Scared to death. Need some help! :(

[Savvy_Darling]

I'm not doing so well.. I'm so mad at myself for letting anxiety get the best of me. I feel so low & just scared of everything.

Ever since I knocked my head about 4 days ago I was worried about brain bleeding excessively. Last night I posted about it. Well I'm still worried about it but I've also aquired a new fear with my head and its a brain tumor. Something that Google got my scared about because I simply looked up "back of head pain". For the last couple of days I've been getting back of the head pain more so when lying down.. It feels tender back there. Also random head pains..all over the head that come randomly not horribly painful but enough to make an anxious person start loosing their mind. I don't think my ibuprofen seems to work and that's what scares me. The only thing I'm experiencing is pain and tenderness.. No problems with eyes or balance or speech.
Also sometimes I get tingling feeling on top of my head which I've felt before though. I know I've seen people worried about brain tumors on here before & I never had that fear but now I have it and I really feel like a mess.

I'm so scared of the doctors you guys have no idea- I wish I was like some of you that are able to just go 100s of times..I get even more panicked about thinking of going.

With my head pain nothing seems persistent.. It comes n goes...and more so when I'm laying down. I don't know if this could be neck pain or tension or shoulders.. I know before this mess I was having shoulder tension and left bicep pain. I also had seen sometimes about if pain extends to your left arm to see a doctor and that has also made me a mess!!! :(

I know I've been on my phone a great deal in bed with my neck bent over and my shoulder hunched. I've been so stressed with my head and brain bleeding fears as well for the last 4 days since it happened.. And now all this?
Brain tumors? Ugh. This is horrible... I also keep thinking maybe I have a mole that spread melanoma to my brain (because I read about it) like my mind is going crazy with fears and worry and I feel emotional. It's Valentine's Day weekend and I'm suppose to romantic with my boyfriend not in the bathroom fearing brain tumors or other head issues. I'm so scared.

If anyone whose experienced similar or had similar fears.. I would greatly appreciate your replies... I could use all your help :( I would be forever in your debt.

:weep:

[MyNameIsTerry]

Savanna,

I think you know just how this all sounds, your frustration with the irrational thoughts shows through.

There is always those 1 in 1,000,000,000,000,000 (keep adding zeros...) chance that you could be looked at by a stray dog in a funny way then get a headache and then die. But that's just life. The point is always that whilst there is often the most bizarre of circumstances out there, the anxiety sufferer will be looking at that and forgetting about all the others that haven't happened when that scenario takes place - the 999,999,999,999,999.

You know you hit your head, you know that will cause bruising, you know it will cause headaches, you know the issues with your glasses could cause them, you know being hunched over a screen all the time could cause them, you know (keep adding more things you already now...). etc.

The real issue is the anxiety itself. It's just looking for associations between things to come up with a plan to do something to save you from the threats. That's all it is. It's just not working to the level it should be, the dials have be turned way up. That's all.

One part is knowing that it is anxiety and that these other things you will find are unlikely, even if you still worry about them. If you can see this, you are not in that strong denial cycle that some people are in. That's a good thing and I think more of you HA guys on here should remember this - you do have some level of acceptance going on in there. It's just that you haven't learned to stop the reaction to the subconscious sending out these strong feelings, thoughts, sensations, emotions, etc.

I bet any pain in the body can be linked to some obscure serious disease or serious physical condition but you know what doctors do? They don't just look at the symptoms, they also look at the lack of symptoms you are expected to have and any symptoms that disprove the diagnosis too.

The thing with anxiety is it's just looking at all the possible threats. First it was the brain bleed, now comes the tumour, next it could be some weird insect in the head, some people just advance through the chain of ever more unlikely scenarios. The fight or flight response is built for this, it's what it wants to do - it's just not operating in that normal set of parameters, the parameters have widened too much.

Learning to challenge thoughts the CBT way (try a Thought Record, and look up Cognitive Distortions on Wiki (which are accurate) as they explain this thinking style) or try to accept the thoughts to dispel them whether Mindfulness (observation & acceptance) or other acceptance methods. All of them take time but they will help.

