View Full Version : I am running out of time :(
I have no one I can talk to about this so I am here hoping someone can help me.
I am a 32 year old woman, and I do have a history of scary symptoms cropping up with no outcome. I keep hoping that this is another one of those times but I am convinced I am running out of time. The main reason I feel like its real this time is because I am not experiencing a racing heart which is a classic symptom of mine when I'm anxious and scared. Literally, my heart will race all of the time except when I'm sleeping. Hasn't happened once this time.
2 days after I had my daughter, I started getting headaches. I am not normally a headache sufferer but I have had them on and off in the past so I wasn't particularly fearful or concerned. For 3 weeks I thought not too much of them, but after I was hit with a particularly nasty one on Boxing Day, I've been very afraid since.
I am convinced I have a brain tumor. My symptoms to date are the following:
- Head pain everyday for the last 3 months. Lately its localized to the top right side of my skull and stabs. Sometimes I'll also have an all over ache in the front of my head or the back. Sometimes its pressure.
- Vertigo. This kicked in about 3 weeks ago. I have it all day. I feel like I am on a boat (literally). It does not go away... ever... though it calms down when I am laying down.
- Ringing ears. This one is tricky because I only really notice it when I think about it, so its a question of "Was this present before?" I notice this anytime I think of it, but its louder when I'm laying down.
- Pain above right eye. If I press on my brow line, it can be pretty tender. Ditto for pressure on any area where my current headache is happening.
- Disconnected. I often feel detached and 'weird'.
- Anxious. I feel anxious and keyed up all the time. I am so scared that I'll find out its a tumor and die. I'm terrified of my girls growing up without their mother. :(
- Obsessive - I can't think about much else. I obsess all of the time. Once in awhile I'll get really excited when I feel no pain and feel like I've dodged a bullet but then it always comes back and I become afraid again.
I've been to two doctors. One performed a neurological exam and I passed fine (are those even that accurate at detecting a brain tumor - my bet is no.)? He advised I go to my family doctor is the headaches persisted, which I did 2 weeks later. She said I was fine and that it was probably tension headaches.
Surely they missed something right? A normal healthy person doesn't just have chronic headache and vertigo for weeks on end?
My husband doesn't believe I'm ill so I feel like I have to wait now until the tumor presents itself in worse ways like a seizure before he will believe me.
Everyday I feel like I'm just waiting to die. :(
Can anyone here talk me down, or just talk to me all? I need support and have none. I am so alone. :(
countrygirl
15-02-16, 21:20
There are so many benign reasons for your symptoms from anxiety to neck problems etc. How is your blood pressure? Does your neck ever ache? have you had an eye exam since giving birth as eye exams often pick up the signs of a brain tumour? The rocking boat sensation is common in both anxiety and also in having tense neck muscles or minor inner ear problems. Have you seen ear/nose Dr in case you have an ear problem?
Sorry for all the questions but hopefully you can see how many other non life threatening reasons there can be.
Did you tell the neurologist you were worried you had a brain tumour or you primary care Dr? My Dr always says tell me your fear because I cannot read your mind so if I know you don't have xxxxxx then it would not occur to e to explain to you why you haven't got it becaue i can't read your mind.
Well for a start, every single symptom you've mentioned are very common physical manifestations of anxiety. Vertigo is a specific term which describes a sensation of the room, or you, spinning. What you suggest, that "feeling like you're on a boat", is a very common symptom of anxiety.
It can be caused by over breathing, this disturbs your oxygen levels and can contribute to this symptom.
Ringing ears coupled with vertigo can sometimes suggest Minears disease, an inner ear condition, but the symptoms tend to come and go, and last for hours.
As for a neurological examination, you'd really be amazed at just how much that can tell you. If you go, for instance, complaining of vertigo, a simple few tests to check the area of your brain that controls balance and co-ordination will be performed. If it's working, then there's no reason to suspect it is malfunctioning and causing your symptoms. Tumours don't cause temporary malfunction, they cause constant symptoms by compressing brain tissue.
A neurological exam is to test brain function, if you have full function, the doctor will have no reason to suspect your symptoms are due to your brain. Why would they?
There are so many benign reasons for your symptoms from anxiety to neck problems etc. How is your blood pressure? Does your neck ever ache? have you had an eye exam since giving birth as eye exams often pick up the signs of a brain tumour? The rocking boat sensation is common in both anxiety and also in having tense neck muscles or minor inner ear problems. Have you seen ear/nose Dr in case you have an ear problem?
Sorry for all the questions but hopefully you can see how many other non life threatening reasons there can be.
Did you tell the neurologist you were worried you had a brain tumour or you primary care Dr? My Dr always says tell me your fear because I cannot read your mind so if I know you don't have xxxxxx then it would not occur to e to explain to you why you haven't got it becaue i can't read your mind.
