Ovarian cyst sinister cells! Losing my mind

[ariel88]

Hi,

I'm in serious need of some assistance in coping with something that would make someone without an anxiety disorder anxious so is seriously tipping me over the edge.

I had surgery 4 weeks ago to remove a dermoid cyst from my ovary that I was reassured is completely benign. So I had surgery after 2 weeks started feeling myself and now physically I feel good as new if not the best I have felt in years.

So I get a phone call Tuesday out of the blue it's my surgeon he tells me I need to come to the hospital that day as they found something in the cyst. So I'm a nervous wreck have to take 2mg of Valium and leave work.

The doctor was vague and said that they found abnormalities that could be sinister. I asked if it was cancer and he said he couldn't say but I needed more tests to stage it. Why would they be staging it if it wasn't cancer?! He also said that what they found is extremely rare and vaguely mentioned if they did have to sort it out it would involve more surgery and Chemo.

So I've had the blood tests and have a CT scan tomorrow. I will know more next Thursday.

I feel like I know nothing so being how anxious I am generally all I can think is the absolute worst. I am only 27!!

I'm scared I'm going to die and lose my fertility and I keep switching from being angry and upset to so anxious I can't move. Next week feels like a lifetime away and I just don't know how I am going to cope waiting.

[countrygirl]

Oh poor you, anyone would be very anxious given your news even if they didn't have ha to begin with.

Everything you are feeling is totally normal although horrible. It will seem along week and the nhs is never the fastest and not always good at keeping you informed although they often have the most expertise.

I wish I could give you words of reassurance but only the Drs can do that after the tests. Remember that they are being super cautous which is a good thing so its not given that you have something nasty they are wanting to be 100% sure its not nasty.

I am thinking of you and will be hoping that they are wrong and all will be well. Please please let us know how you get on and "talk" to us if it helps.xx

[Fishmanpa]

I'm a survivor so I've been there done that. All I will say, and it's the mantra of anyone faced with a possible cancer diagnosis.

"It's not cancer until they say its cancer".

I know your mind is going a million miles a minute and I know with your anxiety, you're latching onto worst case scenarios but all you can do is try to remain calm (valium helps!) and wait to see what they find out.

Here's to hoping for something benign.

Positive thoughts

[KeeKee]

I can't even imagine how hard it must be for you right now. I don't even know what to say except I'm so sorry you're going through this right now and I hope everything turns out fine.

[Annie0904]

So sorry you are having to go through this and sending you lots of hugs :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

[Arietis]

:hugs: All the hugs my love! I am still on 6 monthly smear tests since they had to remove a ton of bad cells from my cervix 4 years ago! They told me something similar back then but it turned out all OK not cancer just really dodgy cells! Thats why they are still keeping a close eye on me. You'll be fine they just dont want to take any chances!! xxx

[swgrl09]

I am so sorry you are going through this! It would definitely send anybody's anxiety high. I wish your doctor wasn't so vague and criptic on the phone as that doesn't help at all. It sounds like there isn't any confirmation yet about what it is or isn't so try as best as you can to take it day by day. It's hard to not think the worst, but you are young and feeling healthy so that's something in your favor. Please keep us posted. :hugs:

[Darwin73]

Hello ariel

Just wanted to say that your anxiety over this is completely understandable. It's bad enough having health anxiety when the docs find nothing wrong, but to have something that a doc has expressed concerns about would be enough to send most people into a spin.

I do know that with ovarian cyst biopsies, sometimes they do find some dodgy cells, but that it doesn't always mean cancer. Of course your fears are perfectly justified, but just take things day by day, hour by hour if you have to, and try to deal with information as it arrives. Definitely don't google! Remember, most information you read on medical conditions and treatment is not up to date and would likely not apply to your individual case.

It might be helpful for you to make a list of any questions you have for your next appointment. Also, take someone with you if you can. It's often the case that patients are so anxious they don't take in everything the Dr says to them, so having an extra pair of ears or someone to take notes on your behalf can also help if you want to go over things later.

If it helps you, keep posting. Try some online games or download some apps to try and distract yourself. Many people actually say it's the waiting that's the worst, and once they've had the follow up appointment, at least there's a plan of action.

I do wish you all the best ariel, and very good luck.

[ariel88]

thank you so much for all of the love and good advice! you have each made me feel so much better.

I will definitely write down all of my questions for the doctor and I have an amazing OH who will be with me every step of the way.

I completely agree the waiting is the worst part having gone through surgery so recently I am aware of what to expect should I need more.

I just keep jumping ahead of myself I am a serious emetophobe so even thinking about chemo is just adding to my anxiety.

Again thank you all so much xx I will likely keep posting even if it is just to vent my thoughts as doing this tonight has made such a huge difference.

