View Full Version : If Acceptance is the answer, I'm feeling hopeless
Both my psychologist and the books I've been reading say acceptance is the cure. That I have to feel the symptoms/feel the fear and stay where I am if GAD is ever going to stop ruling my day.
So with that advice I set out. I drove 10 minutes to the library. On the drive there I felt OK. It's amazing that despite having anxiety I am still a conscientious safe driver. If anxiety was affecting my driving I definitely would be doing the safe thing and staying off the road.
As I walked from the car park to the library, I started feeling abit light headed and then came the "what if you faint?!" thought. I brushed it aside with "even if I do faint inside there are people around and it's not a big deal." Good. I went into the library.
As I am wandering around I realize I can't look for books, I'm way too inward focused, I feel like my head is swimming, I feel weak and then came the thoughts that it's not anxiety, it's medical, I'm not safe, all these thoughts that make it impossible for me to accept I'm just feeling anxiety and I have to pass through it.
I grabbed some books and got out of there. I had NOT accepted. I had feared the symptoms and doubted their cause and wanted to get home before "something" happened. I was once again able to drive home SAFELY.
How the hell does one accept its just anxiety when you feel so terrible and your surroundings seem so threatening? It doesn't matter how many times I feel these sensations, THIS TIME it's not anxiety and that prevents acceptance or staying put.
And once again I'm back at home terrified to move. My only success was that I stayed long enough to get some books about CBT. But how do you, personally, accept!? Especially when you still entertain thoughts that it's not just anxiety?
Chocolateface
01-03-16, 02:11
In all honesty I have no idea if I did I would never feel the way I do. I think you were incredibly brave to overcome the thought that you would faint and you managed to keep going so tell yourself that until you believe it. Please be kind to yourself.
Hi Ditapage,
I do think acceptance is really important in managing any kind of anxiety, but sadly like you I haven't managed it yet.
I've tried CBT unsuccessfully in the past and my main problem with it was the exposure part of the therapy. I was told it was essential that I accept being in an unpleasant situation rather than simply tolerating it, but I do feel a real danger in these situations so I found it impossible. I mainly have social anxiety and worry about making a fool of myself or fainting. I have fainted several times in the past and its been really embarrassing and awkward, so I know it is a real possibility. I know it's due to the anxiety, but that doesn't help prevent it happening.
Having said this, I do think it's important not to give up. I just hope that the more I do stuff I feel uncomfortable with, the easier it will become. Easier said than done though I know. You did do really well to brush aside your fainting worry though, so you should view that as a success in itself. Any steps in the right direction are something you should feel good about x
cymraig_chris
01-03-16, 09:49
What are you trying to accept?
1) A terrifying anxiety entity which is infecting your life.
2) 100% safe anxiety feelings which have absolutely no consequence, a collection of safe physical changes which cant do anything to you, could never do anything to you and will never do anything to you.
?
Think about it, as it is 100% safe, it doesnt actually matter if you accept or your resist, because neither action results in a physically or mentally detrimental consequence.
MyNameIsTerry
01-03-16, 09:58
My understanding of exposure is that you tolerate it until it decreases naturally because it can't stay at fever pitch forever. So, if I was going to the supermarket I would just have to accept how I felt at that time because running from it won't help at all in the long run. This is easier though as I could stay in there hours and anxiety levels decrease after a certain amount of time. (they increase & decrease then at lower levels over time)
It depends on the exposure. Some are harder to create an exercise for than others, especially if it's a short time exposure.
Resisting anxiety as in fighting it, means concentrating on how awful it is making you feel and you just keep feeding a negative with a negative. Anyone who has resisted intrusive thoughts will know how that doesn't work. Challenging it is productive, you do it with positive/neutral as seen in CBT in techniques such as Thought Records. Otherwise, acceptance is a good strategy but learning to accept is the key problem.
What I have found is acceptance is always just words in a book. This doesn't translate into the scenario for me. This is why I prefer Mindfulness because acceptance is one of it's teachings but you need to practice specific exercises to lean how to apply it. For me, this is better than a book saying 'accept the symptoms' because I just can't do that...it's just words and I'm thinking 'so, show me how to do it!!!' Mindfulness does this.
I am currently battling this myself and also wonder how the acceptance works when it scares the hell out of you. It's like saying; ok, "I accept feeling really bad and petrified and being ok with it"? :scared15:
Good topic Ditapage for discussion.
