View Full Version : Help... I need somebody /:
Savvy_Darling
26-02-16, 11:13
Sorry in advance for the length..I needed to vent & let all my emotions and fears out because keeping them all in was making me feel alone..
Stepped away from NMP for a few days... As much as this site helps.. It can also fuel my anxiety more.. Like if I'm not in a good place with my anxiety & I read others posts I start to worry about what they're worrying about. So I took a lil break.
I'm still worried. I still have that little bump thing on the back side of my neck. Been a week now (since I discovered it anyways) and even though it hasn't gone away..it doesn't feel like it's gotten bigger... Still roughly the size of a pea (maybe smaller but for sure no bigger) and isn't hard.. Feels soft to me and I can move my skin around on top of it. Also isn't seen on my neck only felt.
Man..I've been through the list of worries it could be... I've thought of every worst case scenario --all of them being some sort of cancer.
If it's a lymph node .. Those can take a couple of weeks to go down so I'm giving it another week or so before going to the doctors.. I wish it would because like I've posted before I'm very doctor phobic & the whole idea is giving me a major complex which is making everything worse. :scared15:
I have no other symptoms, I have felt some random coming & going ear pain like within the ear... Which worries me it's connected and I have some sort of cancer.
Something else which I've had for months off and on being more noticeable some times than others is feeling like I have mucus in my throat and slight difficulty swallowing....and oh if I start to focus on it ... I really start to get anxious like I can't stop trying to swallow and I worry about choking or something. Seems worse after eating but can happen when I haven't. Gargling with warm salt water really helps but I'm scared it's some sort of reflux and reflux can give you throat cancer .... So I'm terrified I have throat cancer which is why I have a lil bump on my neck . ;(
Like right now I'm so focused on my swallowing that.. The whole mucus feeling is bad. I keep feeling the bump or lymph node praying I'm okay and it'll go away. I've been lucky enough that past fears and symptoms I had went away but I'm really scared that this is bad this time and I'm gonna die or I have a cancer of some form.
I have attempted to rationalize the possible lymph node from being from tonsil stones not cleaned out quick enough... Or the fact I scratched some type of scab off the lower back of my head and a couple days ago I noticed a little pimple like thing in its spot with redness around it. (Same side on neck/head as the bump) I have been applying some antibacterial on it.. So maybe I scratched something open and it got a minor infection?
I don't know but as much as I try to rationalize it's like I keep thinking that it's not those simple things... It's cancer.. Throat cancer, head cancer, neck cancer, melanoma metastasised through my body cancer, lymphoma... Ear infection spread to the brain (that's not cancer..)thyroid cancer,lung cancer.... BUT, the list could go on and for every rational thought a horrible death sentence though squashes it and makes me feel miserable and scared.
I keep thinking about being at the doctors and being told I have something terminal... Then I think of myself on my death bed. 21years old. Didn't even live a full life. It's a horrible thing and I hate thinking like that and I try to shake it outta my head and think positively but it doesn't last long. I'm genuinely scared and I'm done bothering my boyfriend or anyone else with my worries because they will not even give the things I worry about a time of day because they think it's nothing and I'm fine..... But am I? Am I dying? Is this it?
I don't know what I expect anyone to tell me on here but maybe some support or anyone whose been through these fears and it ended up as nothing? Could use good thoughts and posts...
Thanks for reading and I'm sorry it was long.. Just had to get it all out... Been keeping it all in my head too long now.
Savvy - you aren't alone with these thoughts, bless you!! xx Recently, along with my gigantic fear of nasal cancer (which has subsided but not gone away completely) I've considered oral cancer, ear cancer, throat cancer and last night I leaned on one of my boobs which made it red and thought I had that inflammatory breast cancer, which I read about recently. Also my knee has been playing up and I've been aching a lot, so you don't even have to ask what that made me think!!
It's so hard to rationalise thoughts. Have you had CBT? I had it 4 years ago and threw my notes away only last year.. Have been referred again, and this time I will keep everything!!
