Has anyone ever been offended/upset by a therapist/psychologist?

[Ditapage]

I'm feeling discouraged. I had a terrible therapy session a few days ago. She was making me feel small and as she was talking I was holding in tears that eventually erupted. It was either crying or storming out. The crying released the pressure of not being able to take any more. It's a lot to go into it so i will keep it as brief as I can:

I'm explaining to her that I have a hard time going to the grocery store and wished I was like my mum who can soldier on despite feeling anxious in those situations as well. I had to move back home a year ago, at 28 years old after living independently for 4 years, it's not like I haven't tried, and she replies:

"WHY does your mum have to do the shopping? Who would do it if she didn't? Would you? So she HAS to do it. Because you live at home, and you don't go to work, you have no absolutely no incentive to even get out of bed. You should be living out of home, because you're not living, no offense (yeah right! I was on the verge now of bawling) and what, even, are your goals?"

She has no clue how overwhelming and hopeless all that made me feel. I lived out of home by myself and had panic attacks every night to the point I was so tired and sick I couldn't shop for myself anymore or clean my apartment. If I didn't move home I would probably be dead. i had a job for 2 months and they let me go because they feared I would have a nervous breakdown and it would reflect badly on the company.

My goals? All I can think about is getting through the day. Every day is a battle. Every day is new symptoms to scare me and exhaust me. The fight consumes my days. She just suggests "go to the library, go for a drive an hour away.. Is she insane? Getting to her office a 10 minute drive from my house is a battle. She basically overlooks how hard I'm trying and made me feel really bad about myself by pointing out everything I'm not doing as if I don't already know that and feel worthless every day.

I don't even know when my life will begin. I don't need judgement on top of that.

Am I being too sensitive or is she out of line?

Has anyone else had a therapist/psychologist upset them or offer advice that was completely useless for your situation?

[.Poppy.]

Yeah. I've been through four therapists at my university (I go to therapy there because it's free/cheap and just as qualified as anywhere else).

The first woman was actually really great, but at the time my anxiety was mostly career-related. She helped me quite a bit, but we never talked about my other issues (my fault) and eventually she left. I talked to another woman who was very nice, but we didn't really 'click' I guess and I only went to one session. A few months later, I was losing it and went into see a guy. He was pretty nice, but not very helpful - I think he thought I was a bit hysterical and didn't totally know how to help me. He kept saying we could try X or Y but he didn't think it would be helpful so maybe I could just decide on my own what I wanted to do. FINALLY a few months later (about a month ago) I went in again and got a different woman who is awesome.

I've never had anyone be that rude to me, though.

I think the problem is she's not totally sensitive to your plight. She seems like she's trying to be tough and challenge you - but maybe you aren't ready for that quite yet. I think it's best sometimes to start with just support and comfort while you get to know each other before she starts suggesting you challenge yourself like that. It sounds like she doesn't really know where you're at right now, so she's not much help.

Is there any way you can switch people?

[Xtrastrongbint]

Oh my goodness - what kind of therapist is she? She sounds like an absolute moron!! Please, if you can, see another one - that is not what a therapist should say!!!

[MyNameIsTerry]

I'm explaining to her that I have a hard time going to the grocery store and wished I was like my mum who can soldier on despite feeling anxious in those situations as well. I had to move back home a year ago, at 28 years old after living independently for 4 years, it's not like I haven't tried, and she replies:

"WHY does your mum have to do the shopping? Who would do it if she didn't? Would you? So she HAS to do it. Because you live at home, and you don't go to work, you have no absolutely no incentive to even get out of bed. You should be living out of home, because you're not living, no offense (yeah right! I was on the verge now of bawling) and what, even, are your goals?"

The ones I've marked in red I could see being used in a therapy session with the intent of bringing the persons thinking around to believing they could do it and to discuss how to move forward to get them to do it. All are questions with an outcome statement in "So she has to do it". In other words asking why do you think you can't do it and explaining how despite her anxiety she does it because she has no option whereas you have an option and so can avoid it.

But tone is very important and given you are unhappy with how you were spoken to it could be the tone used by the therapist that meant these questions were criticisms. Is that what you feel?

The last two I don't think is quite the same. Whilst the question is asked about goals, it's not necessarily going to motivate people by telling them something negative like they have no life. Some may get the "slap" whereas others with self esteem issues will likely be upset. Poor strategy unless the therapist knows you will be responsive, you weren't hence a poor assessment by the therapist or a bad attitude on her part.

On the activities she suggested, feed it back that they are too much. She should then look to suggestions for something less intense and if she can't do that, she's a bit rigid or lacking ideas maybe?

[fishman65]

Back in 2000 my usual psychiatrist wasn't able to take me for my session so a locum was there instead. He noted I was on diazepam and started telling me I was an addict and would employ the same methods to get me off it as he would for a heroin addict. All the time he was saying this he didn't even look at me, choosing to sort out his paperwork.