MyNameIsTerry
01-03-16, 10:11
I see it as a "tool in the toolbox", Carnation. Some people see it as the main thing. For me, a combination strategy makes more sense. Acceptance doesn't make me challenge situations without structure. I guess it depends on your situation. Some people have real challenges other than anxiety to learn to handle. Some have root causes to anxiety that are organic. No amount of acceptance will resolve an organic root cause, it will help you manage it...but why do that when you can remove the root cause? (meds, certain physical conditions, etc)
I wonder whether we will see therapies such as ACT overtake CBT in the future? However over here it's still all CBT despite the fact ACT is really a "third generation" form of Cognitive Therapy.
HeadInAJar
01-03-16, 10:30
B
How the hell does one accept its just anxiety when you feel so terrible and your surroundings seem so threatening?
You did incredibly well but I am sure if you read back through your post you can see where it all seemed to go wrong. Sometimes, having to accept thing after thing gets harder and harder, until you end up cracking and rushing away. If you'd only had to accept that first "what if", it might have gone more smoothly. Who knows :).
As far as how you accept its just anxiety when things feel so scary, it boils down to having to just risk it until enough time passes and you can look back and see that it went okay. Easier said than done of course. I believe acceptance is the key too and over time with small "victories", you can get a taste of the truth in that :).
Is it not the memory that holds the secret here?
I had 5 panic attacks at the same place and certain places bring them on?
How do you change the memory if it is already there and there are reoccurring attacks?
I have to visit my Mum regularly and every time I go, I feel terrible, but I still face it and the feeling is still there; even if I try to change my train of thought. :shrug:
I struggle with this too. I've lived my life accepting anxiety when anxiety happens naturally and normally, e.g. brought on by certain situation like having to do a presentation, having a job interview, that kind of thing. That's fine, I can accept that anxiety will happen in those situations. And I've dealt with them.
But when you're anxious all the time, and you can't see an end to the anxiety, even doing the most basic tasks become crippling.
Here I am right now sat at my computer feeling anxious as hell. I'm riding it out, but I don't want to be in it. I want some relief. I know if I get relief I can function. The anxiety is making me so depressed I often see that there is no hope. And today, for the first time really in this 4 month episode, I feel agoraphobic. I've never had to admit this before. I need to go an buy some food for lunch, but I'm too frightened to leave my flat.
Apparently, this is all down to feeling worse from starting antidepressants, but how can I get through this period of being in a state where waves of panic come over me every 5 minutes?
I know Wantpeace. I have brain fog today, so my body is on alert.
they say not to fight it, but if you don't fight it, you can't go out???
I find distraction works best for me. If I am walking I start to think of breeds of dogs and things like that and I try to focus on my surroundings and try to reassure myself that it is anxiety and I will be ok. x
I need to go an buy some food for lunch, but I'm too frightened to leave my flat.
Well, I just left my flat, drove to the supermarket and picked up some "healthy" ready meals. I didn't feel any worse than I do right now, but I felt no better either. I suppose I'd feel worse if I hadn't done it.
It's just riling to know about all the things I have accomplished in my life, and now I'm struggling to go 1 mile down he road to the local supermarket. That said, whilst I'm as ill as I am, I should be proud of these tiny accomplishments I guess.
Brilliant Wantpeace. :yesyes:
My Therapist tells me it is just 'FEAR', a very powerful feeling though.
I am not a weak person, but this is the hardest thing I have had to deal with and I have been through some very testing and painful situations.
The way I see it...you need to go the library a lot of times to get used to it. When you start to get used to, then get bored of the library, you will lose your symptoms. Acceptance will be easier if you do it again. The first time, the anxiety beats the rational thoughts to the line, but the second time, you have the advantage of experience. Perhaps you should go to the library every day this week!
Also, try to notice your anxiety in the context of the environment and how insignificant it is compared to what's going on around. Have a good look round and take your surroundings in and feel the fear as just bodily feelings, going on in between your ears in this big room.
Don't expect the anxiety to not feel horrible - that's a confusing thing with acceptance. We think that if we accept it, it will stop feeling horrible. Fear is scary - it feels scary because it's fear and it's suppose to feel like that to make you scared of the tigers and predators that once existed. It can help to examine your fear feelings in a relaxed place and see them as just bodily sensations. Maybe do this more than once, focusing on the churny stomach and sweaty hands, make them just seem like normal things. Then next time hopefully the fear of the symptoms won't add to the fear of the fear.