Can't offer any solutions but sending you a big hug anyway :bighug1:xx
Savvy_Darling
26-02-16, 11:29
At least I'm not alone with the type of thoughts I'm experiencing... No one I know sits around and thinks about cancer and getting ill like I do so I really feel like maybe I do have it ... Why else would I be thinking about it so much . :(
I appreciate the hug <3
And no I haven't had any therapy ... I've tried some things myself but when things like symptoms happen or that possible lymph node it's hard not to think that it's the end.
I know I should see my doctor but I'm so paralyzed with fear and with nobody pushing me to like my family I just keep avoiding it. Instead of thinking positively that they will tell me all is well or its nothing serious I keep thinking the worst and hearing them say I have cancer or I need surgery to help this or whatever... I feel horrible. :(
Thanks again though littlegsmama /:
Have you had CBT? I had it 4 years ago and threw my notes away only last year.. Have been referred again, and this time I will keep everything!!
Practicing the techniques on a regular basis is key in keeping the dragon at bay... even years down the line. I did online CBT in addition to some one on one therapy. I still have work sheets that I'll use after a particularly stressful day. It only takes a few minutes but it helps put things in perspective. Mental exercise is as critical to health as physical exercise. Stop doing either and you get out of shape. A equally so, one has to start (going to therapy or the gym etc.) in order to take steps forward.
And Saavy... 99.99% of the people on these boards have not realized their worst fears. Ohhh, and the .01% that have you ask? I know them and they're doing great! :)
Positive thoughts
Savvy_Darling
26-02-16, 11:33
Are the online courses free? Fishmanpa
Are the online courses free? Fishmanpa
There was one here (CBT4PANIC) that I used in conjunction with one on one therapy and that was free but I don't know if it is anymore. I'm sure there are others (someone will chime in) but... and this is just my opinion based on what I've seen from your posts.... you would benefit more from a structured real life approach with a trained professional where you're held accountable for your work and progress.
I wanted to add, based on your fears of going to the doctor etc... this quote I posted today....
"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face."
- Eleanor Roosevelt
(1884-1962) American First Lady and Political Activist
Positive thoughts
Savvy_Darling
26-02-16, 11:54
Really appreciate the quote Fishmanpa. It's a good one. It's true the only way to overcome fear is to face it head on.. Just not sure if I'm ready but then again I may never be.. Maybe I'll make an apt for a couple weeks from now so that way it's not so sudden and by then I can be ready to discuss all the feelings I have. /: ugh.
Thanks again...
Hi Savvy,
I'm a new member here and I've only come to realize lately that I go through flare ups of health anxiety. This produces weird symptoms and irrational thinking which then creates new weird symptoms and you you get caught in a cycle. I'm sure other members here have posted to you about that. For me the hardest part is realizing that there is nothing wrong and that anxiety is creating both the symptoms and the thought processes.
I listened to a very good utube article on health anxiety recently and the guy in it, a Harvard doctor, made the following points:
1) Not every symptom you have is medically explainable.
2) Not every symptom you have is medically significant.
3) Being healthy is not at all necessarily about being symptom free.
He tells a very good story about how in his first lecture on Hypochondria with the final year med students he makes an announcement at the start of the lecture that he has just been informed by the university security that a serial killer has escaped from the nearby state prison and is armed and dangerous. He says the killer has been spotted on university grounds and that security are asking students to be vigilant when walking home after lectures. He then stops for a minute and watches the look of sheer terror and fear in the students' faces in the audiences. They became agitated and petrified. After a minute he tells them that this story is not true. But he told it for 2 reasons....a) as future doctors he wants them to realise that in that 60 seconds the fear and terror that they themselves felt is what every one of their Hypochonadria patients will feel like on a daily basis b) when you have bad Health Anxiety then at both a conscious and sub-conscious level that is how you are feeling...that fear of looking around every corner for an imagined serial killer....only your brain does not know it is imagined. If you lived under this fear 24 hours a day, that you were running from a serial killer, imagine the physcial symptoms that would develop.....you would having racing heart, muscle tension, dry mouth, palpatations, bladder issues, bowel issues....your body would breakdown due to the constant fight or flight mode you are under, you would become paranoid that you are being followed, looking for evidence everywhere, believing every noise or sound was the serial killer, you would not be able to sleep, you would not be able to function normally because of the threat which so happens to be imagined. Is it any wonder then that people with Anxiety issues develop similar physical symptoms. At both a conscious and sub conscious level we are running from an imagined serial killer, our perceived illnesses every minute of every day. We are paranoid that every bodily sensation is the footsteps of the disease. We are fugivites on the run.