[Savvy_Darling]

Hey terry!

I can always rely on you to help guide me through a rational process.
You're right I'm not totally in denial & I do try to rationalize and think of things that cause it but it's like I got 2 voices in my head:
There's one that says: fear not! This is just from all the stress and anxiety of hitting your head and poor neck posture from being worried on your phone.
Then there's one that says: omg you're totally dying this time.. It's bleeding! No there's a tumor! A mole you removed was actually melanoma and spread to your brain...... (And the list could go on)

It's funny how the 2nd voice seems to be more obnoxious and loud then the other one too. I can only assume this is my rational voice & irrational voice. But sometimes I worry my irrational voice could be right!

I think I remember something about the 2 week wait - where you put your worries at bay and see how things turn out in weeks time & then reaccess what your feeling.

It's something hard to do for me because in the meantime I'll be trying to battle the scary intrusive thoughts that seriously destroy my peaceful soul. :(

I might check out the symptoms page and see if any of what I'm feeling could be just anxiety.

Thanks terry! Again , much love!

[MyNameIsTerry]

Well, I'm usually on during the night otherwise I'm sure many other people on here would be doing the same.

I bet a lot of what you are feeling will be anxiety. A lot of it can be secondary issues though e.g. how poor posture leads to nerve compression problems. Then the more actual physical problems you add, the more frustrated & upset you get.

I completely understand the two voices thing. I've said it in therapy years ago myself. My issues differ to yours but with my GAD my two voices are often ambivalence. One wants me to try, the other wants to hold back as it's "better the devil you know". So, I get a frequent crossroads and struggle picking a direction. That's just one form the two voices take anyway.

One can be the subconscious and the other the conscious. The conscious is the logical one that you can use to change the thoughts but that subconscious powerful because it doesn't just send a thought - it sends feelings, memories, emotions, sensations, etc. You can use the conscious one to trigger all this too but it's hard to learn whether you challenge or accept because the subconscious is sending so much real & powerful to you.

However, the conscious always has the power to make the decision, even if you can't stop the anxiety, the conscious retains executive functions because that's what it there for. The subconscious can only do things it has been programmed to already do, hence why it falls down with intrusive thoughts as it doesn't know what to do then and it's a job for conscious mind...which means it sends all that "data" (feelings, memories, emotions, sensations, thoughts, etc) to literally say "ok, I've checked everything I'm allowed to do and I'm stuck, please tell me".

So, the more you learn not to react with fear, panic or negatives, the more this becomes pointless as the subconscious will just stop sending it. The result is less anxiety. This is why acceptance works.

The 2 week wait is a useful way to evaluate symptoms rather than rush straight to a doctor. It means you don't react in the heat of it all. It's going to mean more anxiety over that time but it gives you the chance to rationalise which might not be as easy when in that moment. If you try to look back at how you have felt the last few days, I bet you can see how some periods have been more intense than others where rational just seemed to be overwhelmed by the subconscious irrational side?

Take care. :flowers:

[nirvanainchains]

I genuinely feel you, but it sounds like you’re obssesing too much about how things will go wrong. Well, my problems was partially solved by changing the way my mind behave. First thing is, I would stop googling about anything about my body. 2nd thing is I would always inject in my head that this has happened in the past. 3rd is, I did a tests by a Doctor and everything went okay and so I’m trying to believe that. 4th is, everything you and I feel can be so normal,and it's just HA. I’ve been into battle with this HA since December of 2014 and a lot of(some) symptoms that are torturing me before are now GONE because of the little changes that I’ve made(E.G: Panic Attacks, Very Loose stools, Intense Lethargy, and a lot more). All that is left to me is back pain, gassy abdominal pain, back pain and dizziness(head pressure or head ache). The chest pain or discomfort in breathing could be attributed to my habit of smoking and I am really trying my best to quit smoking. My back pain could be bad posture and also sleep positioning or just spending too much time lying in my bed. All of that pain was not present before I developed anxiety because I was not anxious, but now it is a big deal because our mind is concentrating on all of the pain. I would still posts some concerns and I am telling everyone that I am feeling so down, because I am so frustrated that I am not 100% HA free. But at least I am doing my own little way of helping myself. Please also try helping yourself. Thanks and I hope I made it clear, English is not my mother tounge. Thank You.