Good info PanchoGoz. :yesyes:
I am going to try that with the shop that panics me like crazy.
---------- Post added at 18:02 ---------- Previous post was at 14:53 ----------
Wantpeace, I have just been out and felt exactly the same.
I think the feeling is already inside us and the 'going out' just makes it a further difficult task. I've just broke down in tears, because I just don't know what to do anymore. Whatever I do, just doesn't work. I'm not a defeatist, but it is so exhausting!
From what I've read yes you did right in going but what you did wring was rushing away your anxiety got what it wanted and won, you said you felt like fainting but you didn't that's the anxiety telling you, look at it like this so what if you fainted there's people there which would help, but you didn't as you say you got away next time try sitting in the library let the thoughts come don't pay them any attention and see what happens once you break that cycle it will become easier, I know how it feels but if you had sat there and read abit of your book then left you would have felt alot better and seen that they was just thoughts, so what if you faint I very much doubt you would has that is what your anxiety is telling you but you need to say hey I'm sitting here and reading abit and don't react to those thoughts they will pass
'Both my psychologist and the books I've been reading say acceptance is the cure'
Acceptance is important, but only when you truly understand what you are accepting. Accepting something you don't understand, can be counter productive.
Don't confuse the word feel with focus, to feel something doesn't necessarily mean to understand it, sometimes we feel unexplainable emotions aside from Anxiety, but accepting them without understanding them doesn't necessarily do us any good.
Focus on the feeling, rather than accept it or feel it, know that it 'IS JUST A FEELING' and the thoughts that come associated with it dont hold evidence to support they are true, see it like this.
Imagine a tree with many branches, and each of those branches are a worry or anxiety, yet the bark and root of the tree is the emotion, the feeling of fear and the feeling of being anxious.
Now if we focus on removing, trimming or cutting down the branches, yes this may give us a somewhat temporary resolve, but the branches will grow back.
But what if we cut the root of the tree, the tree no longer exists, the root here is the 'EMOTION', or the 'FEELING'... REGARDLESS, and I stress that word REGARDLESS, of what your anxieties are, your worry's, your concerns, you REMOVE the bark, the root of the tree, EVERYTHING else goes away.
Why? Because ANXIETY is not real other than the emotion, the worry's are false, the concerns are false, the 'thoughts' hold no evidence, yes this is easy to say, but lets back it up with science, with evidence, with a short neurological lesson.
People with anxiety process information differently from those without, when your brain processes information correctly, it is sent though something known as the 'NEOCORTEX', this is the logical processing department so to say of the brain, when we experience a 'fearful situation', lets say evolution has taught us when seeing something like a Lion, or a snake or a black widow, we sent this information directly and QUICKLY to the AMYGDALA, the emotional side of the brain and, to save our lives, this information is presented and associated with INTENSE FEAR, because if it wasn't, we would have never survived.
What's happening to you, and people with GAD, is that simple thoughts and what we call 'irrational fears', are simply being processed by the WRONG DEPARTMENT in the brain (in easy terms) and... and I stress this highly... IF you was processing information through the NEOCORTEX first, you wouldn't have anxiety issues.
So, what can we take from this right off the bat?
Well number one ALL OF YOUR ANXIETIES NO MATTER WHAT are not crazy or stupid, in fact, they are perfectly reasonable and explainable when we look at how the brain works.
2. THERE IS, AND ALWAYS WILL BE, A CURE AND A WAY OUT. Because we already know the solution, we need to process information differently.
So my first advice would be try to not focus on the thought, or the BRANCHES of the tree, but only focus on the feeling, and dont associate it with anything, REGARDLESS of the worry, the feeling is the only thing that is real, and once that feeling is removed, ALL of your anxieties dissapear, which in itself proves that they were never true and real.
I hope this helps.
I'm happy I was able to open up this conversation... I think I assume everyone is out there cured and coping but I know that's far from reality. Much like 99% of my thoughts, really!
My understanding of exposure is that you tolerate it until it decreases naturally because it can't stay at fever pitch forever.
That's what I have the problem with. It decreases but then it just keeps building to the point my what if thoughts are out of control. Rather than accepting I feel awful, I just keep fighting it and i'm not OK until I'm out of there. I have ridden it out before in a store, but it just came back until I was in my car going home. It takes so much mental power to reason that its just anxiety and let the sensations rage on.
