So Sick Of This.. Just Really Angry At Myself and Anxiety

[mnaha]

61 years of misery. I am so sick and tired of being afraid.. just sick of it. One symptom after another. I think I grew up this way ,always afraid of something.

I feel like it is genetic or learned behavior from a mother that was anxious and it spilled over on me. At 61 I am ready to just say "screw it, I am ready to die"

I am pissed. I had some years that I didn't worry to much but have always lived on edge. Anxiety is miserable and made me so depressed and miserable in my life ,I am fed up.

Too the point that I say if it's peace you find in dying then let the dying begin.

Most of you are young...I on the other hand not so young but have faced so many illnesses or imaginary illnesses that it is unbelievable. I think I would have rather never been born than to be in torment and afraid all these years.. What a waste of life.

You would think at 61 ,someone would accept the inevitable and say oh well we all die, but No I am even more frightened now than I was when I was young because there are so many people dropping all around me from weird things that it scares me even more.

I just want to turn off the fear and forget the illnesses and worries and just say SCREW IT... I am fed up...Anyone else ever get angry about these worries and such? Please if you feel the same way respond here.

Please? I don't want to feel so damn alone. None of my family has understood or has ever understood my worries and fears. I have never used drugs but now can see the appeal of alcohol and drugs . I think that people that use both of these can get to the point ,they have no fear or cares.

I am on the verge of just doing lots of drugs and drinking.. just to let go.. just so sick of it and feeling very very alone and misunderstood.. Miserable ,sad and lonely . Ready to just give up.. Anyone else ever feel that way ?

[Carnation]

Yes, I can totally relate to the way you feel. :hugs:

It's so hard fighting, trying, expecting, waiting, hurting; it just won't stop!!!

And just when you feel a little better; BANG! There it is again.
I think also, when you have felt pain and lived through other people's pain, the Mind just won't stop thinking about the 'What If's'. It's exhausting.

I use to be so carefree and lived on the edge a bit, but as I have got older and had more responsibility and gone through many upsets, I just feel so depressed.
I feel alone too. Even if there are people around, it's as if people look through me or avoid me.

But we can't give up mnaha. We have been given life and I like to think there is hope. :hugs:

[Mrhypo]

I'm replying to this because so often in these forums like in many forums the really heartfelt pleas for sympathy go unanswered. I can absolutely understand where you're coming from on this. I too feel a huge rage at my symptoms, knowing they're ridiculous (I've had all the tests, there's nothing physically wrong with me) but still letting them rule (and ruin) my life. So many times I want to bash my head against the wall, scream out and weep. I too am alone at the moment, and have few friends and relatives (or doctors indeed) who seem to understand what I'm going through. If you haven't experienced it you can't possibly feel what it's like. Especially aggravating is that waking in the morning when you feel 'oh it hasn't gone away'. Please though don't despair. Hopefully it's a comfort to know that you are NOT alone with these feelings. Every best wish.

[mnaha]

Yes, I can totally relate to the way you feel. :hugs:

It's so hard fighting, trying, expecting, waiting, hurting; it just won't stop!!!

And just when you feel a little better; BANG! There it is again.
I think also, when you have felt pain and lived through other people's pain, the Mind just won't stop thinking about the 'What If's'. It's exhausting.

I use to be so carefree and lived on the edge a bit, but as I have got older and had more responsibility and gone through many upsets, I just feel so depressed.
I feel alone too. Even if there are people around, it's as if people look through me or avoid me.

But we can't give up mnaha. We have been given life and I like to think there is hope. :hugs:


Thanks Carnation,

I won't give up but so close sometimes...its just insane the amount of worries I have had in my life and why? For naught...for naught.. and I know there are so many others all over the world that feel exactly the same but when you are alone and no one to express things to except your spouse or others that don't understand it can be so lonely. I am very grateful for people here that care and are here for me. Thank you

I just feel absolutely stupid sometimes as all the years I WAS in good health and mostly I am better than most now..I am angry so angry at myself but you are right. I can't give up... but sometimes as I said I want to. Thank you for posting here and there are people that care here and I care about all of you too..I feel for each and everyone everyday.. I just thought I would also let you know that for the most part, unless I am right about anything that could possibly be wrong with me.I will continue to be here for others too..thanks once again.