Savvy, just like the med students were eventually told by the lecturer....there is no serial killer following you. If your doc tells you that you are healthy then you are healthy. Stop running. You will be fine.
nirvanainchains
26-02-16, 13:12
Hi Savvy,
I'm a new member here and I've only come to realize lately that I go through flare ups of health anxiety. This produces weird symptoms and irrational thinking which then creates new weird symptoms and you you get caught in a cycle. I'm sure other members here have posted to you about that. For me the hardest part is realizing that there is nothing wrong and that anxiety is creating both the symptoms and the thought processes.
I listened to a very good utube article on health anxiety recently and the guy in it, a Harvard doctor, made the following points:
1) Not every symptom you have is medically explainable.
2) Not every symptom you have is medically significant.
3) Being healthy is not at all necessarily about being symptom free.
He tells a very good story about how in his first lecture on Hypochondria with the final year med students he makes an announcement at the start of the lecture that he has just been informed by the university security that a serial killer has escaped from the nearby state prison and is armed and dangerous. He says the killer has been spotted on university grounds and that security are asking students to be vigilant when walking home after lectures. He then stops for a minute and watches the look of sheer terror and fear in the students' faces in the audiences. They became agitated and petrified. After a minute he tells them that this story is not true. But he told it for 2 reasons....a) as future doctors he wants them to realise that in that 60 seconds the fear and terror that they themselves felt is what every one of their Hypochonadria patients will feel like on a daily basis b) when you have bad Health Anxiety then at both a conscious and sub-conscious level that is how you are feeling...that fear of looking around every corner for an imagined serial killer....only your brain does not know it is imagined. If you lived under this fear 24 hours a day, that you were running from a serial killer, imagine the physcial symptoms that would develop.....you would having racing heart, muscle tension, dry mouth, palpatations, bladder issues, bowel issues....your body would breakdown due to the constant fight or flight mode you are under, you would become paranoid that you are being followed, looking for evidence everywhere, believing every noise or sound was the serial killer, you would not be able to sleep, you would not be able to function normally because of the threat which so happens to be imagined. Is it any wonder then that people with Anxiety issues develop similar physical symptoms. At both a conscious and sub conscious level we are running from an imagined serial killer, our perceived illnesses every minute of every day. We are paranoid that every bodily sensation is the footsteps of the disease. We are fugivites on the run.
Savvy, just like the med students were eventually told by the lecturer....there is no serial killer following you. If your doc tells you that you are healthy then you are healthy. Stop running. You will be fine.
Great post!
Savvy_Darling
26-02-16, 13:23
Wow.. Damo that was a really good post!! I'd love to watch that video.
I haven't actually been to a doctor though, so I guess I don't have the medically all clear yet.
Except for ER blood tests I had 2 monthes ago when I was worried about my heart.. Those were okay.
Ugh guess making an apt will help this constant running from the killer :(
Just scared I actually am having a reason to run though & I don't wanna hear the bad news.
And an enlarged lymph node isn't anxiety related /: it's something real and it's causing me to get scared of it being from something serious. Same with my excess throat mucus & swallowing issues.. Normally I would say it's anxiety but with this bump or lymph node I can't help but think they're related and this is a real threat/:
Ugh just trying to man up and get everything looked at.. I wish I could not be so fearful of the hospital / doctors.
