Kitsmum
17-02-16, 20:51
Hi!
This is the first forum I have ever joined in my life but I feel I'm at the point where I'm running out of ways of 'coping' (not coping at all) with my health anixety.
So here is a bit about my struggle, when it started and where I am presently.
When I was 20, I had a large mass on my hip, I thought nothing of it, in fact I would often joke about it! I had no idea what it was, if it where dangerous and what the cause was! I had ultrasounds, an MRI and biopsy before ultimately having it removed a year later. It was a lipoma, all be it a large one, but not dangerous.
Throughout this whole situation, I had not one worry! No anxiety and thought very little of it!
Roll on 2014...I fell pregnant with my first baby! A complicated pregnancy which began with a doctor telling me I was having a miscarriage. I was not, thus began my loss of faith with my doctors surgery.
My whole pregnancy I had this feeling of dread that something was going to happen, minus a few blips, I went on to have a healthy baby boy, the love of my life, in March 2014.
Since then, my anxiety has been out of control. Id go as far as to say, taken over my life. I worry about my baby boy, worry he will fall seriously ill and I won't be able to help him! But more recently I have been convinced that something is going to happen to me. And I will leave him and he won't remember me and no one will love him the way I love him.
Towards the end of 2015 I had irregular bleeding. I was convinced I had cervical cancer. I would cry and cry, I would look at my son and cry! I would watch him sleep and cry. I went to multiple doctors appointments, pleaded with them to give me a smear test (they did not so I opted to pay and have one privately) the results were clear, though this was not enough for me. I then paid for a HPV test to test for any potential high risk cancer causing viruses, again, clear. I felt relived and stopped worrying about that.
So now we're February 2016, last Thursday I noticed 4 swollen lymph nodes on in the right hand side of my neck. Small, movable, but there! I have not been ill, had no infections, no reason for swollen lymph nodes.
I googled...I'm now convinced I have Hodgkins, or thyroid cancer. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't focus on anything! Worst of all, I can't enjoy my beautiful, happy, amazing son! I read symptoms that's others have had, I then start to have them myself! (This also happened whe I convinced myself I had cervical cancer)
The doctors won't take me seriously, I saw a GP today who totally dismissed me, literally told me he was going to do nothing as it was skin related (have had mild acne for over 10 years) never have these results in swollen lymph nodes. I walked out, cried and have felt awful the rest of the day.
Basically I feel like I'm going crazy. I feel like I'm sat with some form of cancer and the more I sit and wait, the more it's spreading and becoming untreatable. I feel so low and on the verge of a breakdown! I have had two panic attacks today alone! I could just do with hearing from others in my situation and how you cope with these! Please!
(Sorry for the ridiculously long post!)
This is the first forum I have ever joined in my life but I feel I'm at the point where I'm running out of ways of 'coping' (not coping at all) with my health anixety.
So here is a bit about my struggle, when it started and where I am presently.
When I was 20, I had a large mass on my hip, I thought nothing of it, in fact I would often joke about it! I had no idea what it was, if it where dangerous and what the cause was! I had ultrasounds, an MRI and biopsy before ultimately having it removed a year later. It was a lipoma, all be it a large one, but not dangerous.
Throughout this whole situation, I had not one worry! No anxiety and thought very little of it!
Roll on 2014...I fell pregnant with my first baby! A complicated pregnancy which began with a doctor telling me I was having a miscarriage. I was not, thus began my loss of faith with my doctors surgery.
My whole pregnancy I had this feeling of dread that something was going to happen, minus a few blips, I went on to have a healthy baby boy, the love of my life, in March 2014.
Since then, my anxiety has been out of control. Id go as far as to say, taken over my life. I worry about my baby boy, worry he will fall seriously ill and I won't be able to help him! But more recently I have been convinced that something is going to happen to me. And I will leave him and he won't remember me and no one will love him the way I love him.
Towards the end of 2015 I had irregular bleeding. I was convinced I had cervical cancer. I would cry and cry, I would look at my son and cry! I would watch him sleep and cry. I went to multiple doctors appointments, pleaded with them to give me a smear test (they did not so I opted to pay and have one privately) the results were clear, though this was not enough for me. I then paid for a HPV test to test for any potential high risk cancer causing viruses, again, clear. I felt relived and stopped worrying about that.
So now we're February 2016, last Thursday I noticed 4 swollen lymph nodes on in the right hand side of my neck. Small, movable, but there! I have not been ill, had no infections, no reason for swollen lymph nodes.
I googled...I'm now convinced I have Hodgkins, or thyroid cancer. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't focus on anything! Worst of all, I can't enjoy my beautiful, happy, amazing son! I read symptoms that's others have had, I then start to have them myself! (This also happened whe I convinced myself I had cervical cancer)
The doctors won't take me seriously, I saw a GP today who totally dismissed me, literally told me he was going to do nothing as it was skin related (have had mild acne for over 10 years) never have these results in swollen lymph nodes. I walked out, cried and have felt awful the rest of the day.
Basically I feel like I'm going crazy. I feel like I'm sat with some form of cancer and the more I sit and wait, the more it's spreading and becoming untreatable. I feel so low and on the verge of a breakdown! I have had two panic attacks today alone! I could just do with hearing from others in my situation and how you cope with these! Please!
(Sorry for the ridiculously long post!)