Terry said i should post here and get some advice from you guys posted before

[GadGirl]

I have suffered from anxiety and ocd through out the years but i kind of just got on with it and dealt with it I guess.



I have had the intrusive thoughts:

Regarding children, smothering my ex partner stuff to do with bridges, police coming to get me, food being poisoned or drinks being tampered with plus alot of the contamination fears, that i would chuck myself in front of a train etc



The last 8 months have been full of stress for me, I split from my partner of 6 years, I have a court case coming up in April as a witness for something that happened over 12 years ago. I had a lot of stress in one of my jobs then I left and then started having more stress in my other job which I then left and tried to get new jobs managed to secure new jobs within 4 days. All this time though I was having panic attacks constantly and was anxious everyday.



I had a really strong feeling of deja vu in may that made me panic a little bit, Then I had a massive attack in July where everything looked weird and really bright and slowed down and I totally freaked heart rate was at 150 had to get the work to call an ambulance cause I couldn’t feel my lips my hands or my body was ok but a bit shaky after it lasted maybe 30 minutes. I had one at my other work in august where I was busy doing something then turned round and there was loads of people in the bar and for some reason the feeling came over me again my hands went tingly and I ran off the bar again everything seeming really bright and slowed down. I then had one every month till October time.



October came and I woke up one morning after not feeling to clever the day before basically I lifted my head of the pillow and I felt awful stiff neck, sore head, sore body chocked up automatically my brain said to me your really ill you have meningitis.

I checked my temperature and it was high and my heart rate was 130. I freaked out and started running around my house trying to calm myself down. I couldn’t I ended up flinging myself on my bed feeling totally out of it like I was in a dream and was shaking on the floor phoning 999 telling them I was dying. I ended up getting took to hospital were I just couldn’t control myself my heart rate was through the roof it was clocking at 160-180 on the machine they couldn’t keep me still on the bed enough to get an ecg they eventually did, My temp was high so they gave me IV saline and paracetamol. The room was so bright and I was sweating all of the shop and kept saying to the doctor and nurses, there was a room full of about 4 people that I was dying please tell me if I am dying so I know so I can tell my gran goodbye I was terrified. Basically it was all anxiety they said. I never really recovered from that day from that day I never slept more than an hour then 5 days later I ended up getting a panicky feeling again but this time it was not really in my chest it was more in my head my head felt like it was all spacey it was like I was in a dream I thought I was going schizophrenic or psychotic ended up back in the a&e via ambulance but ended up on the floor rocking back and forward because my head felt so weird and things were so bright and didn’t feel real. Basically doctor said im not schizophrenic or psychotic its just anxiety. So home again but basically I was constantly paranoid after this and so scared I had about 1 hours sleep a night for 10 days then basically everything looked really messed up like I was in some other world everything was so bright and vivid. My left hand did not feel like it belonged to me it just looked weird, I looked weird everyone looked weird.

Then random memory flashes started memory’s of random things, people, places etc. Old memories, forgotten memories and bad memories. Constant racing thoughts, music noises and random voices in my head like they are saying things from tv programmes or things people have said. This is constant 24/7 even at night time when trying to sleep which I have not had a full nights sleep in over 3 months. Major closed eye hallucinations, Vivid dreams, false awakenings etc etc.



Questioning weather I am dead, in a coma, in a parallel universe. This is all fake an illusion that im schizophrenic and none of this is real. That I had dementia and that I was really sitting in a care home and this was all in my head. Really messed up stuff. Then one day the memories all came flooding in like super fast like there had to have been 1000 of them past dreams were coming into my head I thought I was going to go crazy!! Then bang deja vu and I have not came out of it I have been stuck in deja vu for 3 months Everything I do, read, eat, watch, talk too, see etc is like I am stuck in some time loop and im reliving life over again, Even meeting new people or buying new things or watching new tv programmes or films its like I have seen it all before. Its like real time deja vu its not that I can predict what’s going to happen next.



Constant racing thoughts everyday night and still the memories come up in my head some of them are away now though. Plus as the months have gone on I have realised that the heavy dream and deja vu state only happens when I am really anxious but its like I cant even feel my panic attacks any more like my body is numb to it I just seem to get a lot of pressure in my head. The deja vu and dream state Is still there 24/7 but at a lower level if im not extremely anxious it gets worse when I am outside or in shops on trains etc.



But my brain doesnt shut up at all [] sometimes i have a moment were it is quite which is usually if im only typing on the computer.



I have rarely left the house in 3 months even before that i was getting anxious about going out I dont understand what is happening []



The mental health team at hospital said i was in a high anxiety/OCD phase and thats why all this is happening can anyone shed any light.


thankyou xx

[viking111]

Hello!
I can relate to some of these things. With anxiety, everything looks different, like totally different when it hits its peak.
I also had times when I was questioning wether everything is real and had the same scary thought of being afraid that I have travelled to a similar dimension or some stuff like that which was influenced by movies.
The strongest OCD I had was about this similar dimension thing as I've said. I had intrusive thoughts that I had travelled to a similar dimension somehow. These thoughts brought me a lot of anxiety and I was also afraid that I was loosing my mind.
I've had these strong OCD attacks 3 times now, about the same obsession, and every time they get stronger. Right now I just recovered from my 3rd OCD attack.

With these attacks I also started seeing that my family was kind of different, their behaviours changed from time to time, which was really just anxiety and overanalysing working for me.
I also had experienced Depersonalization/Derealization some time ago when I had a lot of anxiety, and that also makes everything feel fake and distorted.
It is possible that also you experienced Depersonalization/Derealization, as it is considered as symptom of anxiety and often accompanies OCD sufferers.
With my high anxiety came my Depersonalization and it made things look even more distorted.

