Anxiety trying to challenge the only thing that makes me smile.

[TomsThoughts]

Really need some reassurance, feeling really low.

Just last night I was lay in bed with my girlfriend like always and all of a sudden I got a scary worry about ever falling out of love with her and today it's making me choke up and cry.

We've been together for 3 and half years and we're practically a married couple and I've had anxiety for around 6 months.

I used to worry really badly about ever losing her and I used to get really scared and panic, I know I still love her because of how I need to hug her and cuddle her when I feel anxious, she's always there when I really need help, she's doesn't know I need help.

I've never seen a counsellor and lately I've been thinking about it. I guess I need to stop fighting my thoughts and see it from someone else's view.

Does anxiety cause you to think stupidly?

[.Poppy.]

Yes, anxiety can do that.

I think what makes anxiety so hard sometimes is that what we fear is irrational, and we can even tell ourselves that it's irrational, yet the thoughts still come as does the panic.

That's one reason it can be hard to accurately describe how we feel or why we feel that way.

I do think counseling has been helpful for me, if for no other reason than it opened up additional avenues for me to seek help. But of course it was helpful otherwise too.

Clearly you love your girlfriend or you wouldn't feel this way.

[TomsThoughts]

This is the reply I needed thank you. I'm sure this feeling will pass.

I may go to a counsellor and talk about my worries. It's really hard to solve anxiety on your own as I've figured out. I've read books but I imagine it's not the same as talking to a counsellor and getting everything out there and hear my worries for what they actually are

[.Poppy.]

Good to hear. I think counseling can be helpful.

Sometimes it's nice just to say things out loud and try to get those thoughts out there. I'm also working through online CBT right now and it's nice to have someone to ask questions of when I get stuck at certain points.

We can beat this, I know it. :)

[MyNameIsTerry]

Sounds like you had an intrusive thought, Tom.

You will see people talking about ROCD on the OCD board with worries like this. Like all intrusive thoughts, they are the opposite of true character and beliefs and they target the things we care about the most or would be most shocked by. The more you react to them, the more the reinforce themselves.

Be wary of mental compulsions if you are getting these as they will strengthen them too.

[TomsThoughts]

I have never been diagnosed with mental health. But I know I have intrusive thoughts as they are always there.

How would I go about helping my situation? I've been spending lots of time with her and I forget about the thoughts most the time but when she is leaving or when she's not here the thoughts come back. They try to show up spontaneously too.

Fact is she is always going to be around no matter what. There for she will always make me feel better and the love just comes naturally.

[GingerFish]

I've been with my partner for 7 years now and I've had anxiety and OCD all through the relationship and from day one, it made me think things like what you said. It took me so long to realise it was just me worrying and being a pessimist and that there was nothing wrong with my relationship and that I truly did love him. Anxiety will make you question and doubt everything, well make you question and doubt everything except anxiety of course! Its sneeky that way.

[TomsThoughts]

Thank you GF it's nice to hear it from someone who has been through a similar situation.

[MyNameIsTerry]

All people have intrusive thoughts, as proven in studies, they just don't realise it. When anxiety is involved they can be overwhelming and we add negative reinforcing behaviours to them which makes them keep happening.

Challenging thoughts with positive/neutral can help as in CBT where using a Thought Record you use evidence for & against the thought and produce a new closing statement about it.

Accepting them is another way. In Mindfulness it teaches to be the "curious observer". You watch & accept the thought but then let it go. This neutrality starves the feedback loop that is looking for negatives.

But watch for any mental compulsions or safety behaviours. If you react out of fear and need to obtain reassurance, for instance. This adds to the thoughts by giving them a purpose, something to be afraid of.

[beatroon]

Hi there

I suffer from the same kinds of problems as you. I recently went through quite a bad bout, but now have accepted that it is just my anxiety acting up, my partner is a fine person and I am in the right relationship. It's tough, because anxiety lies to you and tries to get you to attack your own security - but you sound as though you are well on the way to facing down the problem yourself, as you say 'she's always going to be there so why fight it'!

You will do fine. I recommend finding a therapist who is skilled in OCD and anxiety treatment, and particularly one who has managed ROCD before.

Good luck!

[TomsThoughts]

Hi guys thanks for the reassurance and support, my feelings of anxiety about this have now transformed into depression? Really not sure how? All of a sudden I was very anxious about this and I seemed to fight it well and now my reaction has changed into a less energetic and more of a gut feeling of depression? I'm confused with all of this.

Anyone delt with this side effect before?

[garyR]

Hi Tom.

Anxiety and Depression usually lead to each other, through various avenues, so don't feel like this is unnatural, it happens to most people.

But focus on the Anxiety, that's the root cause after all.

Also, focus on the word 'root', what is the root of Anxiety? The root of Anxiety is Anxiety itself, that's the brilliant (or difficult) depending how you look at it and what stage you are at, thing about it.