Maybe my mistake is also in checking to see if the anxiety is still there. I still have a long way to go towards accepting that fear of the sensations is why I feel them and my thoughts are fuelling the panic that comes and goes in waves. e,g I "accept" the lightheadedness (you've had blood tests, scans, felt this way for 6 years, been here before, if I can drive a car here feeling fine but not stand in a library its not my body, its my mind) then I bend down to get a book, I get a head rush, feel the panic rising and quickly my thoughts are now (blood tests don't diagnose MS, seizure, what if this time you're really sick, maybe I should get help, I have to get out of here)
I have to visit my Mum regularly and every time I go, I feel terrible, but I still face it and the feeling is still there; even if I try to change my train of thought. :shrug:
I totally understand... I think twice about visiting my friend because I panic every time. I'll still go, but with great difficulty. I guess we are not defeated because we still face it rather than avoid it, but do you ever get massive fatigue just contemplating going because you know how much mental energy it requires? (not to mention physical, because of the tension, but I have always overlooked that... I wonder why i'm so tired physically... because I haven't done anything to be tired... but I think we forget how tense we are and how much adrenaline is being leaked into our system before we even get into the situation that makes us anxious. My friend is a 10 minute drive away but it may as well be 10 hours when I look ahead and think of how I will feel at each point on that drive. I only have to be 2 minutes into that drive and anxiety has convinced me with lighthadedness, blurred vision, and any combination of 1000 other sensation that i'm not going to make it. I imagine your commute is something similar?
when you're anxious all the time, and you can't see an end to the anxiety, even doing the most basic tasks become crippling.
Here I am right now sat at my computer feeling anxious as hell. I'm riding it out, but I don't want to be in it. I want some relief. I know if I get relief I can function. The anxiety is making me so depressed I often see that there is no hope. And today, for the first time really in this 4 month episode, I feel agoraphobic. I've never had to admit this before. I need to go an buy some food for lunch, but I'm too frightened to leave my flat.
Apparently, this is all down to feeling worse from starting antidepressants, but how can I get through this period of being in a state where waves of panic come over me every 5 minutes?
I relate to every word... basic tasks have become crippling. I'm here with a tight throat and weird feelings in my face and made plans to do something today but i'm convinced I cant leave my house. And even if I do its all done in such a rush. I'm so tired of thinking "I'll go to this place, park my car here, run in, run out, come home" none of that thinking factors in what if there's no car park, what if you get stuck in traffic, what if you have to wait in a queue? which leaves the door open to panic.
I do everything in a rush thinking i'm going to beat panic. That it wont show up if I'm quick. Meanwhile nothing gets done. I know your situation, sitting there knowing you've got to go out and buy food or something. That's when I will start feeling something somewhere in my body or I will feel tired and tell myself I cant risk going out, what if something happens... I'm so over this!!
Well done on going out:yahoo: I have to laugh... nobody would use that reaction to the news somebody went and bought lunch, but for us that's exactly how it feels! I guess we are blessed in a way... there is no mundane task for us, we are just ecstatic we could do it!
I will tell you a funny story...
A month ago I was parked in an underground car park and after I finished shopping, rather than walk a longer way back to the car thinking I will panic, faint, the works, I took the short cut back to the car park and in the process I was hit on the head by the parking boomgate:scared15: Now that was not a "what if" I had ever thought about! It COULD have knocked me unconscious, or killed me if it moved with more speed and hit with greater force. Much worse than a panic attack! It taught me a lesson: while trying to run from panic and avoid imaginary danger, I could have been killed. I called an ambulance and got checked out... all was well, but I think the universe was trying to teach me something. I'm so grateful to God nothing worse happened. Point being: a blow to the head can kill, anxiety cannot. It also reminded me that a thousand "what ifs" were in my head on that shopping trip but not one of them was a boomgate falling on my head! A big sign in the area says "NO PEDESTRIANS" and yet I ignored that to avoid a panic attack that cant do anything to me. Really, it taught me so much about irrational thinking and actions.
I guess the answer is keep going into those difficult situations. It just seems that whenever I have told myself "NOTHING EVER HAPPENED BEFORE" theres that "BUT WHAT IF IT WILL THIS TIME?" thought and once that's there the symptoms become unbearable.
How do you tell WHAT IF to shut the hell up so more adrenaline and that rotten sense of urgency (I need an ambulance!) doesn't take over? I like your advice a lot Panchogaz but I feel powerless to stop adding fear to fear. I don't know how to accept its just anxiety. I want to keep running to the GP for tests and tests and tests and I don't know how to break the cycle of Symptom - fear - what if - call GP!
garyR, I don't know where you have sprung from because this is your first post, but what an excellent piece of writing and I have today put in to practice exactly what you have explained and it worked!!!!!!!
It's the first time I have been to my Mums and have managed to get through the day without feeling dreadful all of the time. I felt the symptoms coming, I felt them and accepted them and they went. And I have to add that it was a very trying day, because we had a bad storm, 2 hours driving, my Mum was in a state when I got there and I had to clear up the house, get her shopping, go tot the bank and battle with the wind and the rain and I felt ok. :yesyes:
I am not going to say that I won't have bad days/times, but today was a great achievement for me. But today I imagined myself as that tree with it's branches.....
'Both my psychologist and the books I've been reading say acceptance is the cure'
Acceptance is important, but only when you truly understand what you are accepting. Accepting something you don't understand, can be counter productive.
Don't confuse the word feel with focus, to feel something doesn't necessarily mean to understand it, sometimes we feel unexplainable emotions aside from Anxiety, but accepting them without understanding them doesn't necessarily do us any good.
Focus on the feeling, rather than accept it or feel it, know that it 'IS JUST A FEELING' and the thoughts that come associated with it dont hold evidence to support they are true, see it like this.
Imagine a tree with many branches, and each of those branches are a worry or anxiety, yet the bark and root of the tree is the emotion, the feeling of fear and the feeling of being anxious.
Now if we focus on removing, trimming or cutting down the branches, yes this may give us a somewhat temporary resolve, but the branches will grow back.
But what if we cut the root of the tree, the tree no longer exists, the root here is the 'EMOTION', or the 'FEELING'... REGARDLESS, and I stress that word REGARDLESS, of what your anxieties are, your worry's, your concerns, you REMOVE the bark, the root of the tree, EVERYTHING else goes away.
Why? Because ANXIETY is not real other than the emotion, the worry's are false, the concerns are false, the 'thoughts' hold no evidence, yes this is easy to say, but lets back it up with science, with evidence, with a short neurological lesson.
People with anxiety process information differently from those without, when your brain processes information correctly, it is sent though something known as the 'NEOCORTEX', this is the logical processing department so to say of the brain, when we experience a 'fearful situation', lets say evolution has taught us when seeing something like a Lion, or a snake or a black widow, we sent this information directly and QUICKLY to the AMYGDALA, the emotional side of the brain and, to save our lives, this information is presented and associated with INTENSE FEAR, because if it wasn't, we would have never survived.
What's happening to you, and people with GAD, is that simple thoughts and what we call 'irrational fears', are simply being processed by the WRONG DEPARTMENT in the brain (in easy terms) and... and I stress this highly... IF you was processing information through the NEOCORTEX first, you wouldn't have anxiety issues.
So, what can we take from this right off the bat?
Well number one ALL OF YOUR ANXIETIES NO MATTER WHAT are not crazy or stupid, in fact, they are perfectly reasonable and explainable when we look at how the brain works.
2. THERE IS, AND ALWAYS WILL BE, A CURE AND A WAY OUT. Because we already know the solution, we need to process information differently.
So my first advice would be try to not focus on the thought, or the BRANCHES of the tree, but only focus on the feeling, and dont associate it with anything, REGARDLESS of the worry, the feeling is the only thing that is real, and once that feeling is removed, ALL of your anxieties dissapear, which in itself proves that they were never true and real.
I hope this helps.
Diatpage, I am glad you opened up this conversation too. :)
I too had been fighting and pushing. It has been wrong to do that. It's controlling your thoughts and not putting panic on to panic. It will take time to do this, but today I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. Don't give up, it can be done.
Don't tell it to shut up and go away, say, "hello, you are a feeling/symptom, but I don't have to fear you". :)
What an insightful post by Gary, thank you so much for writing that! It makes a lot of sense to me. :hugs:
MyNameIsTerry
03-03-16, 09:53
Is it not the memory that holds the secret here?
I had 5 panic attacks at the same place and certain places bring them on?
How do you change the memory if it is already there and there are reoccurring attacks?
I have to visit my Mum regularly and every time I go, I feel terrible, but I still face it and the feeling is still there; even if I try to change my train of thought. :shrug:
Yes, memory is involved hence why we have situational anxiety/panic issues. If you can retrain yourself to be ok during those same situations you will see how this new thinking in that situation takes over. The old is mothballed along with what was attached to it.
The problem is getting to that stage. Along the way you find things can be fraught with negatives until you cross a certain threshold where they float away instinctively. Up until then you are decreasing the negatives but it takes a while and the reason for this is that negatives are more powerful than positive/neutral. There are psychology articles explaining why this is.
So, as Pancho said, it takes repetition. The subconscious first needs to start learning a belief about the situation and then that belief needs to take over until the subconscious stops bothering with the old one. But like we always say, it's about healthy behaviours too because those old patterns can come back and the healthy ones get mothballed which is how we tend to dig ourselves in deeper with negatives like avoidance.
Great post from Gary. The tree metaphor is very similar to the Vicious Flower and Core Beliefs visual tools.
I read somewhere that it can take up to 5 positives to replace a negative?
So, would it be case if one of your negative place is say, the Library, that you would think of examples like this;
1. I want/need to go, so that I can get some books that will benefit me.
2. I will benefit by This is not a noisy/crowded venue, so I can feel safe.
3. There are nice people there.
4. This is a relaxing place where I can even sit and peruse the books.
5. It will make me feel good and I will achieved something.
I apply this sort of method when going on holiday.
If we combine this method with Gary's and remind ourselves that they are just feelings and not relate the feelings to anything and overthink how bad we are, we may seem some peace in ourselves??
Yes I've heard something like that when replacing mistakes in piano practise! Looking at it a different way, say you have two negative trips to the library, the next ten would have to be positive to replace that negative association completely...obtainable in under a fortnight then!
That's not to say the next two or three trips won't see an improvement in anxiety though!
Gary's one post has left a mark on me. In my signature. Gary, the one post wonder! :yesyes:
I've been so encouraged by this thread and all the valuable advice. Sufferers know better than the "experts" we pay sometimes to help us. I feel empowered by everyone's advice, particularly the 5 positives to replace the negative.
Since the library I had a pretty good week. I forced myself out everyday and dealt with more ease with the uncomfortable sensations. That's one thing I wanted to share most: by thinking of the sensations as "uncomfortable" they lost some of their power to provoke a feeling of doom or a medical emergency situation.
So my thought went from:
"I feel faint, OMG what If I pass out and have some terrible undiagnosed illness!"
To:
"I feel faint. I don't like the feeling. But anxiety has made me this way thousands of times before and nothing came of it. There's a very high chance nothing will come of it this time either." Then I immediately focused on something in the area. For example if I was walking back to my car along the street I focused on the colors of graffiti on a wall and not on getting back to the car in an anxious rush.
That made SO much difference. Maybe it's a form of accepting. The feeling passed a lot quicker than usual and enabled me to stay where I was.
Then there's also the apathy approach. So much of my anxiety is what if thinking. That gives it the most fuel to keep it running. Apathy (ie "go on, faint. Get on with it) unmasked the beast and fear doesn't like being confronted. It needs the what if thinking to keep it powerful. I was in my car and literally screamed "NO. Not today." And it sounds nutty but it worked.
Also I look at my trips as practice. Every time I go back to the library, I expect memory to bring back the lightheadedness, and weird feelings. But it doesn't matter if I have to run away from it 500 times before i stay. The success is in even going in the first place. I'm taking away the rush in my mind ie "go in, be quick, before panic can overwhelm you and get out" I feel going in and on and in and out is going to lead to boredom from the repitition. Because running away and staying away/avoiding just reinforces to my brain that the library is a threat, because of the sensations it provokes. That has never worked and has made my city very small, because of all the places I won't go because of darn memory.
That's great news Ditapage; PROGRESS! :)
I too have had a better week. :)
It's the first time I have had a session with my Therapist and not felt dreadful.
I t's also the first time in ages that I felt more comfortable with being at my Mum's house.
It's been the first week in ages that I have not walked around the house without clutching on to stuff, because I think I am going to faint.
It's not been all plain sailing, but I can see improvement and I am not avoiding any scary zones, I am facing them. Avoidance does not help, it feeds the anxiety more.
To change the thought process like you say Ditapage is a great tool.