MyNameIsTerry
26-02-16, 13:37
Are the online courses free? Fishmanpa
CBT4PANIC is now chargeable but it isn't much. Beware some people promoting it will be getting commission though so I would avoid them and buy from the source, or through here as it at least means the commission goes to this forum.
There are free ones though. There is one called Panic Center which has a connected support forum. Online CCBT with remote support has been seen to be as effective as face-to-face therapy but it won't be for everyone.
Disconnecting from a forum can help because of the triggers here but it is no magic bullet either and it won't stop the worry that was already there. Some benefit from it others report little or no benefit.
You are trying to rationalise it and that shows conscious acceptance of anxiety but it's not possible to change the subconscious so quickly, this takes effort and time. Lots of people on here know it's anxiety but simply can't stop the subconscious firing off the negatives, the intrusive thoughts, the feelings of doubt, etc. That doesn't mean denial, its the point of an anxiety disorder. So, I don't buy the 99% myself or everyone would be fighting off advice and you are trying to accept it hence you prove that rule wrong.
There are other online workbooks and worksheets free you can try too. Some people on here use the CCI ones for HA. Whilst you may need more support, there is nothing to lose by trying. Just remember the anxiety game is full of devious "gurus" telling people they will "cure you in days" and people posing as ex sufferers to sell their products.
Savvy,
It's always good to talk to your doctor. If you do not then you will remain on the run from your perceived enemy. If you talk to you doctor and he does diagnose you with something, and there is a wealth of things that could cause this for which the vast majority are totally benign and easily treated, then that's positive and also an end to the worry.
You can't live your life on the run. It will make you sick, yout body will break down from stress and you will not be the person you can be. You are fearing the fear...you are not fearing the disease.
Go to the doc, get it checked...you will be fine.
MyNameIsTerry
26-02-16, 13:55
Wow.. Damo that was a really good post!! I'd love to watch that video.
I haven't actually been to a doctor though, so I guess I don't have the medically all clear yet.
Except for ER blood tests I had 2 monthes ago when I was worried about my heart.. Those were okay.
Ugh guess making an apt will help this constant running from the killer :(
Just scared I actually am having a reason to run though & I don't wanna hear the bad news.
And an enlarged lymph node isn't anxiety related /: it's something real and it's causing me to get scared of it being from something serious. Same with my excess throat mucus & swallowing issues.. Normally I would say it's anxiety but with this bump or lymph node I can't help but think they're related and this is a real threat/:
Ugh just trying to man up and get everything looked at.. I wish I could not be so fearful of the hospital / doctors.
It's a good post from Damo. I like what that guy did to his students.
BUT you do have something real BUT you have real reasons for it. The reasons are perfectly acceptable as possible infection from tonsil stones and you have the issue with your retainer. Both of these could be questioned with a dentist, who knows more about the mouth than a GP anyway and the retainer issue is one purely for a dentist anyway.
Remember - tonsil stones are partly made up of bacteria. Your retainer causes bacterial buildup and needs frequent cleaning. Lymph nodes swell due to localised infection being detected AND they hurt simply from doing an examination - I did one when you asked before and mine ached for a short time afterwards - I don't have HA, this doesn't bother me yet it proves a point. AND size appears to change based on how you move your neck, something needed to perform a physical check of lymph nodes as per the instructions I followed from several medical websites showing how a doctor would perform such a check. AND your tonsil stone was close to that lymph node as you stated in your last thread.
---------- Post added at 13:55 ---------- Previous post was at 13:50 ----------
Savvy,
It's always good to talk to your doctor. If you do not then you will remain on the run from your perceived enemy. If you talk to you doctor and he does diagnose you with something, and there is a wealth of things that could cause this for which the vast majority are totally benign and easily treated, then that's positive and also an end to the worry.