[countrygirl]

Post as much as you like, we will all be here for you xx

[Lin71]

Hi Ariel...you poor thing, I'm keeping everything crossed for you and hoping it turns out to be something benign which it could very well be especially considering your age.
I know the waiting is hard, try and keep busy for the next week, can you do something nice this weekend to keep your mind off the waiting?
Focus on the fact that the cyst has been removed, so 'sinister' or not, you're already in a better position than you were 4 weeks ago. Let the Drs be thorough and see what they say next week.
Big hugs
Lin xx

[WorryWortAgain]

Your anxiety is completely understandable in this situation. I'll be praying that it's nothing serious. (((HUGS)))

[ariel88]

Another thing on my mind as someone mentioned is that Valium helps.

I am completely clean in regards to drinking and following my surgery was very conscious about how many painkillers I took.

I have some 5mg & 2mg Valium and I'm struggling tonight but I've already taken it 3 times this week I split a 5mg in half on the day I got the "news" and took that before I left work and then right before I met with the doctor then I took a 2mg yesterday and I'm so worried about getting addicted because I know that it is quite an addictive drug.

How many times is too much in one week? I've done well all day today not feeling very anxious and had my ct scan but this evening I'm feeling nauseous and agitated and generally very anxious again.

[Darwin73]

Well done for getting through the CT scan:). With regards to the Valium, if you give your local pharmacy a ring or pop in tomorrow, they will be happy to talk through dosages with you. I guess it depends what the prescription said, or did the doctor just say take when needed?

[Allochka]

I'm very sorry you are dealing with this.
As a wife of kidney cancer survivor, I agree that waiting is the hardest.
Second, as Fismanpa said - it's not cancer until they say it's cancer.
Third - cancer is not an automatic death sentence these days ( and nobody said you have it, remember?).
Ask your questions to docs and don't hesitate to ask for second or third opinion, if any doubts. You are your own best advocate.
Good luck and keep us posted!

[ariel88]

I am probably starting to sound like a broken record but I feel like I'm losing my mind/getting depressed.

I just feel like I can't cope, don't know what to do with myself... I really want to hope for a good outcome from the tests but have this terrible feeling that there is something really wrong even though physically I feel good.

I just want my life back the last 4 months has just been endless hope & disapointment I feel like I can't live my life with this hanging over me and am really worried about my mental health.

[Lin71]

Hi Ariel
You're not losing your mind, you're doing really well. This situation would be difficult for anyone, let alone someone already suffering from stress and HA.
You can and will get through this. Whatever the outcome is you can and will deal with it. These tests are your doctors being thorough and doing their jobs, and right now you can't change anything... just take each day as it comes and Thursday will come around soon enough.
You mentioned you have a supportive partner, are you able to talk things over with him?
I really feel for you because I know I'd be exactly the same and its always much easier to give advice than take it....I'm keeping everything crossed for you, take care of yourself..
Lin xx

[Darwin73]

It must be so hard for you ariel. The way I get through things I am dreading is by telling myself "this time next week, the appointment will be over. I will be better informed and I will have a plan of action". You are not alone and you are not sounding like a broken record. Anyone would feel the same.

[ariel88]

Hi all!

I had my results back today and the cells were completely benign. To say I'm relieved is an understatement. They said that they had really never seen anything like this before with a dermoid cyst which is why they discussed it with me so negatively to begin with.

Thank you so much for all of your kind words.

xx

[KeeKee]

Arial88 I am so pleased for you. You must feel as though you've been given a second chance at life due to how you previously felt. Treat yourself to a nice movie and some yummy food or something!

[Leslie735]

Soooo happy for you!!!! Praise God!!! :)

[Fishmanpa]

I equate experiences like this (and to much on the HA boards) to Occupy Wall Street. There are the 1% who actually have something serious going on and the 99% who don't. Even when something is suspected, 99% of the time it works out just fine :) It's great to be part of the 99%!

Brilliant news! :yesyes:

Positive thoughts

[rebeccad]

Hey I'm so pleased for you , go enjoy your weekend xxx

[Lin71]

Fantastic news Ariel, I'm pleased and relieved for you...you have been through a lot so have a lovely restful weekend.
Lin xx

[Superworrier]

so happy to hear that hun :D

[swgrl09]

Wonderful news!!!! What a relief!

[Darwin73]

Great to read your update! Hope you go out to celebrate!

[LilGsMama]

Fantastic news Ariel!! xxxxx

:yahoo::yahoo::yahoo:

[WorryWortAgain]

That's awesome news!!! So happy for you!

[snowflake293]

What a huge relief :) thank God you are ok and it was benign. Can't imagine what you must have been through with all that. Massive hugs xxx

[ariel88]

Thanks again all! So so happy its unreal finally getting back into exercise and relaxation for my anxiety :) xx