I didn't go back for a year and when I did, my usual psychiatrist apologised for the experience I had.

[HeadInAJar]

Therapists etc are ten a penny. If you don't like how one treats you, you are well within your rights to ask to see someone else (if you are being seen at some kind of practice) or just look for one yourself if you are seeing a private one etc. I've seen a couple that I really wouldn't choose to see again, so I didnt. Good therapists know how to challenge what might be limiting beliefs or behaviors without getting the clients back up. Poor ones just come off like idiots.

[Ditapage]

Thanks everyone, I do feel she's trying to challenge me or motivate me to get up and go but as you said Terry, it's about the tone. Her tone is what reduced me to tears (and I'm not one to quickly start crying-it's like blind fear and anxiety took away my ability to just let go of emotion, I rarely have that release anymore) and like I said, I really wanted to walk out. I've heard her statements from family members, and unsupportive people who think I'm just making excuses not to live life and am being lazy. The worst ones will say "oh jeez I wish I could stay home all day" as if I'm here having a blast. No I'm here obsessing about my condition and wishing so badly I could go to a store and buy something! But there's no explaining that to people.

As my mum said the other day "stop talking to people about your anxiety because it doesn't make any sense to normal people." "normal" people hurts as well because it makes me feel so abnormal. Anxiety is not abnormal. Everyone can get it at any time. I used to be "normal" too. I would go an hour away from my house...on foot! (Half an hour walk to the shops, and back without ANY hesitation.

I feel I want to tell this therapist "do you really think I haven't considered the fact I don't have a life?" That I haven't heard from others "I don't know how you live with yourself"

There's gotta be more sympathetic therapists out there who won't make me feel like I'm deliberately not making progress. The only thing about switching is they all do that introductory session where they want your life story so they can make the connections while my other therapist already knows all that. But I hate the thought of dreading going to a therapist who only puts me down even if she interprets it as helpful, challenging, motivation.

Because "why does mum have to do it?" opens the wound up that I am a bad daughter because my poor mother has to do everything. I'm sure my mother has friends telling her the same thing. I'm 28, I drive, I can't shop? That doesn't make sense to "reasonable" people.

It just sucks. Having to explain an illness I don't even understand myself.

Thanks everyone for your input, and helping me to see things a different way. I know she probably didn't mean to upset me (and if she knew she was going to lose money, she definitely would be remorseful!) but I think I need a new therapist. I already lack so much confidence in myself because of this condition. I'm not a selfish person; a lot of the reason I hate leaving the house is if I do panic or have a turn, somebody else will have to attend to me. And when that happened at work, they let me go. "We don't want to push you... We don't want you to have a nervous breakdown here" so my condition is a burden so I isolate myself so it's not.


Fishman: I told my therapist I take a small dose of diazepam and she didn't like it either. Neither does The pharmacist. Yes we are treated like addicts. My doctor never told me that stigma exists with diazepam/Valium and I would feel slightly better but keep hearing "what do you take THAT for? OMG do you know how addictive that is?" Seriously people judge me for taking Valium like it's an illegal drug.

[MyNameIsTerry]

It's all the usual stereotype generalisation assumption garbage...basically it's ignorance. Diazepam is addictive IF you abuse it. So is morphine but when the people that said that to you are lying in agony in an ambulance will they be refusing it because it's addictive? And many people use morphine a lot because of the pain of their physical conditions. So, I guess al those people e.g. some with MS, are all addicts too? How about Ketamine when your pain is so bad you couldn't stand it? There are many more.

Do these people know that the Codeine sold to the public in pharmacies is also addictive? They bundle that with paracetamol. How many of those people realise many people have become addicted to Codeine this way because they misused it?

So, it's a daft argument, an ignorant one, because it looks at mental health without considering physical health. It's much more accepted to dose up on dangerous addictive drugs for physical health issues.

The people that say that about Diazepam would likely have a problem with antidepressants too and your mum is right, they don't understand. To understand you need to have it, be trained in it (even then you may understand) or be immersed in this area in some way to learn first hand. The two latter groups can never really know though, how can you know how a broken leg feels like if you've not had one?

"Normal". Yes, that can get to you. But you learn to get past this triggering comment and either your mother has or it's just how she talks. Really, there are so many aspects to a person & their character that finding these so called "normal" would be a lot harder than we think. It's more about what is normal to society, not what is normal. Anyone who does work starts falling into this abnormal demographic when you judge it this way and so does everyone with a physical ailment...yet people have learned not to comment on them more.

Remember we live in a world where not too many decades ago we were bundling kids with mental illnesses in care homes whereas now they live at home.

The problem with the "kick up the backside" approach is that it doesn't work for everyone. It's the same as the tough love approach on this forum, some people like it, others are offended by it, some think it's a bit rich from someone in the same boat and others feel put down by it. It's only like saying "pull yourself together".