You can't live your life on the run. It will make you sick, yout body will break down from stress and you will not be the person you can be. You are fearing the fear...you are not fearing the disease.
Go to the doc, get it checked...you will be fine.
There is a HA trap there though, Damo. See a medical professional, feel reassured and then start worrying again and unpicking the all clears, worrying they missed something, then the Cognitive Distortions take over and its back to cancer again.
I think when it is something real, the fear still needs tackling with a twist to accept the real issues. Savanna's recent posts give very good reasons and show how it has gone from head injury to cancer and how there is absolutely no chance of that. Addressing a possible infection cause is sensible but ruling out cancer when I think she knows there is no chance of that can equally be fought as an anxiety issue alone.
Savvy_Darling
26-02-16, 14:17
Thanks Damo, you're right... And I know whatever it is (hoping I'm fine) knowing for sure will be relieving instead of living in the unknown fear. Plus I want to get over my doctor fear and be able to go with less hesitation and fear..
Terry---
I don't know i would be that type of person though... Since I'm so scared of going to the doctors fearing what they will say I feel like hearing I'm okay and fine that it would be a very big burden off my shoulders. My problem is I think worst case and since I won't go to the doctors to dismiss it or be diagnosed differently I continue to live worst case. I trust doctors especially since there's pretty good health care and doctors here. I just don't want to be diagnosed with what I've been most scared about. I don't know what I'd do and it's scary to think about.
Also, i don't know if you read my original post but the part how days before I even discovered the bump I scratched something on the back lower part of my head like a scab.. I remember paying no mind about it too. Well this week a few days ago when I was brushing my hair I was looking at the back of my head with a mirror and I seen a pimple like bump with redness around it. Guessing that's what I scratched. It is higher above the bump of lymph node but on the same side. Maybe I scratched a scab open and it got infected ? That's another rational explanation I came up with. I've since been putting some ointment on the redness and it's going away I think. I read it can take within. Month for lymph nodes to go down .
Also is that normal to feel them differently with different muscle positions? Like moving my neck? I'm too nervous to google anything about lymph nodes again .. Not a good idea.
Does anything Ive said about mine sound alarming? I know to still see a doctor about it but since it's small and not a bump you can see but only when felt and it feels like a moveable small about pea size thing I can move around with my fingers.. It doesn't feel like a hard big thing.. I know my daily feeling around isn't helping it go down either /: I just feel compulsive about checking it. I don't think it's gotten any bigger..stayed pea sized or maybe slightly smaller. My anxious mind could say it's getting bigger because I'm anxious about it but I don't logically think it has..
nirvanainchains
26-02-16, 14:37
Trust me, it’ll be all good news. And trust me, it’ll give you a relief. If I was a millionare I would never fear a hospital visit everyday just to have a reassurance, don’t fear the result that will come, at least you will do something to check if you are doing fine or something is wrong(either way, you are informed, and will plan on your next move to cure what is wrong.)
MyNameIsTerry
26-02-16, 14:40
To perform an examination of certain lymph nodes a doctor will get you to move your head in certain ways as it exposes them. There are guides to this on sites for doctors, dentists and on the websites for patients who conduct them as a regular check due to conditions they already have.
Remember the diagram showing the various groupings? Those groups become more exposed from the muscles they sit on through tilting, pressure, etc.
The spot may also be connected but then it may also just be a spot. If it's close and were infected then it adds another reason for a raised lymph node since localised infection is why they raise. They fill with fluid being drained off as part of the immune response. That's why they also aren't hard. So, nit being hard is also another thing to rationalise with there.
Tackling your doctor phobia is a good reason to try. They will check you over and they may also recommend a dentist about the retainer but I bet they will be able to help with the tonsil stone issue.
Just when it comes to HA, some people can use the reassurance from a doctor, some can't. Those that can will just get spiked by another health issue later anyway because they haven't tackled the irrational thinking. Those that can't will just be back on here posting their doubts and asking if private tests should be considered or another doctor, a referral, etc. You will see both of the patterns on here.
