char123
03-03-16, 23:52
Hello ,
So for a few weeks I was doing fine and able to rationalise the random distressing thoughts (like if I'm attracted to my brother).By the way I'm not diagnosed with Pure O but I feel like I have it since I go over the disturbing thoughts over and over again trying to think if they're true or not so that's why I'm posting on the anxiety page instead of the OCD forum. Anyway, this week all of my thoughts seemed come back: being attracted to my brother or toddlers and scared of harming my family. The harming thoughts are quite new to me and I found that when I was with my little sisters and they were a little annoying haha, I would have images or the thought of hurting them in some way :( of course I'd hope that I would NEVER do that but I know that I sort of have the power& capability to do it. Like, only ourselves are there to hold ourselves back from doing something- if that makes sense- so what if we lost control or what if I'm actuallyy a psycho?
As well, pretty recently I've heard that somebody I knew has committed suicide and it really hit me hard even though I didn't know them that well. This person was the last person you could think would want to- they were nice, quite quiet but kind and I think I saw a bit of myself in them. So yeah that freaked me out a lot and after hearing that I have a 'bad feeling' that one day I will kill myself. This probably sounds selfish but it has bothered me a lot. It's like I have the 'impending doom' feeling that I'm useless but the idea scares me so much and I really really do not want that to happen!! But I'm the kind of person that is scared of everything like getting a job etc.. so I sort of don't have hope in myself- dont get me wrong I have dreams and ambitions but deep down I know I can't reach them. Also, the fact that this person gave up due to depression/stress (I'm guessing) makes me feel hopeless and think that if I get or have got depression that's it. Are there any of oyu that have recovered from it?? It scares me that we can do that to ourselves aswrll like there's no one to stop you if you want to. And I feel that the fact that these harm thoughts appeared in my mind before I found out about the person is a sign or something that at some point I will kill myself but I'm probs just being paranoid. Ugh, I hate this.
Wow this got long so I'll stop now :) thanks for reading, I'D really appreciate replies and to hear your advice and stuff. P.s I'm a 17 year old girl
So for a few weeks I was doing fine and able to rationalise the random distressing thoughts (like if I'm attracted to my brother).By the way I'm not diagnosed with Pure O but I feel like I have it since I go over the disturbing thoughts over and over again trying to think if they're true or not so that's why I'm posting on the anxiety page instead of the OCD forum. Anyway, this week all of my thoughts seemed come back: being attracted to my brother or toddlers and scared of harming my family. The harming thoughts are quite new to me and I found that when I was with my little sisters and they were a little annoying haha, I would have images or the thought of hurting them in some way :( of course I'd hope that I would NEVER do that but I know that I sort of have the power& capability to do it. Like, only ourselves are there to hold ourselves back from doing something- if that makes sense- so what if we lost control or what if I'm actuallyy a psycho?
As well, pretty recently I've heard that somebody I knew has committed suicide and it really hit me hard even though I didn't know them that well. This person was the last person you could think would want to- they were nice, quite quiet but kind and I think I saw a bit of myself in them. So yeah that freaked me out a lot and after hearing that I have a 'bad feeling' that one day I will kill myself. This probably sounds selfish but it has bothered me a lot. It's like I have the 'impending doom' feeling that I'm useless but the idea scares me so much and I really really do not want that to happen!! But I'm the kind of person that is scared of everything like getting a job etc.. so I sort of don't have hope in myself- dont get me wrong I have dreams and ambitions but deep down I know I can't reach them. Also, the fact that this person gave up due to depression/stress (I'm guessing) makes me feel hopeless and think that if I get or have got depression that's it. Are there any of oyu that have recovered from it?? It scares me that we can do that to ourselves aswrll like there's no one to stop you if you want to. And I feel that the fact that these harm thoughts appeared in my mind before I found out about the person is a sign or something that at some point I will kill myself but I'm probs just being paranoid. Ugh, I hate this.
Wow this got long so I'll stop now :) thanks for reading, I'D really appreciate replies and to hear your advice and stuff. P.s I'm a 17 year old girl