Feeling very down - HA making me miserable

[Toots24]

Long post sorry, just a bit about my journey with anxiety. Wondering if anyone can relate...

I feel like my anxiety is getting very out of control. I'm 26 and I've had anxiety since I was 18 although I didn't know that's what it was at the time, it started out at heart palpitations slowly it got worse and I had my first panic attack and trip to a&e, I would have panic attacks every so often and they would gradually get more frequent as the years went on. Now my anxiety is more specific, I have GAD and will worry about very specific things for example I was trapped in my ground floor apartment during a storm when I was living In France last year, my door went straight out to the street. There was a flash flood and before I knew it I was up to my knees in water with no way out. After that I had a severe fear of bad weather, I was sure it would get better once I moved home and was somewhere where I was familiar with the weather patterns, this didn't happen. Once I got home I would obsessively check the weather, I wouldn't leave the house in bad weather. I would be in tears and have panic attacks over a storm, I was a wreck during a thunder and lightning storm we had.

The fear of weather quickly disappeared when I developed a kidney infection, now I have severe health anxiety. After the kidney infection I kept catching virus's and infections. Sinusitis, ALOT of ear infections, chest infections, colds I'm suffering from a throat infection right now. This has been since July last year, my longest spell of one particular anxiety trigger - my health. I'm now developing OCD because of it. I'll use hand sanitizer at work more often than necessary (hasn't stopped me getting sick yet though!) I'll pull my sleeve over my hand opening doors, I'll feel very uncomfortable being around anyone who is unwell, I work in small enclosed office with not windows or ventilation, there's an air con unit about 10 years old that blows our black dust, I insist to my colleagues that I cannot have it switched on despite the heat in the office and this has made me a bit of an outcast.

It's really getting me down, I have no quality of life. I have isolated myself from my family because they don't understand and do more harm than good, I live with my boyfriend who is amazing but I still feel incredibly loney. I feel like there is no light at the end of the tunnel and I'll just keep on getting worse until I'm unable to function.

[Lucy1234]

Sorry you are dealing with all this Toots.

I relate so much to lots of what you are saying. I also do the hand-washing from fear of germs. Though I work in a facility with no hot water in the bathrooms and its pretty dirty too, which doesn't help. I get really anxious if people start coughing on top of me in a bus or confined space too. I have a definite fear of TB (I come into contact with homeless people through my work too). To be honest, work is so triggering I want to leave it behind. I am looking for other jobs and re-training.

I have a lovely boyfriend and lots of good people in my life, but I'm very embarrassed by the way I think sometimes and I try to hide it. Once a bunch of friends found out about my worries about catching HIV from syringes and made a big joke of it, and I was totally mortified. I'm really self-conscious about expressing my anxiety now, outside of a safe space like this or a doctor's office. I don't want to dump any more anxiety on my boyfriend either.

I know what you mean about fearing things getting worse, but please remember that they can (and will) get better too. When I was at my worst I had to check the path behind me on my way into work compulsively, sure I had stepped on a syringe, but now I've managed to unlearn that behaviour. That book I mentioned to you before (Stop Obsessing) helped me do that, it has little exercises like delaying worry and identifying coping mechanisms- it's not just important to recognise your anxiety, but also what you are doing to soothe it, which might also be prolonging it.

[Toots24]

Hi Lucy,

Thanks again for your support :D

I can relate to your embarrassment, people make fun of me to. I have friends who'll call me boring for not leaving the house and my colleagues laugh at me for the hand sanitizer thing. It's horrible, I can completely understand how you feel, I think working in an environment where there may be syringes would be scary for me too, in fact i don't think it's a completely irrational fear. It is good that you're aware how difficult it would be for you to come to harm because of them though.

The OCD thing is something I've just realised. I just thought I was being extra careful and being pro active in trying to stop being sick. Now that I think about it more I'm realising these behaviours are not normal and it's a pattern i follow with each major trigger. Like with the fear of weather I would obsessively check my phone for the forecast and follow forecasters in my area on Twitter, at the time I knew it was a bit much but i thought I was just giving myself a heads up so I could prepare myself and try to alleviate any anxiety symptoms with a storm.

I'm not even sure it's OCD, is there a difference between obsessive behaviour and OCD or is it the same thing? It's scaring the hell out of me I really don't want to add another diagnosis to the pile I already have

[Lucy1234]

I think in the book I read they said that obsessive worrying was a feature of OCD, but that often obsessive worriers do not have OCD, but just have behaviours in common for it.

I asked a doctor to recommend a book on health anxiety prevention and I was surprised when I realised this was really a book about OCD. But the author says that you don't need to have a diagnosed level of OCD to benefit from using some of the same strategies that will affect OCD (as some of the problematic thinking patterns are the same). I think sometimes anxiety sufferers have the thought patterns of a person with OCD but without the ritualistic behaviour. However, like you I could see myself starting to fall into some patterns as a way of self soothing.

If it is at all helpful, the writers also said that obsessive worry is one of the most genuinely treatable and curable mental health issues you can have, and that a change of thinking habits can really ultimately change your quality of life for the better.

[Toots24]

This makes a lot of sense and I can see how anxiety sufferers can follow in the same patterns as a person with OCD since the thought processes are very similar.

