Hi there

[PaperHankie]

I'm paper tissue. I've joined because I've been going through an acute phase of panic attacks and palpitations since 3.30am on the 17th January this year.

Yes, precise, but that was when I got the first humungous PA in ages. Had to take a xanax, wrote a will, said good bye to the kids....

I've had three very bad ones since, where the palpitations/arrythmias lasted quite a while (over 2 hours in one case). Had to take xanax then too. I've had lots of minor ones too (including one this morning)

The anxiety is directly related to a problem at work. I teach evening classes, I have a student with schizophrenia who is making my life hell at the moment. This student is delusional and making irrational complaints about me. The college where I work is not helping. I've made a complaint about the student but it is not being dealt with correctly.

I'm going to work tonight to teach this student and I'm completely on edge. I used to love my job - now I hate it, I also hate the person I've become: completely dominated by this fear. I know this student will be leaving the college before the summer, but I fear I may not last until next month - let alone then.

I came on, looking for a quick fix - a sort-of therapeutic beta-blocker. I know now, this isn't possible. But even sharing like this, with people who understand, is a positive.

Sorry this is so long - but I need to talk. I can't talk to others about it because I'm so afraid of being seen as being weak (there, I've said it:o ). I'm the strong person, the person other people talk to about their problems. Meanwhile I'm quivering and crying inside.

Sorry for chattering....

[trac67]

Hi,

Welcome to the forum, you will get a lot of good advice here and make some new friends,

Take care

Trac xx

[bubblygirl]

Hello

Welcome to the site your in the right place. I think it is awful that this student is causing you so many problems and don't think you should have to stand for it. Completely unfair.I hope you get it sorted. Take care Sarah x

[PaperHankie]

Thanks Sarah,

I don't want to let somebody so insignificant ruin my life - but I'm quivering like a frightened rabbit :o

[IzzyB]

Hi PaperTissue
I am so sorry to hear that you're having such a rough time of it at the moment.
Your health is the most important thing and I'm sure your kids will agree!
It is not unusual for us to feel anxiety and panic when faced with a continued stressful situation, and hardly surprising when your body and subconscious mind is telling you to escape from the student that is making your life such hell, but your rational thought process is advising that you need to be strong for other people and to continue to do your job well.
I hate to think of you going through this alone, is there not someone who you work with that could be present in the class with you for moral support?

I hope that the site helps, it certainly is helping me!
Good luck, xx Izzy

[Piglet]

I can't talk to others about it because I'm so afraid of being seen as being weak (there, I've said it:o ). I'm the strong person, the person other people talk to about their problems. Meanwhile I'm quivering and crying inside.


Yep think quite a few of us have been there and look where its got us!!!

I have been feeling much better and stronger in recent months since I decided not to be this way. It is not weak to need help from others occasionally - no man is an island etc etc....

I honestly would look at how to resolve this student problem with someone in authority - it's not your job to take on the most challanging roles without some help and support from others.

I wish you the best of luck with that and a very big welcome to the site! :D

Piglet :)

[manmoor]

Hi Paper,

A big warm welcome to you. xx

[shaz01]

Hi there,

That terrible about the student, no wonder your suffering palps etc I also suffer from these and the same as you Im seen as a strong person whose in control...little do they all know lol
Hoping it all goes well for you.

Shaz x

[wobily_lin]

Elo,
Welcome to the site..great support n advice here..glad to have ya on board x

[skylight2007]

Warm hugs paperhankie!!!!!!!!!!!

first of all can I just let you know something, it takes a great and brave person to admit to being weak, in other words, expressing you vulnerability!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that is the most strongest thing you could admit about yourself!!!!!!!!!!1 so well done for sharing your feelings as you did.!!!
Teaching others who have a mental illness is always goning to be challenging, even more so when perhaps they may be triggering feelings about your own vulnerability, this is not a slight on your character to teach at all it just means to me that your more aware and yes living life in fear is awful, but stress as you say is the trigger for you having panic attacks and the feeling is often more uncontrollable than the actual cause.
Being a strong person who handles everyones problems or listens to others is often a huge characteristic for those who may have panic attacks, often carers those who look after others and listen to the issues of others, what often happens, is that we show people a side to us that is always strong and positive and always willing to help others, underlying that is a person who has feelings which often we dont want others to see, in other words are vulnerable side, so there a part of us that is often hidden and those feelings often get surpressed, but one day outa of the blue a panic comes on and we are left with the awful dread feeling of what the hell is happening to us.
Acceptance and trust are two feelings I had to come to terms with and just telling others that I needed help was a big issue for me, I wondered now that people can see how weak I am, WILL THEY STILL THINK GOOD OF ME!! in fact just revealing my thouhts and feelings I was saying, its ok for me to be vulnerable, I am not super woman, I accept both sides to me, its ok to see me this way too, BUT IT DOES NOT MEAN I AM LESS OF A PERSON THAN BEFORE.
In fact it meant I was more open and honest about me so have faith and showing the other side to you is NOT A WEAKNESS BUT A STRENGTH , and that strength will only get better, as this is the part of you that needs healing and nurturing, you have nothing to prove to others about they way you want to be seen, its all about feeling comfortable about being all of you, and being all of you, is lovely, dont you think?

Take care

skylight xx

[Pink Princess]

hey there and welcome to the site, hope you are well
hope to speak soon
take kare
xxx saffie xxx

[nomorepanic]

Hi papertissue

A warm welcome aboard and lovely to see you here.

You will meet some lovely caring people and get loads of advice and support.

[Bran Bran]

I have a friend who has that (referring to the student) and he drives me crazy and has sent me into a panic attack ha ha. Seriously. I have a question for you. I had to go to the emergency room for a panic attack and it lasted nearly four hours my heart beats ranging from 60 to 180 beats per min. What was your heart at when you went into one? If you even went to the hospital...

Brandy

[PaperHankie]

Hi Brandy,

I only ever went to the ER once many years ago. That was enough. The flight or fight mechanism was so strong, I felt I needed to escape from the ambulance.

I've been having the PAs for a long time, but they had stabilised. It was only really in January when I was under a lot of pressure that they exploded again. I got one, dealt with it and ignored it - but I got another when doing a work related course and had to be collected. That lasted over 2 hours and my heart was in the 180 realm. I got to the point where I didn't want to look.

I didn't go to the ER because my husband is probably too relaxed and pragmatic and told me I'd be stuck in hospital over the weekend if I went in and that we both knew I wasn't having a heart attack etc and if I did go down he'd call for an ambulance straight away!! Thanks mate :wacko: .

So, I've had a few more. We know they are caused by underlying anxiety, I know my heart is OK (I was checked out and given the all clear by the cardiologist last May). My Gran (who died at 98), My Mum and My sister all have similar symptoms. So, I'm trying to work my way through the stuff.

Feeling anxious today - but I don't want to give in. I feel I'm on a precipice at the moment - I can slowly crawl back to where I was until the 17th January last, or I can allow myself roll over and hit bottom.

I've too many good things going on, to let this happen.