Perspective

[Fishmanpa]

Allow me to offer some perspective. As I type this, my left shoulder and neck are at about a 6 out of 10 on the pain scale. How do I rate this? I've had 10 out of 10 pain and that's where you are basically curled up in a fetal position wishing to pass out and many times you do. So a 6 out of 10 makes it difficult to concentrate and pain meds make it just barely tolerable.

Last week was a very stressful week. I lost my stepmother to COPD and cancer, I had my 6 month poke, scope and prod last Tuesday and then had to travel 5 hours to go to the funeral. Hotel rooms, gas and food cost me monies I needed for bills so add that stress to the mix.

So. Why am I not freaking out? Well. My appointment went well. No cancer. I discussed the pain I've been having in my neck and shoulder and it's a result of treatment. How do I alleviate it? Exercise, therapy etc. It's not sinister. Does it suck? HELL YES but it's not sinister. I don't even have a passing thought that it is. My doctors did not miss anything. So, pain meds, heat and massage are the ways to deal with it.

My body is still in stress mode from everything. I know this. How? That's the way stress works on our physiology. I feel better mentally from everything but the coals of stress are still burning and will for a little while longer.

So there you go. Some perspective from a non-HA sufferer. That being said, I do stress out. I do still deal with some "scanxiety" come check up time and I still get discouraged having to deal with the plethora of physical side effects. BUT... I keep have one thing that trumps it all. A POSITIVE ATTITUDE. There are SO many things in life we cannot control but there's one thing no one or nothing can take away from us and that's the power and freedom of choice when it comes to our attitude and how we react to things. It takes work but damn if it's not worth it.

Positive thoughts

[androidz]

I'm sorry about your stepmother, my condolences. Hope you're feeling fine at the moment with less pain; no cancer sure is great news.

Your last paragraph pretty much sums up the only possible attitude to have if you want to beat not just anxiety, but any obstacle in life.

Hope you get better, I'm sure you will.

[Catherine S]

That's great Mark, that you have do have so much positivity and we all know that you're a cancer survivor and are respected such alot on the forum. However, it's not so easy for everyone to be so positive and we have to make allowances for those sufferers too. Health anx can be cruel and there's no instant reassurances, for some it takes a long time and many many threads...like a stuck record. I still suffer after all these years too, but I no longer seek reassurance, I've learned to accept it. What I've also learned is if I feel my advice isn't being accepted by a particular member, instead of responding negatively as I've done in the past, I move on. There are so many members here that somebody will respond even if I feel I can no longer help them. After all i'm not God, just a fellow sufferer.

Cath ☺

So sorry for your recent loss, I lost my stepfather to lung cancer in 2013 so my deepest sympathy x

[Hopefulmi]

Great post FMP

---------- Post added at 20:31 ---------- Previous post was at 20:29 ----------

Also sorry to hear about your stepmother, be kind to yourself and your family

[swgrl09]

I have probably posted this before, but perspective is huge. I always knew that, but didn't really LIVE it until I worked with the homeless population over the last year. When I'm getting down on myself, I realize how much I have to be thankful for ... A house, a car, a job, my husband, food. My health insurance isn't great but at least I have it! Some of my current clients live in tents in the woods and it really opened my eyes and makes me grateful to step foot into a warm house and bed at night.

Im also not trying to minimize other struggles. Perspective is tricky because sometimes it's hard to have it when you haven't experienced the bleak realities of this world. If the worst pain you have felt in your life is a pin prick, that's a 10/10 for somebody and that is not their fault. It doesn't mean their experience of pain is not valid or difficult for them (and truly be experienced as 10/10 for that person) So being reminded about perspective is important but keeping in mind that all of our experiences are different, and therefore our lens for viewing things is too. That helps me in understanding the reverse direction of perspective as well.

There is a lot of scientific research behind gratitude. Taking the time to even consider what you have to be grateful for, even the simplest thing like fresh air to breathe, really does change the chemicals released in your brain and can help with depression and anxiety if done on a regular basis.

[Superworrier]

So sorry to hear about your stepmother my friend x
Truly inspiring post .
I wish you a clear and happy road on your life journey with your beautiful wife x

[Carnation]

Good Post Fishmanpa and good news with the all clear. :)

[artist12]

So very sorry for your loss, T. Thinking of you and your family.

Thank you for being a positive and inspiring presence on these forums. I am glad to hear that your check-up went well and thank you for offering a different perspective here. Your words have helped me so often when I'm feeling particularly caught in the throes of health anxiety. Sometimes I feel guilty for having health anxiety when so many people are facing real health (and life) issues but the best any of us can do is just as you said...have a positive attitude.

Best wishes to you.

[Arietis]

Glad for the all clear Fishmanpa *hugs* xx

[Gary A]

A fantastic post from a person I genuinely admire. Stay well FMP.