I have also before experienced these racing thoughts and similar things as you described, and I really think they are just part of OCD.

What I suggest is that you simply rest your mind, not pay attention to these thoughts, recognize them as just thoughts. Try to get enough sleep, eat properly, do some sports, rest, watch some tv, read a book etc.
Try to get your mind off these things. I've also experienced similar stuff and I know it is not easy, so I hope you get well!

If you need any more info or have some questions, you can PM me.

[TomT]

Hey GadGirl,

First lets clear some things up:

- You are not going schizophrenic as no one "goes" schizophrenic, psychotic patients do not realize they lost or are loosing touch with reality.

- You are experiencing solipsism as you are questioning your existence, reality.

- You are also experiencing what a few users here including me call "Coincidences OCD"


Lets tackle them one by one.

You been having some rough months as you are describing many stressful situations as changing jobs, problems sleeping and so on. The panic attack experience is so distressing that makes us question things like our own health, but doctors have told you its anxiety so its not a bigger problem than just a ton of adrenaline and cortisol pumping through your veins.

Having said that, schizophrenic people do not doubt they believe they are right and their delusions are reality. You on the other hand question it constantly which is totally different from a psychotic patient.

SOLIPSISM: This one took me a while to shake off, but realize this even if reality would be fake you still would have people you love, you would still feel hungry, you would still need to take care of your job and yourself, so nothing would really change doesn't it? Don't question the life experience but embrace it. People have developed philosophy schools around solipsism.

Coincidences: Your brain is a pattern maker and the feeling of dejavu and coincidences is part of that, your brain remembers a similar situation and produces a small electric shock in your brain that targets that sensation. Why do you feel it all the time? That is because you are paying attention to it. Check the posts of gatsby where I talk about him about this topic or check my posts for that matter


If you need anything or have any question do not hesitate to send me a MP.

Best thoguhts,

T

[MyNameIsTerry]

SOLIPSISM: This one took me a while to shake off, but realize this even if reality would be fake you still would have people you love, you would still feel hungry, you would still need to take care of your job and yourself, so nothing would really change doesn't it? Don't question the life experience but embrace it. People have developed philosophy schools around solipsism.

I think we also need to remember how could we create something so complex that we have included every tiny detail?

Another useful test I think is to ask someone a question about something. If they have constructed their own reality, they should know the answer. But they can't know everything and this challenges this belief. What somebody may then question is whether they have created themselves as less intelligent or knowledgeable than their other constructs but this is just "making things fit" like a lot of what we do in anxiety. That would imply more than one personality though wouldn't it? But personalities in multiple personality disorder (a rare disorder) don't occupy consciousness at the same time. And you are aware of what's going on around you so you can't argue it is a delusional disorder, psychosis or schizophrenia and besides, as Tom says, you wouldn't be questioning it on here - because you would trust it to be correct completely without question and totally deny proof otherwise.

---------- Post added at 06:54 ---------- Previous post was at 06:54 ----------


- You are also experiencing what a few users here including me call "Coincidences OCD"

COCD :yesyes:

[GadGirl]

Hey GadGirl,

First lets clear some things up:

- You are not going schizophrenic as no one "goes" schizophrenic, psychotic patients do not realize they lost or are loosing touch with reality.

- You are experiencing solipsism as you are questioning your existence, reality.

- You are also experiencing what a few users here including me call "Coincidences OCD"


Lets tackle them one by one.

You been having some rough months as you are describing many stressful situations as changing jobs, problems sleeping and so on. The panic attack experience is so distressing that makes us question things like our own health, but doctors have told you its anxiety so its not a bigger problem than just a ton of adrenaline and cortisol pumping through your veins.

Having said that, schizophrenic people do not doubt they believe they are right and their delusions are reality. You on the other hand question it constantly which is totally different from a psychotic patient.

SOLIPSISM: This one took me a while to shake off, but realize this even if reality would be fake you still would have people you love, you would still feel hungry, you would still need to take care of your job and yourself, so nothing would really change doesn't it? Don't question the life experience but embrace it. People have developed philosophy schools around solipsism.

Coincidences: Your brain is a pattern maker and the feeling of dejavu and coincidences is part of that, your brain remembers a similar situation and produces a small electric shock in your brain that targets that sensation. Why do you feel it all the time? That is because you are paying attention to it. Check the posts of gatsby where I talk about him about this topic or check my posts for that matter


If you need anything or have any question do not hesitate to send me a MP.

Best thoguhts,

T

Hi Tom thank you for getting back to me i will send you a pm xx

[TomT]

I think we also need to remember how could we create something so complex that we have included every tiny detail?

Another useful test I think is to ask someone a question about something. If they have constructed their own reality, they should know the answer. But they can't know everything and this challenges this belief. What somebody may then question is whether they have created themselves as less intelligent or knowledgeable than their other constructs but this is just "making things fit" like a lot of what we do in anxiety. That would imply more than one personality though wouldn't it? But personalities in multiple personality disorder (a rare disorder) don't occupy consciousness at the same time. And you are aware of what's going on around you so you can't argue it is a delusional disorder, psychosis or schizophrenia and besides, as Tom says, you wouldn't be questioning it on here - because you would trust it to be correct completely without question and totally deny proof otherwise.

---------- Post added at 06:54 ---------- Previous post was at 06:54 ----------



COCD :yesyes:

LOL I was going to use that acronym haha now we are 4 here that have experience issues with coincidences, gatsby, viking, gadgirl and me. I remember when i was the only one I was scared as **** :roflmao: