Fear of being alone

[skylight2007]

Hiya all just thought I'd share this with you, since joining this wonderful site, a few days ago, and reading messages from so many people, its kinda made me think about my healing journey and looking at the things that use to bother me, regarding panic attacks and my anxiety. its all be one hell of learning curve for me, but this place has made me realise just how hard we struggle to cope with our feelings and fears.
The fear of being alone was always a fear for me especially during childhood, but when I had my daughter nearly 20 years ago, I was still suffering terribly with panic, and the night was the worst!!!!
Just having her in my life meant that I wouldnt be alone BUT, as she become older I just was so afraid to sleep on my own and so she use to sleep with me and I would feel safe... now she never knew how scared I was of the dark and each bedtime was a nightmare for me, but having my daughter near me made me feel safe.
When she became 7 she wanted to have her own bedroom and although this bothered me, only worrying about myself, she moved into her own room, I use to ask her, do you want to sleep next to mummy, and this went on for ages, and she would always say, no.... but gradually at time went by it was so hard at first, but I had to learn how to sleep on my own, the days got better, first with lights on, and she didnt know why, then eventually over a long period of time, I was able to sleep in dark alone, the panic symptons became easier and I had control over my feelings.
The point I am making is that I was very very dependant on my daughter to make me feel safe, although she did not know it, she knows now!!!! and she understands.
In my relationships I was exactly the same and depended on my then partner to make me feel safe.......... It took me along time to admit this to myself and my partners and I was in the relationship for the wrong reasons.
I can now live happy on my own and havent had a panic attack for years, just the ocd and slight anxiety. I knew I HAD to learn how to be safe on my own and not depend on others to make me feel safe.
I am now 45 and its taken a lifetime to overcome panic attacks and I never ever thought Id be able to sleep by myself in the dark.

skylight

[Ozzy]

yes this is one of my biggest fears i dont wanna end up alone but i fear its gonna happan and i think it will

[PUGLETMUM]

to skylight,

i am feeling emotional at the moment because of the fear of being alone and i just felt quite choked when i read your story which is full of hope, and i wanted to say thankyou.

i am still amazed at myself over this phobia, because it only became apparent to me that i had become dependant on others a few years ago, and that actually it has come out of my attempts to cope with my emotional breakdown 7 years ago.

i feel that this is the hardest part of all of my problems, because essentially we are all alone anyway, so to feel that i have to manipulate and cling and beg, and to become so completely blinded by the need to not be alone with my panic symptoms is completely devastating, it is to me completely soul destroying.

i wish i could believe that i will be like you and be free of this awful need, but at the moment i feel so low and weak, that i do not believe i have the strength to cope alone either just in life or with a panic episode.

i would like to chat to others about this if possible so all comments will be welcomed,thanks emmas

[skylight2007]

:hugs: Hello there emmas, thank you for your reply and you too ozzy!!!

I feel emmas the fear of being alone is something that crossess many of us, but due to emotional upsets, anxiety issues whatever pain etc... it is not hard to see why we may become dependant on others to give us a sense of safety and looking at why we become dependant in the first place , well the reasons are many as you know.
What are we saying to ourself when we say we cannot live alone? are we saying we cannot do anything for ourself, we cannot make our own decisions, we cannot function without having someone to guide us, we cannot cope when we experience panic or symptoms of anxiety, we need others to always watch over us, these are some of the questions emmas I use to ask myself , and so how do we build our self worth up and start again.
Remember moments in your life when you had control , you felt confident, you could make good choices and healthy ones at that. Each and everyone of us have at least some good memories, but for some people the bad memories out weigh the good, and their is a saying, we often remember the pain more than the happiness.
So emma will you ever get strong and take control in you life again, the answer is YES YOU WILL.
Whenever we are exposed to tooooo much negative thinking, however hard our pain and problems, we create within us a negative cycle, which never seems to end, and we believe this is our lot.... wrong emmas, the hardest thing is change and taking risks.
Every day you can gather your inner strength, and test small thing out, like doing something you know you would avoid, I use to send my daughter to my friends across the road to spend the night, at first I mind was racing, but I told myself I will be ok, and even though I had all the tv's and lights on in the house, I had to hear talking, or create the feeling I was not alone!!!, I was learning how to cope with being alone, it was hard at first but I kept sending her to my friends and the anxiety and panic got less and less, until eventually I only needed to have the hall lights on, that took time, and healing is time.
Each small goal you set yourself, is a huge challenge when dealing with panic and anxiety.. but you have the control you just dont know it until you try.
Building your self confidence!!! your a beautiful person , we all are, you've coped so far with many personal issues and some battles you have won and some your still working on.......... you have strengths that are hidden but your negative thoughts keep you back. so emmas, no matter how small the positive thing that you want to do, keep doing it and stick to it, it will take time and you will get stronger and begin to rely on your own strenghts, not on others, it is ok for all of us to become ill in life, as this is a part of growing and learning toooo, but you have a bigger responsibility to play, and that is to your self.
I believe you can make small changes, and your life can get better, and you will learn to feel better about yourself and become more indepedant than you realise.

Remember emmas you have skills that you dont even know you have!!! try them and see!!! love skylight:hugs:

[PUGLETMUM]

hi skylight,

thankyou sooo much for that lovely post to me, i am actually that emotional about this situation that reading your post my tears just came naturally and i am struggling to type this reply.

i am so alone with this problem with regards people knowing what to say to me (and truthfully unless we are extremely lucky to have sympathetic people in our lives then nobody does know what to say!) that your kindness and supportive words mean more than you could imagine so thankyou for taking the time to do that.

i hear what you are saying about needing other people to look over us and not being able to make decisions etc, but the strange thing with me is that in my relationship i am THE one who does make the decisions so that isnt my problem so much, what i think bothers me is the inability to break free from people and meet knew ones, and my life is so small that if anybody has to go anywhere or if there was an emergency i ask myself 'who can i turn to,who can i ring, in an emergancy?' and the answer is nobody and this thought just haunts me - i feel so very alone.and then i ask myself how much of this is my own fault anyway as im not an easy person to get along with, and how comfortable can it be to be with a freaky uptight person? but then i dont think i can help how im made! i think some people are just not going to find it easy in life to be with other people or to be able to make lasting healthy friendships.

when i came on here last all of this issue raised its head again as i was struggling to make any connections and i was seeing that some of the older members just seemed to instinctively know how to communicate with each other and it reminded me of how rubbish i am socially even on a bloody website.

so what i dont know what to do , is how to feel better about myself and how to be less isolated, its like i want to be alone but i actually really dont want to be, but any of the people in the last 15 years just dont understand howi feel,

im starting to waffle now and i know that im the only one who can do this, so to anybody who takes the time to read this personal rant - thankyou!!

and again skylight thankyou for helping to make me feel a bit less alone

emma

[elle-jay]

Ohh i most definately hate being alone. but then.. i like being alone but when i know that someone is there like they can be in a different room as long as i know i can go get them if something goes wrong. i use to do everything on my own, i use to always have panic attacks long be4 i knew what they were i use to be out shopping on my own and id just stop and sit down for 30mins or so until they went away.. or id be at the train station feeling sooooo sick. but i just worked thru that. i wish i could still do that. even at my work i use to work at a fast food place.. i honest have no idea how i did that job at all. i was such a nervous wreck all the time!.but now i cant stand to be alone, even when i go walking on my own theres no way i will walk more then 5mins away, i just kinda walk up n down my street cause im to afraid of going any further on my own!. gosh it sucks.

[skylight2007]

:hugs: Dearest emmas, you mentioned that your the one who makes the decisions, but something tells me that you just wish if someone else could come along and lift the heavey weight off your shoulders. I understand your concerns of not having anyone to call upon, in case something happens, and that is a horrible thing to go through. it is very very hard to have to feel responsible for yourself and others, to kinda of be strong even though underneath your worried and alone.
I hear what you say about meeting new people, its very easy to protray a poor self image of yourself, you think your freaky and not easy to live with, doesnt anxiety and panic make us feel like that sometimes? We can be our own worst enemy and become both the judge and jury, but I have to say Emma, feeling low, can make us feel not so nice on the inside., and can make us feel as if no one wants to know.
So understanding how you feel about yourself, your panic and feeling responsible to making all the decisions, where do you go from here?

If you wanted to meet new people and make new friends, what would you need to do?
what would stop you?

it is very easy to put ourselfs down and feel as if we are not worthy of friendships or forming compatible friendships, and some friendships dont have to last a long time, but consider just being amongst others and having a chance to talk and just spend time with someone, can make us feel as if we are needed, even in a small way.

Have you ever considered joining a kind of support groups in your area, now I dont know if your working emmas, but if your not, would you consider volunteering?

The point I making emma, is to begin with making small goals as I mentioned before, getting motivated is hard when your feeling down, but do you think you could try.

if you had some form of interest something you know you could do, it will open doors to how you feel and see yourself and your self image will become better. Whenever we build up our confidence we gather strengths and find being alone not as fearful as once thought.

I believe that you can make a change and you need encouragement and support, its just lovely to have someone who can do this, we all need support and a helping hand sometimes emma, it makes us feel less alone!!!! so have a good think about what you would like to change, maybe just one thing and see how you feel about it and try to give it a go.

Take good care of you.

love skylight

[skylight2007]

hiya elle jay, how are you today? thanks for replying,

anxiety and panic can really stop us in our tracks and change our whole way of life, one of the things I hated the most was a loss of my independance, I remember working just like you, and coping eveyday with the sweaty palms and wondering constantly what others were thinking of me. Not surprisingly I began to lose my confidence and began to withdraw from everyone and society.
Public places where are nightmare and I felt overwhelmed with crowds and just couldnt stay out for any longer than half an hour but my feelings and issues were deep very deep and I was more afraid of my feelings than actually living alone.
I was just wondering elle jay, have you ever tried to go further with the help of someone?


Take care of you skylight

[lildutt]

yes i do sometimes im newly diagnosed with panick attacks

[PUGLETMUM]

skylight,

you are so nice to take the time to write your encouraging posts to me, so a big :hugs: for you.

EVERYTHING is true that you say, really deep down i am still the little kid who got panic attacks and needs somebody to take it away and look after me :weep:

this is why sometimes i get worried and upset for some of you guys on here who are depending on others to help you, because if they get taken away like my special person did then what will you do then? it gets so much worse when your scrabbling around to find somebody who can fill their shoes.

also i have thought about the voluntary thing, but thinking about it and doing it are very far apart for me, i have a million excuses why are cant, the main one being anxiety and my self imposed resricted area that i will go alone. what i want to know from anybody is HOW do you get the change in attitude to break the habits?

anyway skylight knowing this where do i go from here? how did you go from feeling how some of us are to being how you are now?

oh also to elle-jay -what happened for you to stop dealing with your anxiety/panic? why did you go from coping to not?

love emma xxxxx

[skylight2007]

:hugs: Hiya emmas, thank you for your reply and I am more than happy to reply to you.

you asked how do you break the habit!!!! your aware of making excuses and you tell yourself that its your anxieties and panic that stops you.

So how do we grow from being or becoming dependant on others to pushing ourself forwards into becoming independant?

Breaking a habit is very hard emma, and anxiety can feel like an emotional addiction!!! some people fight very hard to cope with feelings of anxiety and panic, and over a period of time, we begin to doubt our own feelings and become fearful of trying something new........... dependance is about not feeling safe in ourself.

for me emma TRUST AND SAFTEY went hand in hand with my anxieties and panic, I had to learn how to trust my feelings and to feel safe with what I was feeling.

The other thing that I learned about myself, was the issue of control in my life. My feelings were so controlled, trying to control the panic, the lonliness, the checking, the counting, controlling those things with fear !!!!!

breaking the habit, you are honest enough to admit your making excuses, you want to change but your fearful. change is always scary at first,

Imagine this scenario!!!!! just to explain how anxiety and change can work!!!! with persistant!!!

A child is told he, or she is starting school for the first time. Now we would never say to a child, ' your suffering from anxiety',

Up until the day he/she starts school, they are safe in their comfort zone, they know their surroundings, and they feel safe, they are familiar with their parents and their environment.

Now moving from their comfort zone, the child will have tummy aches, will cry, will tug at mummy skirt, will be feel nervous, will want to say at home and will simply feel scared for going to school, because it is a place that is alien to them, has adults they do not know, is in a different environment where they know no one, have no security and is left feeling completely alone. The child depends on mum to make him feel safe.

But as all good mothers and dads, and carers, we encourage our children , that they will make new friends, that they will be there to pick them up, and nothing bad is going to happen to them.

The symptons the childs feel is real, but the belief is misplaced, because of fear. We know that all our children need is constant reasurrance that things will get better, and so each day we take our children to school.

As time goes by, the crying stops, and the child is growing in strength and begins to feel safe, each day gets easier and he or she begins to make friends, and grows in confidence, until the day comes when they just give you a quick kiss and run off because jack and jill are their waiting for them!!!!!

So equate this to breaking the habit, can it be done with persistant , yes it can!!!! can you become independant again yes you can. Independance is about challenging the way we feel about situations often what we dont feel comfortable about.

So how did I come to be the way I am, through hard work, self reflection, determination that I had control in my life, understanding my feelings, and making small changes in my life, developing a positive attitude, because not only does our attitude and behaviour change so too does our feelings.

So emmas where do you now go from here? When will be a good time to start, is there ever a good time to take control over your life? and to grow stronger and independant.

I know you can make the changes, emmas their has to be a first day!!!

hope this helps , lots of love and encouragement for the changes your about to make!!!!:hugs:

skylight xx

[Piglet]

Cracking thread skylight - much for us all to take from it! :D

I particularly related to the part where you would have your child stay at a friends to help you overcome the fear of being on your own at night.

Having brought up 3 kids alone I was so used to having them all around me I thought I wouldn't be able to stay alone at night either. Then a few years ago my eldest moved out to house share with some mates and the other two were both away on school trips at the same time.

I was dreading it and whilst I did miss them terribly it was only in the normal way not a needy way. The three days passed and I had coped and so much like you I went from always seeming to have child in my bed to now regularly having nights on my own when the other two are at sleepovers.

Yet again it's the anticapatory anxiety that's the worse isn't it.

Time and time again the event turns out to be nothing like as bad as the picture in your head beforehand.

Love Piglet :flowers:

[PUGLETMUM]

hi ,

i was going to start a new thread tonight about how awful im currently feeling and how im LETTING panic get the better of me.

but seeing as how ive realised that really being on my own has become a major issue for me i thougt id just add it on here.

everything skylight says is true, im not sure if you are or have been agoraphobic skylight? but i think you are piglet? or have been until recently?, anyway the thing is that this agoraphobia is soooooo complex and is about the things that you have been talking about skylight. it is as though it has always been there for me, and it just develops and build and grows until you are not you anymore but just this pathetic(i mean that literally not as an insult) wretched thing!!!! that is how ive been feeling today and its been growing and growing for weeks and weeks, i wont go into detail as id still be here tomorrow.also i hope nobody thinks im saying that that is how they feel, feel free to tell me if you do though.just saying that like skylight my issues have a very long history.

anyway im struggling big time at the moment and i KNOW that when ive beat this i will be FREE. the only person who can do it is ME but im sooooooooooo scared of panic that i cannot at the moment believe that i have the strength to survive it, the last few panics ive had have been so overwhelming that they are immediately sending me into complete chaos, ive spent too much time avoiding it that when it really happens i cannot cope.

oh well i just have to start again now and make sure i get it right this time.

a very miserable and tired emmaxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Piglet]

Yes Emmas I am dealing with agoraphobia hun!

