I've got to the end of the road of my anxiety and I have never felt worse. I've just looked back at the last ten or so years and realised he entire time I live in temporary mode, things are rushed everything's under the pressure that something awful is going to happen. Every day I battle anxiety to reach the end of the day to start the next. I'm not sure to anyone else, but to me this is not living this is a tortured existence. I realise there is no need for such actions etc but I don't know how to move on what so ever. I cannot and will not do this anymore, I don't want one more day to b strained. This petrifies me because even a glimmer of light I will now throw away as I feel it won't last long. I don't have the patience or will to do this anymore. How can I forget my old ways and let go and just start building from this. I feel if I let the anxiety go something awfuls going to happen. I just want content in my life and feel all these intrusive thoughts have kept me surviving and now I want to let them go and this seems even scarier. Like if I don't think about them something bass going to happen or it won't last long anyway. I'm really stuck. I'm thinking of going back to the priory as I don't feel safe in any way anymore I feel I haven't got a rational mind not that I ever have.
I'm thinking of going back to the priory as I don't feel safe in any way anymore I feel I haven't got a rational mind not that I ever have.
That was my thought reading your post.
Sending positive thoughts your way....
If you can afford the priory you may aw well give it a go and seek the help you want
I have no idea what I need anymore I've tried so much. I'm scared that there's no hope now. I feel defeated and physically ill now. Maybe I will, it didn't help my anxiety last time but i just want to feel safe I never ever feel safe.
Most of what you've written could be me writing it. Have you started any new medication or treatment regime recently, e.g. past few weeks? If so, you might take a little while to adjust to it. If not, get yourself into the Priory if that's an option open to you.
Yes, I started my first session of hypnotherapy this week and starting a new medication soon. I just don't think there's a chance of recovery for me, all I know is fear and anxiety and never being comfortable. How am to to start living without this without looking over my shoulder for it and asking for it back. I have nothing left, no job, failing relationships, no income, no care for anything outside of my own head because I am so consumed. I don't give my parents the thanks they deserve or my friends and it's killing me that I offer nothing other than a ball of anxiety. I just want to be looked after 24/7. I can't be responsible for anything, I've tried and failed numerous times. What am I supposed to do?!
Xtrastrongbint
04-03-16, 21:26
I promise you Elik - it will get better - maybe your previous med wasn't up to scratch but you will find one that helps - which med are you on now and which are you going on? I was utterly hopeless at the beginning of this but with the correct meds it turned my life around and believe me, I thought exactly like you...For now, just take it second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour. Do not pressurise yourself with what you see as failings. Everyone of us in here know how strong you have to be to deal with anxiety.:hugs:
But I'm just so scared frozen. I understand everything about anxiety but nothing is shifting. It's making me have anxiety/panic attacks 24/7. I have had intrusive thoughts for 11/12 years and over and over again I get bored of them and they come back. This is where my hopelessness comes in, I dont trust my fear and my want for control and understanding of such thoughts. Where will this end up for me? I can't live with this on my shoulders anymore and the trauma it has brought me I can't imagine going any time soon. Every second I fear. My whole life has been lived In minutes, hence why I do everything as of I'm going to die the next day but this isn't sustainable anymore and I'm not happy at all
Wow, Erik, you're so in touch with your emotions and how your brain works but you just don't know it, stay strong, you seem like an intelligent person and that can be extremely helpful in overcoming GAD.
You HAVE had a rational mind, but not for a long time, everyone who has ANY anxiety disorder DOES NOT have a rational mind, they cannot, its a neurological twist in the processing of information (sorry if that sounds complex), Anxiety is a switch in the brain, the changes the way information is processed and attaches fear and worry to almost every thought that comes with an 'unexpected or uncertain' outcome.
educate yourself on how the brain processes information under normal circumstances and with anxiety, this will be the first step to you overcoming and ridding yourself of anxiety.
I'll give you an introduction to begin, in a healthy normal brain, information, or lets say 'concerns' are processed logically through a small part of the brain known as the NEOCORTEX, this part of the brain is the 'reasoning and logic side' of the brain, now if the NEOCORTEX deems something to require a strong emotion (e.g. you just stepped on a snake, saw a spider, a lion came out of the bushes (derives from evolution, many thousands of years ago, as a way of survival) the NEOCORTEX sends this information to the EMOTIONAL side of the brain to force you into a reaction, a FIGHT OR FLEE response. The emotional side of the brain is called the AMYGDALA (please, research all these).
Now, what happens to someone with ANXIETY? Well, here's the understanding part, when YOU process information, and anyone with ANXIETY, the information is SENT STRAIGHT TO THE AMYGDALA!
This is key to understanding anxiety, the penny may have dropped? So hang on, why is my brain sending information to my emotional side first? How can I trust that I am being logical and rationalising properly when I can't use my logical (neocortex) and rationalise?
Well, thats the problem, you can't... we'll, not exactly.
You need to tell yourself that, all of these anxieties and worrys... THEY ARE NOT REAL! If you brain was processing like a healthy brain (I refuse to say normal person because you are as normal, if not better than the average joe) then you wouldn't have any of these worry's or anxieties, it really is that simple!
You might ask, but how can I then rewire my brain so I use the NEOCORTEX instead of the AMYGDALA, well first of all you could use other peoples brains, ask them if its worth worrying over, or write it down and seek deep inside for the true, DONT FOCUS ON THE THOUGHT FOCUS ON THE EMOTION, remember only the emotion is real the thoughts are lies, they are information that has not been RATIONALISED, REASONED, CHECKED and NO EVIDENCE has been taken into account.
When you get anxiety, ignore the thoughts and only focus on the emotion, remember you can't rationalise or reason so you can't take your word for it that something bad will happen, in fact ask any healthy person, they'll all say your being silly and thats because they are processing information with their NEOCORTEX.
Over time, and understanding, you will rewire your brain back to the way it should process, it does take time but it is possible and happens all the time, its as easy to lose anxiety as it is to get it (usually its brought on by one main 'fear' moment life, mine was when I was younger and I can pinpoint the moment to one key thing, not always though)
So, your not crazy, your just processing information in the wrong manner, focus only on the emotion, I've just proven to you with neurological science that your worrys are not real, hold no evidence to support them, and only SEEM real because you cannot rationalise or process though the neocortex, just knowing that can stop most of your worry's.
This is gonna take time, but let me finish with something I tell all of the people I help.
Anxiety is like a tree, you can focus all day cutting and trimming the branches (the worries), but until you focus and start working on the Bark and The Root of the tree (just the feeling, the emotion, forget whatever the concernn or worry is), the branches always grow back. So forget about whatever your worry's are, and constantly just see it as a MEANINGLESS EMOTION, and your not going to listen to it because it holds absolutely no evidence!
Good luck and I will be back on soon, feel free to send a PM if neccessary.
Remember this takes time, but you will eventually achieve one, if not the greatest accomplishment of your life, once you overcome this, believe me you will be able to do anything, and that day will come.
G
Thank you so much for your detailed response. I'm just putting my life on the idea that this can all disappear one day but don't have trust or faith in myself that it can. I understand what you're saying and how this works and that takes some of the panic away but regardless of how faulty this is, twelve years of this isn't getting any less pained or feared just having to continually process this until my brain gets bored.
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