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alba
01-03-07, 13:57
each time i am to confront anybody, or when i talk to ppl that i am not comfortable with, i feel so shock, scared and just feel like my face blown off, i felt so heart beating fast, and face feel hot, or just blown off. how to control that/

skylight2007
01-03-07, 14:20
hiya there alba, I can understand you feelings of social anxiety, I use to suffer from this when I use to be in groups, and the fear was what they would be thinking of me, making a fool of myself and did they understand me, that was few years ago, I learned that my confidence was so low, but looking back, the one thing I hated and avoided was confrontation, expressing strong emotions and just saying things to others that I didnt like, I just didnt know how to express myself without feeling I was going to be attacked verbally, or that was my misjudgement brought on my severe anxiety!!!
All I was afraid of was the reactions from others, even though I felt underneath, this is turn made me become the BIGGEST PLEASER OF ALL TIME, I just wanted others to like me, and I thought I had to do what they wanted me to do, to be liked!!! even to a point of agreeing with them when I didnt!! sounds confusing doesnt it, but this is just how my anxiety about myself eroded my confidence and I searched outside of myself in others to make me feel good.
The biggest lesson I learned was that confrontation didnt mean I was not liked, although this is the belief I LEARNED FROM MY PARENTS, and as long as I was not intentionally hurting anyone expressing how I felt, then I had nothing to be afraid of.
I struggled for years to gain back my confidence to be able to just express my feelings without fear!!!! and to my amazement when I did if you like become more assertive, I did not take anything as a personal attack on me, which is what it felt like in the past!!!
This may not work for you, but many years ago I began to write about my feelings, and it helped me a great deal, mind you I did venture into my past and made many connections and recognised many behaviours , patterns and beliefs that I had learned,
But would you consider joining an assertiveness class in your area? that may help you to deal with confrontation in a healthy way.......... I hope this helps, take care skylight

alba
01-03-07, 14:46
THANKS i join some classess but i guess the problem is i 've no self esteem, i am not daring to even voice out my side of story, i am afraid, i can't even talk it out, so i bottom all feelings in my heart and i am having alot of anxiety, panic attack, stress by ppl behaviour to me, they always take advantage of me, i am always scared to talk to ppl. i tried but fail. sometimes when i want to make things clear i suddenly lost my voice and myself. i feel like i am gfoing to faint if i stand up for myself. in the end i am stress and going crazy.

Karen
01-03-07, 16:27
Hi Alba

:welcome:

I too have social phobia and for years and year have had difficulty speaking to people. I used to experience so much panic and anxiety that I would clam up and not be able to utter a word.

In the past couple of years I have been doing a lot of work on trying to overcome this problem and my situation is so much improved to how it was when I found this site.


i can't even talk it out, so i bottom all feelings in my heart and i am having alot of anxiety, panic attack, stress by ppl behaviour to me, they always take advantage of me, i am always scared to talk to ppl. i tried but fail. sometimes when i want to make things clear i suddenly lost my voice and myself.

This sounds a lot like me in the past. I found several things helped me. Making friends on this forum and getting to know then through writing then gave me the confidence to start speaking on the phone and now I am able to visit a number of very good friends I have here. It all started from one phone call from one member and repeating the exposure daily. In no time at all I was chatting to her more easily than I'd talked to most people (excluding my best friend) all my life.

At the same time I had some hypnotherapy which I found immensely helpful and to help reinforce the beliefs that it is fine to speak and share opinions I also used hypnosis downloads and some hypnotherapy CDs.

I used the Overcome Social Phobia (http://www.hypnosisdownloads.com/downloads/phobias_fears/social_phobia.html?1388) and the Building Self Esteem (http://www.hypnosisdownloads.com/downloads/self_improvement/self_esteem.html?1388) dowloads and also the Gain Social Excellence (http://www.hypnosisdownloads.com/cd/social-excellence-cd.shtml?1388) CD.

These helped me keep practising what I had learnt during hypnotherapy and also listening regularly reinforcing the positive messages that it is possible to socialise and speak to people and to receive a friendly and positive response.

I hope this helps.

Karen