Piglet :flowers:

[skylight2007]

Cracking thread skylight - much for us all to take from it! :D


Yet again it's the anticapatory anxiety that's the worse isn't it.

Time and time again the event turns out to be nothing like as bad as the picture in your head beforehand.

Love Piglet :flowers:

Ahh thanks piglet!!! oh yeah I totally agree with what you said, back in the days, from the moment I knew my girl was going to have a sleep over, that was it, the anticipation use to drive me bonkers, hahah, but now she is nearly 20, and I have had years of practice being on my own, I never ever thought that I could feel so safe in my own skin!!!! and in my head of course.
It does take time and sometimes when I look back , its almost as if piglet, I was never that person. Hope that makes sense!!!! Love skylight.:hugs:

[Piglet]

I have now reached the stage of being ok at home alone :yesyes: - it's just going out I don't do alone at present but workin on it! :D

My eldest piglet is 20 and the other two arn't far behind her and all very independent, so it's important to me to get back some of my 'oomph'! :D So it's nice to hear how well you are doing!

Piglet :flowers:

[PUGLETMUM]

hey piglet,

im the same as you in that i can go out but not alone- well i can go to certain places alone, but bigger things like my town are still not an option, although i have split up from hubby there and then met him again and been okay.(did that once in december)

do you mind me asking who your support people are? oh and also how are you doing the course that youre doing if you dont go out alone? also how did you overcome the fear of being alone?

emma

[Paddington]

Hi guys,oh boy i am so glad i found this thread..I dont think i realised,until the last few days ,just how much i rely on others to to things,well to be /do anything!!:weep: oh gosh i hope i dont ramble now,as i am all over the place having been in a constant state of panic for the last 24 hours[first time in a long time]all the old reactions kicked in,valium, brandy.:lac: I think this is because my youngest child has left home,my middle one left last october,so pretty quick really to be left alone.My partner works permanent nights so night time has become horrible.Thinking about it,i went everywhere with my daughter,my recovery to date has so much to do with her gentle heart and understanding of her manic mum.ooo i miss:weep: her,crying like a loon now:weep: We went to town together,she knew it was my greatest fear[still is and would NEVER go alone]i thought i was doing it for her,but it was for me i think,a glimpse at normality.Though,bless her,most times i would be sweating and ringing my hands and wanting to run...she would take me into a a pub ,get me a pint and just talk gently till i calmed down:) Since she moved out ,i have started to feel ill again,my stomach is really painful and my IBS has come back with avengence:wacko: Last night i was sooo bad [sure i was gunna die!]my parner had to come back from work at 1am to reassure me ,and himself too.I called him and was rambling on about not wanting to be on my own ,how frightened i was.[poor bloke:blush: ]So this is the next part of my journey i guess,learning to be physicaly on my own!Like Emma,i have no friends to call to talk too,they left as soon as i started with anxiety attacks,they simply did not understand.I realise i became too reliant on my daughter.We have such fun tho,she is a shining light in a rather dark exsistence at times.My partner is good with me too,but we only see each other to go anywhere on saturdays really.At least i do go places now,where as before i would not go out at all.I have beaten a lot of my demons,this isa new one for me to battle.Thanks for listening,just a really bad time at the moment.Love Mary Rose.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[skylight2007]

Hey Piglet, hmmmmmmm some ooomp!!!!!!!!!!! eh!!! well you seem to have plenty of that!!:D just have to use some of that confidence you gained staying alone to get you out and about alone!!! I do believe you'll be able to tackle that real soon!!!!!!!! hey just a thought Piglet, if you havent already tried this, maybe you can set yourself a small goal during the day to go somewhere where your familar with, and ask one of your mates to keep in touch with you on the mobile!!!! someone who can just reassure you that your safe and not alone and can just be there on the end of the phone to make sure you come back safe!!!!!!!!! which you will!!!!! just a thought!!!:) love skylight

[skylight2007]

:hugs: Hiya Rose, gosh its real hard when we realise how dependant on our family we have become, dont feel bad about it hun as I fully understand what your saying, It is so hard when our children leave, it leaves us feeling empty and I can understand how much you miss her. living with panic is so hard and it is very sad when we lose friends or the support we once had because no one really understands the fear behind panic, not feeling safe!!!
Rose if you read my post at the begining, I use to send my daughter to sleep over to learn how to stay on my own , just wondering I know your hubby is around and it is often the night time that is most uneasy...... I use to have all the lights on in the house, and all the tv's so I didnt feel alone, it was my distraction, to keep my mind off other things, as my feelings were hypersenstive, and always felt jumpy at the slightest noise, so during the night time, thats what I did and would get through it, waking up, I use to feel so relieved at the simple fact , I MADE IT TRHOUGH THE NIGHT AND YIPEE I COULD SEE DAYLIGHT AGAIN.
All you need is support, and I understand that is hard to find too... another suggestion Rose is when your husband is with you in the early evening he could go out, just for a couple of hours, so that you can slowly learn how to feel safe with your feelings of being alone. We all know no harm will come to us, so its the feelings you need to work on. its very hard hun, but whilst you have someone there with you, its not such a bad idea to put these small steps into action!!!!!
If you need reasurrance when your by yourself, the infor on left will tell you of the NO PANIC charity, that you can ring during the day, and they have an answering phone crisis telephone line, during the day, 01952-525173

you can also pm if you need to chat and just have encouragement!!!! love skylight.

[PUGLETMUM]

awww mary rose,

im so sorry you are feeling this right now, and hun on friday i had to get my hubby to come back from a course he was on as i was hysterical with panic, as was going to be on own - everybody busy, so i know exactly what ur going through!

i upset myself all the time with the fear of my husband dying as then id have to really be alone, this is what freaks me out the most!

im so sorry that you are feeling bereft at your daughter going and i havent got any good advice as im exactly the same as you, i CANNOT break this habit of dependancy!!!

i was actually once told by a psychiatrist ' you are a dependant and avoidant personality' aaarrrgggghhhh so i dont think ill ever be any different.

hopefully youll get the support you need here then mary and im happy to try to help

all the best and hope you start to feel a bit better soon

emmaxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Piglet]

Aww Mary Rose hun - you are gonna get one of my very specialist hugs and I am going to give myself one too, cos like you I will miss the rest of my piglets when they leave too.

When they do you can persuede hubby to move near me and then you and I will do fun stuff and let the kids come along if they can keep up with us!!:D

(((MR))) (((P)))

Lots of love Piglet :flowers:

[Paddington]

Oh thanks you guys:hugs: Sky,thanks so muchfor the number,iwillput that in my phone.There have been a few times when i have had to ring my son to help me thru a journey or some such.And i know it is distressing for my children to hear/see their mom in such panic and distress.Bless him he had to listen to me once crying and 'dying' all the way from cambridge to wolverhampton!!!:blush: So many thanks for that:) Emmas,yep sounds like we do share things,As tho our very safety is dependant upon the presence of another person,when as sky points out ,it isn't at all..more boundaries for us to break down i guess.Lovely to speakwith you like this tho hun,great to know you understand my oddness:wacko: And Piglet hun,thanks for the big hugs,much appreciated:hugs: right backat ya !Oh can you iagine the fun and games if we were together,much lying on pavements,swopping floaty scarves,i could plait your hair,you could cover me in crystals...ooh fab,sounds like a joni mitchel song,ever heard the track'ladies of the canyon'?If not seek it out ,you will love it!:flowers: Really all of you thanks so much.I am still in awful pain with my tum,iam sure it is stress[tho of course in the wee small hours,it is a heart problem:blush: ]Imanaged to sleeplast night but had to have some medicationto help me.I am sure it wil pass ,and with your help,I KNOW IT WILL:yesyes: I am here too if any of you want to share your fears[gotta tell you i just typed rears instead of fears by mistake ,it was so funny i nearly left it in:D ]so what ever you would like to share :roflmao: maties,i am here for you too.Thanks so much,it has made my day:D Lots of love Mary rose.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[skylight2007]

:hugs: Aww Mary Rose, how are you today hun, you sound so much more relaxed at the moment, and yes we are all here for ya!!!!!!!!!!!!! and believe me Rose you will get better and grow in confidence, be proud that your aware of the changes you have to make, AND YOU WONT HAVE TO DO IT ALONE!!!! its all about feeling comfortable in yourself and trusting and believing you can, and you said it, you can do it. Be kind to yourself Rose , learning to depend on our own strengths takes time but you'll have all the support around you to achieve those goals. stay positive!!! love sky.

[Piglet]

!Oh can you imagine the fun and games if we were together,much lying on pavements,swopping floaty scarves,i could plait your hair,you could cover me in crystals...ooh fab,

ROFL!! :D

Piglet :flowers:

[Paddington]

:D :D :D hey Piglet dont think we will bother going clubbin together tho,lookin at the laughter thread:roflmao: nooooo,not a good idea at all!!!Hey guys i feel so much better today thanks to this site and all this laughter!Love M'rose.xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[skylight2007]

As tho our very safety is dependant upon the presence of another person,when as sky points out ,it isn't at all..more boundaries for us to break down i guess.
:D Lots of love Mary rose.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

DEPENDANCY, CREATING SAFE BOUNDARIES

Who's responsible for our own safty? When I realised how dependant I had beocme on my daughter when she was young, I also learned at the same time that to a huge degree I was subconsciously making her responsible for helping me to feel safe.

The whole issue of creating safe boundaries within myself said alot about my own self esteem and self worth, living with anxiety, ocd and panic meant that my personal boundaries were zero. I had to learn how to create a safe space between her and me, and me and others. I was not only dependant on my daugther but on others toooo , to make me feel worthy and safe, At the time I had no idea how insecure I really was , and how much I needed to be needed!!!

I became a person who could never say no, and became a pleaser, always being available to others and giving my own power away. As a mother there was nothing I wouldn't do for my daughter, but little did I realise I was making her dependant on me!!! she grew up to rely on me, instead of relying on herself. There was nothing she wouldnt do for herself because mummy would always do it, and when she tried to do something, she had no confidence because she always felt as if mummy was watching her, she felt uncomfortable,unsure, always looked for reassurance in making decisions, she didnt trust in own self because slowly I was taking away her own confidence to think for herself and trust in her own self . I know this sounds awful but its true, I felt by doing and pleasing her, she would love me more, and think good of me. I was stepping over her own personal safe boundaries making myself responsible for her every thought and need. I was wrong, I was building up , so I thought, my own sense of self worth, but in the wrong way!!! I was dependant on her, and I was making her dependant on me, hope that makes sense!!!!!
I was actually the same with friends, always being there and sorting out their issues, all to feel better about myself, that I was a good person, and people could rely on me, I was a good person, I just needed to learn that I didn't have to keep proving to others all the time!!!! that I was. I quickly learned that I allowed these friends to call upon me when ever they needed help, but without me, they would sort their problems anyway, once again I always felt responsible for sorting out their issues, because it made me feel good.
I wrongly placed my value on how others perceived me, their opinions about me MEANT MORE TO ME, THAN MY OWN OPINION OF MYSELF. Trac explains this beautifully in her article on self esteem!!!!!! great post Trac!!!

Learning to say NO, was the begining of me valuing myself and trusting in myself and creating my own SAFE BOUNDARIES!!

It was ok for me to say, ' I am sorry I can't help you at the moment because I have this to do!!!! I never sent out the message to others that I actualy had things to do myself, so the message I gave them, was ' I am always available'. ' I need your approval', you must like me' I am a good person' you never say no, ' I can depend on you'

Not anymore, I stopped doing for others, didnt make any excuses, told them I had things to do, made time for me, saw them when I could and knew that they could be responsible for making their own decisions and relying on finding their own answers.

I was creating my own personal boundaries, and feeling safe to do so. I encouraged my daughter to do for herself, stopped intervening when she did something, praised her for all the things she did, when she asked for my opinion, I simply asked her, ' what do you think', the process was long and hard, but today she is a strong character, makes her own decisons, is well balanced and is not dependant on me FOR ALL HER NEEDS. I learned to respect her and value her own personal internal space, allowing to her grow independantly seperate from me with her own thoughts and feelings.

I also learned how to do this for myself, and by saying No, Not only did I encourage my own inner trusting, begining to value myself , I also encouraged the inner trusting of my daughter and my friends. I began to do more for myself, began to study, do volunteering, take time to learn about me,became more reliant on myself and supported others only if the need was neccessary, if it was something they could do, then so be it, but if they needed help, then I would point them in right direction if I could, and if I couldn't instead of taking over, I would simply say, sorry I cant help this time without feeling guilty. Hope that makes sense. I also learned that in taking personal responsibility for myself, I had created alot of respect from those around me, instead of assuming I was available, which I had taught them, they began to ask if I could help and appreciated that me saying No, didnt mean that I didnt want them in my life, it just meant that I had a life as well as having them. I had created my own personal boundaries, and loving it!!!:D

I know this post is YET ANOTHER LONG ONE:D but just wanted to share this with you.

Love skylight.

[Piglet]

Oh my goodness Sky what a journey of self discovery and of discovery in general you have had!! :ohmy: :D :D :D

I have to say 'Oh my goodness' again because I could have actually written that post about myself!! Uncanny!!! :ohmy: :ohmy: :ohmy: :yesyes:

I am reminded very much of an affirmation card by Louise Hay that says 'you can't learn other peoples lessons for them' and to concentrate on your own learning journey and let others do theirs in the right way and at the right time for them.!!

Love Piglet :flowers:

[PUGLETMUM]

mmm, no i cant actually say i feel lke this, my self esteem is low but i know 100% im not a people pleaser and i definately dont have an issue with my daughter, im mainly clinging to my husband.

for me i think the fact im not a people pleaser has actually caused me problems as some people dont really like it if your honest and you can rapidly lose freinds and connections by NOT being a people pleaser.

emmaxxxx

[Paddington]

Oooh i am,a right people pleaser,i may as well have ..PLEASE LIKE ME....tatooed on my forehead.And the best of it is ..I KNOW IT IRRITATES PEOPLE:blush: .Sky i am tryin really hard to see myself thru my own eyes,and not thru other peoples.I do genuinly love doing stuf for folk tho,and if it makes me feel good as well then i accept that.But i know it can easily evolve into saying yes,then feeling resentful when you get a NO ,or silence to a request you may make.Oh that happens to me sooooo much:weep: i give advice and truly care ,and it can be really draining,but i do it with love and concern,So when i ask for a hand with something or mention i am down or upset and it is met with 'nothing':lac: that is when i get upset..do you get what i mean,iam rambling somewhat:blush: Wel yu will be proud of me ,as todayi said no to my sister,and the world has not ground to a halt:D So hey i hope i am moving on with this.Thankfully my Daughter has always been very much her own person[havin 2 elder brothers maybe??]i am so proud of how she is so independant and we support each other i think[i hope!:ohmy: ]Your journey is amazing Sky..it is so good to share these things.Thank you.:) .xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[skylight2007]

Oh my goodness Sky what a journey of self discovery and of discovery in general you have had!! :ohmy: :D :D :D

I have to say 'Oh my goodness' again because I could have actually written that post about myself!! Uncanny!!! :ohmy: :ohmy: :ohmy: :yesyes:

I am reminded very much of an affirmation card by Louise Hay that says 'you can't learn other peoples lessons for them' and to concentrate on your own learning journey and let others do theirs in the right way and at the right time for them.!!

Love Piglet :flowers:

:hugs: lol awww Piglet that is very uncanny!!!!! :ohmy: the journey of self discovery is a constant one, and it is so true, we cant learn others peoples lessons for them, that was a huge learning curve for me!!! I knew Piglet once I started on my road to recovery, I was making connections, and recognising patterns etc... from the past to present, there waaassssssssss noooooooo going back!!! I feel that I am the person I want to be, and really like who I am today!!! The transformation of how I use to be, to how I am today, is incredible, as you would know yourself , your such a different person in how your see yourself today!!!
I never knew that my journey would be such an internal emotional challenge, and use to cry bitterly at the many realisations I discovered about myself, things that I repeated, beliefs I was taught and internalised as my own, etc......... My writing has been my saving grace, and even though I continue to write, what seems to be present in my every day thinking , is humility, compassion, discrimination, conviction, empathy, understanding, strenght, courage, trust , honesty, forgiveness and a continuos self awareness of knowing how be around others.

Have you ever Piglet thought that those who come into ourlives are their to show us something about ourself, something that we need to learn, but were not often aware of it at first but sometime later we realise, its a bit like everyone we meet has something to teach us about our self.

oh just out of curiosity Piglet I know your into crystals, have you ever used ocracle cards, I have a set given to me a good few years, to help me on my self healing, their by Doreen virtue, ph.D. each day I pull one for
inspiration, and motivation, they really do help me and I know that crystals help too, but have little understanding about it.

I know you've come a long way Piglet, keep up the good work and never look back!!!!!!!!:hugs: :yesyes:

[skylight2007]

:hugs: Mary rose and emma, I'm coming to you later, gotta dash out!!! Love sky xx

[Piglet]

Have you ever Piglet thought that those who come into ourlives are their to show us something about ourself, something that we need to learn, but were not often aware of it at first but sometime later we realise, its a bit like everyone we meet has something to teach us about our self.


Absolutely - another one of Louise Hay's card say that everyone we meet in life has something to teach us. I have often met people who I have been able to take positive qualities from and equally have had people in my life that have taught me how I don't want to be!!



oh just out of curiosity Piglet I know your into crystals, have you ever used ocracle cards, I have a set given to me a good few years, to help me on my self healing, their by Doreen virtue, ph.D.


I have 5 sets of oracle/divination cards - I have the Angel set, Dolphins and Mermaids set and the Unicorn set by Doreen Virtue!! I also have a love set which the piglets love me to do and a crystal set with the most beautiful photographs of crystals on them. :D :D :D :D

Love Piglet :flowers:

[skylight2007]

.But i know it can easily evolve into saying yes,then feeling resentful when you get a NO ,or silence to a request you may make.Oh that happens to me sooooo much:weep: i give advice and truly care ,and it can be really draining,but i do it with love and concern,So when i ask for a hand with something or mention i am down or upset and it is met with 'nothing':lac: that is when i get upset..do you get what i mean,iam rambling somewhat:blush: Wel yu will be proud of me ,as todayi said no to my sister,and the world has not ground to a halt:D So hey i hope i am moving on with this.Thankfully my Daughter has always been very much her own person[havin 2 elder brothers maybe??]i am so proud of how she is so independant and we support each other i think[i hope!:ohmy: ]Your journey is amazing Sky..it is so good to share these things.Thank you.:) .xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hiya Mary Rose, hon yes I do understand, when were giving with love and concern its because we geniunely care, not everyone Rose can give us back what we need and sometimes we expect it back from those we give care and attention to.
I had to learn that not all friends are the same, some can't handle strong emotional stuff, as a listener you may be able to hear a lot of things that you feel you can cope with, and some of the people around , maybe they can cope with other things, and support you in another way.

You made me think of a conversation I had about helping and caring, and when I had an accident a few years ago, I really hurt my spine, to my family I was the one who was the family fix it!!! as I was very active and also good at listen to their problems. Any way, it transpired that because I was not phyiscally capable at doing things like visits or helping out etc.... I was no longer helpful, but I did explain to my mum, that being their on the phone, listening to her problems, I was supporting her, but not no longer in the physical way. Imagine this wonderful site, it helps people so much just another way of supporting others, and we don't even have to leave our armchairs!!! so help Rose comes in many ways, its just we often expect it back from those whom we give it to.
Yes sometimes we can say yes, but really we want to say no, and like you I use feel resentment because I expected them to be their for me too, but like I came to understand Rose, people show their caring in different ways and different degrees.

:hugs: So you finally said the big No to your sister, and your still standing strong!! Yes I am proud of you, and it didn't feel that bad , did ,it, when you say no rose your encouraging your sister to rely on herself, and you are creating a healthy balance of personal boundaries. SO YES HON KEEP ON MOVING ON THE SAME WAY, you will see the difference!!!! and its lovely to know your daughter is her own person, she's comfortable with who she is, and with her support, and us you will be that way toooooooo. I know it!!!! lots of love to ya!!! sky :hugs:

[Paddington]

Oh Sky ,you are so right.People are all different and cope in different ways.Some as you say cant cope with heavy emotional stuff,unless it is their heavy emotional stuff:) I have learnt this lately,and i think this is where i get resentful at times,but i am learning now to let it go.I come from a large family.My sisters will offload their worries to me,i give good sound advice and they say thank you and say how wise i am etc:blush: but if i tell them something,i often dont get a reply or a get the 'you are not the only one'type of reply[this is always to do with our mother!]i now see ,they dont know what to say!We cant all be empathetic can we.So now i am becoming proud of my role in my family.If i dont want to help with advice i dont have to,it is my choice..so i should not expect the same from others,mmmmm big learning curve goin on here Sky,Thank you:flowers: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx x

[skylight2007]

for me i think the fact im not a people pleaser has actually caused me problems as some people dont really like it if your honest and you can rapidly lose freinds and connections by NOT being a people pleaser.

emmaxxxx

Hiya emma, yes being honest can upset people, and being a pleaser you can too, sometimes emmas being honest is often not whats been said but how its been said, remember people can become defensive when they hear the truth, and truth hurts us all, I found a good way to being honest is to always give positive feedback before I said anything that may upset someone , this if you like soften the blow so to speak, and the person is more able to cope with what is been said so instead of them doing a runner, they take stock of what is been said, and is more likely to be less offended.

Love sky:) xx

[skylight2007]

i now see ,they dont know what to say!We cant all be empathetic can we.So now i am becoming proud of my role in my family.If i dont want to help with advice i dont have to,it is my choice..so i should not expect the same from others,mmmmm big learning curve goin on here Sky,Thank you:flowers: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx x

:yesyes: Awwwwww Rose yep its a big learning curve!!!!! You should feel proud of your role in the family, Big time!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and it is your choice!!! With this in mind Rose it means we are all good at doing something, no matter how that help comes about!!!! Each of my 5 friends are sooooooo different and they support me in different ways, one does my shopping, when I cant walk!!! no sticks yet!! :D another comes and gives me a massage!!!, another comes to cut my little toesnails, when I cant reach or bend down!!! so you see Rose, their all individuals with their own good qualities , so our needs are met in so many ways!!! isnt that just wonderful!!!!! and my role Rose, well I'm the deep thinker , always the optimist, always believe that people are so much more than they realise!!!!!!!!!!!!! keep on learning hon, and stay positive, I know you'll come on leap and bounds, its just the understanding of things dont you think Rose!!! lots of love to ya!! Sky:hugs:

[Paddington]

Thanks for the lovely reply Sky.:hugs: How lovely to have such good friends.May i ask Sky..do you have an illness..sorry to be so blunt:blush: It's just that if you do require help at times,i can send you reiki[if you would like it!]maybe you just like the pampering:D Hope i haven't caused offence,i think you are lovely ,so wise and think on the broader spectrum,something i thought i did,when in fact i was over analysing everything and everybody!!:blush: You say you love writing,have you anything published?If not you should have:flowers: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[skylight2007]

:yesyes: Aww Piglet those cards are sooo fantastic, and they are always spot on when I read one, I always feel so guided and uplifted when I use them. I shall have to get a set of Louise Hays, and those love ones sound brill!!!!

I know a few people who have had crystal healing, and from their experience , they often feel as if their releasing unblocked energies, I have never had crystal healing, but one of my friends is very interested in this and has many crystals, and I have noticed each time I put one in my hand, after washing and cleansing them, I feel different energies and different emotions and feelings in different parts of my body,, so I do believe that some kind of healing is taking place, even though I may not know exactly what at the time, hope that makes sense. Piglet I find all these things fascinating!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:flowers:

Love sky

[skylight2007]

:hugs: Awwww Rose Reiki!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ohhhhh that would be fantastic, if you wouldnt mind!!! My dearest chinese friend is trained in this area, and she use to come and visit me often, but sadly Rose she has cancer and so cannot leave her home as often as she likes. I do have a spinal problem Rose, due to falling off the bus a few years ago, and damaged my disc which are now prolasped, I manage very well but when the pain stricks, it stricks , and I do feel very stiff, its just controlling and coping with the pain, thats the problem, and yes!!!!!!!! I love to be pampered!!! I am very grateful for the friendships I have, known them all for over 15 years!!!! and I would love to have Reiki from you.
You can never offend me Rose , we can only ask. Rose I do love writing, I posted some of my poetry on the controlling our thoughts and feelings posts. Please have a read, been told countless time to have my stuff published, but it just seems Rose, that whatever I know and have learned, I pass it on to those I have in my life, I am a very spiritual person Rose and believe in faith and a higher power, without my faith I could not have made sense in life.
Thanks you for your lovely comments hon!!!! lets do the healing !!!:yesyes: lots of love Sky!!! and thank you Rose!!!!

[Paddington]

Oh my we do have a lot in common sky:) i ,too,write poetry.I writeit as a release and like you folk have said [on the rare occasions i show it to them:blush: ]grt it sent off to a publisher.But that was never my intent.I find it a release,i wrote a few after my father died which others who were grieving found helpful..so thats good enough for me:D i will read you poems Sky,i will hunt them down on the forum.I am sorry about your back.I will send you some healing..shame we are not closer to each other[mind you i dont know where you are!!!lol!!!]i could do it hands on if we were:flowers: Could you pm me your name and a general description.it's not obligitory,but i find it helps if i can visualise the person:) not to worry if you dont want to,i can still send it thru.Sad about your friend too Sky,oh dear itis a cruel disease,a nieghbour of some 30 years now lost her hubby last week he was only 53:weep: i too have had it,big op 6 years ago nearly,i still worry at every check up that it may come back.It killed my dad and my gramps and two uncles also:weep: I like to think of myself as a spiritual person..i love my angels and my fairies and my crystals too.:) I feel as i am getting older the urgency of life has quietened down some,which is good as i am a worrier to the extreme:wacko: Oh dear i am rambling on here:D it's so lovely to speak with you.Hope today is a good day:flowers: .Love Mary Rose.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[skylight2007]

:hugs: Awww Rose, our poems are so personal arent they and we do have lots in common!!! I wish you were nearer tooooooooo!!!:flowers: I will pm you with the infor, I believe in visulization Rose big time!!! toooooooo!!!!!

Yes Rose the big C!!! its very sad, and I am sorry you lost members of your family to this illness. My friend is having chemo, saw her last week, ahhh she looks so different, but you know Rose, she worried about looking different and having people stare at her, I told her, she will always be the same beautiful person on the inside, that will never ever change, and I told her if she lost her hair, well she could finally be the buddhist monk she aspires to!!! she laughed her head off:D . The one lesson I can take from her, is to live life to best as we can!!!!!! and we can never ever really know whats around the corner.

Her fear was also being alone!!!!!!!!!!! but her faith has given the strength to cope with her illness and do the best she can, which she does.

I am glad we are getting to know each other here Rose, it warms my heart!!!

Keep writing the poetry Rose, its a release, like my 20 years of writing , its made me see so many things about life and others, especially about myself and a huge awareness of how anxiety and panic had affected my life , like so many of us.

My poems Rose in the same thread panic/panic attacks!!! I feel you will like the one, called A CELEBRATION OF LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!under controlling our thoughts and feelings.

Thanks so much Rose for your kindess, I really do appreciate it very much!!! pm you soon!!!

lots of love Sky:hugs: :flowers: oh Rose I live in north london and I also love angel cards and have my little fairies in my bedroom!! Ahhhhhhhh!!! isn't that lovely to share these things!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:hugs:

[Paddington]

Hello sky:hugs: do you like my new avater:D i thought it was very funny.Oh hun i cant find your poems.I am not too hot on the old pc i am afraid:blush: Hey you can e-mail if you like and you could send them to me!Then we can e-mail each other too at any time if you would like to:) North london..i am in the midlands!Still what is distance when love is in your heart:flowers: I am off now to organise my mom'e 80th birthday party.Speak soon.love MaryRose.xxxxxxxxxx

[Piglet]

Mary Rose the new avatar is fabulous mate!! :D :D :D

Sky no wonder you have a receptive mind to the crystals cos like you say you are a very spiritual person.

If you want to have a look at Louise Hay's affirmation cards have a look on here www.holisticshop.co.uk (http://www.holisticshop.co.uk) and you will be able to see examples and enlargements of them to see if they appeal to you.

Piglet :flowers:

[skylight2007]

:hugs: Distant Rose , it doesnt matter does it hon!!, like you said with love in our hearts, that was lovely and yep the avatar is fab!!!! hope the birthday went well, with mothers day also you must have been sooooooooooooooo busy!!! hope you had fun!!!!! looking forward to my healing!!!!:flowers:

ohhhhhhhhhhhhh Piglet!!!!!!!!!!! I had a look at the site, oh my I was drawn to the forgiveness cards by L. Hay And the inner developement Healing the Mind and spirit cards!!!! By Brian Weiss. They look great!!!! I know I shall have to get a set of each!!! Thanks so much for showing me the website:flowers: its a wonderful thing Piglet and Rose ,how other people are a catalyst to our inner growth, I have often found that I meet people that are often likeminded like yourself and Rose its been really lovely, and I was just wondering how many other folks on here are into self development and different forms of healing to help them with their panic and anxieties. I hope you both find the next post interesting!!!!!!!!!:flowers:

[skylight2007]

:flowers: Healing the Mind, Body and Spirit ( or soul )

The Power of healing Love!!! and the develoment of spirituality as I experienced it!!! is a very personal journey for each of us, I noticed from a very young age about 9 that I had some very strange experiences which I didnt understand.


The Mind and anxiety

Living with fear for those of you have read my posts, and suffering trauma of emotional abuse, I had an experience of looking in the mirror and wondering who the hell I was. it wasn't just a loss of identity , it was something a lot more profound as I was to realise with the challenges ahead.

At the age of 9, I wanted to be in heads of others, wanted desperately to know if others out there felt like me lost and hidden, I wanted to know if peopele felt things, as I never could see what they were feeling inside. This became a passion for me, as my life was focused on people being objects to use and abuse, like furniture been discarded if there was no use. And I just knew that this is not all to us as human beings, I knew with a passion that we were more than what we thought we were!!!

During my severe panic attacks as a child, the fear was terrfying, the thoughts uncontrollable and this only affected me at bedtime. My younger brother and I shared a bedroom and every night, I would feel my body rising to the ceiling, at first I had no idea what it was, I use to say to my brother, if you see my right arm lifting , just pinch me, so I can stay put in the bed!!! every nite this happened, but was this me separating from my body, detaching my mind from my body?

Something else was going on, It scared the life outta of me, and although I never ever left the bed physically, I did mentally and saw myself floating above myself. I thought I was going mad and told my mum about it, who didnt understand, even when I told her, I was seeing faces, and hearing people talk to me, seeing visions and having preminitons, feeling peoples feelings, and sensing them, she didnt understand and I thought I had some kind of mental illness. I guess in the world of traditional and coventential studies, I would have been labeled with some form of mental illness, but I knew it wasn't.

The one feeling I had, was compassion, I hated seeing abuse, and seeing it in others. but what was developing unknowing to me, was a higher power that had nothing to do with the phyiscal aspects of myself, but the development of the healing power of Love!!!!!!!!!!! seperate from the mental and phyiscal there also exsited a spiritual self!!!!!!!!!!!!!! which would be in affect experiences that cannot be explained scientifically becauce of the lack of proof.

So how did this spiritual side if you like help me with my anxiety?

There is a saying, We become what we aspire to!! I have a great love of god, or a higher power. The love of compassion, and belief was like a belief of the UNKNOWN IN MYSELF, That was to be the belief of seperating my personality if you like and revealing my SOUL, my soul is my higher power!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The unknown God in me residing as my Soul.

The langauge of the Soul

With all the fear and negative energies it is very hard to see how love can grow in an enviroment of abuse. BUT IN EACH OF US, THERE IS A LIGHT THAT IS HIDDEN BY PAIN AND TRAUMA, THAT LIGHT WAS THE LIGHT OF MY SOUL, CLOUDED WITH DEEP DARKNESS, REPRESENTED BY DEEP FEARING EMOTIONS,SWEATS, PANIC, SLEEPNESS NITES, SEVERE NERVOUSENESS, ALWAYS ON EDGE, WALKING ON EGG SHELLS. ETC ETC... The physical personality and mind.

I learned that my soul or spirit manifested godlike qualites, my thinking changed and my belief in myself grew bigger and bigger, in other words, the feelings of compassion, understanding, patience, love, forgiveness, steadfastness, unwavering faith, conviction, empathy, etc...... all the qualities that would nuture my inner healing, to overcoming severe emotional abuse and panic based on fear was coming from a place higher than myself,the forever growing light of my soul. The spiritual self and soul

I understand for those of you reading this it may sound strange, and some of you may have experiences that you cannot explain, I just know that during my continous self development to heal myself, that healing came from a source that was indeed something that exsists in us all, Whatever we want to call it, it is the pure love of the higher self within!!!!!

Lots of love Sky:hugs: :flowers:

[Piglet]

You know Sky I honestly think you could write a book. You have a very readable style of writing and what you have to say has real interest to all on a personal journey (and arn't we all).

If you referred back to the threads you have written since you joined us here at NMP for your starting point you have the basis of the makings of a very good book.

Just a thought!

Piglet :flowers:

[Piglet]

Just to add maybe starting with a small article for a magazine might not be so daunting if you were to consider this idea at all!

Piglet :flowers:

[skylight2007]

:hugs: ahhhhh Piglet, thank you very much for your encouragement and honesty, with all the years of writing, I have thought about it many many times, and never ever took it seriously. My whole life has been about healing panic and anxiety and the other dimensions of intergrating other healing methods during the on going process of my healing. I will think about this seriously Piglet, and I didnt know where to start, but you have given me some very good advice on how to begin. I will look back on my previous posts like you mentioned and see if I can print them off!!! thanks again for your honesty and encouragment. lots of love sky:flowers:

[Piglet]

You're very welcome :D

I have a cousin who is a freelance writer and has had many articles printed in various magazines and newspapers.

One way to start with an article is to find a publication that reflects the general theme of what you are writing about. For instance if I wanted to write about reflexology then I would want a magazine that focussed on that, even if it was only a magazine that came out quartly etc and perhaps health based magazines.

I think once you get one article published it gives you the confidence to continue.

However more importantly is that the project should give you pleasure!!:D

It's not that you need to do it, more that you would like to eh?!

Piglet :flowers:

[Piglet]

Actually one more thought is to contribute to the site by writing an article and run it by Nic, if you wanted to! :D

Piglet :flowers:

[Paddington]

Oh sky,what an amazing post.I truly believe you have a higher connection to the divine than most:) I also believe that your gift [not that it would have felt much like a present as a child!]is meant to be shared:flowers: And here you are sharing with us on here!I .too,believe you would make a wonderful auther.Subjects on the higher realms of consiousness[erm i thin k i spelt that wrong:blush:] are someimes too baffling for me.Yet i grab at every word you write like a hungry child:).I am so glad we have made this connection ,all of us:) .MORE PLEASE:D Love and light.Mary Rose.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Shadowwin]

This looked like an interesting topic/poll so I figured I would jump in on it as well. I've come pretty far from the person who couldn't leave her house or drive a car.. but I'll admit it's mainly due to the love and devotion of my bf. He goes everywhere with me.. We even work together. Work has been awesome about it, my doctor sent in documentation explaining my condition and my use of him as a safe person but some days ahh who am I kidding most days I wish it didn't have to be this way since I know too much togetherness can be a bad thing as well.

He is a wonderful man he's helped me deal with my attacks for almost 4 years now before we even were a couple. He was the first person I could be up front with about this and the first person who has been able to help me calm down during an attack.. because of these things I did become reliant on him.

I do get scared that he will grow sick of being there and going through all of this with me and ultmately I'd end up alone. I don't have children, I've pretty much disowned my family and because of my fears I don't keep many close friends so it weighs heavily on my mind. He is so good to me though always telling me he loves me and it's there in his eyes that he's in for the long haul I think being alone haunts everyone who has attacks because you already feel like your alone in a world where noone can understand what is wrong

J

[skylight2007]

:flowers: Hiya J, oh I do understand your concerns, thank you for reply . The fear of living alone use to weigh heavily on my mind just like you. You know J, living with panic and anxiety only strips us of our confidence in ourself, and it is only natural for us to rely on others to a certain degree. We are constantly looking to feel safe but ever so often we look for that safty in others. We all understand that we have to find that in ourselfs, and that is the hardest part of all when trying to come to terms with how our anxiety affects us and makes us feel.
You said that your bf is loving and caring, and he is the only one that understands your feelings and you feel safe with him. That is a beautiful quality to have in anyone, to be understood and accepted for who you are, and trying to find this in others, there is always a fear that they will judge us wronglyfully, so we tend to put up barriers to protect ourself, and keep a safe distance from ourself and others when we feel we will not be understood. So I do understand that.
For some of us we may feel a great inadequecy with the way our panic and anixiety affects us, it doesnt mean that we havent got anything wonderful to offer. We don't have to be 100% healthy to be accepted or to accept others, but there is always the stigma, with health issues that those around us would not want us, or cannot cope with us, our panic and anxiety is only a part of us, our illnessess if you like, does not make up the whole of who we are, and all too often J, too many people only see the illness , whatever that may be, instead of the person!!!
I know you are a wonderful person, everyone here is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and you do have inner skills and wonderful qualities to offer others, including your bf, so slowly in time I hope you come to realise, its not just your panic and anxiety that defines you!!!

:) Sky

[skylight2007]

:hugs: Hey Piglet and Rose, I'm coming back later!!!!!!!!!!!:flowers: sky xx

[Paddington]

Hello J.i do know where you are coming from:) my bf is my rock!He has such a deep understanding of my anxieties ,yet has never suffered with it himself, that is rare and we are fortunate arn't we:) .My Daughter is the same.As sky says .we are so much more than 'a condition' and it is that ,that they see.Lovely to meet you:flowers: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[skylight2007]

Subjects on the higher realms of consiousness[erm i thin k i spelt that wrong:blush:] are someimes too baffling for me.Yet i grab at every word you write like a hungry child:).I am so glad we have made this connection ,all of us:) .MORE PLEASE:D Love and light.Mary Rose.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


:hugs:ahhhhhhhhh Rose thank you hon, Piglet has really got me brains thinking!!! with this writing, and I have to tell you guys I have never thought about it so seriously as of now!!!!!!!!!!!:D and as trying to understand all the spiritual philosphies out there, its so huge Rose, dont think I didn't try to make sense of this area too hon , During my journey I tried to find a teacher, guru, master, to find explainations to the experiences I was having, in the end I gave up, even found some good sites to explain , the astral, earth plane etc.................. which gave me an understanding to some of the experiences, but in the end I trusted in my own knowing if you like and tried to make sense of it all.
I think Rose the film Ghost and Always made more sense to my understanding than any book could ever teach me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:D But I have understood my own meaning and try to make it as simple to understand as possible, without getting to complex and complicated from the books I use to try and understand so I am so happy hon that you and Piglet :flowers: can make sense of what I have written!!!!!!!!!!:flowers:

Ahhhhhhh Piglet, I am going to research some publishers on the net and see what I find, and yeah writing an article here is a good idea toooooooo, so will think about that tooooooooo. :yesyes: hope you guys are having an ok day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! love and light always, Sky:hugs: xxxxxxxxxxx

[Piglet]

:yesyes:

Piglet :flowers:

[skylight2007]

:yesyes: Thanks Piglet!!! your more confident than meeeeeeeeee!!!!! nice to have the support from you all!!!!:D Rose have sent you an email hope you got it hon!!!

I've been do some thinking last night, when do I ever stop!!!:D !!!!!!!!!!!! and I wanted to share this with you all.

REINFORCING OUR BELIEFS ( The manifestation of negativity)

It is not always neccessary for people to venture into the past to explore how or where their panic and anxieites first began but for me I needed too... understand!!!

I could never fully understand why I was brought up in such a dysfuntional background where so much pain and unhappiness flourished. I learned that when we cannot FORGET the pain of the past, those memories and feelings would be carried forward into the next generation.

Both of my parents came from an abusive background, each thought they were different from each other, BUT WERE THEY? The issue of BLAME and ANGER was to be the catalyst for the development of anxieities in us the children. As adults they were like trapped wounded children living out their feelings of rejection, abandonment, cruelty, hatred, volience, manipulation and control, with constant arguements , name calling, ignoring each other for days, not talking to each other, but always avoiding the emotional feelings of what was really going on, we would call this brushing things under the carpet.

Each had their own fears, but their fears and insecurities were the same. They wanted to feel loved!!! By providing us clothes, food and a roof over our head, we were to feel grateful, and feel we were being loved, Neither of them understood the meaning of emotional needs, in the healthy sense!! My mother use to say, 'what more do you need'. I think that speaks for itself, and my father believed that being a good parent and husband, all he had to do was work and bring home the money.

Even though their behaviour was unacceptable to each other, neither of them could imagine living seperately, they constantly battled to prove which one of them was better than the other, accusing each other of all sorts, but never ever changing their behaviour!!! How could they this is what they had learned and experienced in their past!!! and neither of them believed they had to change, each one constanty blaming the other, who would take responsibility?

For my father to change it would be like admitting he was wrong, and that was the last thing he would ever give to my mother, was the satisfaction she was right!!!! They were extremely competitive with each other, nothing positive ever left their lips, and equally they could not show love to us either. Their beliefs kept them trapped, My father hated his father for walking out on him at 11, my mother hated her mother for leaving her whilst she was 6months pregnant with me, and lots of other negative memories etc........ each had lived a life of immense negativity of blaming their parents, for their abusive background,s , but neither of them could actually see, in believing that they were better parents, in hindsight, they had become their parent's belief.

Neither of them were conconsiously aware that they were both really hurt from their past, the experiences they felt were ignored, and the anger and blame were to become their biggest enemies!!! distorting their perceptions and creating the cycle of abuse, which was never their intentions as parents, but nevertheless, history can and did repeat itself. if you can imagine the impact of negativity and its various manifestations of how it affects our mind, then it isn't hard to see how my panic and anxiety manifested and where it orginated from.

I am one of 3 generations of abuse and extreme negativity, BUT I AM THE LAST TO REPEAT THE CYLCE it doesnt mean that I have forgotten, I DON'T HAVE ASK WHY ANYMORE, BUT HOW CAN I CHANGE THE PAST IN THE PRESENT?

love Sky:hugs: :flowers: xx

[Piglet]

Yes I really related to that - almost like you were talking about my parents!!

I too feel the cycle stops with me and I am/are determind to take a different tack with my kids and hopefully have a better relationship with them than I have had with my parents.

Super - thanks Sky:D

Piglet :flowers:

[skylight2007]

:hugs: You know what Piglet I think only when we can connect to our feelings, and know how we felt, we can change things for our kids and ourselfs. just think because we have this determination, and I am sure so many of us do, we become the best role models for them!!! or try to be!! I can see through the eyes of my daughter, and when she looks back into her past, or someone says to her sometime in her future!!! ' so what are your parents like', I can gurantee you Piglet 90% of her memories will be positive parenting!!! of course I have made many mistakes, but we try to change them, not just for us but for our children.

Thank you much Piglet for taking the time to read my posts, I know they are long!!!!!!:D and also for your honesty!!!!!!!!! Love Sky:hugs: :flowers:

[skylight2007]

:hugs: I think this poem sums it up!!!! :flowers: Piglet



Unspoken love of our children









From the beautiful moments that you embrace me I feel the warmth of your loving arms embracing me with love and gentleness. Even though you cannot see me clearly I sense who you are and what you are.



I have felt all your joys and all your sorrows. The love you embrace me is the love I embrace you. Within your arms you behold the universe and the key to all divine happiness. Within your arms you hold that which is divine and that which is precious to you.



You are precious to me and knowing who you are I share this with you.



I am here so that you may learn the meaning of unconditional love.

I am here so you my beloved mother will encourage me to learn all about me.

I am here so you my beloved father, may share in the understanding of helping my mother to understand me.

I am here so that you may be given the opportunity not make me as you are but to allow me the freedom to explore who I am.

I am here so that you may be given the opportunity not to repeat past mistakes but to allow me the freedom to make my own.

I am here so that you may both learn from the love you receive from me and to recognise all that is beautiful and all that is happiness.

I am here so that you may learn of your true identity.



When you know and have learnt who you are then you will know who I am.



My parents you embrace the world in your arms, you embrace that which is divine and that which is love. You embrace the divine gift of the world.

That is the gift of a divine life.





Love Sky:flowers:

[Piglet]

They don't feel long cos they are so interesting :yesyes:

Piglet :flowers:

[skylight2007]

:hugs:Hiya Rose and Piglet!!! hope you guys are ok!!! Rose please thank your sister for her feedback!!! it was really appreciated. I have just written this post so bare with me guys, because I have taken almost 20 years of writing and condensed it into this. I appologise to anyone who may find it a bit differcult to understand, as it is coming from a spiritual perpective.:hugs:


CHALLENGING THE PAST IN THE PRESENT

The Spiritual Soul Verses the Personality of the Mind

How many of us feel we deserve to be loved?

I know as a child I certainly wasn’t made to feel that I was loved, and I certainly knew my parents were suffering too. I just wanted them to be better people but the guilt and the anger was stronger than any emotion they could ever feel.

~The Fragile Mind ~ judgmental ~

There were many times in my life when all I wanted to do was to hurt my father, for the life he made us live but I couldn’t…….. As an adult making visits to the family home, would only prove to be uncomfortable, with my mother doing one thing in one room and my father avoiding us by remaining in his bedroom, which had become his bed-sit. My very presence would remind him of the father he had become. A man mentally broken with shame, guilt, remorse, pride, anger, sadness, a man totally tormented, and hated who he was. In his younger days, he had more power over us, but in his older days he still had the abusive tongue but his controlling was less, and he was still drinking heavily. The one thing my parents forgot is that their children would one day grow up!!!!!!!!!!! to be adults, and as nature would predict, being adults my father could no longer hit my mother, and emotionally abuse us but what lingered in our hearts was the pain that was hidden by all of us. Each one pretending that everything was ok, passing the time away, pretending and avoiding conversations that would stir up trouble, because emotionally my parents had no idea how to listen without feeling judged!!! Most of all they feared hearing what was left unspoken all those years ago.

