bethw112
08-02-16, 20:33
hello everyone,
i am writing this out of pure desperation, so i would really appreciate any similar experiences/ advice
basically my issue is a fear of needing the loo when i am in a situation when i am unable to leave/ i do not have access to a toilet. this first started around 3 years ago when i was about 14 or 15. i was sitting in a choir rehearsal when i suddenly remembered that i'd consumed quite a ridiculous amount of diet coke before the rehearsal and i hadnt gone to the loo. i didnt physically feel like i needed to go, but i was suddenly overwhelmed with panic that i would wet myself (embarrassing i know).So i asked to go, came back and as soon as i sat down again i began to worry that i would need to go again, but i thought it would seem strange to ask twice. I spent the rest of the rehearsal in a state of absolute panic thinking i was going to wet myself. it actually began to manifest itself into a physical feeling, but as soon as the rehearsal was over i went and of course there was nothing since i hadnt really needed to go in the first place.
this has been a problem for me ever since. the first couple of weeks after the original incident where awful. i felt panicked in almost all my lessons, i would go to the loo before every lesson, and usually at least once during every lesson, i would sometimes go several times just before leaving my house to 'make sure' i didnt need to go, and i was pretty much terrified of consuming a significant amount of liquid, so i would basically spend most days dehydrated until i got home and felt 'safe'. i remember that i missed out on a lot of things because of my fear- i once pretended to be ill to get out of a class trip to a theme park because i couldnt stand the idea of being in a queue or on a ride and not being able to leave. over the next few months it calmed down and i started to feel less panicked. i still felt the compulsive need to go before every lesson, or car ride, or any other situation where i wouldnt be able to go, but if i did that i felt pretty much ok.
i have been in the habit of watching how much liquid i consume, and going to the loo at pretty much every opportunity ever since, but i havent felt the same levels of panic in quite a while. but then suddenly a couple of weeks ago it flared up again. i was watching a play that my cousin was in- it was a pretty low key thing at the village hall. before hand we had been at the bar and i had spent quite a long time mentally debating whether or not i should have a small glass of coke before the play, or if it would make me anxious (see who even thinks about this kind of stuff). in the end i gave in, had the coke and then about half way through the first act i felt that i needed to pee. i didnt need to go badly and i knew logically that i could hold it in, but i was panicking about losing control nonetheless. i spent the rest of the act unable to enjoy the play because i was too busy obsessing about whether i should go or not, if anyone would notice me leave, would my cousin be offended if i got up and left etc.
so i guess that experience left me fairly shaken because since then i have been a total mess. the other day i got on the bus to my choir rehearsal (i have literally been going to these rehearsals since i was seven) and as soon as i got there i completely freaked out and just turned around and went home. i all my lessons at school i have been unable to concentrate (very problematic since i have to get really high a level grades to get into any of the unis i applied for). i can barely make it twenty minutes before i start feeling as though i have to go (even though i never do because i pretty much drink no liquid during the day) and my palms start sweating, heart races, i feel like i cant breathe etc. i keep having to make excuses to leave, saying i need a tissue, i dont feel well- in one lesson i even left my book in my locker on purpose so that i would be able to leave to get it half way through and go to the loo at the same time.
its impossible for me to describe how frustrating this is. its completely stopping me from enjoying my life. i recently started a regime of walking to school with my friend (about 1.5 hrs which i really enjoyed) but ive had to stop because not having access to a loo for that long makes me anxious. i can't tell anyone either because its so embarrassing, and everyone thinks i'm really weird because im constantly looking so uncomfortable in lessons and asking to leave. the thing im most worried about is i have my mock exams in a couple of weeks- my english one is 2.5 hrs and i am terrified- god knows how i'll be able to focus on the exam when i'm so worried about needing the loo. at the end of next week i'm going somewhere involving a coach trip (probably about 1-1.5hrs) which i'm already losing sleep over. i just hate that things that should be relaxing and enjoyable i just spend panicking.