I really think that the OCD/obsessive part of my anxiety is the least worrying thing at the moment, it's not out of control yet I'm just worrying that it will get to that stage where it becomes severe compulsion and the obsessing

This book sounds interesting, i've never really given my obsessive behaviours much thought until now, I made the worrying and panic attacks the main focus when the obsessive behaviour is part of it too, I think it would be good for me to address the issue and better understand what's going on and hopefully break some of the obsessive behaviours I have. I'm going to check out that book on Amazon just now :)

---------- Post added at 11:40 ---------- Previous post was at 11:38 ----------

Is it the same book you mentioned in your previous post?

[Lucy1234]

Yes exactly the same, written by two doctors together, Edna Foa and Reid Wilson. I have got a lot from it and haven't even finished yet! I must pick it up again tonight. They give you lots of techniques so that you can pick and choose the ones that work for you, and some of the case studies are people with health anxiety.

I think you're like me, never a true OCD case, but just some of the obsessive thinking behaviour, you would likely never actually develop actual OCD. In a way I think that makes you in a better position to deal with it, as you aren't trapped in the behaviour, and in that sense still have control over your thoughts. Some tips they suggest are to 'delay' anxious thoughts- you know, admit you will worry about your health, but say you will wait fifteen minutes before you do. After a few days, you can make that half an hour, and so on. It's not that you need to stop cold turkey, but just develop a way to manage it so your life is not consumed by it.

[ItsNick]

I was constantly checking my blood pressure like 10 times per day for at least a month. I now rarely do it because it was getting out of hand. The levels once I wasn't worried or panicked were almost 120/80... Thursday night, for the first time in a week in a half, I had a panic attack and took my blood pressure and it was 145/95, I knew it would be high before I took it based upon how I was feeling.

I was scared of heart issues before I realized how anxiety and stress can cause some chest pains... My mom, sister and father all have high blood pressure, so of course I began on this kick where I just constantly took it and couldn't help it. I can definitely see where there is a little connection between HA and OCD.

We have to get better, I feel miserable some days as well and it's just getting old...

[Toots24]

Hi nick

I do this too, well I don't take my blood pressure but I take my temperature constantly throughout the day out of fear my illness is getting worse. When it's elevated it sends me into severe panic I always think for sure I'm very ill. I still do this, I try to avoid taking it unless I feel particlaurly feverish. It's comforting to know other anxiety suffers have some obsessive behaviours and it's not necessarily a development of full OCD

It's getting old for me too, I'm so done with feeling like this. It's crazy how much I have changed in the last year due to anxiety I want my old life back

Thanks for sharing your experience :)

[Xtrastrongbint]

Hi - this is really interesting (for want of a better word). I do not have HA but have general anxiety and social anxiety. Lots of weird things trigger it but it essentially boils down to obsessive worrying (or catastrophising) and although I don't have the compulsions I definitely have avoidance stuff and checking situations are "ok" for me to be in. It's very easy to see how all anxiety has a very common thread x:)

[Lucy1234]

Hey Nick,

I went through exactly that with my blood pressure- have my own monitor too, and it also runs in my family. I got the 24 hour monitor and it was totally fine, but I have white coat hypertension, so in the doctor's office it goes crazy. Before i had the assurance everything was okay, it would obsessively take it till my arm hurt. now, I'm almost bored of it and find it easy to get a good reading. So that definitely can get better.

The white coat thing was part of the reason my doctor suggested seeing someone to help with my panicking. She mentioned how snipers could control their heartbeat with training and that maybe someone could help me, behaviourally to not physically panic so much when I feel stressed. I haven't looked into that yet (due to different current obsessions with things that may kill me), but I think it's a pretty cool idea.

[MyNameIsTerry]

I think in the book I read they said that obsessive worrying was a feature of OCD, but that often obsessive worriers do not have OCD, but just have behaviours in common for it.

I asked a doctor to recommend a book on health anxiety prevention and I was surprised when I realised this was really a book about OCD. But the author says that you don't need to have a diagnosed level of OCD to benefit from using some of the same strategies that will affect OCD (as some of the problematic thinking patterns are the same). I think sometimes anxiety sufferers have the thought patterns of a person with OCD but without the ritualistic behaviour. However, like you I could see myself starting to fall into some patterns as a way of self soothing.

OCD traits are seen in many people, many of whom have no mental health conditions. This is why it's not only the traits but their impact being detrimental which forms an OCD diagnosis.

OCD is an anxiety disorder. Negative thinking can be found across all anxiety disorders and many other mental health conditions, it's often just a question of how skewed they are as some disorders learn more towards some distortions than others.

Bare in mind too that OCD can be predominantly obsessions, compulsions or mixed.

---------- Post added at 07:38 ---------- Previous post was at 07:34 ----------


I think you're like me, never a true OCD case, but just some of the obsessive thinking behaviour, you would likely never actually develop actual OCD. In a way I think that makes you in a better position to deal with it, as you aren't trapped in the behaviour, and in that sense still have control over your thoughts.

OCD sufferers have control over their thoughts. The trapping behaviour of anxiety cycles in OCD are often no different to those seen in GAD or any other, but they probably appear more apparent (other than the Pure O side) and more fast paced.

On the subject of obsessive disorders though, the Somatoform Disorders group also share some common ground with OCD. Both of these, and GAD, come under the HA umbrella when it comes to health. (Somatoforms Disorders are purely about health though)