---------- Post added at 16:44 ---------- Previous post was at 16:40 ----------


I'm replying to this because so often in these forums like in many forums the really heartfelt pleas for sympathy go unanswered. I can absolutely understand where you're coming from on this. I too feel a huge rage at my symptoms, knowing they're ridiculous (I've had all the tests, there's nothing physically wrong with me) but still letting them rule (and ruin) my life. So many times I want to bash my head against the wall, scream out and weep. I too am alone at the moment, and have few friends and relatives (or doctors indeed) who seem to understand what I'm going through. If you haven't experienced it you can't possibly feel what it's like. Especially aggravating is that waking in the morning when you feel 'oh it hasn't gone away'. Please though don't despair. Hopefully it's a comfort to know that you are NOT alone with these feelings. Every best wish.


Thank you Mrhypo...all is appreciated and unless something befalls me ,I will try to be here and be supportive of others...As I was saying to Carnation although I sometimes desperately want to give up and I am so angry at myself and the anxiety ...I suppose I just have to keep on going. I just feel so very bad for wasting the time I did have that I was very healthy worrying about all the things that could happen that didn't..Also wanted you to know that I am here for all of you too and thank you for being concerned and posting to me. I do appreciate it so very much. I guess although we all try so very hard to exist and have a good life, we just have to try harder and be stern with ourselves and don't look for the easy way out. Thank you once again .

[Fishmanpa]

It's NEVER too late to beat the dragon back in his cave for good! I've always said that the "what ifs" we regret the most are not the things we've done but the things we've not done due to the fear of "what if?".

Think of it this way... You tackling this and beating it can be so beneficial not only for you but for the scores of very young people on this forum. Your experience can serve to benefit many in a positive way. You've lived it most of your life and by continuing to fight and win, you can be an inspiration to many here.

The reality is we'll all face real illnesses, especially as we age. It's life as we know it. How you handle it is the key. It's all about attitude. You have it within you to fight and to win. One step at a time. One day at a time.

Positive thoughts

[mnaha]

It's NEVER too late to beat the dragon back in his cave for good! I've always said that the "what ifs" we regret the most are not the things we've done but the things we've not done due to the fear of "what if?".

Think of it this way... You tackling this and beating it can be so beneficial not only for you but for the scores of very young people on this forum. Your experience can serve to benefit many in a positive way. You've lived it most of your life and by continuing to fight and win, you can be an inspiration to many here.

The reality is we'll all face real illnesses, especially as we age. It's life as we know it. How you handle it is the key. It's all about attitude. You have it within you to fight and to win. One step at a time. One day at a time.

Positive thoughts


Thanks for your encouragement. I really appreciate it but guess we all feel so alone with our worries and fears. But I suppose after 61 years and making it this long perhaps I have a few more years in me and if not at least I had more than many people have. Thanks again for posting . I feel somewhat better about this but still I find that I worry so much. I also have a fear now that because of lack of exercise I may have killed myself.

Can you get over inactivity and become better again?

[Fishmanpa]

I'm only 4 years younger than you. Nothing in the big picture. I had two heart attacks, triple bypass, stents and stage IV Head and Neck cancer.

I've been in recovery for close to three years and have had not nearly enough physical activity. The physical side effects from cancer treatment and fatigue have limited me more than you could imagine but still, I push through, go for walks and eat healthy. My health considering is good but it could be better. I can and will do more as my physical health permits. It's never too late. At 61, you can benefit from lifestyle changes. The decision is yours.

Positive thoughts

[mnaha]

I eat right ,diabetic diet although I am not diabetic, just pre diabetic and I am at a healthy weight..the walking is the only thing lacking ..the weather has just be really bad the last few months which has given me a good excuse not to and now I am afraid I am paying for it.. Thanks for your kind words and support.

---------- Post added at 23:38 ---------- Previous post was at 23:35 ----------

I guess I should get myself back to the doctor for regular check ups. Last time was six months ago and blood work a year ago.. guess that is why I am scared ..and worried I am afraid something has developed during that time and it might be bad news with blood work but I have lost weight and eat right so I can't imagine what that would be but it worries me. I suppose I need to get back to him for check up and then get walking again..