'It's just a feeling!'. Don't let it be anymore. Acknowledge it, accept it and don't overthink it. If you have trouble with shutting off the mind, then use 'Mindfulness' to focus on your surroundings. Remind yourself of your good progress and ANY positives you can think of. Tell yourself that you had a good day today, so you can be reassured that there will be more good days. :hugs:
HeadInAJar
05-03-16, 19:16
Also I look at my trips as practice.
Very sensible. You can't fail at practice as however it goes, you are practicing and you know you need to keep trying. Testing yourself sets up a failure/success pressure which is an added strain an anixety sufferer really doesnt need :)
Thanks HeadinaJar, your post is a boost of morning motivation.
Awesome to read about your week, Carnation. Its one thing to be happy with my own progress but I always like reading that other people are doing great and this beast we live with isn't getting the upper hand. It's so encouraging.
I've spent so long obsessing that nobody knows what it's like to walk around at home even, in our "safe place" feeling faint. As much as I hate hearing others have to suffer as well its a relief to be reminded that I'm not having some unique rare experience.
All that said, Saturday (yesterday) I couldn't go anywhere. It's so frustrating. I'm not trying to see it as a setback, who says we have to go out every day? That's just an expectation I'm putting on myself, because I'm worried that if I go one day without getting out, it's wasted progress.
I hate going to bed excited about the next day and having a plan to go out then waking up and all the get up and go is gone, and I feel anxious again.
But I agree, Carnation. We can use the memories of the good days we've had (why do we so easily cling to the bad memories instead!?) where we did it, we faced, we felt bad and accepted it and use that as motivation. Do you wake up in the morning feeling refreshed or groggy? I feel really groggy and it makes me anxious. I don't know if there's an actual reason for the groggy feeling or if it's just memory of every other morning I wake up like this and/or anticipatory anxiety about a new day.
Anyone else?
Shazamataz
06-03-16, 05:28
Thanks for this thread Dita,
I too am battling and need to find ways to overcome it. My anxiety symptoms have changed a bit over time and, while a week or so ago I was doing a bit better, I had to resign from my job (have been off on leave since mid october and have no leave left) as my physical health is not doing so great either, and this has set my anxiety and insomnia off to a whole new level.
The sensations are overwhelming and new. I used to just get the churning insides, need to pee and poop, get hot and a bit shakey. Now I feel at times I can barely walk, jelly legs, shoulders and neck so tight and stiff I feel like my head's going to explode, really blurred vision. I haven't been able to leave the house on my own for 5 days and today I couldn't manage it at all, despite my brother having stayed the night and was here to take my dogs out with me this morning.
I actually HAVE been ill, so am finding it difficult to say 'this feeling is just anxiety and there is nothing actually wrong' because I feel like there IS something wrong.
I think I recall you, Dita, being on Diazepam and weaning off?
I managed a couple of weeks ago to get down to 2mg a day and was quite pleased with myself. I resorted to upping it a wee bit again, back to 4 or 5 and today I took 8 mg and it did NOTHING and I feel worse than ever. I have a fear the medication is actually making things worse but it's the only tool I have at present.
I have somewhat accepted that for now I can't work.; I have the support of my brother here and another out of town who have offered to top me up financially from govt assistance so the dogs and I are okay BUT it's getting pretty bad when I can't even get in the car and take my dogs to the beach.
I think there is some forcing involved. Like 'I'm just going to do this', but sometimes the anxiety is too overpowering and the will too weak, especially when exhausted.
I'm glad you are making progress and look forward to following your thread.
S
I honestly can't see how this is a failure :) . You drive to the library went in, got some books out and drove home. Well done you :)
'Plans' and 'Anxiety' just doesn't mix well. :scared15:
I always find the run up to a trip or event the worst. I can obsess for weeks and always overthink the worse scenario. I now don't put myself under any pressure. I have the attitude that I can cancel/change/postpone and that takes the pressure off me. When I do think that way, I normally end up keeping to the original plan.
Then I am really proud that I have done it and achieved something.
What I am saying is; don't put the mind under any pressure, see how you feel and then treat it more like an 'off the cuff' attitude.
Admittedly, that is difficult to do with a holiday, but I have still used the same technique and always ended up going. :)
036534401
I am reading the DARE book, and it's giving me some perspective to understanding what acceptance means. In a nutshell (if I understand this correctly):
- yada yada, a million years ago the amygdala would trigger the flight or fight response when a ninja dinosaur would want to eat us.