Hi countrygirl, and thank you for taking the time to reply to me! I'll just go ahead and answer your questions in the order you asked them!
- My blood pressure is good, always has been. I average about 100/60, sometimes lower.
- Yes, my neck can get stiff, sometimes in particular spots, sometimes all over. That too, gets me pretty scared.
- I have not had an eye exam for about 3 years and actually plan on doing that really soon.
- I have not seen any other doctors except for my family doctor and the guy at the walk in clinic. I'm trying really hard to abstain from repeated visits to clinics as I've done that in the past. That's why I say "I'm waiting for something worse to happen so my husband will believe me...". :-/ Neither doctor offered a referral. Just told me I was fine.
- Yes, I told both doctors I was afraid of tumor, and explained my obsessing and intense fear. That's why the neurological test was performed on me. They both said they did not believe it to be a tumor. Of course though, I am guilty of going on google and reading stories of people who had my exact symptoms and the doctors telling them that they were fine too.
It's tough you know? Some moments I'll really try to convince myself I AM OKAY!! I'm currently reading some self help books (I'd prefer to avoid going on paxil again because I am breastfeeding). Once in awhile I'll think "YES! Everything is OK, you've just got to fight it!" .... But as soon as I feel a stab in my head again, its back to anxiety.
---------- Post added at 21:52 ---------- Previous post was at 21:42 ----------
Well for a start, every single symptom you've mentioned are very common physical manifestations of anxiety. Vertigo is a specific term which describes a sensation of the room, or you, spinning. What you suggest, that "feeling like you're on a boat", is a very common symptom of anxiety.
It can be caused by over breathing, this disturbs your oxygen levels and can contribute to this symptom.
Ringing ears coupled with vertigo can sometimes suggest Minears disease, an inner ear condition, but the symptoms tend to come and go, and last for hours.
As for a neurological examination, you'd really be amazed at just how much that can tell you. If you go, for instance, complaining of vertigo, a simple few tests to check the area of your brain that controls balance and co-ordination will be performed. If it's working, then there's no reason to suspect it is malfunctioning and causing your symptoms. Tumours don't cause temporary malfunction, they cause constant symptoms by compressing brain tissue.
A neurological exam is to test brain function, if you have full function, the doctor will have no reason to suspect your symptoms are due to your brain. Why would they?
Hello Gary, thank you for replying :)
About 4 years ago I had a nasty bout of vertigo that lasted for a month. One day I woke up and it was literally gone! I keep hoping that will happen again this time, though last time I didn't have all these other symptoms. Yes- it feels just like rocking on boat (but I do not stumble at all - I can stand perfectly still). Sometimes my body feels like its violently jerking back and forth as well, but again, I'm physically not moving at all.
I considered meniere's disease but my symptoms do not come and go, rather they are present all of the time (or at least most of the time. I may get lucky and have 1 hour of calm). I will wake from sleep with head pressure, and feel vertigo the second I stand up. It's been going on for quite some time now.
Thank you for your mention of neurological exam. That's the thing I often find myself obsessing about. I often feel like "They must have missed something." or that the neurological exam is just a bogus thing that was done to try to make me feel better.
As I mentioned to countrygirl, Health Anxiety is a little bugger, you know? As soon as I feel like I've convinced myself that HA is what is causing my troubles, I'll have another stab in my head and the fears start up all over again. My brain is constantly thinking thoughts like "The tumour is getting bigger". "You don't have much times left now." "The pain will never go away." "You family won't even miss you anyways, so it's okay to die now."
Yup... this is my life right now. :-/
Thanks again for responding. It's nice to talk to other people about this, even if it is just the void of the internet.
It's a vicious cycle.
Catherine S
15-02-16, 21:56
Hi, you mention you are still breastfeeding, so your baby is still quite young? Hormone changes in pregnancy and for some time after giving birth can shift enormously and your headaches could be a result of this shift. Headaches can also be quite bad in the run up to and just after the menopause when our hormones shift once again. Added worry about them increases the tension that feeds them making them much more painful and prolonged. Alot of women suffer from these headaches throughout their productive years. As long as you'very had the negative test results and your doctors don't think they are anything sinister, try not to worry about them, but maybe look into natural remedies to ease the pain until you finnish breastfeeding.
Cath x
Sounds like me.. Convince myself the pressure feeling in my head is in fact in my head lol. Then I get a stabbing pressure and away I go with the anxiety again..
Hi, you mention you are still breastfeeding, so your baby is still quite young? Hormone changes in pregnancy and for some time after giving birth can shift enormously and your headaches could be a result of this shift. Headaches can also be quite bad in the run up to and just after the menopause when our hormones shift once again. Added worry about them increases the tension that feeds them making them much more painful and prolonged. Alot of women suffer from these headaches throughout their productive years. As long as you'very had the negative test results and your doctors don't think they are anything sinister, try not to worry about them, but maybe look into natural remedies to ease the pain until you finnish breastfeeding.