[pulisa]

You help so many people on NMP, FMP. I also wish you continued health and happiness which you so very much deserve.

Such an important thing, perspective.

[Allochka]

Fishmanpa, I'm a newbie here, but I've seen your posts on CSN and another anxiety forum.
I'm SO glad you had all clear!
And condolescences about your stepmom...

[KeeKee]

I echo others, I'm so glad you've had the all clear.

[nirvanainchains]

I wish I have that same mentality.

[Fishmanpa]

I wish I have that same mentality.

It's something you have to work on like anything else. And like anything else you want, the work is well worth it! I post a "Positive Thoughts" thread in "Top Tips" and share the quotes I get on a daily basis. I've subscribed to a site (http://www.brainyquote.com/) that sends them and you can also go and read quotes on all different subjects from life to motivational to funny.

Often, I'll take that quote and make it a screen saver or wallpaper on my computer at home and work to constantly remind me to stay positive.

Like I said, I certainly have my share of moments BUT... damn of I'll allow them to totally ruin my day! (that's a choice we all have).

Also for example, as simple as it sounds, posting a note around the house helps. For instance, a post it on the mirror to not look in your mouth or on the potty to not check your poo can be a positive reminder not to engage in a detrimental self checking behavior the inevitably increases your anxiety.

Positive thoughts

[Sunflower2]

Perspective is a difficult thing, because when I am feeling completely hopeless with my anxiety and like a waste of space, thinking of how others have it worse makes me feel even worse! I feel so ungrateful and hate myself for being so full of self pity. I feel weak and like a failure for suffering so much and causing others to suffer when from the outside I look like I have the perfect life.

In that sense, I have begun to try use perspective on the way that my struggles are just as important and relevant. It's not a competition to feel the worst, but to recognise I'm struggling, and work on it like anyone else with a problem does. This helps get rid of the self pity and work towards a solution and feeling better in myself.

However, it does also give me a much needed boot up the bottom when I'm feeling sorry for myself because of something insignificant!

[pulisa]

You have never played the "victim card", Kimberley and continue to work on your anxiety with strength and determination.

[Sunflower2]

Thanks Pulisa! At the beginning of my journey with anxiety I was very upset and confused and caused a lot of grief for my parents, because they didn't know how to help. I've done a lot of silly things over the years but I suppose we all have! We are all human after all.

That's another side to perspective too! You see someone who is strong and determined, yet I often see myself as weak and a failure. It's only when I take a step back and look at all that I have achieved that I give myself credit!

[Fishmanpa]

It's only when I take a step back and look at all that I have achieved that I give myself credit!

I agree with Pulisa that you've made fantastic strides in healing. What you said about stepping back is key. It's not hard to do as much as it's remembering to do so when the negativity comes in.

My Positive Quote for today is:


"When I hear somebody sigh, 'Life is hard,' I am always tempted to ask, 'Compared to what?'"

Sydney J. Harris

That pretty much sums it up :)

Positive thoughts

[Sunflower2]

Ahh thank you that means a lot! I actually was feeling a bit down this morning so read back through some of my older posts - it hit me just how much my attitude has changed. Yes I still have many anxious behaviours but it's amazing how a different mind set makes all the difference!

I've been keeping up with your daily positive quotes too.. Always good food for thought! :)

[rebeccad]

Great post and so sorry for your loss , your a great help to me and so many others on her, excellent news on the all clear I wish we all had your perspective on life , thanks again fishmanpa your like the Heath anxiety fairy godfather to us allxx

[Fishmanpa]

However, it's not so easy for everyone to be so positive and we have to make allowances for those sufferers too.

You're right Cath... no doubt (Good to see you btw!). BUT... (there's always a but right? ;)), there's a difference between making allowances and giving free reign to someone's anxiety. There has to come a time when enough is enough or the cycle will never end. In many cases, reassurance is affirmation and enabling and that cycle has to stop. The question is: When is that the case? It's difficult to determine when tea and sympathy needs to turn into a cyberslap upside the head but there are many times when it's painfully obvious it's needed.

Positive thoughts

[Catherine S]

Hi Mark, thanks..And yes I see where you're coming from. I think my thoughts on this kind of situation these days (and goodness knows how many we'very experienced over time) is that as soon as I realise the poster isn't prepared to take advice from anybody and thus not wanting, or be willing to break the cycle, then rather than keep on replying and ending up getting irritated, just move on. Carry on following the thread yes and even despairing when you see unsuspecting members being drawn into it, but that's for them to make up their minds if they'very had enough. As is happening already. But however irritating it is, unfortunately she has every right to post her threads and unless the admins and mods call her on it, the rest of us have the choice to reply or not. If that makes any sense. Good to see you are still around too btw :noangel:

Cath x

[almamatters]

Interesting post and yes I wish I had your logical approach to health matters. Thanks again for being on the forum, you have given me and many others some wonderful advice. :)