Insecure? Social anxiety?

[HalfJack]

Im really insecure. I think I look old and deformed, everyone says I'm fine but I just feel like an alien all the time.

Its causing me social anxiety at uni, I can't make friends. I've made one friend early on and we have a lot of fun but I keep ducking out of group nights out and classes because I feel too ugly to go and I think she's pretty fed up with me just not being around.
I'm trying so hard to live a normal life, I've been making so much progress with my mental health but this just gets worse and worse.

Even just being touched, I'm so scared if I touch someone they will recoil. It sounds so dramatic.

I try not to think about it, I repress it when I can but really I just need it to stop.

[Oosh]

Wow ! You really went and did it, you went to uni ! Well done ! :D

I don't know about insecurity and social anxiety but it definitely sounds like body dysmorphic disorder. I've known a few people online with it but haven't gone into any great depth. But after a quick look I found a book, it gives you a pretty good preview if you click the drop down menu and select various page numbers. It sounds like what you describe to be honest. Right down to it causing social anxiety and page 302 "one man thought he looked like an alien".

https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=Nok4aaWIWAYC&printsec=frontcover&dq=body+dysmorphia&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwi_ldae5I_LAhVItRQKHTgwDeMQ6AEIHzAB#v=on epage&q&f=true

Welcome back and bloody well done for making it to uni. Don't give up. I arrived at college facing equally daunting issues and over the course of the college course I overcame stuff and had lots of breakthroughs and I'm sure you will too.

[Medran0]

yeah, that pretty much sounds like social anxiety. i've been there, i know pretty much what you feel and i know that it might be hard to deal with it. but one important thing: do not give up. don't ever give up. you should fight with it!! maybe you have somebody who you trust and you're not feeling that way? if it's so, get that person involved, try to get some help.

[HalfJack]

Ahh sorry took me forever to reply to this thanks guys :)

I'm about quite often I just don't post much anymore! I've been busy writing a blog about my mental health and doing one to one support for teens with MH issues so kinda been a bit talked out this last year!

I've had a lot of set backs, but none of them have set me back. About to finish my first year. Feeling very happy and proud :yesyes:

[georgewing]

Well what its so bad about you ? you are without a hand ,you have double head ? .In life its not all about looking good etc .Its about having self confidence on you and loving your person ,learn to achieve this and you will be other person .I discover that not so beautyful guys are with beautyful girls but i see ugly guys but confident on them with gourgeous girls

[HalfJack]

I can see you're trying to help but I know life isn't about looking good this is anxiety not vanity and if I didn't have confidence I wouldn't ever leave the house and have a life, but I do.
Dismissing a problem as not a big deal or as shallow is insensitive.

I don't want other people to be attracted to me, or fear they never will be, I'm already in a relationship, I've had many relationships. I just want to feel well.

I am constantly worried that people find me repulsive, so I worry that they will recoil if I touch them handing over change or on crowded public transport. If I go into a small shop I don't make eye contact for the first ten or so seconds just so I don't have to see people's reactions to what I look like. I don't want them to fall in love with me I just want to buy a comic or a hat without thinking I'm a monster.

[MyNameIsTerry]

I can see you're trying to help but I know life isn't about looking good this is anxiety not vanity and if I didn't have confidence I wouldn't ever leave the house and have a life, but I do.
Dismissing a problem as not a big deal or as shallow is insensitive.

I don't want other people to be attracted to me, or fear they never will be, I'm already in a relationship, I've had many relationships. I just want to feel well.

I am constantly worried that people find me repulsive, so I worry that they will recoil if I touch them handing over change or on crowded public transport. If I go into a small shop I don't make eye contact for the first ten or so seconds just so I don't have to see people's reactions to what I look like. I don't want them to fall in love with me I just want to buy a comic or a hat without thinking I'm a monster.

Don't worry about it, HJ, take a look at the link in George's signature and how it tracks back through Clickbank to a guru self help method. He's a market affiliate bumping his product all over the site. He's offended a few people already and then not realised they have flamed him when he posted later in threads they were in.

So, I wouldn't take his opinion to heart.

I'm a very average looking guy. Honestly, I can say you are very attractive. I hope you take that in the spirit it is intended, nothing creepy! :ohmy::doh: The only people who are going to look at you and screw their face up are jealous women and blokes who are idiots.

Also, lets spin it another way. You are struggling with the perception of your looks but you are an attractive woman and this is going to make shy guys react with some embarrassment at their own lack of confidence. So, just because someone acts a bit funny it may not be because of your first thoughts of why. What if that person is feeling what you are and feels intimidated? That's not intention, it's just what happens to shy people in the presense of confident people or attractive people.

[HalfJack]

Ahhh, that makes more sense now.
A lot of people ARE idiots!
I understand what you're saying :) I don't think you're creepy in the slightest.
I just don't see it at all. I'm trying to channel it into positive things like keeping fit.

I can't imagine having ever intimidated anyone like that before that's the last thing I'd ever consider. I guess it's possible? It's certainly true that I have no idea what other people think of me, like their reactions regardless of how I perceive them could be for a number of reasons.