View Full Version : feel like cr*p.. need to winge.. sorry :)
sorry guys, you don't need to reply to this its just normally i'm a really happy person, always looking on the bright side of life and all that cr*p.. despite being agoraphobic for the last 3 years. it's just really got me down the last week or so.. just feel so depressed, causing friction between me and my fella (poor guy).. a part of me wants to get better, a part can't imagine being better, i know its bad but at the moment a part of me can't be bothered to get better.. oh i dunno, i lied to my best mate yesterday so she couldn't come around, can't even be bothered to clean up.. ok i'm annoying myself with my winging now.. really sorry to clog up space with just feeling sorry for myself... HUH, ITS SO UNFAIR (sigh) :)
(((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))
don't be so hard on yourself, your allowed to have bad days you know
love anx xx
Hi..
Sorry to hear you're feeling blah at the moment, i know how you feel, i often get days where you can't ever see a way out but then as you say, you can't be ar*ed to fight anymore. When i think about being *normal* one day, it is a scary thought. To be able to go out and NOT worry - sounds silly, but even thats a worrying thought, i reckon i would always be thinking it "might" just happen.
We're allowed to feel cr*p and sorry for ourselves...its part and parcel of the illness.
Sarah x
thanks guys...
sarahc..
i absolutely love your "i'm not agoraphobic, i just love my couch" logo.. i want that blown up on my living room wall.. its hillarious.. nice to know someone else thinks that being normal again is a scary thought, thought i was the only one, i thought you should want to get better, everyone else thinks i should strive towards being better again and look forward to it but to be honest it scares the hell out of me. my fella keeps saying not to worry and that'll i'll be working again soon.. GULP.. funny how interesting washing dirty knickers can seem when that topic of conversation comes up :) .. anyway..
LOL...
I was thinking today how i use to just jump in the car with my friends and drive 20 miles to go shopping at the drop of a hat. Now, shopping is an ordeal. Getting there is okay, but its when i get out the car the fun begins. I am thinking how far i am going from car - how long it would take me to *run* back there (makes me laugh, who am i kidding, i can't run for sh*t...LoL), and to think that there is a possibility i could do that again, is frightening!!!!
ha ha ha.. great.. i'm so sorry to laugh but i just laughed out loud reading that.. not at you but just because i'm like that too.. when i was 17 i was travelling around spain.. some of the time on my own.. with no money and no phone.. 4 years later and i can't even bl**dy walk down the road on my own.. well i can a little.. but like you, only far enough so that i can run back.. ha ha ha.. what a tw*t.. :)
Yeah makes you sick when you see all these folks doing just what they want to do, must be bl...y great to be normal.
NORMAL??? no, i never want to be "normal"... i just don't want to be agoraphobic.. lol
I can just get to my sons school which is a 3 minute walk, the other day (just for reference i may add - thank God), i *tried* to casually jog home...remember its a 3 minute walk. I made it half way home when my legs gave way - clearly i am extrmely unfit. I finally made it into the house dragging my legs, it took me a good 30 minutes for my legs to feel normal! I really stand no chance if i panic when i'm out....LOL!
I feel just a tad jealous of these people being normal - saying that...i have never been completely normal.....ROFL!
Sarah
just out of curiosity sarah, how is having kids with panic attacks. i'd love to have kids one day, hopefully in about 5 years but i couldn't ever get pregnant on purpose knowing i'm like this.. i'm not knocking the people who do but it just must be so hard.. is it???
I know how hard it is when your depressed. But you have to give yourself a kick up the a**e!!!!! Things like house work are crap but its very good excercise for you and your brain!!!!! APARENTLY!! hehehe
ANYWAYS motivation is the key to it all and being positivly motivated at that too!!!!!!!!!!! :O)
This post has been automatically edited by the NMP post filter
yeah thanks, actually for the last hour i've been re-arranging and spare room... hmmm, better pour my fella a drink when he gets back from work before showing him, lol, cheered me up though. x
Well...
My panic/agoraphobia/anxiety began when i was pregnant. I blacked out at 20 weeks(ish), came round....blacked out again.....came round, went deaf and thought i was going to poop or throw up infront of all my collegues (must mention i have emetophobia too, fear of being sick!). So...hormones and all that, everytime from that moment when i went out i was terrified i would pass out or puke. Thats how mine started (not that you asked!!!).
Anyway...when i was REALLY ill, shaking in the corner of the room all day, scared to go upstairs, my wee man was about 2 years old, i could still care for him perfectly well....but in between being a good mum i was a panicking wreck. Also, back then i was slightly OCD too. Couldn't have any mess around, so him having toys all over the floor would drive me mad, he was limited to 2 toys at a time! Sounds mean now, but sadly thats how bad i got.
Now my son is 8 1/2 and my panic levels are slightly lower than they use to be but i have terrible trouble when i am out with him. Because i am already anxious, if my son walks out of my sight for a milli second i am going insane. I expect thats the same for all mothers, but not all mothers are already in a hightened state of mentalness.... :)
I keep thinking about having another child, but then i think......no! I couldn't risk it, especially if i was unfortunate enough to get Post Natal Depression. I personally need to be in a *sane* mind so i could cope with it. Plus, being able to go out alone would be good, 'cause you need to go to the check ups etc...! (I have really just talked myself out of having another...lol)
Don't i ramble!!!!!!!!!!
Sarah
groovygranny
02-03-07, 22:33
Hi Honeybee:)
Thought this might appeal to your sense of humour - profound apologies if it doesn't lol!! :wacko:
http://i125.photobucket.com/albums/p54/groovygranny52/Fun/doh.jpg
Hope you're feeling a little less like crap !
lotsa luv
GG :emot-dance:
xx
ha ha thanks groovy granny.. feeling loads better today.. must be the full moon.. sends me a bit of an odd one every now and again.. xx
Glad you are feeling better today honeybee!
Don't worry too much about ur fella if possible... he obviously cares for you "just as you are" as Bridget Jones would say!
I am absolutely convinced you will be able to get over this given time, understanding and support. I can appreciate you have been suffering for a number of years, but that soesnt mean that it always needs to be like this. I will really have to get my auntie anna on here... she was agorophobic when I was really little (Im 36 now) and that was well before too much was understood on the subject... she's now able to do a lot more and even though biggies like air travel or Asda (my own personal bugbear) are out it does not restrict her nearly so much.
keep smilin' and remember that we're only like this because we are creative and unique!
Izzy xx
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