Can't forget about a girl i barely got to know 1 year and 2 months later :(

[Lockey1995]

Hey, first of all this is probably going to be a long ass post i apologize a bit about me I've always suffered with anxiety and bits of social anxiety mainly around girls. I met a girl at my previous job and fell quite hard like an idiot and managed to completely mess it up. I feel so pathetic for writing this and atm I'm just full of anxiety and feel terrible I keep thinking what if i did that instead of this etc. Anyway I was ok from about November this year to know and then it just popped up on facebook on people you may know and it just hit me all over again, 4 months previous i did actually send one message just saying hey, how are you which must have got ignored. Back then i had so much going on I just wasn't me at all my nan was ill, found out i wouldn't have a job in January and had a horrendous tooth ache I barely concentrated at work and have never felt so bad.


Anyway I'll post what actually happened now from another forum and where it went wrong this is really cringe worthy to write looking back at it now :/

" About 2 weeks ago I found out a girl that was in my job induction liked me according to a friend I worked with, So I started talking to her a little although be it nervously, but in the induction I told her I've always been very shy and I think she understood.She's also very shy, She was only in one day a week so I didn't really speak to her that much my friend said do you want her number, so he asked her to see If could have it and she said yes we started talking about work etc and that she was finishing on x mas eve due to a terminated contract etc.


On the Saturday, I went to the works party she was there, It was quite awkward and uncomfortable at the party so I didn't speak to her much, when I got home I text her saying "Sorry for being awkward I am at times :/" She said Don't worry I don't think you were being awkward" I then took it a little too far and told her what happened after college and not being able to speak to people but I'm getting over it now. After this there was no reply the next day I just asked when she broke up from college? and a pointless text that didn't really need an answer don't know Why i sent it, nothing.
So the next week things in my mind just went awkward and I was over thinking through the week what shall I say, what shall i say and ended up saying nothing that day at all one smile I think that was it, It might just be me paranoid that she didn't want to speak to me, But i was convinced in my mind she didn't want to speak to me.
Anyway wasn't thinking I got home and sent " I'm going to be honest here, I can get a little shy at times, but I really enjoy talking to you " This made things worse in my opinion so the next time I saw her I just said "Have I done anything wrong because I don't want to come off as someone I'm not" She said no, no you're fine the only thing That's killing me now is I sort of approached it a little quick/nervous and I'm worried it may have even scared her even though when she walked off she did smile so might be me over thinking again. On I think it was the Monday before christmas eve she was on my both of my breaks and sat directly in front of me on the table infront twice!, I just couldn't speak to her at all, just couldn't get any words out .


Anyway, to avoid the details we'll fast forward to her last day x mas even wednesday, I've felt so guilty and depressed that I've done something wrong this week I've hardly spoke to anyone, I saw her 3 times and she kept looking at me but I never reacted :/, One of them I was walking past the aisle she was in and got stuck behind 2 customers and for literally 10 seconds she just looked at me and what did i do look at the floor!. So On my lunch I just walked up to her and said hey, how are you etc, wished her a lovely christmas which she said thank you, you too then said I just wanted to say I'm sorry about those two texts, she said it's fine don't worry. But I just don't know if it is fine maybe it is I just over think alot of things.

I saw her once more When I walked past her I looked away and she just looked at the floor. Anyway 5 pm comes around and she leaves the staff door opposite the aisle I'm working in and walks around the aisle and behind me. now this is where it gets weird she walked past my aisle 5 or 6 times then walked off.
I went on my break and turns out she cried when she left because she wasn't returning back unless she gets called sometime, So I just sent a text saying heard you were upset, are you ok? No reply. I just don't know if I've done something wrong here to screw this up I was going to leave it for 2 weeks then just send hey to her or whatever but I'm just paranoid I've done something horribly wrong, Was thinking of leaving it say 1-2 weeks sending a simple text and see what happens on the texts it just says delivered not read so I don't know what's happening there she must just see my name and probably not read it "

That's from another forum i writ on a while back, any advice to kick this seriously it should be so easy but i just can't at all :(

Cheers, Jack

[Oosh]

I think you've learned that
1. You can be attractive to members of the opposite sex.
2. You want a gf like her.
3. Next time the opportunity arises spend your time being friendly to her instead of worrying and over thinking so much.

That whole episode can start again this month if you want it to. You have to accept what went wrong and learn what differently you'll do next time.

Where did you go wrong ?
You seemed to have a subtext all the way through of "oh that won't be good enough. She will/would have a bad impression of me now".

So everything you thought about doing, did or didn't do you felt insecure about.

You're good enough !
You're not trying to be special, you're just giving her a friend.
Is she ok ?
How does she feel about things ?
Give her everything YOU need.
What do YOU need ?
Maybe she is very normal like you and wants simple things like someone to like her, listen and care about what's going on.

I'm like you I've just got a bit past that bit. We tend to think you have to reach some lofty heights with what we do or say because they deserve so much more.
We are too busy feeling insecure and inadequate instead of seeing you should just be trying to give the simple things that you need too.

When she wanted you to ask how she was and how she felt about Blah blah and if she was bored and fancied coming out because you like her (people like people who like them) you were apologising. You were convincing yourself that everything you could say wouldn't be good enough so you didn't say anything. Or you did say something, felt it wasn't good enough and apologised.

What do YOU need ?
That's what she needs to !
Like her
Don't be a sh1t
Show interest

You're good enough ! You just thought you had to do so much more and were crushed and inhibited by performance anxiety.

Go and find the next her and use what you've learned.

You are looking back because you're not looking forward. Maybe continually looking back saves you from tackling that situation again ?

She seemed to like you ! Others will too ! Focus on them now.

[Lockey1995]

Thanks for the reply, helped a bit :) yeah I've got to move forward hard at the minute but I'll keep at it.

[HalfJack]

If I were you I'd look into ways to break negative thought patterns, try to break out of the cycle of obsessive thinking. In my experience you just never know why a person could want to end contact. So obsessing over why is a never ending situation unless you check yourself and stop. Realistically you never know why, it might not even be anything to do with you. Sorry you didn't get the girl this time but no one finds dating easy so don't set yourself apart because of that :)
Well done for putting yourself out there! You're much braver than me ive never asked anyone for their number or anything like that!