Greggybabez
27-02-07, 19:00
Hi,
I thought I would write this post as I need help and advice coping with panic attacks and the effects I’m afraid they might have on my mental health.
It all first started 7 years ago. In January 2000 I was sitting in my friends flat smoking weed, when all of a sudden I felt a panic attack come on. For no reason, I was suddenly scared I might go out and do heroin even though I have never done it and never would do it as I know it would ruin my life. Basically I was scared of going and doing something that I did not want to do.
I had never had a panic attack before and the sudden fear I was experiencing then caused me to have a full-on panic attack. I was in bed at home when the brunt of this panic attack happened! It made me jump out of bed in sheer terror, and I then ran into my parents bedroom shaking violently and told my mum that I was freaking out and not to let go of me (because I was frightened I might go out and do something I didn’t want to!).
I was 18 at the time and had no idea then that what I was experiencing was a full-blown panic attack!
For the next couple of weeks this was all I could think about as I had never experienced a shock/fear anything like this before in my life. I was still afraid that if I kept worrying about it, it would eventually take its toll on me and I would give in and go out and do the exact thing I was afraid of!
Then I started thinking I was going mad as it was all I could think about and I couldn’t get it out of my head. I then noticed that I was thinking about thinking all the time. Then I got scared that if I kept thinking about thinking, that would make me go mad. The fear of this inadvertently caused me to worry about it even more!
Pretty shortly after my first panic attack, I completely gave up smoking weed as whenever I tried to smoke it it would bring on a panic attack.
So basically, at first I was scared that if I kept worrying that I might go out and do heroin, eventually that would make me go out and do it! (Again let me stress I have never done it before and I know that drugs like that ruin your whole life over night! It is the last thing in the world I would want to get involved in) Then as a result of worrying about this all the time I thought I was going mad and that if I kept thinking about thinking that would make me go mad! I was scared of my own mind!
What made matters worse is that at the end of February that year (about 7 or 8 weeks since the problem began) I was to go travelling on my own to Australia - so I had to deal with the problem completely on my own as I was the other side of the world!
I was in Sydney for 6 weeks and the problem still had not gone away. It was only on my second last night in Sydney I was talking to someone about it and they explained to me that if I thought I was going mad then I wasn’t as people who go mad don’t know they are going mad. Also she said that it was a chemical imbalance in the brain that causes someone to be mad, and that common symptoms include being unable to sleep or having highly irregular sleep patterns.
What she said to me pretty much cured the whole problem for me and I stopped worrying about it from then on as I knew I had nothing to be afraid of! My mind was clear once again and it felt like such a relief to be free of that fear!
After 3 months of sheer hell, my ordeal was completely over!
However at the beginning of last November 2006, I had another panic attack (the first proper one in years). Even though I knew it was a panic attack and was able to control it to some degree, this basically started the whole process over again.
Now it is not the 'heroin' thing I am worried about. Instead I am scared that I might go out and physically hurt the people I love, even though I don't want to. Again the fear of having these thoughts causes them to happen even more. It is causing me to have bad thoughts that I wouldn’t normally have... 'fake' thoughts if you will.
So the principle is still the same as before.
I am scared that the longer this happens, that eventually I might cave in. So that in turn scares me even more. The fear of these thoughts causes them to happen even more, even though I know that that is not my natural way of thinking! Again this gets me into a rut of thinking about thinking. I feel the longer this happens, the deeper I will go, and eventually I will reach a point of no return.
In my heart of hearts I’m sure I am really ok but the element of doubt has been playing on my mind more and more lately, and I am scared that I am unintentionally convincing myself that I am losing the plot.
What is going on with me?
Am I the only one this is happening to?
Will I go mad if this keeps happening? If not, then why?
It is so horrible and the longer it seems to go on, the worse I feel it is becoming!
I just want things to be normal again!
Please can anyone offer any help or advice to help me tackle/cope with this?
I thought I would write this post as I need help and advice coping with panic attacks and the effects I’m afraid they might have on my mental health.
It all first started 7 years ago. In January 2000 I was sitting in my friends flat smoking weed, when all of a sudden I felt a panic attack come on. For no reason, I was suddenly scared I might go out and do heroin even though I have never done it and never would do it as I know it would ruin my life. Basically I was scared of going and doing something that I did not want to do.
I had never had a panic attack before and the sudden fear I was experiencing then caused me to have a full-on panic attack. I was in bed at home when the brunt of this panic attack happened! It made me jump out of bed in sheer terror, and I then ran into my parents bedroom shaking violently and told my mum that I was freaking out and not to let go of me (because I was frightened I might go out and do something I didn’t want to!).
I was 18 at the time and had no idea then that what I was experiencing was a full-blown panic attack!
For the next couple of weeks this was all I could think about as I had never experienced a shock/fear anything like this before in my life. I was still afraid that if I kept worrying about it, it would eventually take its toll on me and I would give in and go out and do the exact thing I was afraid of!
Then I started thinking I was going mad as it was all I could think about and I couldn’t get it out of my head. I then noticed that I was thinking about thinking all the time. Then I got scared that if I kept thinking about thinking, that would make me go mad. The fear of this inadvertently caused me to worry about it even more!
Pretty shortly after my first panic attack, I completely gave up smoking weed as whenever I tried to smoke it it would bring on a panic attack.
So basically, at first I was scared that if I kept worrying that I might go out and do heroin, eventually that would make me go out and do it! (Again let me stress I have never done it before and I know that drugs like that ruin your whole life over night! It is the last thing in the world I would want to get involved in) Then as a result of worrying about this all the time I thought I was going mad and that if I kept thinking about thinking that would make me go mad! I was scared of my own mind!
What made matters worse is that at the end of February that year (about 7 or 8 weeks since the problem began) I was to go travelling on my own to Australia - so I had to deal with the problem completely on my own as I was the other side of the world!
I was in Sydney for 6 weeks and the problem still had not gone away. It was only on my second last night in Sydney I was talking to someone about it and they explained to me that if I thought I was going mad then I wasn’t as people who go mad don’t know they are going mad. Also she said that it was a chemical imbalance in the brain that causes someone to be mad, and that common symptoms include being unable to sleep or having highly irregular sleep patterns.
What she said to me pretty much cured the whole problem for me and I stopped worrying about it from then on as I knew I had nothing to be afraid of! My mind was clear once again and it felt like such a relief to be free of that fear!
After 3 months of sheer hell, my ordeal was completely over!
However at the beginning of last November 2006, I had another panic attack (the first proper one in years). Even though I knew it was a panic attack and was able to control it to some degree, this basically started the whole process over again.
Now it is not the 'heroin' thing I am worried about. Instead I am scared that I might go out and physically hurt the people I love, even though I don't want to. Again the fear of having these thoughts causes them to happen even more. It is causing me to have bad thoughts that I wouldn’t normally have... 'fake' thoughts if you will.
So the principle is still the same as before.
I am scared that the longer this happens, that eventually I might cave in. So that in turn scares me even more. The fear of these thoughts causes them to happen even more, even though I know that that is not my natural way of thinking! Again this gets me into a rut of thinking about thinking. I feel the longer this happens, the deeper I will go, and eventually I will reach a point of no return.
In my heart of hearts I’m sure I am really ok but the element of doubt has been playing on my mind more and more lately, and I am scared that I am unintentionally convincing myself that I am losing the plot.
What is going on with me?
Am I the only one this is happening to?
Will I go mad if this keeps happening? If not, then why?
It is so horrible and the longer it seems to go on, the worse I feel it is becoming!
I just want things to be normal again!
Please can anyone offer any help or advice to help me tackle/cope with this?