Cath x
Hi! Yes! I'd originally hoped that my headaches were because of birth since they started only 2 days after Mila was born - she's 3 months old now. The chance of a tumour coinciding with this sounded really silly... but once the other symptoms started cropping up, I really began to become scared.
I really appreiciate your response. I do try not worry, but the obsessing is hard to explain, it's like a record that replays over and over and I cannot shut it off. :-/ Some days I just get so close to calling off breastfeeding so I can start paxil again, because surely, if the symptoms still didn't go away after a month or two on that, then something is seriously going on with me.
---------- Post added at 22:10 ---------- Previous post was at 22:09 ----------
Sounds like me.. Convince myself the pressure feeling in my head is in fact in my head lol. Then I get a stabbing pressure and away I go with the anxiety again..
Yeah, it's really horrible. :( I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this too. How long have you been dealing with it?
Cancer is an uncontrolled growth of abnormal cells. It doesn't come and go nor does it stop once it starts.
I'm a survivor. I can tell you that when I started actually getting physical symptoms, they progressively got worse.
That fact that your symptoms wax and wane, the clear neurological exams and quite frankly, the fact you're posting about this on an anxiety forum all point what I along with others will tell you... Anxiety...
Most if not all the symptoms you mentioned are in the SYMPTOMS (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/articles/symptoms) link.
You're right though. A "normal healthy person" doesn't have chronic headaches and vertigo for weeks. However, a normal healthy person with anxiety very well can have the symptoms you describe.
Positive thoughts
I've had mine for just over a month or so.. Drs have done the tests in their office said all was fine.. Just had a sinus infection which made it worse, but that's gone now and I've still got head pressure.. I'm having eyes checked on Friday, so see how that goes.. Drs appointment on 3rd of March to discuss headache/anxiety if I can wait that long.. Its getting me down now.. I don't want to go out or to work just in case anything bad happens.. Hope u feel better soon xx
Cancer is an uncontrolled growth of abnormal cells. It doesn't come and go nor does it stop once it starts.
I'm a survivor. I can tell you that when I started actually getting physical symptoms, they progressively got worse.
That fact that your symptoms wax and wane, the clear neurological exams and quite frankly, the fact you're posting about this on an anxiety forum all point what I along with others will tell you... Anxiety...
You're right though. A "normal healthy person" doesn't have chronic headaches and vertigo for weeks. However, a normal healthy person with anxiety very well can have the symptoms you describe.
Positive thoughts
Hello :) Thanks for your input!
I've never really considered my symptoms (headache especially) as "coming and going". They are there all of the time except for a few isolated incidences when they stopped for an hour or so. I would have to agree with your statement of symptoms getting progressively worse. Although I have added in new symptoms for sure, I can't really claim that the headaches are getting worse, just that they never go away and vary in severity.
I'm glad that you survived. :) Was your health anxiety perpetuated by your illness or did you suffer from it before then?
Savvy_Darling
16-02-16, 02:57
Oh I can totally relate to the brain tumor fear!! I got a thread up about it tooo.
My symptoms are for the past few days now I've been having a sore back of the head when laying down seems sensitive. Also throbbing headaches. And random head pains. It's driving me insane and like you I'm so very scared :( you're not alone in this fear so I just wanted you to know.
Luckily for you - you have been looked over and given a test.. Which they say you're fine so think you should try to believe it. Don't read any stories on google because remember their story is not yours! Stay strong girl. Wishing us both the best and to feel better.
Was your health anxiety perpetuated by your illness or did you suffer from it before then?
Actually, I don't suffer from HA. I have a bit of "scanxiety" and dealt with some depression which is understandable under the circumstances.
I found the forum due to HA sufferers posting on the cancer forums. Stuck around to offer a rational word or two :)
Positive thoughts
I found the forum due to HA sufferers posting on the cancer forums. Stuck around to offer a rational word or two :)
We're glad you did! :)
I did make a eye appointment for next Monday but I feel reeeeally anxious about it. I'm normally relieved to have a doctors appointment lined up but I am absolutely petrified that s/he will see swelling in my head when the exam is performed.
I woke up last night to an earache and immediately googled "ear ache brain tumour."
God help me. I hate this.
Hi, I'm currently going through BT fear as well. I feel like I wish I only had your symptoms but fully understand where you're coming from. Did you have an epidural by chance? I thought I would share my experience w you in hopes it gives you relief. I had an MRI about 3.5 years ago, 2 months after my daughter was born. Pretty much right after having her, I had a constant daily headache which worsened when I would tilt head or look up etc. I also experienced dizzy/ lightheaded was, some tingling and extremely anxiety over the whole thing. Ended up getting the MRI and no tumor. To this day I feel like it was something to do w my epidural. Now, goijg through while thing again but much worse:/ I'm sure you are just fjne.
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