Help PLEASE

[Rebecca222]

Hi everyone

I'm new here but going through the hardest time in my life right now!
I have severe, crippling anxiety and depression (but the anxiety is much worse). I think the cause of this was stress built up from graduating uni, moving out with my boyfriend, money issues and job worries, as I literally woke up one day (my boyfriends birthday Infact in January) although over Christmas I wasn't eating much/feeling sick - put that down to nerves of seeing all the family.

Anyway I had a few weeks being terrible, then I had one week feeling completely normal, now it's begun again this week, even worse.

I have been prescribed 10mg citalopram and a weeks worth of lorazepam (which makes me tired but doesn't take my anxiety away so it's a lose lose situation!) as I can't sleep being anxious.

The worst part of it all is being constantly sick, I haven't been able to eat for 3 days now, when I try, I am sick. I'm exhausted. 90% of my day is spent crying, shaking, being sick in the bathroom. I want to die.

I'm on a 2 month waiting list for CBT.. Have rang every number you can think of to get help. No luck. I've tried meditation & CBT online but nothing has worked.

Plus I've read how citolopram doesn't work as effectively for anxiety (I'm way more anxious than depressed)

I was meant to begin a new job 3 weeks ago, and I've only managed to go in a few days, my boss is understanding but now my doctor has told me to have a few weeks off so I'm dreading letting my boss know.

Can someone please give me some hope because I am so close to giving up 😢

All advice and help is so appreciated x

[Xtrastrongbint]

Hi Rebecca - I suffer with panic too. How long have you been on the CIT? This will inevitably make you feel more anxious initially until the dose stabilises in your system but it will pass. I suffer with sickness too - I have been given some anti-nausea meds which help but your high level of anxiety will make it difficult. Really, its a matter of hanging on in there until your meds kick in :hugs:

[Suziewuzie]

Hi Rebecca,

I'm almost 3 weeks into Citalopram now. I was put on it for anxiety but also became very depressed - probably due to being constantly anxious and unable to eat/sleep/go outside. I'm on a wait list for CBT too, it's frustrating.
I don't have any magic answers for you but I just wanted to let you know it will get better. My first week on citalopram was horrible & I truly accepted that I wasn't going to get better. But after a while, I found I was having moments where I felt fine - normal even. And then after a bit longer, I noticed that I was actually fine for large portions of the day with only 'background' anxiety that I could almost ignore. I'm in no way back to normal, but I feel that the good days are going to keep coming until they are just the normal.

I bought the dummies guide to CBT and a book about panic by Claire Weekes after lots of people on here mentioned it. It's helped me a lot & has given me some great coping methods. When I feel overly anxious now I immediately go and lie down and listen to guided meditation - it took me a while to find one that I liked and to get any benefit from it but now I don't dread the panic attacks so much because I think Well, I can just go & light my yankee candles and listen to the lovely voice talk about walking through a forest :)

I'm off work too & have moments of feeling guilty - but now isn't the time for guilt, it's the time to be putting your health first and letting everything else go to the bottom of the worry pile.
You almost certainly won't wake up one morning and think Hurrah I'm cured! But you will have days where it's a little easier to get out of bed & the days are a little easier to get through.
I really sympathise with you not being able to sleep because this is something I suffer with too & it just makes EVERYTHING ten times worse when you're exhausted. I use lavender oil, ear plugs, eye mask & listen to sleep music on YouTube but haven't quite cracked it yet.

I found making a little diary of what I've done each day has helped me a lot. For example this time last month it would've read something like:
Monday - sat on my sofa all day crying. Tried to watch a film. Didn't eat.

But over the weeks it's changed to include things like "walked to the shop to get milk. Spoke to my boss on the phone. Had a brew with my friends"

Doing this helps you realise you ARE making progress. I set myself goals like do a food shop, see a friend, read a book. Just little steps - that's the way to do it.

I'm sorry I'm rambling on, I just want you to know you aren't alone in feeling like this and it IS going to get better xxx

[diesel14]

Hi Rebecca
I have been through similar issues as yourself. Sounds like you have had too much stress and pressure going on all at once. It is possible you may have had a nervous
breakdown. you need to be kind to yourself. Try not worry about the future too much and just take each day at a time. Your health is more important than any job. Sounds like they are being good, try not to worry though as you need to just focus on recovery. I would Google the community mental health team in your area and speak to them or ask your gp to refer you but this ringing direct is faster. You will then be assigned to a psychiatrist who will be able to help alot more than a doctor with medication. It's a small dose of citalopram. I'm guessing it would slowly be increased If no improvement. I hope this helps and I have a post under success stories that has a link to my blog on how to survive nervous breakdown. There are some tips in there that might also help.