Have you noticed how you are no longer talking about the bang to the head, bleeding, headaches, etc? Are they still an issue but have been surpassed by this new worry? Or have they passed? Again, you will see patterns like this on NMP's HA board the more you see the same members threads.
Savvy_Darling
26-02-16, 14:53
You're exactly right nirvanainchains. Whatever the outcome is.. It's a step in the right direction. Good way of looking at it. Thankyou.
Terry-- YES. I was just saying to my boyfriend.. Because he coincidentally bumped his head off a bunk bed. He wasn't worried about what I was. I was like wow you could care less you banged your head but when I did I seriously thought I caused brain bleeding. Then I was I was like I can't believe I got so worked up about my brain actually bleeding .., and then even a tumor. I almost laughed because I can accept I was being so irrational. Of course right now with my lymph node issue I am causing a big deal about it just like I did after I hit my head. Of course I realize how irrational I can be .. It's just you hear swollen lymph nodes and cancer or tumors and it's hard to accept it being from an infection. I remember you telling me you don't worry about your lymph nodes because your mom told you it's just them doing their jobs.
I just wish I knew what the difference between malignant lymph nodes and lymph nodes just doing their job.
I guess I should also take comfort in having 2 possible causes of it.. My tonsil stone on the same side & the possible scab I scratched off my head that could of gotten infected from me scratching and not washing my hair. It was red around the pimple looking center.
Hi Savvy,
I understand what your going through, I have generalised anxiety disorder and for the last year due to few health issues it's manifesting as health anxiety.
You're not alone, I'm going through a similar thing at the moment with a throat infection that won't budge, my doctor is starting to get annoyed with me and it's incredibly stressful. I know what it's like to run through every possibility until you come to the worst ones and fixate on it and end up fearful that something bad will happen. I'm sure that the lump you feel is nothing to worry about, it could be a cyst or most likely your lymph node is swollen, this would make sense with your ear pain, those 2 things often come hand in hand and the mucus you feel at the back of your throat sounds a lot like post nasal drip, our bodies produce lots of mucus which we normally don't notice but if we are a bit under the weather with a cold or virus it can become a bit thicker and we notice it getting stuck at the back of the throat, I'm no doctor but I've read a lot about this recently because I have a similar thing going on but swollen lymph node, ear pain and post nasal drip are all connected and very common especially at this time of year. I had actually noticed that my neck was feeling a bit lumpy and I think it's just my lymph nodes due to the virus I have.
Something that helps me a lot is to keep a note of my symptoms and rate each day out of 10 that way I can see progress in how I'm feeling.
Definitely go see your doctor, I know it can be a big trigger for anxiety but you'll feel a lot better once you go and get advice.
I hope this was helpful, stay strong everything will be fine
MyNameIsTerry
28-02-16, 08:42
You're exactly right nirvanainchains. Whatever the outcome is.. It's a step in the right direction. Good way of looking at it. Thankyou.
Terry-- YES. I was just saying to my boyfriend.. Because he coincidentally bumped his head off a bunk bed. He wasn't worried about what I was. I was like wow you could care less you banged your head but when I did I seriously thought I caused brain bleeding. Then I was I was like I can't believe I got so worked up about my brain actually bleeding .., and then even a tumor. I almost laughed because I can accept I was being so irrational. Of course right now with my lymph node issue I am causing a big deal about it just like I did after I hit my head. Of course I realize how irrational I can be .. It's just you hear swollen lymph nodes and cancer or tumors and it's hard to accept it being from an infection. I remember you telling me you don't worry about your lymph nodes because your mom told you it's just them doing their jobs.
I just wish I knew what the difference between malignant lymph nodes and lymph nodes just doing their job.
I guess I should also take comfort in having 2 possible causes of it.. My tonsil stone on the same side & the possible scab I scratched off my head that could of gotten infected from me scratching and not washing my hair. It was red around the pimple looking center.
