Relapse :(

[snowflake293]

Hi everyone

After a bit of support cause after several weeks of having very little, if not no health anxiety at all I am having a wobble again :(

I had a mole on my forearm which I have had for years. Occasionally it swells up a bit and gets a bit itchy (I also have that chicken skin thing on my arms so I think its to do with that) it is about 4mm in diameter and a light brown colour with a few mid brown bits around the edges. It had a few hairs coming out of it. As I say I have had it well over 10-15 years, possibly even longer than that. It used to be darker but I picked at it and when it healed it was a bit lighter - is that normal???

I haven't shown it to the dr as I have had it for a long time so it doesnt usually bother me. Surely if it was a cancerous mole it would look different? It is fairy symmetrical but it's raised. It is only when I examine it very very closely that I notice things that 'worry' me. Before I had HA I never gave this bloody mole a second thought!

Last night I was in bits cause my uncle is dying of cancer and I am so so sad for him and I feel so bad. I feel bad worrying like this when my family need me. I am so scared of losing people I love or not being there to help my family and friends when they need me.

I was doing well but all these fears are creeping back in. I have been discharged from the therapist I was seeing and I am still on medication (150mg Sertraline) all I want to do it drink to numb it and forget it but I know I can't do that.

I am off sick and my partner is at work and I am just left to my own devices which is never good. I get married in 6 months and instead of being excited for my wedding and the life ahead of me and my partner I just keep visualising awful things happening, like him having a fatal accident. when my anxiety is bad I just get these horrible horrible thoughts and I find it so upsetting :(

I felt better after having a big cry last night, felt like a release but now it is creeping back in again. My arm was itching a bit earlier so now I can't stop touching and looking at my mole!!! stupid bloody moles!!!

Would be grateful if anyone can offer me a bit of support/reassurance cause I am feeling really terrible today :(

xx

[WorryWortAgain]

Your mole is probably fine. You're just looking for something to obsess over because you've got so much stress going on right now - good & bad stress. As for the mole, go to the doctor and get it checked out because that's what anyone should do about a suspicious mole. Once the doctor looks at it and tells you it's fine - which I'm sure they will - they stop worrying about it. Promise yourself that you WILL NOT then find something else to obsess over. Which is unfortunately what those of us with HA do...

[snowflake293]

Thanks for your reply. I know I shouldn't worry but I do worry. I am 90 percent sure this mole is fine. I am too scared to go to the doctor cause I get panic attacks in the waiting room and I am so frightened of drs suggesting tests etc... does anyone else get this? the fear of the dr being concerned puts me off going :(

It hasn't changed massively and I wouldn't even call it suspicious. I think I am just confused. Is it true that if it has hairs coming out of it it means it isn't dangerous?

Thanks again!

[KeeKee]

I agree with everything WorryWortagain has said.
I have a hairless mole that is also irregular shaped and I was told it is a compound mole and I even had a second one that I never knew I had haha. He said the key is change and usually with Melanoma it's very quite change.
I specifically asked about the hair thing as mine being hairless completely freaked me out but was told it isn't a factor.
I wouldn't worry about it, especially as it's been picked I had a tiny mole on my face about 1mm and not at all raised and it developed a tiny spot under it (I have acne) and I thought well if I pick it I'll no longer have that mole. Well I was wrong it's light, larger and also slightly elevated ha! But that was years ago and no more change. Picking can certainly change appearance

[snowflake293]

Thanks KeeKee that is really helpful :)

I am feeling a bit better now. I am recovering from a horrible phase of HA that lasted about 18 months and I still have the odd wobble.

I guess quick change is the big thing, and if it changed quickly or looked alarming I'd be straight at the drs. I hate going to the drs now though cause I associate it with panic attacks!

I never imagined fear could take over my life in the way it did but I am definitely getting over it now! x