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Nell
17-10-03, 16:45
Wanted to say hello. I found this site by accident but I'm glad I have found it - I've read a little and there is so much positive input, and boy do I need something positive at the moment.
I was diagnosed a year ago with depression and general anxiety, but I knew a long time before that what was wrong with me but tried very hard to deal with things on my own - not such a good idea; before I knew it I was so anxious I couldn't leave my house, couldn't eat and couldn't sleep. I have a fear of visiting doctors, which doesn't help either. I started having panic attacks at age 19 (I'm 40 now) - not too extreme or often but they began to 'disable' me about 6 years ago; I found I could no longer fly or be away from home for long without panicking. I also have social phobia and mild agoraphobia.
I took part in the no-panic telephone recovery program this time last year, but the depression made things impossible for me to continue. I am taking anti-d's - 150mg dothiepin and 75mg trazadone - which I have been taking for the last year. My doctor is very supportive but I rarely see him (about every 3 months) and last time I saw him we agreed I would begin to reduce the anti-d's and see how I go. I did begin but found I was sinking into a depression so I have found it very difficult. Just thinking about it makes me so low because I know that these tablets have been my 'crutch' for all this time (no panics, no anxiety and plenty of sleep).
I hope that being able to post and read here will help me to change - I have been feeling so depressed for the last few weeks and plan to visit the doctor this coming monday. Hoping he can suggest something - I have asked about what kind of therapy can be obtained through the NHS before and he told me a long list of different things but told me he thought I should be 'stablised' before I think about that. Hopefully whatever he comes up with will go hand in hand with posting here.
Sorry this is such a long intro.
Nell

Roxy
17-10-03, 16:49
*hugs*

If you see dark skies in my green eyes, it's just that I can't find no cover, these ghosts that haunt me, they get me when they want me, and some days are better than others.

I didn't sleep last night, I guess that's the price,you pay for a soul this trouble, and curse or blessing, I'm here confessing, that some days are better than others.

I have these moments of weakness, but I've had a lifetime of strength, and I know I will defeat this, but that's not what my heart wants to think.

And even tomorrow, is tinged with sorrow, when one fool longs for another, this can't last forever, just like the weather, some days are better than others.