cry
01-03-16, 17:58
I'm twenty three and I believe I've suffered with bouts of depression over the past few years, especially when I was at university which wasn't a particularly good time for me. I finished nearly two years ago and moved home and met my boyfriend. Things were great up until January this year.
He started university a few months after we got together. All of my issues with anxiety started this January, after spending a few weeks at home for Christmas he went back and I started developing general anxiety, centred around him. It mainly consisted of him leaving me, him falling out of love with me and him cheating on me. He has never done anything to make me think of any of these things, I know it was just all in my head. I started getting really emotional and would just cry over small things. It was just the thought of being without him that terrified me.
He has been so supportive of me, and never complained he only reassures me. Things started to get better on that front. Around the time this was all going on I was reading a book and basically in the book a young man dies of cancer, leaving his wife (it's written from her perspective). Since then my anxiety has just focused on my health, and dying, and dying of cancer. This hasn't been helped by David Bowie etc dying, I think this has just brought it to the front of my mind. My friend's grandmother also died of a brain tumour a few months ago and her father has been diagnosed with cancer, so it's obviously been on the back of my mind for quite a while but it's all come to a head the past two weeks I would say. For as long as I can remember I have always worried about getting cancer and dying of it but I've never been this anxious about it.
For many years I have suffered with bloating but the past few weeks I've noticed a pain in my lower abdomen, a shooting pain 'down there' (front and back!), lower back pain, bloating and constipation. The bloating isn't there when I wake up so I think it is food related. Things seem to hurt the more I think about them (the bloating and the back pain) which does suggest to me it's mainly in my head. The constipation is more that it's just 'broken' rather than being a whole poo, but I've been going everyday, sometimes twice a day (sorry if that's too much info). I have had a loss of appetite and have been feeling really tired. Now I am starting to think about any other symptom I could have ever had, no matter how long ago. I came off the pill last July and didn't have a period for five or six months then my last one was late which I have also read can be a sign of ovarian cancer.
I just cannot stop thinking about getting diagnosed with terminal cancer. The main upset comes from leaving my boyfriend behind and him living without me. I have convinced myself it's ovarian cancer or bowel cancer. Last week I went to the doctor convinced I had cervical cancer, just because of the lower pains. She advised me that my other symptoms didn't point towards anything like that. That was last Thursday and since then I've focused on the bloating and am now convinced it's one of the other two.
I've got an appointment with another doctor tomorrow and I want a scan done to be sure. I feel sick with worry and I cannot stop thinking about it all. I cannot stop crying whenever I think about it and I am worried that's also another sign as I never normally cry. I am convinced instead of it being because of anxiety it's because I've got cancer and I'm just not feeling myself and I'm feeling emotional because of this.
I keep going from thinking no it's all in my head and just because of everything going on to thinking no this is it they're going to confirm all of my fears. I would just appreciate anyone's words of advice here. I have spoken to my boyfriend about it all and, again, he's been so supportive. I am just so sick of feeling like this, and no matter what is wrong with me, this is only making me feel worse. I know the doctor is the only person who can confirm what is wrong with me but I just want to hear from anyone else who has gone through similar with health anxiety/general anxiety.
He started university a few months after we got together. All of my issues with anxiety started this January, after spending a few weeks at home for Christmas he went back and I started developing general anxiety, centred around him. It mainly consisted of him leaving me, him falling out of love with me and him cheating on me. He has never done anything to make me think of any of these things, I know it was just all in my head. I started getting really emotional and would just cry over small things. It was just the thought of being without him that terrified me.
He has been so supportive of me, and never complained he only reassures me. Things started to get better on that front. Around the time this was all going on I was reading a book and basically in the book a young man dies of cancer, leaving his wife (it's written from her perspective). Since then my anxiety has just focused on my health, and dying, and dying of cancer. This hasn't been helped by David Bowie etc dying, I think this has just brought it to the front of my mind. My friend's grandmother also died of a brain tumour a few months ago and her father has been diagnosed with cancer, so it's obviously been on the back of my mind for quite a while but it's all come to a head the past two weeks I would say. For as long as I can remember I have always worried about getting cancer and dying of it but I've never been this anxious about it.
For many years I have suffered with bloating but the past few weeks I've noticed a pain in my lower abdomen, a shooting pain 'down there' (front and back!), lower back pain, bloating and constipation. The bloating isn't there when I wake up so I think it is food related. Things seem to hurt the more I think about them (the bloating and the back pain) which does suggest to me it's mainly in my head. The constipation is more that it's just 'broken' rather than being a whole poo, but I've been going everyday, sometimes twice a day (sorry if that's too much info). I have had a loss of appetite and have been feeling really tired. Now I am starting to think about any other symptom I could have ever had, no matter how long ago. I came off the pill last July and didn't have a period for five or six months then my last one was late which I have also read can be a sign of ovarian cancer.
I just cannot stop thinking about getting diagnosed with terminal cancer. The main upset comes from leaving my boyfriend behind and him living without me. I have convinced myself it's ovarian cancer or bowel cancer. Last week I went to the doctor convinced I had cervical cancer, just because of the lower pains. She advised me that my other symptoms didn't point towards anything like that. That was last Thursday and since then I've focused on the bloating and am now convinced it's one of the other two.
I've got an appointment with another doctor tomorrow and I want a scan done to be sure. I feel sick with worry and I cannot stop thinking about it all. I cannot stop crying whenever I think about it and I am worried that's also another sign as I never normally cry. I am convinced instead of it being because of anxiety it's because I've got cancer and I'm just not feeling myself and I'm feeling emotional because of this.
I keep going from thinking no it's all in my head and just because of everything going on to thinking no this is it they're going to confirm all of my fears. I would just appreciate anyone's words of advice here. I have spoken to my boyfriend about it all and, again, he's been so supportive. I am just so sick of feeling like this, and no matter what is wrong with me, this is only making me feel worse. I know the doctor is the only person who can confirm what is wrong with me but I just want to hear from anyone else who has gone through similar with health anxiety/general anxiety.