-yada yada, no such dangers exist today.
I think we've all heard that. The trick for me was (and still is, I don't claim to be cured overnight), is to understand where the problem lies. We'll always get jolts of fear, I think (e.g. new job, like I do now. Or, money problems, or this or that). Those are the parts we can't help. So we accept them.
Then we start being afraid about that initial jolt of fear that we can't really control. When I started on this journey to cure myself, I went through a lot of thinking only to realise that what I really want in life, is to be calm an dhappy. I'd also like to be immortal, but death comes for us all and I've made my peace with that throughout the years.
Years.
So, if death can't be controlled and we have to learn to accept it, so jolts of fear and stress of every day life can't be control and we have to accept them. But, by accept, I do not think the psych-folk out there mean compromise. No. I think it means, stop letting it affect our lives. The fear(s) will always come, some days more than others depending on surrounding stress. These were my reactions so far:
- It is okay, it will be alright. There is NOTHING there.
- Stop. Go away. LEAVE ME ALONE.
The second is definitely not accepting. The first is rather patronising. If I were to think of my anxiety voice (the fear of my fear) as a 6 year old, I'm pretty sure neither approach would work. If our voice was the 6 year old, and the fear was the boogyman in the closet, the 6 year old is not going to stop being afraid if we hug it and tell it there's nothing there, nor will it relax if we shoo it off. What'll really help? Apparently they say this helps:
- Defuse it (Okay then, here comes the monster thing again), Allow it (the 6 year old is feeling scared of an imaginary thing in the closet, and that is alright. We accept this). then provoke it (take the 6 year old by the hand and open the closet door to show there is nothing there), and then fall back to doing whatever you were doing to begin with.
I know. What some of us will say is (it's highly unlikely there'll be a boogyman in the closet, but me going broke or losing a job is far more realistic). True. But then again what is a boogyman?it could be a monster, or it could be a rat or a stray cat in the closet - which is the second point I think. It is fear of the unknown that scares us. And our mind, rationalising this, tries to push it away which only feeds the negative energy more. Instead, I think, we are supposed to allow it in. Roll with it. Sometimes even invoke it - which is what I do all day today, for tomorrow's first day at work - choosing my own battlefield. Instead of let it come to me, I summon it in my head and then try to accept it. Ride the wave, as they say.
Which I think is the hardest part - learning to live with it doesn't mean being afraid all the time.
It means to understand that, as part of our human nature, those voices will always come. Like they did since we were very young, and about to sneak out of home, or climb a fence, etc. Back then we were excited, now we're frightened - different sides of the same coin. You can't push excitement away, and you can't push fear away. But what we can do, is accept some facts that are as they are, accept that there'll always be anxious thoughts.
And -adapt- how we react to them.
To sum up: I don't think it's ever possible to eradicate anxious thoughts. I do think it's possible to adapt on how we react to them. Accepting it, provoking it, asking it to show you more means your subconscious, through this, becomes aware that either there's nothing to be frightened of (for now, until the next episode), or that whatever there is, is just a rat in the closet instead of the big bad wolf.
English is not my first language, but I hope all this makes some sense :)
Next time the voices come, sit down, pat the seat next to you, and say : Okay then. Tell me. Then I can show you, while I still listen. And when we're done, we'll go out together.
I'll go back to practicing this for tomorrow - I think, in a sense, it helps me so far. :)
There is a lot of good information in there evak2979.
This is why we run to the GP for reassurance so we can find out there is nothing seriously wrong with us or come on the Forum and compare notes. Anxiety makes you become irrational in a way. Then that feeds the anxiety and brings on more symptoms. It's a never ending circle. We rid one lot of symptoms and then up crops another, so off we go to the GP again or come on here until it becomes so bad that we feel almost paralysed.
Anxiety is Fear! If you are a born worrier , it is difficult to change your make-up, so we do need to accept and rationalise the situation so it becomes; 'Just a Feeling'; which is probably triggered from our Memory and this is re-training our thought process. This takes time, calm and practice.
We can't eliminate the 'Fear' altogether, but we can diminish a lot of our irrational thoughts which are unnecessary to our everyday living.
You're looking at it the wrong way. Even though you were afraid when in the library you still went in. You have to change your thought pattern that's all and instead of thinking ' I went in but I was terrified and had to hurry out' you have to think ' I went in so that's a positive, I couldn't stay long but at least I went in and tried so that was good'....
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.