They had spent their whole life running away from love, for the fear of being abused the fear of being judged, They had no idea that love did not come from a place of darkness but from a place of light. Their fragile mind could not let them trust that love was not based on a condition or a reward. To receive any act of kindness would be viewed with suspicions, for example, ‘why are you being nice to me, what do you want from me’. Having spent their whole life in fear, having their boundaries trampled on, everything that they could ever be was taking away by abuse, kindness was internalised to mean, “your just being nice to me, so you can hurt me later. I don’t believe you can love someone like me. You’ve always made me feel guilty for having any good in me, how can I trust this is love you’re showing me?” This was to be the case with my father, my mother, my self and rest of my siblings. Love and hate were both viewed with fear.


~The Loving Soul ~ non judgmental ~

I will never ever forget the day my father broke down in tears, we were sitting in his room on his bed.

He had given me one hell of a challenge, that journey talking with him, lasted 4 years. Just to break it down for you, He would ignore me, wanting to see me and when I was there, went out, ignored me, came in, avoided me, wouldn’t speak to my mum, to anyone. He was always drunk but could still stand. I had gone through too many years of self development to even believe I was the problem, and him being who he thought he was, just wasn’t going to wash with me anymore. The development of the all the godlike qualities, was to be my saving grace and during our time together, the first 2 years were very slow, I would take an interest in him, his backgrounds, listen to his feelings, he didn’t mind sharing some stuff , but other things he couldn’t because it was too painful. He would swing from trusting me, to suspecting me, one minute he would have a go at me, next minute he wanted to talk. This went on for a while. Each time he knocked me down, the old bugger, ha-ha, I use to laugh to myself, because whatever he did, I wasn’t going to give up on him, never. He use to look at me and wonder if I was some kind of freak!!!, I guess from his point of view, it’s a bit like saying, why would you want to know me, when I spent my whole life hurting you. Hmm true but he was worth it and I also didn’t have any more anger towards him but compassion and love... As time went by, he was slowly learning to trust me, he saw that when he insulted me on many occasions, I didn’t run or didn’t retaliate back, He was testing my sincerity, and my genuineness because my father did not expect to be treated with respect and love. He was beginning to realise what that felt like and what it looked like. Never in his life was his feelings ever taking into account, and in his own words, he had lost faith in his so called family, who in his eyes, had treated him with emotional abuse and beatings a child growing up. Slowly but surely his barriers were been stripped away, and he could see that I meant him no harm. I did not expect my father to give me back anything, it was my choice to understand him but I also knew he was a beautiful person inside all that darkness.

As the months progressed, we would enjoy talking and he was feeling comfortable with me. I spent most of my time listening to him and enjoyed some great laughs; I can never remember laughter feeling so good, without having to feel guilty for been happy. He had finally got to that place in his head and heart where love was not abusive as he believed it to be and he was also moving to that stage, where he felt I had things to share with him too. Before that time could arrive he was feeling safe in himself and beginning to realise how much he had lived in the past.

I had never known so much about my father’s background, and he certainly didn’t need any one to punish him, he had spent a life time doing that to himself. His mind had become his prison. Ridden with guilt and anger he understood why he pushed us all away because in his mind and heart, he was not worthy of ever experiencing love, he did not deserve to feel loved or be loved, that was to be the internal dilemma that my father could not understand in me.

I was not his judge and jury, he alone was, and I just didn’t want to see my father punish himself anymore.

We were sitting on his bed, and my father asked how I was feeling, he also knew it was time for him to listen to me. He was not afraid but he was ready to hear my feelings. I looked at my dad, with tears in my eyes, and I just asked. ‘Dad do you know what we needed the most!?” He replied with his face down and a soft voice, “Yes, Love.

I held my fathers hands, and I told him every thought and feeling I ever felt about him. For the first time he learned about my severe panic attacks, severe sleep disorders, the fear of dying, trying to comfort my brothers, all the fear and all the hurt they and myself had experienced. I told him things that I thought I was never ever capable of thinking and feelings, and he just listened; I could feel the palm of his hand getting hot. Tears pouring down our cheeks. He listened to me and he never judged me, he didn’t become defensive, he took responsibility for listening and he didn’t blame me for feeling the way I use to. He said I had every right to feel that way about him. We cried and my father said he was sooo sorry for what he had done, and he said he would take that to his grave for the way he had treated us. He had no real awareness of the pain emotional pain we felt , after we stopped crying and wiped our tears, Still holding my hands, my father asked me, Who am I . It wasn’t a trick question but the greatest question he could ever ask me.

I replied. “Dad, I am your mother, father, your forefathers before you, I am all your family who hurt you. Because of pain, anger, guilt and blame, you were never able to recognise me for being your daughter instead of seeing me for who I am you projected all your fears and all your insecurities onto us your own family but instead of seeing us you saw them. It was very hard what he had to hear, but he listened and tried to digest all that I had shared with him. After a short while with tears in his eyes, he asked, ‘So, isn’t there anything good that I’ve done in my life?’ I replied, ‘Yes, dad you have taught me not to live in the past, not to blame, and to take responsibility for trying to be a better a person, you’ve shown me how much you love me, by listening to my feelings, being non judgmental, understanding, admitting you were wrong, shown compassion for the hurt you’ve caused, you now see me for me, you’ve learnt how to love!!!!

It had taken 4 years for my father to learn the real meaning of love, for the next 2 years he became the father anyone could have been proud of, he cut down on his drinking, and we celebrated his birthday for the first time in his whole life. He began to relate better with his sons, taking an interest in them as people, and he bought my mother birthday cards for the first time in their married life. My father had regained back his dignity, and he walked the streets with his head held high. Once a man who loved to dress, he began to take pride in his appearance again. He had become the person he always wanted to be, he just needed love to show him the way. My father went to heaven in the year 2001 and today he continues to still guide me. Thank you so much for getting to the end of this post. Love Sky:hugs: :flowers:

[Piglet]

Sky you are truly unique!:)

You obviously have so much forgiveness and love inside you!

While I would love to say I am the same, I am afraid I have had to limit the people around me who drag me down (whatever their reasons) and I have come to realise I am only human and can't mend everyone in my life who might need it!

At the moment I am of the opinion that I can only be responsible for my own behaviour and not that of others! I don't know how you found the time to give all this to your dad when you had others in your life too.

He was truly blessed to have such a compassionate special daughter!

God bless you both!

Love Piglet :flowers:

[hoppipolla]

i think loneliness is a big issue for me. i mean like, when i first went to uni it was stress and pressure and responsibilities and things that started it, but i also left all my friends and my (now ex) girlfriend behind and so that may have contributed, but at the moment i have very few people to just hang out with.

i sit at home too much and even if it's a nice day i am reluctant to go out as i have spent so much time alone now, like most of last summer, and i just want close friends again that are like me and live nearby to spend the nice sunny days with :)

i have lots of more distant friends but none i really feel any kind of connection with, and no real sense of belonging if that makes sense ._.

i also have low self confidence at the moment so that might be an issue, i find it hard to see why other people would want to see me as being important to them or significant in any way, do you know what i mean? i was teased a lot throughout school, so maybe that has weakened my ability to truly fit in with other people without feeling fundamentally separated, i don't know.

anywho :) it's interesting that a lot of people here find company important too, it really helps i think.

Hoppi

[Paddington]

Oh Hopi Hun:hugs: i do know what you mean..and it is a habit we can get into.Kinda like watching ourselves living,instead of actualy doing it!:lac: To remember good times is ok,and to miss those times is ok too,but we must try and forge new beginnings.This is our life now,right this moment..we are made up of all our life experiences Hopi,so if we stop now it would leave a few empty pages in our book of life wouldn't it mate!I know it is hard,i was uposet today too,about a lost frindship and how much i miss it..but i still smile at the fun we had ,it was real then ,and true.It will always remain so:flowers: So we can move on Hopi,and have our days in the sun again..i really believe it.Here if you fancy a natter.Love Paddie.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxPs sky i e-mailed you hun.:flowers:

[skylight2007]

:hugs: Hiya all, ahhh thank you Piglet!!! we are all unique , and we all have our own personal limitations, which is a good thing, so I do understand what you were saying, as I have had experiences like that with some people in my life and I have totally got drawn in to their world:hugs:

Rose didnt receive the email hon!!!! will email you later:hugs:

Hoppi will come back to you later ok!!! thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings!!!!

Mirry hope this post makes sense to you and everyone who reads it!!! :hugs:

LIVING IN THE HERE AND NOW

The past the present and the future. My personal experience

Living in the here and now, is the ability to focus my mind on the present moment without becoming emotionally attached to how I use to think, feel and react. It’s a bit like having a 3 dimensional awareness of knowing the internal beliefs of what makes a person think feel and behave, having an awareness of these same beliefs in myself and then changing those beliefs in the here and now, without becoming emotionally involved in the old pattern of experiencing.

My journey of self development, took me back into the past, mentally examined the experiences, a bit like watching a film of my life, my childhood, mentally coming back into the present, understanding how I was feeling and coming to terms with all the false beliefs I had internalised as my own and all the negative affects it had on my own mental well being and undoing those false beliefs in a non judgmental way.. Only when I had become stronger having my own sense of self, my own identity, was I then prepared to face the challenges of the past and the present without it affecting me in a negative way.

For those of you who have read my post challenging the past in the present, that is an example of training the mind to stay in the present, in a non judgemental way, without being affected by all the thoughts and all the negativity. Of course like I mentioned before we don’t all have to venture into the past to learn how to recognise how our mind can affect us during any given time of day.

So how can we become aware of our thoughts playing havoc on our lives?

With thousands of thoughts playing around in our heads, it may seem impossible to ignore them. Becoming still and focused in the ever present moment, for me this isn’t about ignoring them, it’s about becoming aware of those thoughts, and not giving them too much power to create!!! We are always trying to find meaning to our thoughts. Take away the meaning or the belief what are we left with?

Making friends with our mind

So what can we experience in the ever present moment? We never think about brushing our teeth, we just do, we never think about getting dressed we just do. Ok some of us may think, ‘I don’t feel like getting out of bed today, I feel awful, ‘what’s the point of getting dressed, I feel exhausted. When I go out, everyone’s staring at me. With anxiety we may have a tendency to end our thinking with a negative belief or feeling. Our mind becomes our worst enemy!!!And the more power we give to negative thinking, the more negative we feel, the less we are able to enjoy the present moment for what it is!!!!!

It may seem very hard to introduce our mind to a happy carefree, non judgmental thinking self. The mind and its endless chitta chatter, stops us from hearing and seeing what is going on in the here and now.

The here and now is like just getting up and going, it’s about doing, without placing, any assumptions, making evaluations, making judgments, etc., on anything. It’s like feeling completely happy with just being!!!!!!!! Being yourself, being aware, being self observant. There’s a kind of inner calmness where what you see and feel doesn’t seem to have any major affect on how you use to think feel and act. Your perception of yourself and others becomes clearer as you learn to discriminate between what are your feelings and the feelings of others in a non judgmental way.


THE CREATIVE MIND!!!!

Resolving inner conflict

We have all had days when we feel so low nothing seems to make us feel good about ourselves. We tell ourselves we can’t do this because it makes us feel a certain way; we get caught in the trap of often denying what we feel. We shouldn’t feel sad, shouldn’t feel bad, we put ourselves down for not doing our tasks; we tell ourselves we should be able to do the simple things in life, but we can’t because our anxiety makes us feel so many things, and stops us from living a normal life. We look at the world that seems to be passing us by and wonder when we will ever be a part of that again. Up until now we have been passive observers, but what we really want to achieve is to be an active participant in our own life. We have the ability to create whatever we want but it’s those negative thoughts and patterns that hold us back.

Accepting how we feel for me was the first step to thinking positive and feeling good about me. I remember those days when I watched how everyone around me was getting on with their lives and just doing things, and I just didn’t have the motivation to do anything. At first I knew I was making excuses because it was better to that than to tell the truth about the way I use to feel. I felt on many occasions that I was some kind of freak with so many anxieties disorders and so many aches and pains, I had no idea that I was creating many of the symptoms related to my anxiety, because I never really made that conscious link that our mind affects the body too…. All I understood that the more I had these negative thoughts the more I was losing myself, losing my confidence, feeling bad about myself, and not feeling as if I has anything good to offer the world and me. I certainly didn’t want anyone to know how I felt because it was a part of me I didn’t want to accept.

It’s almost as if I just wanted to get rid of it, like it was a part of me that just didn’t fit with the rest of me!!! It was as if this part of me was something that was happening to me, outside influences, something that was given to me rather than me creating it, something that felt beyond my control, if that makes sense.

I know I had internalised many of my beliefs, and this seem to be where I became stuck, without actually realising I was, but this was also the area of my life that I was actually running away from and denying in myself. All those feelings and thoughts had grown into my anxieties stopping me from living in the here and now, stopping me from seeing things for what they really are. All I kept doing was attaching my old feelings to the experiencing of the present, without being aware that I was at the time.

Resolving the inner conflict meant listening to the part of me that was hurting, it’s almost as if when I began to do that, I’d given that part of me a voice, I was validating those feelings instead of shoving them away and not paying attention to them. Those feelings and thoughts had meaning, they were important to me, because they were a part of me. The more I denied them the more they manifested in negative thinking and an increase of my anxieties. This was the hardest part of my journey, as I came face to face with my feelings that I had put on hold for so long. Its almost as if I was giving myself permission to feel those feelings, that I had denied and questioning myself ‘is it ok to feel this’. Yes it was ok; it was ok to accept all of my feelings and all of my experiences without judgments. I didn’t have to question whether I should or shouldn’t, could or couldn’t. It was ok for me to be vulnerable, ok to be strong, ok to cry, ok to laugh, and ok to be afraid, ok to feel safe. By accepting me in this way, what actually seemed to be negative was in fact the positive healing that I needed to grow. It’s a bit like having control in only what I choose to create, therefore what I choose to create, only I can be responsible for my creative Mind!!!In the here and now!!! Love Sky xxxxxx:hugs: :flowers:

[Piglet]

Top post Sky!!

Love Piglet :flowers:

[mirry]

wow , Im jumping up and down in my seat here, fantasitic post, will read it all this afternoon (kids going away for 2 nights ).

[mirry]

sky your childhood sounds like mine, infact it could be me writing !

[skylight2007]

:hugs: Awww Thank you sooooooooooo much Piglet!!! glad you liked the post, and most of all you understood it!! yipeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!:yesyes: Mirry I think many of us can relate to the stories here a bit like a mirror reflection!!!! Havent been on for a while , my girl is not too well, but she is getting better thank God!!!!

Rose sent you and email hon!!!! will be writing again soon!!!!! Piglet I hope you know I am learning to write articles!!!! and your the inspiration behind that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so I hope I am doing ok :yesyes: lots of love always, Sky:hugs: :flowers: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Piglet]

:hugs: Piglet I hope you know I am learning to write articles!!!! and your the inspiration behind that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so I hope I am doing ok :yesyes: lots of love always, Sky:hugs: :flowers: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


Oh I am so glad to hear that you are writing mate - I've been very very impressed with not just the standard of the way you write but the content in relation to how it sits with anxiety makes it a valuable and enriching read!!:yesyes:

When you come to submitting anything to magazines, or the like - see if anyone on here could proof read for you, then it would also have the professional finished edge.

I would offer but my knowledge of grammer you could fit on a postage stamp.

I'm seeing very good things for you in this respect Sky!!!!

