mrsjiminycricket
07-03-16, 15:45
Hi everyone.
I'm new to NMP but I need to speak to someone who might understand. I've always thought that I just take after my dad, who for as long as i've known him, suffers from what he calls "daymares". I've just always assumed that I'm like that, and tried to get on with things. Things came to a head really when i was pregnant with my eldest, and I had crippling anxiety; always imagining (and these "daymares" were so vivid) that my other half would be found in a ditch, or get into a fatal fight if he (very occasionally) went out with his friend around Leeds. If he was 10 minutes late, I would imagine the worst (back in the days before mobiles were everywhere). He had a motorbike which only made things worse. That side of things has improved, although I do get wobbles every now and then.
The issue now, is that I constantly worry and work myself up about money. It might sound absolutely ridiculous (and my other half is getting to the end of his rope with me), because we're not actually in any debt (other than mortgage). But every time we want to do something new like have some rennovations done, or move house, or get a new car, or have another child (not all at once - these are all things that have triggered it in the past! :-)), I cant simply enjoy the process. My brain has to think up some imagined worst senario to spoil everything. But I cant function and it takes over my entire thought process. If there's some unexpected expense like the boiler needs fixing, or the council tax goes up by 4% instead of the expected 2%, I panic. The only way I can describe it is like a complete phobia of having nothing. Which is silly because although there have been times (eg student) when I havent had much (and with my dad on a government wage, we certainly had no money growing up), I've never been starving. I learned over the years to be frugal and not wasteful. I know how to skin and prepare wild game birds or rabbit from scratch (roadkill usually), I know how to cook very well, and i know how to make one chicken make 3 meals. So it's not like i dont have the skills to survive if need be. But If my account dips below a certain limit, I cant function properly and i find it hard to breathe.
I'm getting really down with it, and I dont know what to do. i havent gone to the GP becasue last time i did that when I was pregnant with eldest child, the waiting list for counselling ws 21 months. I feel like I'm getting my other half down, because he wants to be happy with our choices, and i just keep bringing him down.
I'm so sorry for the essay and long post, but I was so relieved when I found this forum, and suddenly felt like I had some people that were feeling something similar, that i felt i wanted to pour my heart out. I dont know if anyone can or would want to help, but it just feels good writing it down.
Thanks
I'm new to NMP but I need to speak to someone who might understand. I've always thought that I just take after my dad, who for as long as i've known him, suffers from what he calls "daymares". I've just always assumed that I'm like that, and tried to get on with things. Things came to a head really when i was pregnant with my eldest, and I had crippling anxiety; always imagining (and these "daymares" were so vivid) that my other half would be found in a ditch, or get into a fatal fight if he (very occasionally) went out with his friend around Leeds. If he was 10 minutes late, I would imagine the worst (back in the days before mobiles were everywhere). He had a motorbike which only made things worse. That side of things has improved, although I do get wobbles every now and then.
The issue now, is that I constantly worry and work myself up about money. It might sound absolutely ridiculous (and my other half is getting to the end of his rope with me), because we're not actually in any debt (other than mortgage). But every time we want to do something new like have some rennovations done, or move house, or get a new car, or have another child (not all at once - these are all things that have triggered it in the past! :-)), I cant simply enjoy the process. My brain has to think up some imagined worst senario to spoil everything. But I cant function and it takes over my entire thought process. If there's some unexpected expense like the boiler needs fixing, or the council tax goes up by 4% instead of the expected 2%, I panic. The only way I can describe it is like a complete phobia of having nothing. Which is silly because although there have been times (eg student) when I havent had much (and with my dad on a government wage, we certainly had no money growing up), I've never been starving. I learned over the years to be frugal and not wasteful. I know how to skin and prepare wild game birds or rabbit from scratch (roadkill usually), I know how to cook very well, and i know how to make one chicken make 3 meals. So it's not like i dont have the skills to survive if need be. But If my account dips below a certain limit, I cant function properly and i find it hard to breathe.
I'm getting really down with it, and I dont know what to do. i havent gone to the GP becasue last time i did that when I was pregnant with eldest child, the waiting list for counselling ws 21 months. I feel like I'm getting my other half down, because he wants to be happy with our choices, and i just keep bringing him down.
I'm so sorry for the essay and long post, but I was so relieved when I found this forum, and suddenly felt like I had some people that were feeling something similar, that i felt i wanted to pour my heart out. I dont know if anyone can or would want to help, but it just feels good writing it down.
Thanks