looking4answers
28-02-07, 04:14
Not sure how to use this new site doing the best i can.I had an email from someone asking how I was and why i wasnt here for awhile.Well hope this gets to that person because im just not really sure just how to use this board now..The old familar has become the new and strange so please forgive me.The reason i haven't been getting online is now i have two great pyranees dogs to take care and two horses and the snow is melting and at times i almost feel like I used to.Not very often but sometimes you get to a point where you just keep asking the same questions and hear the same answers ,you can believe or not believe.I still have all the weird sensations and the pains and the suffering I used to but if I post on here i get the same answers that my nurse friends tell me..there is really nothing wrong with me other than anxiety .What can you do .There is nothing in the world that is going to force anyone to say there is anything wrong with you when they can't find a reason for your symptoms so what is the point.I think about quite often the old passage that says that none of us is promised the next breath or moment and that life is fragile.I have just about decided that if I die from some hidden disease or reason then at least I was living at that moment,I wasn't just sitting in a corner afraid of my shadow but I had purpose.I am doing better about getting outside and going into town and staying busy.To tell you the truth I think the animals are one of the keys of my absense. I feel needed and wanted.They are all rescue animals just like me a rescue person ,and they unlike me don't understand depression or anxiety but yet need a helping hand and a gentle caress to help alliviate their symptoms.Someone showing love and care and making sure their needs are met.I suppose having something to get up for in the morning and something to do during the day caring for something helps..But I have also had an attitude adjustment.I live for the moment and pray for the future and yes I want you all to know that I ask for relief for your suffering to God everynight and the people on Yahoo questions too.I pray for my friends ,my family and for all of the people that suffer from the same thing that I do.No im not that much better but I have learned to ignore and try not to care what the next moment brings..I have also been lucky enough to have a friend that lives in Mexico that is a retired nurse telling me about everyday I have nothing wrong with me as we laugh and chat via messenger and also one that drops by our neighbors that tells me the same thing.As she sits drinking soda sometimes I ask about my symptoms and she keeps telling me im not sick so well instead of begging and asking the same retorical questions on here or hunting them on the internet i just keep telling myself the same thing that all of you have told me and the same things that my nurse friends have ,there is nothing wrong with you and then I think well if there is at least I tried to live my life and I die with trying not sitting in a corner crying to myself with fear.I will check back on here and chat with you all and probably from time to time ask you questions again for reassurance but its nice to know that people on here care enough to email you to see if you are ok.I also was waiting to see when the board was completely changed over.Im old so change is hard for me so please forgive me if i messed up here.I want you to know that you are all in my heart and in my prayers everynight and I hope that you make up your minds to go on living up until the very moment that you die and keep trying,that way there will never be any regrets.Thank you all for your concern and try to relax and not worry .