Love Piglet :flowers:

[Paddington]

Hi Hun:hugs: thanks for the e-mail :) i do love this post Sky..it is so true.I was nodding so much my head nearly fell off:) I do hope your Daughter get well very soon too hun,give her my love :flowers: Speak soon.Love Paddie.xxxxxxxxxxxx

[skylight2007]

:hugs: Piglet!! thank you so much for your thoughts, and your faith in me!!! that really does touch my heart. One of things I am trying to work on is trying to simplify my writings so that it makes sense to others. I have been editing a lot of my writings and trying to highlight what I need to add and need to remove , its taken time but I am enjoying it. I have spent my whole life trying to understand anxiety and panic attacks and whilst everything I share here is of a personal experience, it has a lot to do with how we believe in our self, and our potential to change some of the things we can and accept those things we can't. hope that makes sense!!!:) I love the idea of asking members here if they can proof read for me, I shall keep that in mind, sometimes it doesnt matter how much I re read my writing I know it can be improved!!! so thank you for your good advice!!!:hugs: :flowers:

Rose hope your head is ok:D , you made me laugh hon!!! and I am soo glad you liked the post toooooooooo. :hugs: :flowers:

Coni, thank you for your post hon!!! I did read it and I hope your feeling ok, I do believe that our healing comes to us when were ready. :hugs: :flowers:

lots of love to all of you, will be writing my next post soon!!! love Sky xxxx

[Piglet]

:hugs: I have been editing a lot of my writings and trying to highlight what I need to add and need to remove , its taken time but I am enjoying it.

I'm sure I read somewhere that what you leave out can be as important to the whole piece as anything!!

I also read somewhere that we should apply the same to our clothing - ie: look in mirror and take off one item. Now you see that is where I am different cos I look in a mirror and add another string of beads, pat them and go off happy.:yesyes:

Perhaps I don't quite get the less is more approach!! :blush: :yesyes:

We will all be most happy to be your first audience.:)

Love Piglet :flowers:

[skylight2007]

[quote=Piglet;208681]I also read somewhere that we should apply the same to our clothing - ie: look in mirror and take off one item. Now you see that is where I am different cos I look in a mirror and add another string of beads, pat them and go off happy.:yesyes:

:hugs: Aww Piglet loved what you said here!!!! and truthfully, I dont want to leave anything out of my writing, so I will take your advice and just write!!!:yesyes: Rose thanks for the email hon, will reply later!!! I have just written this because I am wide awake, so I hope it may mean something to anyone who reads it. lots of love Sky xxxxx

REFOCUSING OUR THOUGHTS

For the past 2 weeks I have been thinking about over importance and irrational thinking and wanted to share this with everyone here. Every thing in life is a learning process and my understanding is always changing, but this understanding became clearer with the illness of my daughter.


My daughter has been very ill for nearly 2 weeks. She first collapsed at work with severe abdominal cramps, enough to stop her from moving. Her boss had phoned me to let me know what had happened, and they came to collect me and we went to the hospital. I was told it could be several things, from rumbling appendicitis to cysts on her ovaries, any way we were sent home, and went to see the doctor, who gave us pain killers and was told to try them for the week and if things got worse, to take her to A E, which I did today. We arrived at 10am and she was eventually admitted. In the earlier hours it was suggested it was her appendices, and if they were to operate it would have been about 3pm this afternoon, but they needed to see if anything else was causing her so much discomfort, her life was put on hold. I watched my daughter in pain and virtually not able to walk. She has been housebound for 2 weeks the worse she has ever ever been She was given codeine which only lasted for 1 hour and it broke my heart to leave her. I wiped her tears and kissed her, I came home at 7.30pm. I have since called twice, first time she was asleep, the second time they told me she is moving into another ward, a surgical ward, so I will get the details tomorrow. I know she is alone and nervous, but she just wants the pain to stop.

The purpose of the story!!!

OVER IMPORTANCE, IRRATIONAL

It has been a very long time since I have experienced severe stress, and under different circumstances, all I can tell you is that I would have gave so much of my energy thinking about what would never be!!!! I use to be soooo tired for thinking about safety, trying to control a fear that just wasn’t happening, but of course my mind was telling me so. I use to over exaggerate the checking and the situation and anyone would have thought I had done a hards days work, work, I ask myself, well thinking all day long thinking the worse, is hard work, and that is not an exaggeration. Because anxiety is exactly like that sometimes.

Those were the days, when I gave control and over importance to things that would never ever be!!!!! I asked myself what did I really have to worry about then, my thinking was so irrational, but we know that anxiety does that. Back in the days, I never really would have said, I was putting too much importance on checking, it was important for me to feel safe, I had to feel like I was in control of situations that would potentially harm myself and my daughter. If the cooker had blown up would I ever forgive myself and so the thinking went on and on and on.

Unless I was in control, I could never feel comfortable in my self. But what was I trying to control, I learned that I couldn’t control everything in my life; things would go wrong I just needed to understand that in my head. I needed to understand, that people get ill, people also get better, kids fall down and hurt themselves and soon recover, bad things happen in life and so do good things. In a day the sun shines, but it also rains, but I never paid much attention to the good things, hope that makes sense. My world was focused on doom and gloom to the extreme. Extreme thinking, extreme control, no room to be flexible and open to other choices and accept that not all things are potentially dangerous, and I didn’t have to control and look for safety were there was no real threat to my life or my daughter. I needed to learn to trust that there was good as well as bad in the world and things do happen which I was trying to avoid and trying to protect and I could not be responsible for controlling everything. A tough lesson to learn!!! In life I needed to find a balance between a real threat and an irrational threat. Severe anxiety made me see only the irrational threat given too much importance to minor things in life that seemed to dangerous when in fact they weren’t.



REFOCUSING MY THINKING, RATIONAL


There lies my daughter in hospital, in the hands of those whom I have to trust to take care of her, and do what is best for her. I wanted to wrap her up in my arms and bring her home with me, but I know it’s just a mother’s love for her daughter. This is one situation where I do not have total control, but I don’t need to control anything here. I have to trust that she will be ok and her healing recovery will be short. For the past 2 weeks, I have slept near her, massaged her, and done my best to comfort her. I have prayed and asked for guidance in her healing and that the right people will make the right decision regarding her health. Today I experienced that thoroughness, in her assessments, and although we waited a long time, she was cared for and I was told once she has a scan and all the other tests come back, and then they will decide what the next process will be. I felt ok with this, and just accepted that everything that can be done will be done.

My thinking was focused and calm and I accepted what I was told, I have had no need to check my cooker, no need to think anything negative, no need to control anything, because other people can equally protect my daughter other than myself and she also has her own mind and her own thinking to ask for what she needs, whatever those needs maybe. What I have learnt ,this is like an emergency where I didn’t have to think , I didn’t panic, I just did what I had to do and instead of me feeling exhausted, I feel calm and focused. I haven’t got a thousand thoughts running through my mind wondering what’s going to happen, thinking the worst, no, I am accepting that she is in good hands, and I am accepting its ok to let go of control. Slipping back into the old ways is not an option anymore!!!

Realistically my daughters illness is something to worry about, but thinking sensible not irrational. she has others to support her and she is being looked after. Illnesses come to all of us sometime in our life and its how we learn to live and cope with our illness that makes the difference. I have had to accept my daughter is going to get better and believe she will, and I cant wait for her to come back home, so we can begin to rebuild her life again with whatever we need to do to help her and empower her in her recovery.

Before she went into hospital only yesterday we were talking about possible things we could do to help her get stronger, and so we made a plan which we will follow for the future, I remember saying to her, that whatever happens, we can always do something to help our self and not rely on the medical profession for all the answers, our after care, we do have the power to help our self in our recovery by not letting any illnesses’ beat us. I showed her a book on yoga exercises to strengthen her internal organs, and she said she will start that as soon as she feels stronger to do it. I could see that she was interested and instead of fearing the pain, which she
Anticipated every month, she now had something to work on, to empower herself and help in her own recovery.

I have understood, the less I think about controlling a situation, the less my thoughts are, the more realistic and rational my thinking becomes and the more focused I am. I am not exhausted and strangely enough, I am definitely handling stress as if there was no stress and I am able to get things done with a focused mind. I still feel all of my feelings and accept them but they do not take over my thinking!!!Lots of love Sky. xxx

[Piglet]

Sky - you are absolutely right here, letting go over the control we want/ need to have over every aspect of our lives is like taking the weight of the world off our shoulders.

Well done hun for being able to apply this in such trying circumstances and the biggest hug and best wishes for a speedy recovery for your daughter. A pretty clear quartz would be a nice little gift for her at the mo as it's a master healer.:hugs:

Lots of love Piglet :flowers:

[skylight2007]

letting go over the control we want/ need to have over every aspect of our lives is like taking the weight of the world off our shoulders.

Well done hun for being able to apply this in such trying circumstances and the biggest hug and best wishes for a speedy recovery for your daughter. A pretty clear quartz would be a nice little gift for her at the mo as it's a master healer.:hugs:

Lots of love Piglet :flowers:

:hugs: Piglet, do you know, thats exactly what it feels like, lifting the weight off my shoulders!!!! Thank you hon for your loving support and you will not believe this, you must have read my mind:) :flowers: I was going to ask you , what crystal could I give my daughter for her healing? Well matey I am going to evolution in the shopping city, tommorrow, and I am going to buy a lovely clear quartz for her, thank you so much for suggesting that to me!!!!!:hugs: I passed on yours and Roses best wishes and she said, how kind and lovely for the two of you to think of her!!! So Piglet and Rose, my daughter sends her big thanks to both you!!!! :yesyes: Rose thank you also for the ecard, with crystals, and roses, what more do we need!!!! to speed my daughters healing.:hugs: :flowers:

She is home, came home yesterday, still no diagnosis though!! but she did have a severe infection in the pelvic area, not sure if it was caused by appendicitis or something else. Every test she had , came back normal, no cysts, no diabetis, no sickle sell, nothing!!! but her right side near the appendics area is still sore. 5 doctors and 3 surgeons couldnt decide what it was, but they did say if she gets this type of pain again, they will do a laporoscopy to see what is causing her pain.

But for now, she is looking well, alive, cheeky as ever, her eyes are bright and she is in no real pain. Has got meds to take, most are antibiotics but all in all she is very very well. I cried with relief, just needed to let those feelings out, and now I feel better too.

So its good news and thank you both for caring!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lots of love always, Sky!!!xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx:hugs: :flowers:

[Piglet]

Oh that's marvellous news that's she's home now - super!!:yesyes:

One of my piglets also has some 'issues' in the abdomen area and is having various tests to sort things out. I think she does have a tendency to IBS overall and given her teenage diet and rushed eating, or not eating, it's no suprise. However there are some gynae investigations to be done too.

So much like us I wish you all the best with getting things sorted.

I hope you find a lovely crystal tomorrow hun - just handle a few and you will know which one feels right to you. When you get it home rinse it under the cold tap for a few moments, imagining any negative vibes from being handled by other people in the shop just floating away. Then leave it outside in the late evening sun. or even better if we get moonlight for either the whole night, or just a few hours.

When you bring it in then either you can programme it, or your daughter can - hold the crystal in your hand and imagine that image you sent me on my birthday and think of the purpose you want the crystal for.

This is more of a way of making the crystal personal to the new user etc.

All the best.

Love Piglet :flowers:

[skylight2007]

:hugs: :flowers: Hiya Piglet!!! well I went out, but would you believe it, the shop was shut!!! but never mind, this morning I told my daughter I was going to buy her a crystal, her immediate response, ' oh buy me a pink one'!!! so I just went with the flow, anyway, I ended up buying her a pink top instead:D for now that is.:D Will go again tomorrow. Aww my darling is feeling so much better, and today she went out for a short walk, hadnt seen the outdoors for ages, with her friends.

Piglet when she was in hopsital, the gynae people said she didnt have endometreosis, as I was told to ask them that. but she is going back as an outpatience, and like your young piglet, they did think many years ago, my girl had IBS, but we changed her diet and all sorts and was told it wasnt that either!!! its a mystery to me and her!! but we shall wait for the next appointment and see what happens.

hope all goes well with you and your piglets too hun!!!! will let you know how things go with the crystal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lot of love to you always.:hugs: :flowers: sky , ohh!! and I will do what you suggested , cleansing and reprogramming the crystals!!!!:hugs:

[Piglet]

How often do I go out for one thing and come back with another.

A rose quartz it is then - actually you can get some lovely rose quartz jewellery! :yesyes:

Love Piglet :flowers:

[Paddington]

Dear Sky,so glad your girl is feeling better:hugs: lets pray they get to the root of the problem soon.You too Piglet,with your Daughter also:hugs: i went thru it with my Laura too!She has awful psoriasis,a chronic skin condition:weep: wella couple of years ago she started having severe pain in her shoulder ,to cut a very long [2years]story short..and after paying for mri scans ,the wait was 18 months and i was worried it was cancer.We were no Nearer finding the cause!She had to give up work ,the pain was so intense.It sortd itself out really,no piankillers touched the pain not even morphine based ones,but they did aid sleep??,i used reiki which soothed her at times.....back and forth she went to specialists[HUH]...MY DR EVEN SUGGESTED BREAST REDUCTION:lac: :lac: :weep: She has a form of arthritus caused by ,yep!!the psoriasis:mad: i found this out from a pamphlet written by Dr chris steel!!!!!!!!It is always there but in remission at present.Alsoshe changed career!I went to college with her for a bit of support,and she now works as a teaching assistant,so a happy ending:flowers: I just wanted you both to know ,i KNOW exactly what you are going thru,my thoughts are with you and your girls:flowers: may they be well very soon.Love as ever,Paddie.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Piglet]

Paddie :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

Love Piglet :flowers:

[skylight2007]

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: ahhhhhhhh Rose so good to see you here!!! ahh hon it can be a worry for our girls, but I feel things will be better, just have to wait and see what they are going to do with my daughter. I am so glad your daughter is doing well!!! and thank you too for that lovely ecard, will email you later hon!!!! I guess everything is back to normal with the easter hols out of the way!!! I know you have been busy and have missed ya tooo, big time!!! I hope your well hon!!!:hugs: :hugs: so happy to see you!!!!:flowers: lots love to you always hon:hugs: xx

Piglet, :hugs: ohh yes hon, and pink quartz its going to be!!!!! she is so sure thats what she would like. she likes the idea of the jewellery too!! :yesyes: havent had time to go looking today, but have loads of time 2moro!!!! cant wait!!! she loved the pink top though:D . lets hope I come home with the crystal!!!:D knowing me, shall see some for myself too, I do love ameythst, probably spelt that wrong but you know the one I mean. yes I think I need to treat myself also!!!:D . hope your well hon and lots of love to you and your piglets too. :hugs: xx love sky:flowers:

[skylight2007]

:hugs: Hiya everyone this is a post I have been meaning to write for awhile and I hope it makes some sense to those who read it.

DEPERSONALISATION/DEREALISATION


Mental detachment and anxiety my personal meaning

How many of us have experienced those feelings of unreality, feeling lost, feeling like were not here, feeling as if were losing touch with our very own existence in the present moment. Feeling as if we have lost our identity. For those of us who have experienced this , it can feel like a total shut down of the world we know and recognise, as everything appears to be unreal, unrecognisable, strange, and weird. I described these sensations as sleep walking but with my eyes open. like going somewhere, like shopping, not paying attention to the surroundings, almost like being in a daydream, coming home, and feeling like I have never moved an inch. It’s almost as if my senses had stopped communication with me, I experienced all of my senses as a blank awareness, feeling disconnected to everything, most of all to my self, like a complete loss of self of who I was in the world around me. Not only was the world around me unfamiliar, but my very existence seemed to be bordering on the edge of losing touch with my inner world and the outer world. If my own inner experiences were so fragile, based on negative thinking and severe anxiety then it just seemed to me that what was left was a small glimpse of a beautiful person who was slowly being eroded by fear. What was happening to my personality?

