I don't recognise myself anymore :(

[Carnation]

Does anyone else have this?

When I see myself, I think; 'Who's that?'.
It's like looking at a stranger. I feel I have changed so much, that the 'Anxiety' has drained me of my identity. :weep:

Am I going mad with this feeling?????

[Fishmanpa]

Sounds like classic Depersonalization/depersonalisation & Derealization/derealisation (DP & DR). You're not going mad.

Positive thoughts

[Arietis]

Ive had a bit of this over the last few days, almost feel disconnected from myself.

[Carnation]

Next question. Do you know if it goes away or am I going to be living with a stranger for the rest of my life?

[Fishmanpa]

Next question. Do you know if it goes away or am I going to be living with a stranger for the rest of my life?

IMO, just like other anxiety symptoms, the reduction of the source (anxiety) also reduces the severity of the symptoms.

Positive thoughts

[Sunflower2]

Carnation, when I am at my worst I don't even know that person is. It's like my personality is just 'anxiety' and nothing else. I am a happy and positive person and always have been. So when I began crying all the time and causing stress to my parents and friends, I felt I lost myself. I hated who I became and thought that my personality had changed forever.

But I remember specifically, 3 days into taking sertraline in the afternoon I felt a little like 'me' again. I had more than just negative emotions and I started to feel good. More and more often I felt like me again and now it's only when I feel bad I feel like 'anxiety' rather than 'me' if that makes sense. Even though I'm going through a worse patch at the moment, in between the tears and worries I'm still the happy positive person that I always have been.

Anxiety and life does change us, but it doesn't mean our personalities aren't still there deep inside. You're still you, it's just the anxiety that is the strongest feature at the moment. What did you used to enjoy doing that you stopped? What positive qualities do you have that make you unique? Looking at these things helps me to remind myself who I am when my anxiety is feeling unbearable.

[Carnation]

That was going to my next question.........

'What causes it?' But you already answered that one.

It's so weird, it's not all the time, but I think to myself, 'Who the hell is that?'.
And then, I convince myself that I am ill and that is why I look weird.
It makes sense when it is connected with anxiety.
My partner says I just look the same. So, it's a 'Mind' thing again. :wacko:

---------- Post added at 16:41 ---------- Previous post was at 16:36 ----------

Kimberley, it's like being taken over by an Alien!!!

I know the real me is in there deep inside, but what a journey we have been on, an exhausting journey. I feel like I have aged 20 years!!!! (A bit of an exaggeration, but you know what I mean). It doesn't take much to lose your identity when anxiety is in charge, but we won't let it, will we? :huh:

[Anxiousgirl23]

I had this terrible it lasted a year I was so scared it was never going to go. I use to look in the mirror and think who is that I looked so different.
I knew it was me, but I couldn't recognise myself. If that makes sense

I use to walk up my road and look T my house and think it's not mine. Even when I looked at family members they looked different.
I was so worried I thought that's it I've gone mad.
But the more you don't think about it. It does eventually go. It's horrible I completely understand x

[MyNameIsTerry]

Is it a literal thing, Carnation? Or is it more thinking about how you don't seem like the old you anymore because of all the stress?

[Carnation]

I don't know Terry, I just look like a completely different person. :shrug:

[Fishmanpa]

I've personally felt similar a couple of times. Again, it's classic DP & DR. When we're really stressed, our minds kind of go to a different place to escape the stress. Not entirely though...just parts. Thus the feeling not real or different. We're conscious of everything but it's as if our mind isn't working right to recognize reality as we know it (if that makes sense).

I recall during a really bad time in my life I was driving and the next thing I knew I "woke up" for lack of a better word, 30 miles past the exit I was supposed to take! I pulled over and was in a state of panic and confusion. It took me a few minutes to realize where I was! What the heck had just happened?! I spoke to my doctor and he explained it as stress related. My mind was totally focused on my problems and I basically zoned out. The other part of my brain was doing all the things it should have been doing to drive the car safely so I wasn't in any danger. It never happened since but I certainly can relate.

That's what I believe happens to various degrees with DP & DR.

Positive thoughts

[Carnation]

I've done that a few times Fishmanpa.
It's so scary, because you wonder whether you were alert while driving the car!
And it was probably thinking about problems and other stuff.

When I talk about the issue of not recognising myself.
I don't mean as if you have had a new haircut and you look different, because you have the same face, but look different.
I mean, I look and think, who's that?
It's more like I have had plastic surgery and it's gone wrong! I see ugly.
Does this make any sense??

[Fishmanpa]

I've done that a few times Fishmanpa.
It's so scary, because you wonder whether you were alert while driving the car!
And it was probably thinking about problems and other stuff.

When I talk about the issue of not recognising myself.
I don't mean as if you have had a new haircut and you look different, because you have the same face, but look different.
I mean, I look and think, who's that?
It's more like I have had plastic surgery and it's gone wrong! I see ugly.
Does this make any sense??

Yes it does... Personally, I legitimately had that happen when I was sick. I lost 60+ pounds in a less than 6 months and I "looked" like a different person.... BUT... at the same time, it wasn't just that. I wasn't just in a narcotic fog but a severe mental one as well. There were times I lost track of days and times. Add to that the chemo brain fog, forgetting people and names (and people who I "knew"... not just anyone!) and I was a downright mess. I wondered at times if I was losing it. Thank God for my wife who kept up on everything. I was under severe physical and mental stress and it can and does mess with your perception. It persisted for a good year after all was said and done. However, I knew what it was so while it was frustrating, it wasn't alarming in any way. I knew as things calmed down and I recovered, it would improve and it did.

I believe the same thing for you Carnation. As you heal from anxiety and you reduce the stresses in your life, things will regain normalcy.

Positive thoughts

[Carnation]

Thanks Fishmanpa, I hope so too. :) Life is precious.

[MyNameIsTerry]

It's when you say ugly that I wonder, otherwise I would say it's DP.

We all do the zoning out stuff, and not just due to anxiety. How many times has someone been talking to someone else who isn't paying attention and replies 'sorry, I was miles away there'. That can just happen because we are not concentrating, it doesn't have to be DP/DR issues or everyone is getting a lot of them despite no stress as well. DP/DR can happen to anyone though.

However, I don't think's anything more than being some DP. Sometimes I've thought "where's my life" but it's not DR, it's just me doing some thinking about things.