anyway i'm sorry this has been so long. any advice would be much appreciated :)
i am writing this out of pure desperation, so i would really appreciate any similar experiences/ advice
basically my issue is a fear of needing the loo when i am in a situation when i am unable to leave/ i do not have access to a toilet. this first started around 3 years ago when i was about 14 or 15. i was sitting in a choir rehearsal when i suddenly remembered that i'd consumed quite a ridiculous amount of diet coke before the rehearsal and i hadnt gone to the loo. i didnt physically feel like i needed to go, but i was suddenly overwhelmed with panic that i would wet myself (embarrassing i know).So i asked to go, came back and as soon as i sat down again i began to worry that i would need to go again, but i thought it would seem strange to ask twice. I spent the rest of the rehearsal in a state of absolute panic thinking i was going to wet myself. it actually began to manifest itself into a physical feeling, but as soon as the rehearsal was over i went and of course there was nothing since i hadnt really needed to go in the first place.
this has been a problem for me ever since. the first couple of weeks after the original incident where awful. i felt panicked in almost all my lessons, i would go to the loo before every lesson, and usually at least once during every lesson, i would sometimes go several times just before leaving my house to 'make sure' i didnt need to go, and i was pretty much terrified of consuming a significant amount of liquid, so i would basically spend most days dehydrated until i got home and felt 'safe'. i remember that i missed out on a lot of things because of my fear- i once pretended to be ill to get out of a class trip to a theme park because i couldnt stand the idea of being in a queue or on a ride and not being able to leave. over the next few months it calmed down and i started to feel less panicked. i still felt the compulsive need to go before every lesson, or car ride, or any other situation where i wouldnt be able to go, but if i did that i felt pretty much ok.
i have been in the habit of watching how much liquid i consume, and going to the loo at pretty much every opportunity ever since, but i havent felt the same levels of panic in quite a while. but then suddenly a couple of weeks ago it flared up again. i was watching a play that my cousin was in- it was a pretty low key thing at the village hall. before hand we had been at the bar and i had spent quite a long time mentally debating whether or not i should have a small glass of coke before the play, or if it would make me anxious (see who even thinks about this kind of stuff). in the end i gave in, had the coke and then about half way through the first act i felt that i needed to pee. i didnt need to go badly and i knew logically that i could hold it in, but i was panicking about losing control nonetheless. i spent the rest of the act unable to enjoy the play because i was too busy obsessing about whether i should go or not, if anyone would notice me leave, would my cousin be offended if i got up and left etc.
so i guess that experience left me fairly shaken because since then i have been a total mess. the other day i got on the bus to my choir rehearsal (i have literally been going to these rehearsals since i was seven) and as soon as i got there i completely freaked out and just turned around and went home. i all my lessons at school i have been unable to concentrate (very problematic since i have to get really high a level grades to get into any of the unis i applied for). i can barely make it twenty minutes before i start feeling as though i have to go (even though i never do because i pretty much drink no liquid during the day) and my palms start sweating, heart races, i feel like i cant breathe etc. i keep having to make excuses to leave, saying i need a tissue, i dont feel well- in one lesson i even left my book in my locker on purpose so that i would be able to leave to get it half way through and go to the loo at the same time.
its impossible for me to describe how frustrating this is. its completely stopping me from enjoying my life. i recently started a regime of walking to school with my friend (about 1.5 hrs which i really enjoyed) but ive had to stop because not having access to a loo for that long makes me anxious. i can't tell anyone either because its so embarrassing, and everyone thinks i'm really weird because im constantly looking so uncomfortable in lessons and asking to leave. the thing im most worried about is i have my mock exams in a couple of weeks- my english one is 2.5 hrs and i am terrified- god knows how i'll be able to focus on the exam when i'm so worried about needing the loo. at the end of next week i'm going somewhere involving a coach trip (probably about 1-1.5hrs) which i'm already losing sleep over. i just hate that things that should be relaxing and enjoyable i just spend panicking.
anyway i'm sorry this has been so long. any advice would be much appreciated :)