Left job due to anxiety

[mattb1984]

I've just found this forum and this is my first post, hi all :)

Just wanted to run over a recent situation that has caused me significant anxiety, I've not really had a major problem with anxiety in the past, but this particular situation has caused my anxiety levels to go through the roof.

I was in a job for 10 years and had been looking for a new one for a long time, was offered one back in October that finally ticked all the boxes, excellent organisation and prospects etc.. and was really excited. Started that in first week of January. But by the end of the week I was reaching out to my old employer to go back! at the time I had convinced myself and others that the role was not really right me and that I wanted to go back to old job to explore new avenues there. So after 3 weeks in the new job I handed in my notice at the new job.

The thing is that I think this all stemmed from the anxiety of starting a new job and I did not adjust well to the change. I even told my manager at the new job that I was really anxious and they were very understanding, even offering to retract the resignation. I told them that I was fearful of getting to the end of the probation period and being let go, but despite them saying that I had been doing fine I still left. I agonised with the decision right up until the end.

I've now gone back to the old job and after only a week in have been off work due to anxiety, not sleeping well at night and irregular heart beat, and also shaking hands during the daytime. I think part of the heightened anxiety is due to the fact that I made a bad decision and I cannot now undoe it (and the realisation that I've talked myself out of something good, and that I've cost myself a good job just due to anxiety getting the better of me). There is also the twist that the job I have gone back to will become a home based post soon, as my local office is closing, that in turn is causing me more angst, because of the prospect of isolation from home working.

Has anyone ever been through a similar situation? I'm starting to feel a little calmer now, Dr prescribed some citalopram for me during the week and I have booked to have some counselling sessions.

Sorry it has been a long post, just wanted to see if anyone can offer any advice. I'm also now concerned about how difficult it would be to find another job with this one month gap on my CV. The company that I left did say that I could re apply in the future if another job that suited me better cropped up, but am not sure if they were just being polite, this also is causing me a little more anxiety as it really was somewhere I wanted to work, and feel that I have burnt bridges there.

[Tyke]

I do know how hard it is to make these decisions! You had been with your old employer for quite some time, so it was a major change. In my experience, I would say you can expect to feel anxious for the first few months in a new job, but your old job would always seem much easier and less stressful during that time, because you were so familiar with it. I was forced to change jobs just over a year ago due to a redundancy threat. There was no going back for me because the old job was on the way out anyway, but I missed it like crazy for months and probably still do a bit, even though I have settled in the new job now. It's always a harder decision when you don't have to go.

Are you really sure you still want to move on, given the security your old job seems to provide you with? Would working from home not have some useful advantages too? The new employer did seem to genuinely like you, so if something else cropped up there and you were able to convince them that job was a better fit, it doesn't sound like they'd hold what happened against you. Only you can decide if going through the ordeal is worth it!

[mattb1984]

Thanks for the reply Tyke. To be fair I was actively looking for a new job for a long time, and definitely wanted a change. I felt particularly vindicated in my decision when leaving as not long after they announced they were going to close the office that I worked from.

Just don't feel I gave the job enough time, and convinced myself and them that it was the role, which it probably wasn't. Just that fear of failure that drove me away, suppose I took the flight path rather than fight. Yes I would like to move on, but think I have made that harder for myself now.

Not sure how long this feeling is going to last, it is keeping me awake at night re hashing all of this, even though I know that I cannot do anything to reverse it now. Do you think CBT would help to better equip me for change in the future? not sure if you have ever had a course of CBT. I was thinking of doing some after the counselling.

[boyyo]

I think anxiety only gets stronger if you start changing things because of the anxiety.

[mattb1984]

I get what you mean, but I genuinely want to do something new in terms of work and have new experiences.

Thinking I need to learn from this and be better prepared for change in the future. Just a case of how I get to that.