The issue of control and safe personal boundaries

I have really tried to explore this feeling to try and make sense of it all and the more I was healing the more I became aware of the negative power of control in my life. The more I was controlled the more I lost touch with the real me.

Conditional Self worth, development of distorted perceptions.

If we are so controlled, how do we ever learn to protect ourselves in the world? If our judgments become distorted ,if our feelings are dismissed, if we never get told were good, if we never get praised, if we never experience a hug, or told were loved, or made to feel worthy? Then what we are left with is a very fragile personality, that has no boundaries to defend our self, have no voice to speak out, can never say how we feel, afraid of conflict, afraid to show strong feelings, have no strong coping skills because our thoughts and feelings make us feel as if we have no self worth. Even the very good that we do is clouded with self doubts. We all understand how a negative thought pattern can lead to more negativity, making us feel symptoms that we clearly do not want. If we do not want these symptoms, then how were they created? My feelings and experiences were not my own. I was dominated by fear.

Maintaining a destructive mental thought pattern

Without any kind of positive regard, I went through life especially in my younger days, fighting to be recognised for being worthy, fighting to be loved, just wanting someone to say, I was important in the world, what I said had meaning, and I could make a positive difference with those around me. I just wanted someone to recognise that I was alive with feelings, thoughts, ideas and opinions; I just wasn’t allowed to express my existence and still be accepted. If those around me couldn’t accept me, then how could I ever accept myself? I was taught that it was wrong to be me, I was afraid to be me!!!!!!!!! I never understood why I had a fear of dying many years ago, but today what this meant, my personality was dying. On the mental level, due to extreme anxiety, any good that I had inside of me, was being eroded by fear. My very existence was in denial because those around me had encouraged me to deny my own sense of self worth!!! This denial of my self was my meaning of depersonalization and the awakening of a realization that was not based on the conditions of how others wanted me to be and believe, but there was another power that had nothing to do with negative control, it had everything to do with the power of love , belief and faith.

SELF REALIZATION my personal meaning

Unconditional love

For those of you who have practiced Meditation, there is a state of awareness that is attained and could be described as experiences similar to depersonalization or derealisation. But there is one massive difference between the two experiences even though the feelings and sensations may be similar, they are not. The experience is very different because one experience is based on control of fear, and the other is based on Love and the process of self development.

If I could be myself, what would I be like? I use feel afraid to be me. If I could be so controlled by fear, then what of love?

Fear had taught me that everything I experienced was false, there was no room for growth, personal growth, and personal identity.

I knew that if I could be myself, I would never want to hurt anyone, never put anyone down, never want anyone to fear me. I would never want others to feel what I had experienced , I would want them to be themselves, encourage them to express their feelings, find their own way in life, make their own mistakes, build their confidence, develop their own identity separate from others, respect their feelings and encourage them to believe in themselves, develop their own sense of personal boundaries, learn the difference between right and wrong, foster a non judgmental attitude, develop a strong sense of personal value and self respect, learn to appreciate the difference in others, accept personal responsibility for their thoughts , feelings and actions, learn to value peoples personal spaces as well as their own, learn to appreciate their personal efforts, take an interest in what is important to them, encourage them to value all aspects of themselves and still feel loved!! And accepted!!!

Every one of us has these qualities and they are qualities that encourage us to feel worthy and valued. We all have the same needs, to be loved, wanted, needed, and valued and when we have love in our lives, we grow in deeper understanding of ourselves and others.

I learned for myself that this was a power far greater than fear and control. The denial of myself was me telling myself, that I did not want to exist in a world where my only fate was pain and suffering.

Depersonalization was an experienced based on extreme anxiety, all senses detached, nothing to grasp onto, only a feeling of being completely lost in myself and the world of fear and control.

Self realization was the awakening of the real me in the world, the person I really am, the person I am not afraid to be anymore!! It is a state of inner awareness between a mind based on negative thinking, and a mind based on positive thinking. When we can accept both aspects in ourselves then the process of unconditional love is fostered within. My previous experiences were to only accept the negative, and deny the good in me. The personal transformation if you like, was to nurture with commitment and determination all the good I knew I had but wasn’t allowed to show, expressing such wonderful qualities was not too hard to do, as I had experienced the total opposite in my life and even though I have an awareness of both, the power of unconditional love far outweighs the power of control!! With love as a positive force or energy, there is in my view, no loss of identity!!! Love Sky :hugs: :flowers:

[smudgie]

My biggest fear is losing my hubby to death, I fear it everyday annd it causes so many difficuult problems for me. panic attacks and severe anxiety.
I beleive i dont deserve him and nothing has been positive in my life so i just wait for it to happen so i can sayy "i told you so".

Im getting help for it but its not helping at the moment.
Its a horrible way to live.
ness

[skylight2007]

:hugs: Welcome Smudgie, what a lovely username!!!! hon that is an awful way to live, anxiety is so awful and makes you think all sorts. Sometimes hon you have to believe its just your anxiety thats causing the awful doubts, its hard but, in life we have pay attention to the good we have, and you have a wonderful hubby who shares his life with you. We all know that death comes to all of us, but think about the now hon, think about the times you spend together, that is far more positive for you hon. We can drive ourselves silly with forever wondering about this and that, and its so easy to do with anxiety.
Try if you can , not to give tooo much importance to those negative thoughts, give more and more importance to the good feelings of having hubby with you now. Everyday you say you feel this fear, then if you can everyday, replace it with loving thoughts and feelings, of what you have!!!

Never wait for something to happen, concentrate on now, and deal with one step at a time. Sometimes anxiety can make us look for evidence in our negative thoughts to justify if our belief is right, BUT ARE YOU RIGHT? Remember hon anxiety is all about negative thinking and the things we feel is going to happen, never does!!! be good to yourself and accept that your life is a good one with hubby!!!!! a positive feeling of him being with you now!!!!!!

lots of love to you Sky:hugs:

[Paddington]

Yetagain Sky a wonderful post,ican identify with a lot that you said.Piglet thanks for the hugs:hugs: Hey Smudgie..letyousrelf feel worthy of your hubby's love hun:hugs: A huge part of anxiety is a lack of self worth,so we fear what we DO have will be taken from us:weep: I am glad you are receiving helphun,but do talk to us about your fears openly ,it takes the taboo away:) Love to all:flowers: Paddie.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[skylight2007]

:hugs: :hugs: Thank you Rose hon!!! been meaning to write that for ages, glad I got the time!!! I went to see my doc this morning, and he told me is was retiring:weep: , he is soo good and wonderful with his patients, I shall miss him terribly!!!! I cried and he said he will miss his patients too!!! He served as a doctor for 35 years and he said its time to enjoy his retirement!!! oh well their is another doc I can see and she is just as lovely as he!!!!:)

hope your day is well , you tooooooooooo Piglet hon!!!! lots of love always Sky :hugs: xx

[Paddington]

Ah sky hun:hugs: sorry bout your dr,you are lucky to have had a good one hun:ohmy: i have yet to meet one!Well except for my oncologist who is so handsome he looks like an Angel:blush: Well he is an earth Angel really:) I see hin twice a year and put me lippy on:blush: lord only knows why it's not my face he is peering at:blush: :blush: :ohmy: :D ha ha ha ha!!God Bless. Paddie.xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Eva]

I'm in the same boat as you. Emotionally I feel dead, so it's very difficult interacting with people. I'm so busy putting on a facade, that I forget who I am. Unless you've been down that road, nobody understands. My biggest fear, like you is being alone, and how I will cope. My children are grown up and live in the U.K. so there is just my husband, and although he tries to understand - he doesn't. Good luck, and remember you're not alone with these feelings.
Eva

[Lindalou64]

i am agraphobic but it comes a time in ya life when ya have no choice to be alone i had to accept this after things happened in my life dont like it but what can ya do and really i am my safe person...so you adjust to it....there are times im like eeeekkk.......but it passes.........Linda

[dee22]

i feel the same way. im 20 years old and when im done school i want to move out but i feel that i cant live on my own. whenever i have a bad attack i need someone to calm me down. i do have a boyfriend and we are very close but i dont want to bother him with my symptoms because hes 21 and hes to young to have to deal with a nagging girlfriend about everything o dont want to be dependent on him and have him leave me because he is sick of my nonsense so yes i am very affraid of being alone

[Allye]

I can really relate to this post. For years I had a fear of being alone – and as a result ended up in a couple of really inappropriate relationships. I have since realised that I was just seeking the love/security I felt I did not get as a child and also I did not like myself nor my own company very much..

It took a good while to understand this. Now I think I do like myself a little bit more and actually do not mind so much when I am alone. As a result I am in a nice stable relationship and have been for the past 6 years.

[mlondon]

I think there might also be the case for some of us and perhaps some people who voted yes that we FEEL we are more dependent on others than we actually are.

[Alisonj]

TERRIFIED! My husband works shift work and works almost an hour away from home. I am not too bad when he is on days but when he works nights and is gone all evening and night my panic gets very bad. I have three kids and I always worry something will happen to me and I wont be able to get to the hospital because there is no one to watch the kids etc. I hate it. He goes on nights tomorrow and I am already dreading it :(

[lilly-lou]

The only time that I am scared of being alone is when I go out, I have been on my own for so long when I'm in the house that I have just got used to it, I have spent most of my life by my self.

lilly-lou

[Catwoman]

I am funny in that I like being alone as many of my family dont understand my problems. In fact my husband and my mother often contribute to me feeling this way by the way they behave towards me, by always shouting at me, always finding fault, putting me down etc..
Maybe if the people around me were kinder I would not want to be alone so much. My favourite place is in my garden, on my sunbed reading a book I like... but I can imagine if one is old, or infirm and alone, stuck in a house its a lot different?

[becksy]

I had a fear of being alone, which took me a long long time to get over, now I'm quite comfortable in my own company. I fled to a refuge after suffering domestic violence, the house was always packed with a max of 7 other women and their children. There was always company and someone to talk to, I stayed there six months the 1st time, I was advised not to return to my home town, and was put in temporary accomodation.

Being on my own after always having my family close by and then living in the refuge with all those people around all the time was extremely difficult for me. My daughters were 10 months old and 1yr 10 months old at the time. I had a terrible fear of dying in my sleep and my children starving to death before anyone found me. I had panic attacks, I felt my chest was tight, and my throat was closing off and couldn't breath. I laid down at night and went so dizzy I'd have to sit up (now I know that was vertigo! At the time I thought I had a brain tumour!) and was severely depressed and lonely. I look back at those days as some of the darkest I ever had. It was worse than the domestic violence! I had contact with the women from the refuge still, but it wasn't the same as living with people all the time, I'd never lived on my own before, I found myself even thinking about getting back with my violent ex-partner just so I wouldn't feel so alone! I didn't tell anyone how bad I felt. Which is ridiculous when I was so convinced I was dying.. I was always terrible at admitting I ever had a problem, I wanted everyone to think I was doing well, I hated the thought of anyone feeling sorry for me. If someone would ask if I was ok in a sympathetic voice I'd cry so these sort of situations I'd avoid.

Eventually it all came to a head, I phoned my mum for a chat and she was dismissive as someone turned up at the door. I lost the plot and shouted and screamed at her down the phone. I had a complete breakdown which shocked her as I'd always managed to hold it together in front of people. She got a lift and come stayed with me for a while, but still she had to go back home. Eventually I moved into permanent accomodation and I got the courage to see a doctor, the 1st appointment I couldn't speak all the way through as I couldn't stop crying (very embarrassing) he gave me prozac, which didn't agree with me, I felt like I was on another planet! I saw another one and he prescribed me valium, which calmed me down, but it wasn't the ideal situation to be taking them with little kids. My partner escaped from prison and I was told to go back into the refuge, my new doctor there wouldn't prescribe me valium, but I was ok as I had lots of people around me again!

After eight months there I was moved to temporary accomodation again in a completely different area. Some of the women I was with in the refuge chose the same area so I had some friends close. I didn't feel as isolated anymore. I've been very fortunate and made some brilliant friends, my family all moved to my area which has been brilliant for me. I got through my panic attacks with distractions, I'd do a compicated puzzle or read a book. Find anything to concentrate on. As the girls have got older I've convinced myself that I am fine on my own and I am now! It took so long though. Now I enjoy time to myself and spend every night on my own and it doesn't bother me. I've still got insomnia though which I had before any of the above happened.

For anyone who does have a fear of being on their own, sometimes you're on your own because you chose to be, dont suffer in silence, let family and friends know how you're feeling. If they offer you support, take it! Find yourself places to go and things to do. Give yourself things to look forward to.

I'm the complete opposite now, I fear meeting new people as I have some serious trust issues, but for now I'm quite happy on my own and able to spend time with my family and my children :)

[tantopat]

I don't like socialising, but at the same time I can't cope with being left alone for too long. I'm fine sitting up in my room away from everyone else, but only if there's someone else in the house! ;^^ Being completely alone scares me, especially because I'm not too great at taking care of myself, and so when my parents go away for days at a time, I'm always a nervous wreck by the time they get back! :scared10:

[EmmaJane]

A very good question. I use to be dependent on pretty much everyone. Now I enjoy my own company and could cope quite well on my own if I had to. I wouldnt want to and would find it hard, but i'm a lot better than I use to be.

Think that makes sense :yesyes:

[andypanda]

Being alone: one of my greatest fears, and one I have just realized. A year ago today I moved to San Francisco from New York so I could be close to the woman I loved. A month ago we decided to take a break. however, I thought it would be temporary till she got out of her stressful school schedule, not so, nearly a week ago she broke it off with me. since then I have suffered through the nights with tightness in my chest, pounding heart beats, and shortness of breath. the worst was when I had to leave work early one day because I seriously thought I was having a stroke(I'm only 29). It felt like the muscles within my chest were squeezing, clutching, at my heart--I had no clue what to think. Once I got home I lied down on my bed, started trying to slow down my breathing, and was finally able to relax. I fell into a shallow sleep, almost like a trance, where this building sensation of my own mortality began to rise from somewhere in my subconscious, it towered above me, and then fell upon me like endless amounts of fluid, engulfing me... I was so freaked out, I woke up, opened my eyes to the sudden realization that I was dieing... I thought I was going crazy...one of the strangest, freakiest dreams I've ever had. I feel a bit better every day as far as the break up goes, but the pounding heart, tightness, and shortness of breath are still around. Do you guys have any recommendations for me? I have no insurance, and this is the first time I've ever dealt with this type of thing. I never knew how intense it was to have such an experience.

since that day I have not been able to sleep at night, and Its been impossible for me to get up before mid-day.

this is my first post by the way.

[JAQ]

Hi Emma

I too have felt the feelings you are talking about. I went to a hypnotherapist and it evolved that because I was left on my own as a young child, I always feared being alone. The hypnotherapist worked with me to go back to my childhood and to again be the child that was alone. She made me stand next to that young child 'me' as an adult which I am now. I had to hug the child and give her all the protection and support I could.
At the time I didnt think it had made much of a difference but now I know it helped me so much to overcome some of my fears.
Sometimes when I feel anxious and vulnerable now I go back and hug that child and tell them that all is ok. It really helps:)
I hope this doesnt sound to silly but really you need to get to the root of the problem and resolve the issues and you can then start the path to recovery.

good luck and lots of support

JAQ xx

[Worried worrier!]

Hi everyone, i am developing mono-phobia and hoping it will go away.
I always want someone to be around, even though i have two children i always feel the need to talk to someone on the phone or ask someone to come round. I count down the hours until my partner gets home and i hate it when he occasionally goes out to the pub or to the gym, as i get so worked up and my imagination takes over and i become afraid of allsorts!

