors and the school run is the absolutely peak of this for me. I hate the walk to the school, I hate the wait at the school and I hate coming home. I find myself speed walking and it gets me all hot and angry.
This always slightly alleviates in the dark, wet days as I put my hood up and everything feels so much easier but now the days are getting lighter again I feel horrid. I can't stand it anymore and I'm in an instant mood when I pick my daughter up. I have no friends where I live, I must be the only parent in the world who can't wait for their child to get older (so she can walk to school alone).
My partner doesn't work typical working hours so I usually only have to collect her 2-3 days a week max and I very rarely need to take her (which I'd prefer as the school isn't usually crowded as people arrive at different times) but it's pushing me over the edge. I can't stand it anymore. This is the last year I'll need to take her to school as next year she will be nearing 10 (we're still going to take and collect her until Jan/Feb due to the dark nights) but I just don't know how I'll face going, especially during the Summer when I hate the weather more than ever.
I feel like this is more due to my low self esteem over my appearance than actually having to interact with people. Lately I just feel so haggard and hate going out in public because of it. I feel like my partner must look at me everyday and be so disappointed in how my appearance has changed these last few years. I'm disgusted whenever I see my reflection and nobody in my family is 'allowed' to take a picture of me. It's ruining my life.
---------- Post added at 16:16 ---------- Previous post was at 16:09 ----------
I'm even thinking about never having anymore children as I can't stand the thought of having to go through this again. Especially not considering this is almost over now.
I honestly could of wrote this myself, I hate the school run I hate walking there, waiting and walking home, I hate people looking at me because I think they judge me on my apperence. I'm walking there and I feel like I can't breath then I panic and get dizzy and basically walk home so quick. It's worse in the summer like you say you can't put your hood up and hide. I have 1 and a half years till my child can walk on there own. I also won't have another child because I can't do the school run and it makes me feel so bad!
I've always hated the school run. I feel self conscious anywhere outdoors and the school run is the absolutely peak of this for me. I hate the walk to the school, I hate the wait at the school and I hate coming home.
I hated school and it didn't occur to me that I'd have to revisit those feelings again when I had children. The sights, sounds and smells are evocative of my own school days - which were horrendous. In my 28 years experience of being a mother, I still hate the school run.
I am the mother who lurks by the school railings staring at her phone or fiddling with things in her pockets. I'm the one who wears cardis on the hottest day of the year. I'm the one who prays for rain so I can hide under my brolly, having taken a few eyes out along the route ha ha
I longed for the day when my boys were old enough to take themselves to school but I didn't figure on my third child being autistic so the school run will be part of my life for much longer than with the others.
Everyday is difficult. Everyday requires effort to do something which most mothers seem to do effortlessly. Every minute I'm stood there feels like an hour.
Then there is always the potential risk that my son will have a meltdown on the yard which is always highly entertaining for those who are great at judging but not so good at offering assistance. The cows.:whistles:
The thing is that no matter how uncomfortable I feel or how many times I have to go through this, one look at my kid's face makes it all OK.
Reading your post, I think things would improve with you if you had more confidence in yourself. It isn't that easy for me because mine is more of a condition that makes me this way and nothing I do changes it.
Only you can change what you don't like about yourself. I'm sure with a bit of work we could have you strutting onto the yard minglin' with the 'yummy mummies' in no time. :bighug1:
I honestly could of wrote this myself, I hate the school run I hate walking there, waiting and walking home, I hate people looking at me because I think they judge me on my apperence. I'm walking there and I feel like I can't breath then I panic and get dizzy and basically walk home so quick. It's worse in the summer like you say you can't put your hood up and hide. I have 1 and a half years till my child can walk on there own. I also won't have another child because I can't do the school run and it makes me feel so bad!
Sorry you too are going through this. My partner has moved out at the moment (we're still in a relationship just having issues) and I've had to take her more than ever. Just this morning walking up my street I thought to myself there is absolutely no way I could do this all again, so I know how it feels for that. I also think people judge me on my appearance. I hate the cars driving past me when I'm walking down the bank too, today I had that feeling like somebody was watching you thing going on and it made me feel horrendous. Yes the Summer is horrendous, my hood is my absolute saviour when I'm actually able to wear it (I wore it today but when I got home I was drenched it sweat and very agitated).
---------- Post added at 10:28 ---------- Previous post was at 10:25 ----------
I hated school and it didn't occur to me that I'd have to revisit those feelings again when I had children. The sights, sounds and smells are evocative of my own school days - which were horrendous. In my 28 years experience of being a mother, I still hate the school run.
