Can anyone relate to this?

[Suziewuzie]

I'm going to try not to write an essay here but I fear it may end up being one.

I've been on 10mg Citalopram for 1 month today. I was put on it after my anxiety got quite bad after I started having increasing panic attacks.

I used to lead a very normal life despite my panic attacks, had a good social life & enjoyed my job etc. I went to thailand on my own, Rajasthan, all over Europe. I felt generally very happy & didn't let my panic attacks get me down.

Since starting on Citalopram I'm experiencing a few things that are making life really sucky.
First off I feel like I am living in a bubble. I don't feel like I can connect to anyone, like I'm just going through the notions, like I'm less affectionate and less caring. I don't feel excitement or satisfaction from anything.

Secondly - I feel like there's something wrong with me, mentally. I lie awake or waste hours of the day telling myself that I must have bipolar or some other condition. I have no reason to think that, I just do. It's all I can think of. It makes me agitated, I have absolutely no patience any more and keep snapping at people.

I look fine on the outside & can still go out and do things, but I just feel like a ghost & like there's really no point in doing any of it.

I don't know if this is just my life now, or if I feel like this because of the citalopram, or if I should increase it or stop it.

I don't know what I expect anyone to say really I just had to get that out.

[Jem21]

Hey Suzie, I know exactly what you mean, I'm also experiencing that no excitement but no sadness thing, I think it's defo the cit. I'm also still me and can do things and my family think I've got a lot better but it's hard to describe what's going on inside. I'm going back to my doctor on Monday to see what he says. I've been on 30mg for 5 weeks and this isn't getting any better. I can't decide if The dose is too high, too low or not the right meds anymore and I seem to be changing my mind about it constantly. Why don't you go and have a word with your doctor. X

[Suziewuzie]

I just did a little cry when I read that reply Jem. Really good to know it's not just me! My boyfriend & friends keep saying how good it is to see me 'back to normal' and I know it must seem like I am, but on the inside I'm so far from being normal.
I'm scared that if I stop the Cit I might not feel any better and then I'll be back to square one. Some days I'm certain I want to stop taking it, other days I think it must be helping me. My GP is very lovely but last time I spoke to her she very much left the ball in my court about medication, so I will speak to her but I'm not sure what I want to hear.

[karenp]

I felt just the smaw way when I first went on Citalopram x 3 occasions. It took me about 4 months to get well by going right up tot he max dose of 40mg and then my life just came perfect again! This is just all normal and you will feel fine again one day, it's still early days for you darl. I am about to start the drug for the 4th time and am terrified but need to sort my anxiety out and this is the only drug that works for me but it is unpleasant for a good while for me xxxx

[Jem21]

You are on the lowest dose Suzie so you may benefit from an increase, I think my doctor will suggest 40mg on Monday and I'll go with that if he does.

Karen I've also been on cit a few times before, I was on 20 for 10 months but still felt a little off so I increased to 30 5 weeks ago. It's always worked perfectly for me too. I've never had to go past 20 before though so this is a little scary for me.

We're all in it together and can help each other to get where we need to be :-) x

[Suziewuzie]

Yeah I think I would probably benefit from an increase. I'm not one of these people who is against taking AD's but I'm concerned about increasing & feeling even worse, even less connected to the world. But I suppose there's only one way of knowing now x

[Jem21]

What did you decide Suzie, I'm back at docs tomorrow. Having a nightmare with head and nose pressure and full ears. Also nose is blocked one side. I don't think it's anything sinister but I'm totally fed up if it as it makes me feel crap and it's kicking my anxiety off. I just want to feel better :-) x

[Suziewuzie]

I can't get in to see my GP until Tuesday.
I am thinking of suggesting stopping the Citalopram. I wasn't so depressed before I started them, I miss feeling things. Before I started them I just had anxiety but I feel like what I've been left with is worse.