I don't respond well to this tough love style but not because it upsets me, I'm in the "don't judge me, who are you" camp. So, if a therapist said what they said to you but to me, I would only turn their judgement back round on them by questioning whether they have the right to judge anyone when they are not exactly saving the world and will never be known in history either. That's not a productive way for therapy either.

If your therapists style is not helping, you could feed this back. They may be using a strategy and it may not be their only one. What if your therapist listens and determines her style is detrimental and takes a different approach? Rather than be so direct, perhaps she will take a more neutral or supportive approach?

[fishman65]

A lot of the ignorance can be attributed to the media. Seroxat/paroxetine was demonised in the newspapers for being associated with suicides in young people. Reporting was sensationalist and facts taken out of context. My GP said it doesn't get prescribed much these days which is a shame because its a good drug. His words.

Diazepam ditto. Mentioning diazepam to a health care professional will see a similar reaction to a vampire confronted with garlic. And yet a friend of mine takes clonazepam and at a recent GP appt was asked how many she wanted. Its a benzo and has the same addictive potential as diazepam but is acceptable :shrug:

[pulisa]

I don't think a GP should be prescribing clonazepam unless previously prescribed by a psychiatrist and the GP is authorised to do repeats.

Benzos are wonderful to take the edge of unbearable agitation but the reality is that they are addictive and cause horrendous problems if withdrawal is attempted. I'm sure in the very near future the same addiction properties will be attributed to anti depressants but at the moment they are "non addictive and safe" (not my words).

Let's face it, anyone desperately needing relief from agitation will need some sort of medication to slow down the brain and make life bearable again. "A nice warm bath" or a "long walk" just won't cut it. We shouldn't be treated like pariahs if we need an addictive drug to help lessen our mental anguish-we just need to use the drug sparingly but appropriately?

[evak2979]

I remember walking away from a psychologist because she spent more time watching the clock than listening to me. :p

[MyNameIsTerry]

A lot of the ignorance can be attributed to the media. Seroxat/paroxetine was demonised in the newspapers for being associated with suicides in young people. Reporting was sensationalist and facts taken out of context. My GP said it doesn't get prescribed much these days which is a shame because its a good drug. His words.

Diazepam ditto. Mentioning diazepam to a health care professional will see a similar reaction to a vampire confronted with garlic. And yet a friend of mine takes clonazepam and at a recent GP appt was asked how many she wanted. Its a benzo and has the same addictive potential as diazepam but is acceptable :shrug:

The only additional problem Diazepam seems to bring is the long half life issue. This means you can very easily get caught out by the overlaps which is harder with the short half life ones...IF you use them infrequently. But how many people understand this and what they are taking? I wonder how many GP's even understand things like distribution, elimination and half lives? Judging by some of the threads on the Meds board, some GP's don't have a clue and some have even tried to cold turkey their Diazepam patients which is known to be dangerous!

I don't think GP's know that much about these meds and their interactions with other meds.

Stigma is born out of ignorance and there is the ignorance of Joe Public and the ignorance of medical professionals.

Whilst the media may do this it shouldn't impact on prescribing. By that right no younger adults (and especially children) should be taking SSRI/SNRI's due to suicidal ideation and more recently, reports of violence.

The media can't steer policy for this. Take Pregabalin. Several media reports of how it is addictive. There are no studies stating this. You can find some studies from researchers saying it is linked to this and mortality rates but read them and see just how flawed the studies are. The media articles are either based on these or the laughable scare story based on a drugs worker! Like combining a med with heroine, cocaine, Benzo's, etc is every a good idea! :doh: Yet they complained drug addicts were getting their hands on it from GP's and wanted to restrict...why not ensure the GP's know what the hell they are doing?

[GingerFish]

I went to a private therapist who blamed all my OCD and panic issues on my star sign! All I got was crap like "cancers are prone to worrying and I think that could be a reason for your illnesses". I don't buy into astrology and to me, in a professional place like that especially when its private and I had to pay about £50 per session, it was totally uncalled for and useless and unhelpful. My current therapist who I see through the NHS is ok. I don't click amazingly with her but she's not a horrible person or anything like that. Just sometimes I get the vibe off her that I sometimes tell her too much or things that aren't relevant and she also doesn't ever make small talk or laugh or joke. I know therapy is a serious thing but to me, there has to be a kind of friendly vibe to it as well and not be 100% clinical feeling if you know what I mean?

[MyNameIsTerry]

I went to a private therapist who blamed all my OCD and panic issues on my star sign! All I got was crap like "cancers are prone to worrying and I think that could be a reason for your illnesses". I don't buy into astrology and to me, in a professional place like that especially when its private and I had to pay about £50 per session, it was totally uncalled for and useless and unhelpful.

:ohmy: Sadly it's an unregulated sector so any loon can start up a practice. The government still haven't stopped gay conversion therapy!