I am the mother who lurks by the school railings staring at her phone or fiddling with things in her pockets. I'm the one who wears cardis on the hottest day of the year. I'm the one who prays for rain so I can hide under my brolly, having taken a few eyes out along the route ha ha
I longed for the day when my boys were old enough to take themselves to school but I didn't figure on my third child being autistic so the school run will be part of my life for much longer than with the others.
Everyday is difficult. Everyday requires effort to do something which most mothers seem to do effortlessly. Every minute I'm stood there feels like an hour.
Then there is always the potential risk that my son will have a meltdown on the yard which is always highly entertaining for those who are great at judging but not so good at offering assistance. The cows.:whistles:
The thing is that no matter how uncomfortable I feel or how many times I have to go through this, one look at my kid's face makes it all OK.
Reading your post, I think things would improve with you if you had more confidence in yourself. It isn't that easy for me because mine is more of a condition that makes me this way and nothing I do changes it.
Only you can change what you don't like about yourself. I'm sure with a bit of work we could have you strutting onto the yard minglin' with the 'yummy mummies' in no time. :bighug1:
I too am the mother who stares at my phone, plays around with my pockets or bag (or I usually take a bottle of water and 'coolly' take a sip). I also am covered up in the Summer when everybody else is dressed appropriately.
It must be even harder for you, I can imagine that dread in case your son has a meltdown. It must be very anxiety inducing for you.
I have relationship issues with my daughter though, so I don't get that "One look at my kids face" joy. I feel like I've never bonded with her properly since she started school (she's in year 5 at the moment) and it's really hard at the moment as she is very cheeky, contradicting and is basically a slob. I find parenting much more difficult than I ever expected and I commend those who do it greatly. I can honestly say that I found looking after a newborn and the supposed terrible 2's much, much easier that looking after a 9 year old who is at school half the time as much as it pains me to say that.
---------- Post added at 10:41 ---------- Previous post was at 10:28 ----------
you can change what you don't like about yourself. I'm sure with a bit of work we could have you strutting onto the yard minglin' with the 'yummy mummies' in no time. :bighug1:
I'd have to have loads of beauty treatments and would probably come out looking like a Barbie hehe.
Honestly if it wasn't for my hideous greasy, spotty, teenage-like skin (except I have more wrinkles ha) and my obscene dark circles, I wouldn't feel like an ogre whose face is offensive to others.
I too prey for the rain. I love going for walks in the rain when it's dark, it's absolute bliss.
I went for a walk in the dark and the rain last week.
Fantastic 30 minutes of my life. So simple.
I went for a walk in the dark and the rain last week.
Fantastic 30 minutes of my life. So simple.
Me too :D
In fact, I've been walking 4 miles each night for 12 nights now. Making the most of the dark nights. Hoping it rains again soon as it just feels so relaxing.
I could've written most of those posts myself..
Thankfully now my child is 12 I'm uncool, so I get to wait in the car(!). I don't mind picking him up, I'd rather do that (I'm a worrier) although I still joke he needs to make the use of his legs more.. whilst secretly being happy he wants a lift!
Anyway.. Ive always hated it, hated standing there in the playground feeling uncomfortable, not being able to look people in the eye.. The one time I stepped out my comfort zone and offered to share my umbrella with the mum next to me she looked at me like I was some sort of freak(!) I thought I'd just try and be kind, standing under my huge golfing type umbrella whilst she was stood there getting drenched.. Didn't try that one again!
There were two mums I could cope with chatting too, but if they weren't alone I couldn't do it. I also noted that they never bothered to approach me so I kind of gave up, assuming I was boring or whatever it may be.
Now other things are a struggle, assembly times or parents evenings.. I see other mums huddled together chatting away, I'm always awkwardly fiddling with my phone in the corner by myself trying to look busy!
You'd think in my 30's id be over all the friend making stuff, but it's just as much of a problem now as it was when I was a child! X
Yeah if I could drive I would probably still pick her up when she's in senior school. The main reason I hate the school run is the actual walk there and back. It's too close to get a bus but I have to walk up a bank which is a busy road and feel like all the cars are watching me and it's an absolute nightmare. Then if I see people coming down the bank while I'm walking up I get that feeling of dread as I always feel like people look at me and I don't know where to look or anything.
I've never spoken or been spoken to by anybody at all in the 5 years I've been going to the school. I must look so unapproachable. This past year I'm thankful for that though as I've no interest in small talk at the moment.
I also hate assembly times and parents evenings, assemblies because I just don't really like being around children (others children) and parents evening as I hate talking to the teacher. I seriously don't think I'm going to have more children as I just can't bear this all again and the guilt from having absolutely no interest in school plays etc. Everybody is sitting laughing or aaaahing and I'm sitting there completely unamused and it's embarrassing. Once a parent even come up to me and asked how I didn't cry because of my daughters part in a school play. Made me feel like an emotionless monster.
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