[Savvy_Darling]

Thanks guys.. I just don't know when this will get better.. Woke up feeling sore on the back of my head again and have to turn on my side. Head just feels sore and tense. I don't know what to do,, I'm so upset.

[shirlp]

Ahh I'd wrote a post to reply but my internet went down grrr. Anyway I was just saying in 17 years since I started with anxiety and headaches my Dr has never suggested a ct scan or MRI. Wen we tell our symptoms they listen to what we don't say too. Wen I finally got a grip on my anxiety a few years ago I didn't have headaches or any other little pains. A couple of months ago my anxiety flared up again and back came the pains and headaches. In fact it feels like I've had a headache since anxiety reared its ugly head again. It terrifies me but I gotta tell myself its anxiety. Xx

[Savvy_Darling]

Thankyou shirlp , that's very true. Before hitting my head I had no head pains or what I'm experiencing now and I've never given a brain tumor a time of the day to worry about. I guess with all the upset about worrying about brain bleeds I've let my anxiety do a number on me. I'll have my good moments where I'll feel okay and I'll tell myself to stop its all in my head (no pun intended lol) but then when I feel a pain or my head will hurt its hard to tell myself anything. I've tried to relax today and put a heating pad under my head and just relax my neck and I seem to be doing okay. But thanks again shirlp , it helps to know others have head pain with anxiety.

Oh and your right it's the symptoms we don't have that we should think about.. You're right when doctors listen to that.. If we just come to them about head pains and soreness and we've been very emotionally stressed lately they won't think about brain tumors & bleeds like we do.. Because we also don't have the other serious symptoms.

[Savvy_Darling]

I was just laying here and I got a random ringing in my left ear.. Went away fairly quickly. Probably lasted like 10 seconds or less. I've experienced ear ringing before because my mother always joked and said "it's someone talking about you"

My worry is with all the random head pain / aches I've been getting on top of when I hit it 5 days ago if this should be a worrisome thing? /:

Ha before anxiety I wouldn't have thought a thing about this.. But now I'm worried it's something bad like I started this thread about.

I think the last ear ringing I got was days ago and again it's a quick passing thing.

/: anyone else had similar symptoms ?

[.Poppy.]

I get ear ringing too occasionally. I thought everyone did.

Anxiety can cause muscle tension which can cause headaches and pain. I had a pain in true back of my head last week, it almost felt bruised and hurt when I touched it. I panicked too but two days later it was much better. I think I slept funny. I do need a new pillow :)

If you look up the muscles of the head/neck you will see there are sooooo many and they can get sore really easily.

I know it's scary, I'm scared of my personal symptoms right now too, but hang in there.

[Savvy_Darling]

Poppy thanks for the reply :)

And yeah I thought that too and honestly this wouldn't have caused me any concern if wasn't for my pre existing head anxiety after I knocked it.
I really do try pinning it to muscle tension.. You're lucky yours went away quick.. I feel like mine has been going on for days now. Which again.. What worries me.

But I will try and stay positive .

[Beckie4567]

I feel for u I'm having same issues at mo but mines with dizzyness weird feeling around me.its horrible and I'm worried about a bt hope u feel better soon

[shirlp]

Anxiety picks on fears. U was scared wen u banged ur head that you had done some damage, anxiety picked up in that and it spirals.. Keeps the symptoms going which in turn keeps your anxiety going. Xx

[Savvy_Darling]

Thanks Beckie /: totally sucks


Shirlp -- I definitely agree with you on that! It's like ever since my head knock it's been downhill with head anxiety since. TOTALLY FRUSTRATING!!! Any head relates pain or ache or like with the simple ear ringing it just sends me further down the path of brain tumor or other brain related bad things. :( I just have the what if this isn't anxiety this time . It's been 5 days since my head hit and I'm still getting the random headaches or pains. It's frightening. :(