Because Tom is doesn't matter what your Anxiety is about, its all about the 'root', yes it may be about your relationship but ultimately it doesn't matter what the anxiety is about, it's all about focussing on the emotion.

Treat every Anxiety the same.

No Anxiety has a greater or lesser chance of happening, they are all neurologically (In terms of GAD of course) exactly the same.

What is Anxiety? Anxiety is a by product of the rewiring of a natural thought process that 'by passes' the rationalisation and logical processing stage in the brain. Whereas before we used healthily our NeoCortex, we now use our Amydala too soon, attaching anxiety to almost everything that can cause a concern, and demining all value to any evidence that suggests the emotion is false and the concern is 'silly' or not real.

What i'm trying to say Tom is that your relationship will blossom, prosper, or hopefully not, fail, with events and actions that have ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with Anxiety.

There is no evidence to suggest your relationship will end, but because of the way you process information in the brain you believe something bad may happen, this is perfectly natural.

Remember, you are not processing information correctly, thats all Anxiety is, the concerns hold no value or evidence, hence why it is
1. Always important to treat ALL ANXIETIES THE SAME as just an emotion, ignore the concern.
2. Focus on the emotion, the 'root', as this is the only thing that is real, and trust me, when the emotion goes, ALL OF THE ANXIETIES GO, which in turn is the proof that they were never real.

Be honest, if you didn't have that 'gut feeling of anxiety' you wouldn't have Anxiety, so FOCUS ONLY ON THE EMOTION, everything else IS NOT REAL and you would not believe or worry about it if you was SIMPLY processing information correctly in the brain.

If you've seen any of my other posts they are usually all the same, and I always end with this.

Anxiety is like a tree, where the root/bark is the feeling, the emotion, and all the branches are the worries. You can keep trimming the branches, but they eventually grow back, but when you focus on the emotion, the bark, and forget about the branches (or at least dont give them any value or time), once you remove the root, cut down the bark of the tree, remove the emotion, all of the branches and worries are gone at once.

Keep going you have a lot going for you in life, you will realise this one day, and when you overcome your anxiety, which you will, apologies for the Star Wars quote, but you will become more powerful that you can possibly imagine :D

G

[TomsThoughts]

Thank you. This has helped a lot, I really should attack my mental health from its root but I have no idea where to start.

I feel as if I should tell my girlfriend about the way anxiety is making me feel but I don't want to expose it? She thinks everything is still the same but she's very understanding.

[Worrygirl96]

Hi all,

I'm going through something really similar and was wondering if anyone has any advice for me? I'll try to keep it short: I have been with my boyfriend for a year and 3 months, and about three weeks ago I had what I now recognise as an intrusive thought. Since then I had been obsessing about this 'doubt' that I had whilst at work. It was so bizzare , I was stocking a shelf, happy and in love, then within a minute i was questioning my feelings for my boyfriend and felt sick, numb and depersonalised. It was really weird.

That first week I felt sick whenever I was with him, yet had a constant need to be around him. The second week, I started to feel less sick and tried to keep reminding myself that this was a stupid anxiety thing and that it would pass. I actually had a night where i almost felt completely normal.

At the weekend though, I spiraled and felt like I barely recognised him. He literally felt like a stranger, it was terrifying.

Anyway, this week, I've had two very up days and once again felt pretty much completley normal with him, but now i'm spiraling again.

I keep worrying that what if i'm beyond helping? What if my mind is too far gone and i can't get back to the happy in love person i was.

I feel really really distant from him and I feel really detached when i'm with him.

I think i'm going to sign up for some CBT, and have been offered meds by my doc but am unsure as to whether to take them.

Do you guys have any advice??? Thanks for reading. I just feel really hopeless and alone.

[NoPoet]

GaryR says it well. Sometimes the absence of anxiety leads to feelings of depression, but it doesn't mean you are clinically depressed or at risk of getting worse. Maybe you just don't know how to feel without the anxiety. Maybe you're tired, burned out and fed up, and with the anxiety temporarily switched off, you're able to notice and focus on other things.

If you get like this again, don't panic. The first thing you should ask yourself is what's happened, or what you've been doing, that would make you feel sad, tired, burned out or unhappy. You will usually find at least one cause, probably several. If you feel low and sad, understand that the emotions are there to highlight a problem. Sustained stress, sustained anxiety or tension, bad memories of how you felt, stray intrusiv thoughts, the glimpse of a miserably grey sky, even the strangeness of having new feelings can cause you to "freak out". If you're early into your recovery, the imagined difficulty of the task ahead is another factor.

Tl;dr is, this is most likely normal and just a phase of the illness. If you lose your fear of it, and learn how to enjoy the lack of anxiety, it shouldn't persist. Speak to the Samaritans or your therapist, get support and talk about your situation positively.