Arran7225
01-02-16, 17:20
I wanted to share with you and also to remind myself how far i have come over the last year. I write this post to show people the difference time makes to how you feel and how you can overcome the worst days.
December 2014..........
I have always been one to worry however i was not prepared for what was about to hit me like a tone of bricks. it started suddenly i would notice that i was hot and sweating I tried to put it down to flu like symptoms, my heath anxiety took over and i started to google night sweats etc being a gay man i was very concerned that this was a symptom of HIV.
This quickly totally consumed me and i was sure that i had contracted HIV, looking back this was a silly thing to tell myself as i had not been in a position where this would be possible but hey i was having night sweats i must have it!!!!
I booked myself an appointment at the local sexual health clinic and was relived i only had to wait till the next day to be seen. i asked for a rapid test to be done and a full blood test just incase one was wrong. The rapid test was clear however i had to wait two weeks for the results of the blood test. The nurse also recommended i have a Hep c injection this set alarm bells ringing as she left the rom to ask the nurse i had seen some years before why she had not given it to me the last time i visited.... This was when when it all started...... Within minutes i was consumed by a wave of anxiety i had to wait two weeks for blood tests and now I have hep c........ On come the sweats and i could not get out of that place quick enough.
By the time i was home i had developed a pain in my liver area (funny that) the only thing i knew about hep c was that it was a liver condition... I was sitting on google for hours a day diagnosing myself as fast i would read about a symptom i would have it !!
Day to day life was becoming an issue i could not concentrate and was always tired the smallest feeling in my body i had to have a full examination. i found myself going to the bathroom to check for lumps, bumps, rashes you name it i was checking.
Work was impossible and i was convinced that everyone could see my panic and would be able to tell i was not in control of what was happening to me.....
I phoned my boss and did not return to work for 8 weeks!!!
During the eight weeks i was unable to work i visited the doctors surgery 18 times and was convinced and i mean totally convinced that i was dyeing! My symptoms changed drastically and looking back reflected what i was reading on google!
The changing part for me was when i saw a different doctor who could clearly see what was happening to me. i told him i was getting 1-2 hours sleep a night and that previous medication diazepam - Sertaline were not working!
This doctor prescribed my Olazapine. He told me to be prepared for when i read the information leaflet (its was that obvious to him that i would) not to be concerned what this drug was mainly used to treat! He assured me that in low dosses it was good for treating anxiety!
I took one 5mg tablet and slept like a baby...... i went back to the doctors the next day at his request and we decided on a plan going forward!
I was given 8 session of CBT which at the time was painful however worked for me in the long term. I was stable on 100mg sertaline 2mg olanzapine before bed. The diazepam had stopped working for me at 10mg so i stopped using this.
Overtime i could feel myself getting back to the old me.... I would still have thoughts of what if and panic over nothing however i could feel myself thinking more clearly the main thing was that i wanted to go back to work as this would prove to me that i was feeling better and at last i was in control!
My first attempt at going back to work was not successful and i had to take more time off sick.. I was not ready for people and being in charge of my team. i couldn't even control my own thoughts completely.
I attended a meditation class once a week and started to practise mindfulness. i would recommend this to anyone of you suffering with anxiety.
I have now been medication free and back at work for a year and doing really well. yes i still have moments and yes i still worry but just like any another person. I use the skills i gained form CBT and i continue to practise the mindfulness.
I struggle to put pen to paper incase you hadn't noticed lol however felt i needed to try to help you guys who may need some light at the end of the tunnel! most people will use this site in a time of need I'm not sure how many use it when feeling better.
i really hope that this may help or encourage at least one person to keep going. It really can get better :)
If you want to talk or need any advise feel free to send me a message....
Arran
December 2014..........
I have always been one to worry however i was not prepared for what was about to hit me like a tone of bricks. it started suddenly i would notice that i was hot and sweating I tried to put it down to flu like symptoms, my heath anxiety took over and i started to google night sweats etc being a gay man i was very concerned that this was a symptom of HIV.
This quickly totally consumed me and i was sure that i had contracted HIV, looking back this was a silly thing to tell myself as i had not been in a position where this would be possible but hey i was having night sweats i must have it!!!!
I booked myself an appointment at the local sexual health clinic and was relived i only had to wait till the next day to be seen. i asked for a rapid test to be done and a full blood test just incase one was wrong. The rapid test was clear however i had to wait two weeks for the results of the blood test. The nurse also recommended i have a Hep c injection this set alarm bells ringing as she left the rom to ask the nurse i had seen some years before why she had not given it to me the last time i visited.... This was when when it all started...... Within minutes i was consumed by a wave of anxiety i had to wait two weeks for blood tests and now I have hep c........ On come the sweats and i could not get out of that place quick enough.
By the time i was home i had developed a pain in my liver area (funny that) the only thing i knew about hep c was that it was a liver condition... I was sitting on google for hours a day diagnosing myself as fast i would read about a symptom i would have it !!
Day to day life was becoming an issue i could not concentrate and was always tired the smallest feeling in my body i had to have a full examination. i found myself going to the bathroom to check for lumps, bumps, rashes you name it i was checking.
Work was impossible and i was convinced that everyone could see my panic and would be able to tell i was not in control of what was happening to me.....
I phoned my boss and did not return to work for 8 weeks!!!
During the eight weeks i was unable to work i visited the doctors surgery 18 times and was convinced and i mean totally convinced that i was dyeing! My symptoms changed drastically and looking back reflected what i was reading on google!
The changing part for me was when i saw a different doctor who could clearly see what was happening to me. i told him i was getting 1-2 hours sleep a night and that previous medication diazepam - Sertaline were not working!
This doctor prescribed my Olazapine. He told me to be prepared for when i read the information leaflet (its was that obvious to him that i would) not to be concerned what this drug was mainly used to treat! He assured me that in low dosses it was good for treating anxiety!
I took one 5mg tablet and slept like a baby...... i went back to the doctors the next day at his request and we decided on a plan going forward!
I was given 8 session of CBT which at the time was painful however worked for me in the long term. I was stable on 100mg sertaline 2mg olanzapine before bed. The diazepam had stopped working for me at 10mg so i stopped using this.
Overtime i could feel myself getting back to the old me.... I would still have thoughts of what if and panic over nothing however i could feel myself thinking more clearly the main thing was that i wanted to go back to work as this would prove to me that i was feeling better and at last i was in control!
My first attempt at going back to work was not successful and i had to take more time off sick.. I was not ready for people and being in charge of my team. i couldn't even control my own thoughts completely.
I attended a meditation class once a week and started to practise mindfulness. i would recommend this to anyone of you suffering with anxiety.
I have now been medication free and back at work for a year and doing really well. yes i still have moments and yes i still worry but just like any another person. I use the skills i gained form CBT and i continue to practise the mindfulness.
I struggle to put pen to paper incase you hadn't noticed lol however felt i needed to try to help you guys who may need some light at the end of the tunnel! most people will use this site in a time of need I'm not sure how many use it when feeling better.
i really hope that this may help or encourage at least one person to keep going. It really can get better :)
If you want to talk or need any advise feel free to send me a message....
Arran