MetalYeti
12-02-16, 11:40
I’ve ended up agreeing to play an fairly important game with a new team this weekend. I haven’t been with them long but they’re short of people and I have the appropriate skills and experience to play. Partly my ego got in the way as obviously I was flattered to be asked (most teams would play short rather than asks someone they didn’t think was capable) but also I just can’t say no to people. Now I’m wondering what the hell I’ve got myself into and why on earth I thought I would capable of playing. I haven’t played since the panic attacks started over 18 months ago now and the anxiety has been ramping up all week. I feel stupid for agreeing and I’m so worried I’m going to let everyone down, but the stubborn part of me thinks ‘I used to do this, why the hell should I miss out on everything?’ Obviously it’s too late to do anything about it now, I’ll just have to go tomorrow and see what happens (if only it were as simple as that sounds!), but I feel frustrated and angry with myself and absolutely terrified and I just needed to vent and get it off my chest.