robin321
22-02-16, 19:15
I have had a 'flare' of HA since October. I wanted to share something. It may help, or nobody may read it but it is important for me to share and to put my thoughts out there.
My latest flare started in October. I have a real issue - crohns. I have had it for 22 of my 40 yrs. Thankfully it is usually well controlled, and not a focus of my anxiety.
Anyway, I went to see my doctor (as I do twice a year) and doubted myself after. He asked how often I went, I said 2-3 times a day. But was it 4/5? Typical Google searching got my anxiety up more. Suddenly I was anxious about it, started eating less and analyzing my stool. I wasn't sleeping. It was a dark place.
Finally I stopped looking when I was in the bathroom. This helped me get some control. And my anxiety moved onto my mole (another story).
This is all background. Point was the past month my crohns was doing well. I was eating healthy, and only going 2x a day. Perfect right? But then, without me even realizing it was happening, I started getting OCD about it. I was eating the same thing every day - to keep my stools the same. Not drinking water enough (this could give me 'D') etc... Starting slowly I would find myself anxious about this b/c some days I might be going out or something, and this would stress me b/c maybe I would eat different and go more.
Finally some days came where I went 3x, and found myself really anxious.
Finally I realized that my eating/behaviour, which started for health reasons had become an OCD 'compulsion' to stop anxiety. The two stools a day was my 'reassurance' that my crohns was ok. I actually told myself that I would be happier to go 4-5 times a day, or even flare just to be rid of the anxiety.
I decided to reduce the behaviors and stay on the look out for them. This caused my anxiety to grow, and it is very uncomfortable. But each day gets easier, and I know that this is the only way to get rid of the obsession.
Watch out for reassurance seeking. Whether it is asking friends, families, doctors, or checking your weight or a bump or yourself in the mirror, it will only make the anxiety worse and the relief you feel will be short lived. And the thing with reassurance is at some point it will stop working and you will need more and more. Accept the discomfort and live life with it as best you can. That is the only way it can get easier.
My latest flare started in October. I have a real issue - crohns. I have had it for 22 of my 40 yrs. Thankfully it is usually well controlled, and not a focus of my anxiety.
Anyway, I went to see my doctor (as I do twice a year) and doubted myself after. He asked how often I went, I said 2-3 times a day. But was it 4/5? Typical Google searching got my anxiety up more. Suddenly I was anxious about it, started eating less and analyzing my stool. I wasn't sleeping. It was a dark place.
Finally I stopped looking when I was in the bathroom. This helped me get some control. And my anxiety moved onto my mole (another story).
This is all background. Point was the past month my crohns was doing well. I was eating healthy, and only going 2x a day. Perfect right? But then, without me even realizing it was happening, I started getting OCD about it. I was eating the same thing every day - to keep my stools the same. Not drinking water enough (this could give me 'D') etc... Starting slowly I would find myself anxious about this b/c some days I might be going out or something, and this would stress me b/c maybe I would eat different and go more.
Finally some days came where I went 3x, and found myself really anxious.
Finally I realized that my eating/behaviour, which started for health reasons had become an OCD 'compulsion' to stop anxiety. The two stools a day was my 'reassurance' that my crohns was ok. I actually told myself that I would be happier to go 4-5 times a day, or even flare just to be rid of the anxiety.
I decided to reduce the behaviors and stay on the look out for them. This caused my anxiety to grow, and it is very uncomfortable. But each day gets easier, and I know that this is the only way to get rid of the obsession.
Watch out for reassurance seeking. Whether it is asking friends, families, doctors, or checking your weight or a bump or yourself in the mirror, it will only make the anxiety worse and the relief you feel will be short lived. And the thing with reassurance is at some point it will stop working and you will need more and more. Accept the discomfort and live life with it as best you can. That is the only way it can get easier.