Lymph nodes are doing their job 24/7 by moving debris into an area in the chest. When they swell it means there is a problem BUT that includes infections, bumps & bangs (yes, damage can do this too), the things you are worrying about like cancers, etc. BUT the thing is - your doctor won't just see your lymph node, they ask you a load of questions about your symptoms. Whilst you are reeling these off he/she is ticking off boxes in their head for cancer checks BUT also for other illnesses AND also symptoms which contradict cancer.
Red around the pimple could just mean a bit of inflammation. With infections you tend to get heat, discolouration, etc but yes it's always a possibility. My money is on the tonsil stones though.
Think to yourself 'is it just a lymph node and there is no other localised sign that could attribute to it?', 'have I just had a cough or cold and is the lymph node in that vicinity?'. Things like that. You are doing this, it can be seen I your threads and I've noticed your posting is changing to be more challenging your HA but to make the subconscious change so that you don't get the doubts, the intrusive thoughts, the urges, compulsions, anxiety symptoms, etc takes time so keep going because you are doing well!
I just wish I knew what the difference between malignant lymph nodes and lymph nodes just doing their job.
Cancer is an uncontrolled growth of abnormal cells. It doesn't come and go nor does it stop once it starts.
I had H&N cancer. It all started in Aug. 2012 with a common sinus infection and some swollen nodes on my neck. The infection hung on so I went to the doctor and was prescribed antibiotics. They did their job and the infection cleared but one node remained and was about the size of a small grape. My doctor said as many here do, it takes time for a node to resolve from infection and to contact him if it grows or remains in a few weeks. A few weeks went by and it was still there. It's now close to October and I'm back at the doctor and he's concerned. One more round of some stronger antibiotics. No results. In the mean time I suffered my 2nd heart attack (fun stuff eh?). So now we're into November. I had a follow up with my doctor about the heart attack. All was well with the exception of the node which was now twice the size of a grape, hard, fixed and clearly visible on my neck. Next came the CT, ENT visit, biopsy and diagnosis followed by surgery to remove my tonsils and biopsy several areas of my mouth, throat and tongue. By the time I went into surgery to remove the cancerous nodes, it looked like I had the mumps on the left side of my neck. They removed two cancerous nodes over 5cm in size along with 23 additional for good measure.
Why am I telling you all this? I had cancer. I had a node(s) that didn't go away and grew. It was obvious. When I read posts about nodes, I think to myself, "What the hell do you really know about nodes?" I see people claiming they're swollen and giving sizes when they haven't got a clue! I can picture people poking and prodding (and that's another animal!) measuring with their fingers and then putting that to a ruler, their fingers opening as they move and getting a gross overestimate of actual size.
There are over 600 nodes in our bodies. At any given time, you should be able to feel them a one place or another. They vary in size from a few millimeters up to 2cm and that's NORMAL! I read a post were someone said they had swollen nodes for 9 years...NINE YEARS! Tests and doctors have told him they're normal but he insists and lives in the fantasy they're swollen when in fact they're not! I wouldn't doubt that several are shotty from all the poking and prodding but no, there's nothing sinister going on. An ex member was much the same. Years of tests showed nothing. He poked and prodded so much the several became shotty in his groin. He eventually found a doctor to do an invasive surgical procedure (biopsy) to remove them. All was normal. He still didn't believe it!
The mantra is, if you have a node, lesion or sore that doesn't resolve in a few weeks, see your doctor. They know what to look for, you don't. If they tell you it's normal, believe them. My doctor did the right thing. When he saw that it wasn't resolving the alarms went off.
I've rambled/vented enough ~lol~ Bite the bullet, see your doctor, get this monkey off your back and ask about help with your anxiety. Perhaps try to stay away from the forum for a bit as I feel it's not helping you in the way you really need it to.
Remember...
"Writing in one thing, doing is another"
FMP
Positive thoughts
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