[Nechtan]

I have this problem too. I'm not sure when it first started but I've had it for at least a year. My wife and kids went away for a week last year and it was torture.

I've become an obsessive clock watcher in these situations. I even go as far as drawing a number of boxes representing hours which I cross out over time. That is not a good idea but I can't help it.

My wife is going away tomorrow and I really am not looking forward to it. She's being coy about how long she'll be gone but I'd imagine at least 3 days so I'm not looking forward to it.

[Caz 47]

i too fear being alone in alot of situations ive read some of your posts on here and they so mirror image my feelings on the subject .. i know we are all alone really but we so depend on others to make us feel better in some areas of our lives .. my major fear is losing my husband i have been married along time to one person from the age of 18 to now 60 years old and it is so frightening and very fearful to know one day i may lose him and be completely alone .. i dont make friends easily as i used to because of the trust factor and being let down in so many cases the biggest factor of being with another human being is trust .... if i let it get ahold of my mind somedays i panic and go into a huge depression then it just stops me enjoying the life i have .. as i am already going through alot of depression it makes matters worse .. i have no brothers or sisters and my daughter lives away from home and dosent do depression very well im afraid .. so it was so lovely to join this forum and read the posts from folk who feel like me to know i am not alone in so many ways in my thinking ... thankyou .

[Tom_M]

I'm the complete opposite, I love being alone. Apart from my close family I feel very uncomfortable being amongst people, and keep well away from them - apart from on the internet. I guess it started out as social phobia but over the years I've got used to living a solitary lifestyle. I'm married with two kids, but the only time they see much of me is at meal times or when they want something doing.

Tom

[Anxious_gal]

Ths is my BIGGEST problem, I feel so unsafe if I'm alone!

[djcat71]

That is my big fear too - especially when i'm having a panic attack and feel like i'm dying!!!

[tigger1964]

i never used to like being on my own, especially if i was having a pa, it terrified me. Now that im feeling a bit better, its not so daunting and if i do pa i go into nmp chat room and get support from the lovely people in there and i dont feel so alone.

[sunshine-lady]

I am very dependent on others (especially hubby) to do most things

[KC]

Dear Emmas - I totally emphasis with your comments - I am currently going through what sounds similar to your problems - I am terrified of being left alone and feel my confidence and any ability to do things alone has left me. These feelings make me feel quite silly and weak and I suffer panic attacks if I cannot reach my husband when I feel I need. I am managing at work (just) but my head is filled constantly with worries of 'when will he ring', 'how can I avoid being alone for any length of time', I can't cope with tasks which would have never bothered me before etc.etc. I think I have reached this state following months of stress and for some reason my confidence has abandoned me. I look at everyone else and think they all seem to manage alone, am I that abnormal I can't? What things have you tried to help yourself and do you have any thoughts about what you may do???

[dbhiggy]

Have hope and use the POEM system (point of exit methodology) Say this poem every time you feel panicky:
Hope is bright shining light which keeps darkness at the bay
Hope is gentle cold breeze on a hot summer day
Hope is to remain positive when going gets tough
hope is seeking more when others think u had enough
What hope means
Hope is dreaming of tommorow
Hope is simmering under sorrow
Hope is sparkles when tears in our eyes
Hope is a beautiful thing & beutiful things never dies
What hope means
Hope is as light as a feather
Hope keeps all of us together
Hope is wondrous, free of cost
hope is the last thing ever lost.....

Try it, it works -- also use the Australian Bush flower remedies www.planta.co.uk (http://www.planta.co.uk) Rescue remedy is also good and you can get that from Boots or any health shop. I take Filisa from Little Herbal and find this really good for dealing with anxiety and stopping panic attacks. It really gets on top of it www.littleherbal-int.com (http://www.littleherbal-int.com)
Be kind to yourself and think about getting help from a healer/counsellor to deal with any underlying/longstanding emotional baggage. There is a terrific lady called Maureen Vasey www.maureenvasey.org.uk (http://www.maureenvasey.org.uk) and you can write to her on her e mail address
Like Skylight says, you can make the change and it's down to you at the end of the day. There's a whole world out there and this is your life so take control. It works for me
Sending love, light and blessings

[PUGLETMUM]

:hugs: hey kc, i have just seen your post, and although i havent re-read the whole thread i can remember that i was struggling with being alone - now im not!!!! so you can and will get better:yesyes: it is a confidence thing i beleive - anxiety and panic rob you of it completely, and unfortunatley the only way through is to face your fears slowly but surely - and since i was posting about this last time i have consistently faced being alone, and i have looked at really why i am afraid to be alone - the conclusion i come to is illustrated by susan jeffers in her book feel the fear and do it anyway - we are so used to listening to the negative chatterbox (you know the constant negative voice we have in our heads?) that we cant cope being alone because it just seems so miserable and depressing to be alone listening to all of this negative rubbish - so the key for me was to get rid of it!!! but it takes constant practice and maintainance - you have to keep being positve!!!! you have to commit to it daily - i have been dependent fopr the last 10 years but slowly and gradually im becoming the person i want to be and it is a brilliant feeling:yahoo: so just bear in mind that if i can do it anyone can , just keep going and be kind to yourself and stop listening to th enegative voice in your head:yesyes:

[looneybee]

i say possibly

[looneybee]

oops pressed the wrong button there!! doh.
i say i am possibly more reliant on others than i realise because when i have anxiety then its always to one of my friends that i turn to for help.

[Kaybee]

I don't like being on my own at night time. Most of the time I can cope quite well on my own, or at least that's what I like to think, but at night or if I'm in the house by myself I do tend to freak out more easily.

I plan on becoming more independant for myself!

[NoPoet]

Human beings are social animals. We're designed to co-operate with each other. Some people prefer their own company, but most of us need others around us at least some of the time.

Emmas, everything you said in your post is how I feel! You just have to go out and do it. I'm meeting my mate for lunch and I'm freaking a bit cos I'm anxious and I haven't got much appetite lately, but I'm still going to go.

It helps to have more than one special person. For example, if you're got a partner or best friend, it helps to also spend time with your family and other friends. You can always come here and vent if you need to. We'll look out for you. :)

[lenore]

I don't like being on my own at night time. Most of the time I can cope quite well on my own, or at least that's what I like to think, but at night or if I'm in the house by myself I do tend to freak out more easily.

I plan on becoming more independant for myself!

That's exactly how I feel-night time is a very bad time for me to be alone. But, I'm getting there!

[angel 2]

Fear of being alone in the future is crippling my happiness and sanity now. It's stupid but my thoughts are destroying me. 'What would I do if my husband died and I had to live on my own' I couldn't do it I would give up. All these thoughts then bring on my panic attacks. Why am I doing it to myself it's torture. I think beause we're getting older I don't know. I have a lovely family. 3 grown up children 3 grandaughters 1 on the way and I'm a trembling wreck. I never used to be like this

[friendly chap]

hi all. first post here.

i cant walk home from my girlfriend at night cause the streets are empty :S
i hate being alone :(. what can i do?

[madelaine]

ive seen a cbt therapist of the fear of being alone which i yhink comes from losin both my parents very suddenley its called monophobia not as bad as i used to be ma boyfriend may tell u different lol ;-]

[magpie girl]

I hate being alone,just thinking about it has me in knots,however my boyfriend has started to go fishing a few times a week and i went shopping alone last week !!!!! i was so impressed with myself but i did clock watch untill he was home.

[scared27f]

i dont know wether this is the write place to add my say but ill add it as its on my mind.

as i write this tears are streaming down my face(i dont want u to feel pity for me thou)

ive just realized how much i really need my mum and dad. i was bullied for years in school for been quiet and ugly. then in work for my love of makeup. i think been bullied in school turned me into been obsessed with make up . anyway . meta guy wen i was 19 years of age got pregnant very soon after. he stuck around for five years but then turned into a womanizer again becoz of my looks .... i had put on weight after the baby and couldnt shift it ... which made me worse anyay soon after i ditched him... for five years after i didnt date and became quiet heavy on the drinking on weekends wen my baby was away at his dads.... inbetween all this i left my job as i couldnt cope with the bullies and started a new job .. were the girls were nice and i made a new friend which is gone bk to her own country.. anyway 5 months passed and i got a call from head office they had to letme go. i was devestated i cried for days id never been unemployed and had a young child to support thats wen i got my first extreme panick attack ii thought my head and heart were going to explode id never experienced that in my life.. since then ive had severl and each 1 different. now my mum and dads away and im left to my own thoughts its unbearable why is a healthy 27 female so afraid to be without her mum n dad

[jill]

Hi all :D:hugs:

There are many, many reason why we have the fear of being alone, knowing and understanding the cause can be soo dame hard.

My daughter is having her 3rd blip regarding panic, anxiety, her first panic bout was at just age 3 years. She is 15 now and IS recovering from this 3rd blip, its not been easy for her or the family.

This time around she did not want to be left alone, NOT at all, fine, going to bed alone but as for being in the house or going out on her own was dame hard for her. My daughter and I have worked dame hard on this with exposure therapy, NOT done by a therapist but with just me and her, little baby steps. I am sooo proud of her after all, SHE has done all the hard work, I am one proud mum, I know how dame hard this emotional illness can be.

The reason for her not wanting to be left on her own was because of panic, she did not want to be on her own if she had a pa, SO, doing the exposure little by little proving to her each time she achieved her small goals that she would not panic, this has helped sooooo much, we still have other things to work on but as for being on her own, she is fine now, I can go to work, without having to bring someone in to sit with her :yesyes:

I had people say to me "someone must have scared her" NOW, this is true in one point in her life, out and about in town with friends an inserdent happend, BUT, as for staying on her own at home, NO. As you all know, when acute with panic, anxiety is soooo scary when you don't understand whats going on.The first port of call when it first happend was to tell her "ITS OK, for now, ITS FINE, so you can't stay on your own, thats ok, we WILL work this out, so, FOR NOW, I will make sure your not alone and went on from there. I do know that the quilt and the negative emotional feelings that go along with fear of being alone, can feed the anxiety.

I know how dame hard this fear is for you all,:hugs: an my heart goes out to each and everyone of you :hugs: but please, don't be to hard on yourselves.

We all may have the same symptoms, but whats keeping it there is different for us all,

I do hope that each and everyone of you can work through this fear of being alone, ITS DAME HARD, but not impossible,

TAKE CARE ALL :hugs:

LOVE JILL XXX

[PUGLETMUM]

i havent been on here for a while so its only now im replying to this thread - im sorry for anyone who is experiencing this - apart from ocd this fear was by far the worst. im so pleased you and your daughter are dealing well with her fear jill - keep it up -i want to say after a break form nmp for a while that i know from what ive read monophobia can be part of agoraphobia no matte rwhat your circumstances - i mean whether you have family or not and whether the ppl in your life are supportive or not - my situation is i have few ppl in my life i feel okay with - i mean like i feel they care - since my mum dies and we have no dad, we have had to care dfor ourselves and that seems to have left my sisters with no ability to care for me - or myabe thats natural, and becasue i had a very close relationship with my mum i just miss her more?

anyway i do have ahusband and he has a mum and dad wwho have helped - but i found that when i got better from agoraphobia and all the other fears and phobias my husband and his parents werent as happy for me as id have imagined they would be.

so i have finally had to support myself and by doing this i have got better - i have days whe im still wracked with anxiety and loneliness and worry about my life and future - but the difference between now and the past 10 years is that im not negative with myself - and it has made a huge difference in my life - just dont be hard on yourself for feeling bad or low - its okay to feel like that and it will pass - there is no rule that says you have to be okay and happy and functioning well all the time. i just know that i get better and better, and its because i broke the habit of beating myself up - so this has given my confidence to tackle issues like panicking while alone - now i can panic alone and be okay! so please know you can get better, but i feel that beating negativity towrds yourself is crucial to recovery - if i hadnt started to care about myself i dont think i would have got better - bottomline

[108]

one thing to remember guys, all FEAR is, False Evidence Appearing Real...you have just made this one more powerful in your thoughts about it...

reason I am saying this is because, no matter how concrete you think this fear is, in reality, its not solid at all...its a paper tiger...and the key to overcoming it, is to let yourself gradually experience it...

What is "alone" without your anxiety wrapped around it? Just "alone", nothing more, nothing less...not good, nor bad, nothing fearful, just is...

[hollygirl]

This thread is interesting to me. I have just really developed this fear in last few weeks - never had it before now. My mum is away on holiday and my husband is back at work on Tuesday and I am beating myself up about it because I am so so scared of being in the house on my own. I fear I will lose it or panic so bad wont be able to breath. Never felt like this before and it is freaking me out.

I know that I have to face it though because if not then I cant even feel safe at home.

It helps to know that other people have this fear too. Mine came about after some exposure therapy - my therapist thinks it triggered a PTSD reaction from childhood. And to be honest that is how I feel like a little child who does not want to be left alone!

I think I might paint my windowsills on Tuesday - if I dont keep busy I will go mad.

[PUGLETMUM]

:yesyes: i agree with you both 108 and hollygirl - fear of these things is false, definately, but when it becomes a disorder you need a bit more help to realise this and to get over it?

and i think the best thing you can possibly do for yourself is to face it - im sure you will be very worried before he goes to work and maybe for a while a tfirst but without a doubt if you do nothing but put up with the symptoms of panic, eventually it will go on its own, you will feel shaky , but you will see that you can deal with it alone - its only started recently so try very very hard not to let it dominate your life, if you let it it will take over. youve never been bothered by it before, so like you say just carry on as normal? ive found playing computer games very helpful in really anxious times, it just stops you from focussing too much on how you feel and gives you chance to get some perspective - take care, you can do it! emma

[hollygirl]

Hey Emma,

You are right I need to face it. tomorrow is the big day and I am a wreck. My sister says I can go and stay with her for a couple of days and I am in two minds because that will just be putting it off!

My therapist says use support but also make sure I have some time alone - hard to do in a way because for me it will either be nine hours alone while hubby at work or a whole day at my sisters.

My mum gets back next week and she lives around the corner from me but is very active and always doing stuff so then I suppose I can be exposed to it graudually - as in maybe spending a few hours with my mum to break the day up but spending time alone too till it becomes nothing again. This whole thing has shown me how your emotions can come out of nowhere and then suddenly bang - there is something that freaks you out that a week before did not! So strange.

Holly,x

[Wee-Mee]

Oh..this is a big big fear of mine.

I am so dependant on others it is rediculous :weep:

I feel like if everyone that I love just vanished I literally would just die on the spot like,I wouldn't know how to fend for myself..infact I DON'T know how to fend for myself.

:weep: This is a big big issue that I am trying to deal with with my cbt therpapist but I have bpd also which doesn't help at all :weep:

[C-47]

I haven't been here in months but suddenly Im really depressed and lonely. I met a girl 6 months ago in a chatroom and we fell in love even though we have never met. It would be another 2 yrs before we could be in the same country and live closer. Things were going so well and we had so much in common. We both wanted the same things and knew we would be perfect together. Suddenly she told me last nigth that the connection was gone between us and she didnt love me like that anymore. It was so horrible and I felt so numb. I started to get suicidal tendancies again and they are soooo painful now. I've never been in a relationship before and I thought this would be my first and last one. I wanted to spend my life with her. She was really upset and sorry about the whole thing. I feel so lonely, I thought I found someone who understood me and accepted me for who I am but it feels like that will never ever happen. I feel as if I will always be lonely and never have anything nice to look forward to in the future. :weep: