GingerFish
17-02-16, 10:59
I've been cured of PD and agoraphobia for about 6 months now after suffering really badly for about 3 years with them both. I know when we talk of cure and recovered with this, we usually mean that we can face and deal with the symptoms now and they don't have an impact on our lives any more as opposed to never having a panic or high anxiety again. For months I have still had panics every day both big and small but they haven't got in the way of anything and I could brush them off easily.
The last few days however, I haven't been able to. Tbh, I don't know if this is a flare up of panic attacks, OCD or depression. My OCD has been through the roof lately as my last therapy session was cancelled so I've been without therapy for 5 weeks now so I've been dealing with it on my own which has led to many ups and down and my depression gets worse when my OCD flares up which is understandable. Thankfully, my psychologist got in contact with me yesterday and I have been given an appointment for this Tuesday, 6 days away.
For the last few days I've been feeling very agitated, anxious, have that horrible dread feeling in my stomach, panic attacks here and there, no notion to get out of bed and find it hard to even open my mouth and talk, my OCD rituals and thoughts have came back (not that they ever leave, mind you), been feeling sick, dodgy stomach, headaches, very doom and gloom which isn't like me (well, not this level of doom and gloom) and basically I just feel quite disconnected and shit. I've been here before many times and each time I've been here, I always worry that I'll never get out of this one and that this'll be the one that'll 'send me over the edge' and all that jazz but it never happens. I just feel a bit down and deflated.
Nothing has happened lately to have caused this. A lot of the time something would have happened such as my stepdad would have took another mini stroke or I wouldn't have been sleeping lately but the only thing I can think of that has irritated me lately was my cousin getting on at my mum for not inviting her to her hen night or wedding. This angered me because this cousin put my mum on the spot and she never invites us to any of her nights out, never sends a xmas card, never meets up or anything yet she expects an invite to an important event like that! She knew my mum was keeping her hen night (and joint stag night since her and my stepdad have the same friends pretty much) small to about 10 people and the wedding to about 20 as they don't have the money for anything big plus after my stepdad's last stroke which was a full on stroke this time, he still doesn't have full strength and mobility down one side and his panic attacks have got worse and he gets confused easily so he doesn't want to be around many people, especially those he doesn't know well. This really pissed me off and I've unfollowed her and her daughter on FB so I can't see their posts and I know I should just delete them but that would cause even more trouble I think. Its sad though because I feel like I have to watch what I say on my page now because if I write anything about my mum's hen night or wedding she might write something sarky or think I'm trying to rub it in which I am not. Its my mum's wedding and I am bloody excited for it.
Don't know why I wrote all this, maybe to see if it would help? Sometimes getting it all down helps. Anyhoo, thanks to anyone who reads this and takes the time to reply. Big hugs to you all on NMP and hope you're all well :hugs::yesyes:
The last few days however, I haven't been able to. Tbh, I don't know if this is a flare up of panic attacks, OCD or depression. My OCD has been through the roof lately as my last therapy session was cancelled so I've been without therapy for 5 weeks now so I've been dealing with it on my own which has led to many ups and down and my depression gets worse when my OCD flares up which is understandable. Thankfully, my psychologist got in contact with me yesterday and I have been given an appointment for this Tuesday, 6 days away.
For the last few days I've been feeling very agitated, anxious, have that horrible dread feeling in my stomach, panic attacks here and there, no notion to get out of bed and find it hard to even open my mouth and talk, my OCD rituals and thoughts have came back (not that they ever leave, mind you), been feeling sick, dodgy stomach, headaches, very doom and gloom which isn't like me (well, not this level of doom and gloom) and basically I just feel quite disconnected and shit. I've been here before many times and each time I've been here, I always worry that I'll never get out of this one and that this'll be the one that'll 'send me over the edge' and all that jazz but it never happens. I just feel a bit down and deflated.
Nothing has happened lately to have caused this. A lot of the time something would have happened such as my stepdad would have took another mini stroke or I wouldn't have been sleeping lately but the only thing I can think of that has irritated me lately was my cousin getting on at my mum for not inviting her to her hen night or wedding. This angered me because this cousin put my mum on the spot and she never invites us to any of her nights out, never sends a xmas card, never meets up or anything yet she expects an invite to an important event like that! She knew my mum was keeping her hen night (and joint stag night since her and my stepdad have the same friends pretty much) small to about 10 people and the wedding to about 20 as they don't have the money for anything big plus after my stepdad's last stroke which was a full on stroke this time, he still doesn't have full strength and mobility down one side and his panic attacks have got worse and he gets confused easily so he doesn't want to be around many people, especially those he doesn't know well. This really pissed me off and I've unfollowed her and her daughter on FB so I can't see their posts and I know I should just delete them but that would cause even more trouble I think. Its sad though because I feel like I have to watch what I say on my page now because if I write anything about my mum's hen night or wedding she might write something sarky or think I'm trying to rub it in which I am not. Its my mum's wedding and I am bloody excited for it.
Don't know why I wrote all this, maybe to see if it would help? Sometimes getting it all down helps. Anyhoo, thanks to anyone who reads this and takes the time to reply. Big hugs to you all on NMP and hope you're all well :hugs::yesyes: